Vegetarian mom keeps son away from father for a year over meat fears - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 09-13-2013, 08:24 AM
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OMG. I just saw that story about how a vegetarian mom refused to let her five year-old son have any contact with his father for more than a year - as she was freaked out the non-veg dad might feed him meat.

 

What the hell?

 

This is one of those instances that makes all vegetarians and vegans look bad. 

 

In court, Lord Justice Underhill ruled that the boy's welfare outweighed his mother's fears, and told the mom that her that her son would be sent to live with his father if she failed to comply with the court's decisions over parental access.

 

Apparently for the last year, the mom has been refusing to engage in the court process and the dad had not seen his son for more than a year.

 

Honestly, there could be something to this that the media is not covering, like some of the coverage says the mom also feared the dad wouldn't make the boy use seat belts, which is a whole other issue, but I can't even believe the mom used the veg argument. 

 

What do you think of one parent keeping their kid from their other parent due to meat? Personally I think it's flat out nuts. My son's dad eats meat but we raised Cedar vegetarian - now Cedar is mostly making his own food choices as he's 12, but seriously, I think a lot of damage would happen to my son if I kept him from his dad, who is a good dad in spite of not being veg. 

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#2 Old 09-13-2013, 08:37 AM
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That's so sad a dad lost a whole year with his child. He can't ever get that back. That woman should be ashamed of herself. What a lunatic.

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#3 Old 09-13-2013, 09:05 AM
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That's so sad a dad lost a whole year with his child. He can't ever get that back. That woman should be ashamed of herself. What a lunatic.

 

Yeah, unless there's some back story the media hasn't offered, I agree. This lady is nuts. 

 
I'm sure we don't know the whole story but honestly, to even SUGGEST that a kid be kept from his dad due to meat is crazy IMO. That should never have even been brought up in court IMO.
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#4 Old 09-13-2013, 10:34 AM
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Given that she feared he wouldn't use a seat belt either, maybe she knows he would be negligent as a father and would feed him things like hotdogs, pepronni pizza, KFC and McD's and the such. Malnourishing a child needs to be taken a LOT more seriously. We wouldn't give a kid a smoke, so why the heck would it be ok to feed them crap? And even if he got so-called healthy lean cuts of meat, that meat is still going to contain hormones that have no business in a growing child's body!

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#5 Old 09-13-2013, 12:41 PM
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She seems crazy now, because the majority are omnivores. Someday, if the opposite becomes true, she wouldn't seem so crazy at all.

 

But I agree with Jenny. There's probably a LOT more to this story, than just dietary concerns, and a father, unless he's been convicted of criminality, should have access to his children.

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#6 Old 09-13-2013, 01:11 PM
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This is the bit I find very odd ---------> He said the boy's father "insisted on calling him by another name" 

 

Why would he do that?  I agree that there is more to this than has been reported.  She sounds mad but he sounds like he needs to be in control if he calls their child by a name other than the one he was given.  I assume we are not talking about a shortened version or a nickname.

 

Some predictably idiotic comments on here:

 

http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?p=68617789

 

"This is child abuse. Parents should not inflict their beliefs upon children. Children need to have the choice to decide what diet they eat"

 

^^^ says the person who probably tells their kids to eat up their meat or they can't get down from the table ....

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#7 Old 09-13-2013, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Capstan View Post
 

She seems crazy now, because the majority are omnivores. Someday, if the opposite becomes true, she wouldn't seem so crazy at all.

 

But I agree with Jenny. There's probably a LOT more to this story, than just dietary concerns, and a father, unless he's been convicted of criminality, should have access to his children.

 

I don't think she seems crazy due to the omnivore issue. If a parent kept their child away from a vegetarian parent because they're scared the parent won't give them meat, it would be just as nuts. This isn't about diet or lifestyle, so much as a parent keeping a kid away from another parent and that's never ever good unless, like I said above there's a real abuse issue at play. 

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#8 Old 09-13-2013, 02:01 PM
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This is the bit I find very odd ---------> He said the boy's father "insisted on calling him by another name" 

 

Why would he do that?  I agree that there is more to this than has been reported.  She sounds mad but he sounds like he needs to be in control if he calls their child by a name other than the one he was given.  I assume we are not talking about a shortened version or a nickname.

 

 

I wish they would have elaborated on the name issue. I bet it's something like a last name issue - like parents fight over the last name. That's pretty common. It happened to me. 

 

I wanted my son to have my last name. His dad felt our son should have his last name. We fought about it for months, then came up with this - Cedar got his own last name. We totally made up a last name we agreed on and now we all have different last names. People outside of our family (schools, doctors, etc) get super confused but it works for us - much more than arguing over names, plus my son actually likes having his own name - he thinks it's cool. 

 

PS we made the name decision before Cedar was born - which in my opinion all parents should do. It just gets so confusing for kids when name changes happen later. 

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#9 Old 09-13-2013, 02:51 PM
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It sounds like there were a lot of reasons the mother didn't want to allow the father visitations.

 

Honestly, I totally understand regarding the seatbelt/carseats. It's a sad fact that a TON of people do not use carseats and seatbelts appropriately for children and it scares the crap out of me. We had some times when our son was transported by social workers and they didn't install the carseats correctly. Social workers of all people! One kid even died while in my county's Child Protective Services custody due to improper carseat installation! This website says 7 out of 10 carseats are installed improperly. http://www.seatcheck.org/news_fact_sheets_statistics.html I don't doubt it at all. I see it ALL the time. Literally ALL the time.

 

About feeding the kiddo meat, well it's unfortunate that the dad won't respect the mom's wishes, but if he gets legal visitation there's nothing she can do. Luckily, whoever has primary custody WILL influence the child most and eventually the kiddo will be of an age where they can say "no" to nonveg foods and the visiting parent just has to accept it. I've seen it happen with my nephew. It takes patience and faith in your parenting. You can't just keep the kid away from the nonveg influences. Instead, you have to teach the kid what is and isn't veg and how to ask for what they want and why being veg is important.

 

I bet the name issue was a first name. I bet the dad is just adversary about everything, including the kid's name.

 

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I wanted my son to have my last name. His dad felt our son should have his last name. We fought about it for months, then came up with this - Cedar got his own last name. We totally made up a last name we agreed on and now we all have different last names. People outside of our family (schools, doctors, etc) get super confused but it works for us - much more than arguing over names, plus my son actually likes having his own name - he thinks it's cool.

 

My son has his own last name too!

 

Before we adopted my husband and I decided we were going to pull a last name from his family that hadn't gotten passed down and use that last name for the first kid, then use a last name from my family that hadn't gotten passed down for the second kid.

 

But then when we decided to foster-adopt we thought we had the name problem solved - the kid comes with a name and we would just keep the name. Well, there were some complications with that when we were handed a baby and told he didn't have a name. Long story short, he ended up with a first name that my husband and I chose and a last name that our son's biological mother chose (she chose it as a first name but it works well as a last name) so his name has special meaning for all of us.

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#10 Old 09-14-2013, 12:14 AM
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It seems the judge in this instance didn't credit the mother's supposed 'worries' that the child's father wouldn't use a car seat with any validity.

Nor did he appear to credit the allegation that the child's father used a different name to that the mother used, with any significance.

As for diet, unless the father was feeding the child foods that the child was allergic to or that were unhygienic, the mother simply had no right to prevent the child from being allowed to see his father. 

 

As for diet, children raised vegetarian will one day make up their own minds about what they want to do. There seems little point in turning diet into a battleground that could destroy that child's important family bonds. My father refused to allow me to have sweets, but his parents took no notice of that wish and allowed me to have sweets when I visited them. He wanted to prevent me seeing my grandparents at all because of this, but my mother intervened and wouldn't allow me to be divided from my family. I am very glad she did so, as the times I spent with my grandparents were the only happy times I can recall from my childhood. That bond was very important. I needed it for my emotional and psychological security and overall well-being, far more than I needed to not eat sweets at the weekend.

As to names, it could be a pet name, I had a couple of those when I was small, some people knew me by my pet / nicknames, others used my given name including variations of my given name, I didn't find it confusing or disturbing in any way. 


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#11 Old 09-16-2013, 08:13 AM
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My son has his own last name too!

 

Before we adopted my husband and I decided we were going to pull a last name from his family that hadn't gotten passed down and use that last name for the first kid, then use a last name from my family that hadn't gotten passed down for the second kid.

 

But then when we decided to foster-adopt we thought we had the name problem solved - the kid comes with a name and we would just keep the name. Well, there were some complications with that when we were handed a baby and told he didn't have a name. Long story short, he ended up with a first name that my husband and I chose and a last name that our son's biological mother chose (she chose it as a first name but it works well as a last name) so his name has special meaning for all of us.

 

That's awesome. I've only met one other family who did this. Most people think we're nuts. But sometimes it works out best for everyone. Your story is really sweet. 

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#12 Old 01-17-2015, 09:21 AM
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Couple of previous posters hit it right on the nail. The only reason this looks crazy is because world at large thinks eating meat is fine and being a vegetarian is crazy.

For example, if this was an issue about a racist instead of a meat eater, the headline would read something like,

"a mom refused to let her five year-old son have any contact with his racist father for more than a year - as she was freaked out the racist dad might be a bad influence on him."

This doesn't look so crazy does it? Anyways, if I was the mom though, I still would've let him visit. Mostly because I don't want to look crazy and lose custody.
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#13 Old 01-17-2015, 09:48 AM
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Yikes. But I think there is more to this story.
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#14 Old 01-17-2015, 11:17 AM
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I think there's more to the story too. The vegetarian gambit is a very weak card to be playing in court, but this might just be the one interesting detail that the article's author is wrapping the story around. She doesn't trust him, and we have no idea how much she has to go on. It would seem they were never married, and we don't know if they ever lived together, or whether their son was the product of a committed relationship or just a one-off event, or why they aren't together anymore. When a father wants to participate, he should of course have that opportunity. And if the father's now living with a woman he had dumped the boy's mother for (we don't know that), who will now be a figure in her son's life, that would definitely bite. In any event he's entitled to a chance to either step up or demonstrate that he can't, all without endangering that little boy. And if his former partner just thinks he's creepy and wants him out of their lives because of intense dislike and distrust, that can be impossible to translate into a valid reason to oppose visits and overnights. She might have thought that as a single mother, she has more autonomy than turns out to be the case, as to how to raise her own kid. Sometimes co-parenting involves coming to terms with someone who's not just an ex but wasn't even a companion and partner in the first place.
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#15 Old 01-17-2015, 12:52 PM
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OMG. I just saw that story about how a vegetarian mom refused to let her five year-old son have any contact with his father for more than a year - as she was freaked out the non-veg dad might feed him meat.
 
What the hell?
 
This is one of those instances that makes all vegetarians and vegans look bad. 
 
In court, Lord Justice Underhill ruled that the boy's welfare outweighed his mother's fears, and told the mom that her that her son would be sent to live with his father if she failed to comply with the court's decisions over parental access.
 
Apparently for the last year, the mom has been refusing to engage in the court process and the dad had not seen his son for more than a year.
 
Honestly, there could be something to this that the media is not covering, like some of the coverage says the mom also feared the dad wouldn't make the boy use seat belts, which is a whole other issue, but I can't even believe the mom used the veg argument. 
 
What do you think of one parent keeping their kid from their other parent due to meat? Personally I think it's flat out nuts. My son's dad eats meat but we raised Cedar vegetarian - now Cedar is mostly making his own food choices as he's 12, but seriously, I think a lot of damage would happen to my son if I kept him from his dad, who is a good dad in spite of not being veg. 
Er why didn't the dad just give veggie food?
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#16 Old 01-20-2015, 04:01 PM
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I would not judge as we only know one side of the story here, I'm sure there's more to it and the mother had good reasons to avoid the man

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#17 Old 01-20-2015, 04:02 PM
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The meat issue is likely to be just the top of the iceberg

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#18 Old 01-21-2015, 06:39 AM
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Yes we don't know full story...
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