Planning pregnancy...how'd you convince your omni-hubby partner family to raise veg? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-31-2010, 06:40 PM
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Allright so, Hubby and I talked. We are planning on trying to get pregnant. We'll be starting in a year or 2, its a way off but I'd like to start preparing now!

I'm fairly new to vegetarianism and veganism. What helped you guys convince your SO's and family that it's healthier to raise the child veggie?

What did you prepare for in regards to this? And prepare for the pregnancy?

I know there's lots of time here for me, but I'd like to know and plan so that way when it does happen, I'm ready! So thanks for the help
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#2 Old 06-05-2010, 10:27 PM
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we came to an impasse. DH believes that omnivorism (pasture raised, local meats/dairy/etc) is optimal; i don't care about optimal just a healthy diet in general (i do not believe that any one diet is optimal fo reveryone) and wanted to raise DS veggie.



once DS was born, he was on breast milk until 8 mo, when he started eating foods on his own (baby lead weaning--no purees or food introduction, he just ate what i ate). after 18 mo, he started trying his dad's foods (meat), and now he eats whatever he wants. so, he's technically omnivorous, though he mostly eats vegetarian because he's with me most of the time.



for vegetarian pregnancy, there's lots of info out there.
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#3 Old 06-06-2010, 10:56 PM
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True and I'm just starting out.. I mean I have 1 year or so to plan this out....but I want to make sure I'm good. I'm not too sure what the hubby things yet. But, I think he'll pretty much let me do what is healthiest. Do you ever deal with your family? Any recommended books? I also want to plan now just in case we get pregnant sooner, ya know what I mean? :P

Thank you!!
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#4 Old 06-07-2010, 04:25 AM
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well, i would say that, in general, i love attachment parenting resources. they have a lot of parenting tools that are really great and, IMO, make parenting super easy. LOL



there are many veg*n pregnancy/nutrition books available, and so it's a good idea to check a few out of the library and have a read through. adapting yourself to a pregnancy diet for conception is actually a good idea. you just keep your calories lower than while pregnant (eg, if you eat 2000 cals/day then just change the nutrient spectrum within that caloric amount. once pregnant, you just add 1/10th of the calories to your diet or an extra 200 calories per day. most people over eat.



i don't take vitamins, so i didn't bother, but a lot of people prefer to take them. you can take them prior to getting pregnant--find a good vegetarian prenatal vitamin.



my family isnt' at issue at all. they saw me healthy as a vegan (until the very end, when things got a bit weird), then as a vegetarian. they know i'm the healthiest person in the family. DS is super tall and skinny, but also super smart and active (as in, off the charts). he eats like a grown man (seriously, it's freaky). so, they wouldn't question it. in fact, they usually feed him vegetarian food because they know he will eat it. he won't always eat meat. i don't mind if he does (so long as i'm sure of the origins), but he so rarely does that it's no big deal.



as far as attachment parenting goes, my parents thought the methods were a bit strange, and so did my ILs, but it turned out ok. they see he's a happy kid and that we are safe and healthy. in fact, the methods that they thought were the craziest are now their favorites to share with new moms: baby wearing (no stroller, baby tied to your body--it's awesome and easy and comfortable), elimination communication (diaper free baby--we used cloth for back up, but have taken him to the potty since he was 1 wk old. it's great!) tend to be their favorites. we also cosleep (no getting up at night to get a baby out of another room), breastfeed exclusively, did baby-lead weaning. all of these techniques made parenting so easy as compared to many of my friends. when people ask why i'm doing something, i tell them it's because i'm too lazy to do it the mainstream way.



eg, mainstream breast plus bottle feeding--not at all juduging, just pointing out that--it requires bottles, a nice breast pump, cleaning the bottles, and proper sterilization before use of bottles. that's a lot of things to clean and sterilize.



eg. diapering--disposables of course we know, but cloth diapers require cleaning--in that first week, DS went through about 20-30 cloth diapers (tons of little pees). i was washing a load of diapers every day. once we started ECing, he would pee and poop in the toilet. pooping in the toilet is the best. i haven't changed a poopy diaper in *months* at this point, we so rarely have a miss. as an infant, i never did (he gave obvious signals). once he started moving, it was tougher. LOL but anyway, i only had to wash one diaper a day, sometimes as many as four. today, he's in training pants (he's 21 months), and i wash one to two per day due to "misses." from 20 to 2--lots less clean up. LOL



eg baby lead weaning--no purees, etc, no making baby food, etc. baby food is lots of jars or lots of prep plus freezing. with BLW, the baby naturally grabs food of interest and starts chomping away. no planning food introductions, very little mess honestly, and a baby who eats what you eat. no special meals, no special clean up. seriously, amazing. kid eats *anything*. no extra expenses of baby food either.



honestly, it's just lazy parenting. LOL
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#5 Old 06-07-2010, 08:43 AM
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Hmm.. I have been hearing a lot about the attachment parenting. It seems like a great way to do it. I definitely like the idea of carrying/wearing the baby. Does it get heavy though?

I definitely plan on breast feeding, but not too sure about moving up to food. I will definitely have to do more research. I'm definitely planning on cloth diapering. How exactly did you do the potty thing?? That seems insane, but cool!

If I had to feed puree I'd be making it myself since I don't really trust the makers LOL.. but it'd be great to do the baby lead weaning.

Is there a book on attachment parenting? Or did you research it all on the internet and decide how you would handle it?



For me I'm planning on losing a little weight so that by the time I get pregnant I don't have to deal with 180 or 190lbs.. I'm 160lbs now, I'd like to stay in the 140's, so for pregnancy I'd get back around 170ish... A few of the sites I've looked at recommend eating specific prepregnancy diets around 90days before? I'd like to be able to eat well enough to not need a supplement, but I might just to be sure..IDK about that yet LOL.
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#6 Old 06-07-2010, 09:24 AM
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My 'babies' are now 23, 19 and 17 years old. All raised on a vegetarian diet from birth (well before birth actually, from conception!). All rarely visited a doctor, and rarely had time off school for sickness. All love fresh fruit and veggies and nutritious food.



Read some veg*n nutrition books aimed at babies and children; and the rest is down to good, old-fashioned common sense about healthy eating. Don't let other people tell you that it is unhealthy: my children are living proof that it isn't!
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#7 Old 06-07-2010, 10:17 AM
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I don't really have advice on the veg issue specifically, but I'd just like to say, get as many of the "big" decisions squared away now if you can. It's very stressful to go through a pregnancy and be fighting about how to birth, where the baby will sleep, whether to circ or not, ect. Other things you may not be able to make a decision on now, but you can at least get feelings out in the open, like schooling, and discipline. With my ex, we fought over some of that stuff. A lot of it we eventually resolved (I left him for other reasons!) so when I started to get serious with my current bf, I went ahead and let him know what's important to me. I think it'll lead to a lot less arguments if we decide to have kids later.
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#8 Old 06-07-2010, 04:55 PM
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baby wearing is great. using a moby style wrap in the early days helps support the lower back and pelvis while it readjusts, and you're not carrying any more weight than when pregnant. it's very comfortable, and i would spend most of the day with my baby wrapped to me (he would be naked and i would be topless. he could nurse, ECing was easy, and skin to skin is healthy for us. it was great. as it was summer when he was born, i would go to a shop like this, and people wouldn't know i didn't have a tank top underneath! LOL



as he got older, i could use the wrap in various ways to carry him. it was comfortable until we mvoed here to NZ. It's actually still comfortable for me most of the time--but if i'm carrying a lot of stuff up and down the hills, then it's harder, so i got a very structured tramping back-pack carrier for him (and we do some tramping, so it is great for that). he's 21 months old and 31 lbs.



i agree, too, about figuring out what is important to you. there might be some areas that don't bother you so much--eg, whether or not the baby has a classical or unusual name--but there might be some that do bother you--whether or not the child will be vege, or vaccinated, or what have you.
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#9 Old 06-07-2010, 05:17 PM
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Simply put, I'd figure out their concerns. It's different for everyone. Some think you can't get enough protein. Some thing it will harm childhood development. Some worry about calcium. Some think there are vitamins you cannot get. Etc.



The great thing about veg*nism is that it has sound, ethical AND scientific counters for EVERY argument against it.



So figure out their specific concerns, and then research the answers.



I think the most important thing to do is when you're having a conversation - remember that you guys are ON THE SAME SIDE. You're both concerned with the health of the kiddo(s), right? I would think so! So if they bring something up, be kind and remind them that you're on the same side too. Saying things like, "Yes, that worried me too, so I looked into it and it turns out...."



And if you don't have the answer to a concern of theirs in a particular moment? Say something like, "That's a great point. I'll definitely have to look into it, I wouldn't want to have _______ problem!"



If they know you are being reasonable (aka, not fanatical) and are basing your decision on logic and truth, and you are calm and non-confrontational and have the child's best interests at heart no matter what, I think you have a better shot of it going well.



And good luck!
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#10 Old 06-07-2010, 06:08 PM
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Raising kids veg was a deal breaker for me, and I made that clear early on in the relationship. I didn't start getting serious with him until he agreed that it would be ok to raise kids vegetarian. :P Now we're getting married in two months and planning to start trying to spawn late next summer.

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#11 Old 06-07-2010, 06:55 PM
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I just want to say how much I admire you moms and future moms. I only wish I had known about this when when my daughter was born. Hats off to you!



This looks interesting:



http://veganhealth.org/articles/realveganchildren
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#12 Old 06-07-2010, 08:16 PM
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Thank you all for the advice and tips! We're definitely in the beginning stages...although we're talking about baby names LOL...

I will be looking into some books soon, I am being careful since hubby doesn't want us to do a impulse pregnancy, and he gets a little concerned when I get books and such..

We have decided for the time being we're going to adopt a kittie and possibly a dog later one, to take care of responsibility LOL.

I think my parents will be fine about our choices since they generally leave us alone. My mom likes to butt in, but my father doesn't let her. And in regards to being veggie he told me and my mother that he would like to go vegetarian. But, the in-laws do like to give their opinion, so we'll see how it goes LOL. For now, we're not saying a word to either parents. The only one I talk to other than hubby is my sister who is on pregnancy number 2. It's hard not to tell our parents what we're planning, but we don't want it to be a big thing. We don't plan on saying much until we actually get pregnant....

Right now, I'm going to start looking into nutrition and attachment parenting. I really like the concept of it. It seems more natural. I already have my decisions about breast feeding until the baby eats, I like the idea of baby wearing and will be doing it, I'm planning on cloth diapers (even if I have to clean them myself LOL). The hubby is looking at his job options since we just work part time together right now and don't have health insurance. We're working out our finances and also getting our home organized and set the way we want. We just moved in last year. I don't want to have to worry about tons of things while pregnant... I already know which room will be the baby's room, etc.

It's funny, I'm not an overly organized person, but I feel like I'm being hyper-organized about the parenting/pregnancy stuff since I want to raise the baby good! And it's exciting!
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#13 Old 06-07-2010, 08:56 PM
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It is such an exciting time. You are doing such a great job of preparation. Both of my niece's pregnancies were carefully planned and they are enjoying raising their sons.You're going to be great mama!
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#14 Old 06-08-2010, 12:38 AM
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here are some of my favorite books:



1. Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth by henci gocer.

2. Unassisted Childbirth

3. The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth

4. Good birth, Safe Birth

5. any Ina Mae Gaskin birth book



6. Diaper Free Baby



7. Diary of a Baby

8. Birth of a Mother

9. Parenting from the Inside Out



10. Unconditional Parenting

11. The Continuum Concept

12. Heaven on Earth (waldorf/stiener education based)



13. The Wise Woman Herbal for the Child Bearing Years



i can't think of any more off the top of my head, but these are good ones.
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#15 Old 06-08-2010, 02:30 AM
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Originally Posted by angie54321 View Post

My 'babies' are now 23, 19 and 17 years old. All raised on a vegetarian diet from birth (well before birth actually, from conception!).

Mine are 21, 19 and 15. All raised from birth as veggies too.



TDI, there are piccies of my two youngest in the 'user photo' thread. You may, or may not, as you choose show your hubby those and ask him if he can spot any 'non optimal' health issues in them.



The only other thing I can think to offer you is this ..



I had to cover the old "people say you are an evil b'stard daddy, for forcing your views on us" scenario more than once as they were growing up.



Told them that EVERY parent has to force their view on their children and the conversation turned to denial of choice.



To that I told them veggie kids, and veggie kids alone, get to choose whether or not to become 'killers'. That omni parents rob the choice of never having 'killed' from their children leaving them only the choice to give that killing up.



Raising kiddies on meat is kinda like raising kiddies on ciggies and booze, in a way. Best the kiddy gets to choose when to start bad habits for him/herself rather than have to choose when a parentaly introduced addiction should be given up.
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#16 Old 06-08-2010, 04:37 AM
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I had to cover the old "people say you are an evil b'stard daddy, for forcing your views on us" scenario more than once as they were growing up.



Told them that EVERY parent has to force their view on their children and the conversation turned to denial of choice.



To that I told them veggie kids, and veggie kids alone, get to choose whether or not to become 'killers'. That omni parents rob the choice of never having 'killed' from their children leaving them only the choice to give that killing up.



Raising kiddies on meat is kinda like raising kiddies on ciggies and booze, in a way. Best the kiddy gets to choose when to start bad habits for him/herself rather than have to choose when a parentaly introduced addiction should be given up.



I do agree.



Fortunately, I have maried a vegetarian girl. So there was no discussion about how to raise our children. Son and daughter, adult now, and still vegetarian.



I think you have to convince your husband first. If he stands behind you as a vegetarian, without any pressure, there will be no problem in raising your children.

My usual answer: I have never heard a convincing reason to eat meat.
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#17 Old 06-08-2010, 06:40 AM
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Zoebird: I will check some of the books out! Thank you very much!



Clueless: Thank you. You're right about the kids of omni's not getting to decide.. And yes, at some point we all "force" our views on our children..



@rno-I just turned veggie a couple months ago. I think that's why I haven't talked much about the kids being veggie yet since I'm so new at it and this is a huge change already for my hubby. I think from the health standpoint he's fine. I think he may have an issue if we go to people's houses and the kids can't/won't eat different foods.. He's kinda the same way with me. He doesn't care what i eat at home, he even eats vegetarian meals and he'll have whole days that are. But, when we go over people's houses he doesn't want me to offend them, and generally I have something there that can be eaten, it's not a big deal. But, if the only thing they served was meat, he'd would want me to eat it. Again, that's never happened and I don't think it will. I will start slowly talking about it with him, but ease into it. He doesn't like to have 20 issues thrown at him nastily. I'll just casually talk about it. I've already talked about health with him. Such as if we had a TV would we get cable...will they be active, etc. He's gung-ho about no cable for the TV (saves money, but also we feel saves kids and parents from watching mindless TV) I think with time I'll discuss it with him more.

I've just gotten him to the point where he wants children as well. When we first got married it was "NO!"...now it's "yeah, let's do it." Although, he even said that a few people told him not to buy a house. He said they told him that a house=a van. LOL. So I think he was already getting used to the idea of being a daddy...



Sally: I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that's planning everything out now LOL. I have a cousin who are in a bad financial position that are already trying for kids because they want them so bad. I want to be a mom now, but I want to do it right!

Now off to find a couple books and research raising a companion kitten
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#18 Old 06-08-2010, 04:49 PM
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Update: Hubby and I talked. About a lot of things. But one thing was raising kids vegetarian/vegan (since I'm not quite there..and not sure if I will..but I did buy vegan deoderant and chapstick ) He's quite fine with it. He knows its healthy, and he knows that I'm the one who cooks and buys groceries. So, good! That makes me happy!! Oh and we're gonna wait to adopt a kitten, but that's okay.
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#19 Old 06-08-2010, 04:55 PM
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I'm glad to hear the chat with hubby went well TDI.
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#20 Old 06-08-2010, 05:56 PM
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Great news! As, far as the kitten goes, even though you may not have one in your life,the techniques used to train pets can also be used on children!

I use positive reinforcement and praise with my students all the time. Good luck to you, sweetie, and have fun with your planning.
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#21 Old 06-08-2010, 06:55 PM
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That's why we want to get a kitten, we know in theory it's the same ideas LOL.. a little simplified. We know someone who has a cat that gets pregnant regularly, we might wait until she gets pregnant again and then adopt one then. It'll probably be about 6 months or so. We're in the midst of buying a new car (tdi actually!) and consolidating to one car and consolidating some finances. So we kinda want to wait until that gets done and settled, then add another responsibility.



Thanks guys for your help and tips! I will probably need more as we go along, but I appreciate the listening ears!
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#22 Old 06-09-2010, 06:34 AM
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That's why we want to get a kitten, we know in theory it's the same ideas LOL.. a little simplified. We know someone who has a cat that gets pregnant regularly, we might wait until she gets pregnant again and then adopt one then. It'll probably be about 6 months or so. We're in the midst of buying a new car (tdi actually!) and consolidating to one car and consolidating some finances. So we kinda want to wait until that gets done and settled, then add another responsibility.



Thanks guys for your help and tips! I will probably need more as we go along, but I appreciate the listening ears!



Or you could work on getting the person you now to get their cat fixed and adopt one from a shelter instead of encouraging someone to keep irresponsibly breeding their pet. Just sayin'....

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#23 Old 06-09-2010, 07:53 AM
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We are working on that actually LOL. They keep saying they'll do it and then they don't. We'll keep pushing them, especially since they keep complaining about it. We'll see what happens in a few months. I prefer to adopt from a shelter and rescue a little kitten. I think hubby will go for it, since he's only bothered with numbers. The other people's kitty would be free, but it would need shots and spay/neuter. Whereas, if we go to a shelter, yeah we pay for a "donation fee" but that includes shots and spay/neuter.



I would rather rescue a kitty instead of add to the crazy family's cat issues. We'll see what happens and keep nudging them to do the right thing.
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#24 Old 06-09-2010, 07:14 PM
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there's a great book i read, too about finances called "The Two Income Trap." talks about the benefits of choosing to live on one income, even if youa re a two income home.
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#25 Old 06-10-2010, 04:06 AM
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Or you could work on getting the person you now to get their cat fixed and adopt one from a shelter instead of encouraging someone to keep irresponsibly breeding their pet. Just sayin'....



This was the first thing that popped into my mind too..... poor cat (and her kittens too).
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#26 Old 06-10-2010, 03:12 PM
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You all would be amazed how much my husband and I live off of a month and its one income and its hurting us. However, this info will help us also because in the near future we are planning on children also. I am going to go through a Vegetarian pregnancy when I do because I don't trust the meat industry no more. That is why I been slowly turning veg here.
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#27 Old 06-10-2010, 08:28 PM
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It is hard to live on a budget...Definitely doing lots of research and figuring everything out. I will be doing a vegetarian, if not vegan pregnancy. I'm close to vegan but keep messing up on cheese here and there..It's becoming less and less, but still better than where I was. I hope everything goes well for you peacefulveglady!
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#28 Old 06-11-2010, 10:30 AM
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It is hard to live on a budget...Definitely doing lots of research and figuring everything out. I will be doing a vegetarian, if not vegan pregnancy. I'm close to vegan but keep messing up on cheese here and there..It's becoming less and less, but still better than where I was. I hope everything goes well for you peacefulveglady!



Thanks and I am slowly moving towards majority vegetarian living. I do to mess with cheese but, everytime I do I get sinus flare ups. However, taking one day at a time. I am thinking for my Birthday in November or Christmas I am asking for Vegetarian and Vegan books and stuff for pregnancy and health.
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#29 Old 06-12-2010, 07:27 PM
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I agree about going with the adopted kitty. We talked about it some more and we'll be going with a shelter kitty instead. And my hubby has been encouraging the family to spade their cat, they just haven't yet. They talk about it, but don't... I hope they do, but can't really force them to.
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#30 Old 06-18-2010, 07:45 AM
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Very early on in my relationship with my SO we had a discussion which lasted- not that long and the decision was made. He said "I bet when you have kids you will want to raise them vegetarian" my SO being religious I simply said that it would be as important to me to raise my children vegetarian as it would be to him to raise his Christian. That was basically the end of that. To me being veg is akin to religious belief- be peaceful, loving and do harm to no living thing. My SO respected that, being religious and was clever enough to pick up on the fact if he wanted to raise our kids Christian, those wern't exactly bad values for them to have. I honestly wish it was that easy for everyone.



My advice find something your SO really believes in and would want to share with your kids and then explain that being veg is the same thing to you. It might help.



With my family I am not really concerned about how they will feel when it comes to me raising my kids veg. They know me well enough to know I would never compromise my values and that teaching my children to be compassionate, loving and healthy individuals is my primary goal. They also know me well enough I will do what is best for my kids at all costs. Luckly I also have an aunt and uncle who raise their 3 kids veg and they are GREAT kids and it's obvious they aren't unhealthy. SO's family....honestly I don't really care too much. They don't bug me about being veg much and they try and make sure there is something for me at family events and stuff but they sometimes can be less than considerate(like forgetting my food or whatever if they are supposed to be bringing it) which I am used to by now. Never the less my MIL isn't really that into kids whatsoever so I am 100% sure she isn't ever going to babysit my children or anything so whenever my children will be there so will me and my SO making sure they are well fed and not left out.
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