So my son came back from his dad's... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 02-23-2010, 03:15 AM
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...with a terrible case of gut rot. His obnoxious father (whom you may remember told me I was killing my son with a vegan diet) had given him so much starch and refined carbs over the 48 hours, his little tummy couldn't cope.



He had fishfingers, mashed potato and egg on Friday night, with two bars of chocolate for dessert.

Saturday he had coco pops, cow's milk (full-fat) for breakfast. Lunch was smiley faces, pizza sticks (all frozen). More chocolate. Dinner was potato waffles and eggs. More chocolate.

Sunday morning he had cooked breakfast. OVERLOAD. Even before going vegan, our freezer was always empty as I like to cook fresh food. He's not used to this and only gets it when he goes there!



Add to that the pepsi his dad lets him drink....



I feel like he poisoned my boy! He was so ill - temperature (or meat sweats?) and tummy ache. I didn't have to say anything about his diet, he knew. He told me voluntarily what dad had given him. I said, you know, I don't think a vegan diet is bad, do you? "No, Mummy, it's not". I said to him," look, the doctor told you it was really good, and the doctor knows better than mummy or daddy, wouldn't you say?"



He agreed. He asked for tofu for dinner, but couldn't eat a morsel. He took a wholemeal sandwich to school yesterday with some grapes and a bottle of water. He managed to eat that, but left his banana. This is rare...



Last night he asked for leek and potato soup, which I made with the minimum amount of potato, lots of onion, garlic, leeks and spinach and he ate it all, and feels much better today.



I HATE HIS DAD. HE IS A W**KER. I would've posted this before now but he has upset me beyond belief. That said, my son has learned something. What is going to happen next time though? He's going to do it again, I know it. If I tell him about the tummy ache, he'll laugh and say it's a coincidence. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!



Sorry to rant. I just don't know what to do!



ETS: I just read that back and its made me cry - see I really don't know what to do!
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#2 Old 02-23-2010, 03:28 AM
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Is your son able to tell his dad 'no'?
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#3 Old 02-23-2010, 03:37 AM
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My son, bless him, is torn. And he's only nine. He loves us both very much. So he finds it difficult to upset either of us. In the case of this past weekend, I think it didn't occur to him that he would get ill. Maybe next time we can arm him with some tools to tackle his dad about it. His dad is really the most obnoxious man - he's always right. He told me my boy going to die without red meat, so he was taking him for a chicken dinner - yes, he is also stupid. He actually said "you know as well as I do that you only get nutrients from red meat"... I really don't know how to handle this!



It's a case of if he doesn't eat it, he'll have to go without I think. That's what his dad is like. He brought home a carrier bag full of sweets - horrid sweets, the kind I've never let him eat before. He hasn't had them, and I'm hoping he'll forget about them. I'm starting to feel like I'm being mean, actually... I never thought I'd be having issues like this! I've got family support, doctor support, school support, it's just his dad is the one I have trouble fighting.
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#4 Old 02-23-2010, 03:51 AM
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Sounds like the poor lad is being used as a pawn by his dad. It also sounds like he has control issues. A very difficult situtation.



Is there something in your divorce settlement about visitation rights and a set of rules that are in place? Is this something you can talk to your solicitor about? I know this may not be an extreme case but a parent is not supposed to make their child ill during visits, are they?
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#5 Old 02-23-2010, 04:03 AM
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Can you send some food with your son so that if he refuses to eat the bad stuff he'll still have some good stuff so his little tummy won't have to be empty for too long? Or would his father be really upset and yell that you don't trust him to feed his son properly (which is true)?

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#6 Old 02-23-2010, 04:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFalafel View Post

Sounds like the poor lad is being used as a pawn by his dad. It also sounds like he has control issues. A very difficult situtation.



Is there something in your divorce settlement about visitation rights and a set of rules that are in place? Is this something you can talk to your solicitor about? I know this may not be an extreme case but a parent is not supposed to make their child ill during visits, are they?



We have joint responsibility. There aren't any access arrangements because as much as I loathe the man, it's my son's right to see his parents whenever he wants, I don't believe it's our right to see him, so the ex has had access whenever he wants it. Which is pretty much what the law says. I have thought about a quick consult though, but what do I say? "My ex feeds him junk, like millions of others, and I don't?" I think I'll just be laughed at. I think what I will do is see how he is next time he goes, then if it happens again, I'll go round and see the ex when my son isn't with me, and talk to him properly, with appropriate evidence. Still won't work, but it's worth a shot.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

Can you send some food with your son so that if he refuses to eat the bad stuff he'll still have some good stuff so his little tummy won't have to be empty for too long? Or would his father be really upset and yell that you don't trust him to feed his son properly (which is true)?



That would be perfect wouldn't it? But I thnk he'd just throw it in the bin.



I need to talk to my son about making choices, and being strong. So if he is served three things on the plate, he doesn't need to eat them all, he can leave something. He needs to know what's in his food, and I think that'll make a huge difference. It's going to take a bit longer, that's all, and I see more belly ache in the meantime, but it's really about educating my little man to make choices I think. What do you both think of that? x



ETA: Mr Falafel, I just thought. I could change the visits to one day a week, instead of two days in a fortnight. The time is the same, but the damage would be limited. Maybe that would work? Only 24 hours of junk instead of 48 at once?
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#7 Old 02-23-2010, 04:20 AM
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I can just imagine some sort of power struggle between father and son with son losing.



'Eat your hamburger!'

'But I don't want it, it hurts my stomach, can't I just have fries instead?'

'No! I said you need to have meat to grow strong and so you wil eat your burger or its straight home to bed for you, young man. You will do as I tell you!'



How would son deal with that?



I wasn't suggesting you cut off visiation rights for the father, what I was suggesting is getting your solicitor to draft an agreement between yourself and the father about what the boy can and cannot eat and make these part of the visitation rules. You could get your doctor to provide evidence of how the vegan diet is good and how that making a vegan deviate suddenly from that diet can cause distress. Getting the father to agree to these rules would be a challange but at least it would lay the groundwork for an agreement.
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#8 Old 02-23-2010, 07:19 AM
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He has a right to see his dad, but not to the point he is making the son sick. Isnt this like a form of child abuse, and from what you speak about of the dad, he dosent even seem to care a bout his son. Honestly I would set down some rules and if his dad cant agree, to that, If I were you I would not let my son go to visit him again. Reguardless if he is the dad or n ot. He should care enough about his son not to want to make him sick.
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#9 Old 02-23-2010, 07:26 AM
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I agree w/ MrFalafel. I would try to get something in the custody agreement about foods. A doctors note would probably go a long way with this. Sending foods there so that he has other options would be a very good idea too. It's going to be hard on your son with his father acting like a bafoon to him like that. He's trying to be "Fun Dad" but stuffing his little boy full of things that make him ill isn't a lot of fun. Very sad. ((big hugs))
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#10 Old 02-23-2010, 07:49 AM
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Your poor son.

How would his dad react if your son said no?
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#11 Old 02-23-2010, 08:12 AM
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I don't feel that this is an issue between your son & his father at all..



It feels more like a BIG issue between YOU and your ex. Have you not talked about this with him? How much does he understand your lifestyle change? Is he confused about why you're veg*n, have you calmly & reasonably discussed it with him?



I can very much understand why he'd be stuffing your son with hamburgers if he doesn't see another option. Most omni's have NEVER heard of veg*nism and don't know how to go about getting the proper nutrients. Your son's father is LIKELY to be doing the best he thinks possible.. If he cares enough to want visits with your son, he obviously cares enough to want the best for him too.



So I'd really suggest developing more OPEN communication between yourself & your son's dad. Afterall, you are going to have to deal with this man the rest of your life (your son is your common link!).. so best to become friends, right? No matter what happened between you two to cause a separation, your SON is most important and can't be used like this. You both should be on the same page, to avoid lots of confusion & anger in your son growing up..



Have you thought about family counseling or anything like this? Whatever the case, this will NOT resolve itself and your son is far too young to do anything about it (he wont, even when he gets older either). Its up to both of you to work out a good, peaceful agreement, as responsible & loving parents..



This is just my feeling here, as I've been in a similar situation before too..

Good luck!! =)

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#12 Old 02-23-2010, 08:22 AM
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What if you and your sone made a nice dinner to take over to his dad's. Your son would be proud that he made it himself and your ex, hopefully, wouldn't be an ars and be mean to him about that. That could take care of one night and it would be a way to show him that healthy food can taste good too. He may very well have no idea how to cook anything decent. You could also send things like veggie burgers and fries or whatever, so they could have the "fun food" experience and you son would have an option right there and his dinner would look just like his dad's if dad wanted a burger. Same idea w/ some snacks. At the end of the weekend, I'd say if your son comes home w/o a belly ache after having more healthy foods, it's will be an experiment that everyone can learn from.



Maybe by doing this in a manner that he isn't feeling threatened or confronted, even he could see that it's really about your son, not only in what he's eating, but that he needs to feel accepted by both of you. He's certainly under enough stress just having to deal w/ mom and dad living apart, that's hard, but to have all this other on top of it, just isn't fair to your little guy.



I so hope this works out and soon.....
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#13 Old 02-23-2010, 10:12 AM
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This post made me mad because I'm dealing with the same thing. When my kids are with me they're vegetarian, with their dad it's all junk. Not even maybe some chicken breast and greens....it's McDonals and candly and deep fried who-knows-what. I think both our ex's need a lesson in basic nutrition. They don't have to agree with our food choices...and, it's his son too so when they're together he has a right to feed him what he sees fit....but it really has to be good healthy food.
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#14 Old 02-24-2010, 03:19 AM
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Hi, sorry I didn't read all this yesterday - had a busy evening!



MrFalafel, I know you weren't suggesting I stop visitation, maybe I just worded my reply wrong. You're comments have been most welcome. Yes, the battle scenario is just how you describe it. I spoke to little man about this last night and he said he won't say no to his dad. But, he did say he could make good choices when he was there, so he could ask for a small piece of meat, and more veggies, and then hide the meat under his veggies - I said that wasn't really what I had in mind! Then he said, and I think this was great, "If Daddy asks me if I want a ham sandwich, I could say would it be ok for me to have beans on toast please?" I thought that was good, as his dad does buy wholemeal bread for him as he prefers it and always has!



Luxxi - thanks for the reply. Believe me, I have tried and tried to be friends. He is just horrendous to me. We've been divorced five years now, and separated longer. He has a new family, yet he still gets agitated when he comes here. He wants everything on his terms. As soon as things don't go his way he reverts to being abusive and aggressive towards me. As for not understanding veg*nism, well, I agree for some it's hard, but he has an intelligent wife, access to the internet to research (and believe me, he researches everything!) and his sister who is in her 30's has been vegetarian since she was 14. I'm not even asking him to prepare all veg*n food, just healthy food. I accept veganism is my lifestyle choice, and don't impose it on the family, but this change has been so positive I just want the ex to support it a little bit.



Tree, I thought about what you said about making food for them, and I think he would throw it in the bin - however, you did make me think that I could start wit a tray of healthy vegan muffins! I think we'll make some carrot and raisin ones and he can take them next week. My son loves them, and would take them over crap shop bought cakes any day - so I think I'll try that!



Sapphire - I'm with ya girl! Not just McDonalds, but KFC... Oh my gosh, it's his pay day just before he has my boy next time - so it'll be KFC friday night, junk brekkie and lunch Saturday followed by a carvery on Saturday night and a cooked breakfast on Sunday. I know so well what they do! lol... I agree that a chicken breast and greens would be preferable for their health than nuggets and fries. And yes, they have a deep fat fryer too... oh the joy... not!



My partner has been great, he said we should make a stand. So when he comes home with a carrier bag full of chocolate next time, we tell his dad to take it back to their house. We talk to my son first, and tell him that stuff is going to stay at his dad's, so he is prepared. I talked to him about treats last night, and just to prove that being vegan isn't boring I went to the Co-op and bought a bag of raspberry jam doughnuts... VEGAN! He had one after his tea and savoured every mouthful. I know it was junk, but I don't want to be the bad guy all the time! So I told him once in a blue moon the doughnuts will appear! He was very happy about that. I think if he knows I'll do things like that, it'll be easier to make a stand about the other crap coming into the house.



Who knew child rearing was so bloody hard?
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#15 Old 02-24-2010, 04:42 AM
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I just thought I'd add something, I was in a similar situation, except I was the kid. My Grandma is obsessed with junk food, and we're a pretty close family so she always a set of grandkids stay every weekend, so I was there probably every five or six weeks to stay. I would've been eight or nine at the time. I wasn't a veggie then but the hugely oily junk foods have always made me ill and I have never been able to stomach fish and chips which was one of her staples. I would always sneak food with me, usually sandwiches, or veggie muffins or a quiche (wasn't vegan then) hidden in my bag under my clothes. She never caught on and I got quite good at hiding food in various bins/napkins so she didn't realize I'd only eaten a couple of bites of whatever mess she'd bought me. It's rather amusing now when we go out and I'll get a salad or something and she'll just stare at me and ask why I'm eating that? I used to loves chips and scallops etc. Seriously if he's not happy with the food either, giving him some snacks etc he can take without his father knowing might help him get through his time with his father without eating so much junk and ending up so ill...



The list of food you gave makes me shudder, it makes the 'hangover cure' breakfasts at my college look extraordinarily healthy in comparison and I can't bear them.
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#16 Old 02-24-2010, 05:14 AM
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Avalon, they make me shudder too. Even as non-vegans we never had them in the house. I can see the attraction for kids though... smiley faces and finger food etc. I personally think all those product should be banned! Lol... I've never understood how the govt allows them to be fed to children. I had a neighbour who had a deep fat fryer and every night she cooked burgers, chips, smiley faces, sausages or something else in it. It smelt disgusting! And I was omni then. I thik I just need to really educate little man well. He watched "Britains's really disgusting food" yesterday, and says he will stick to soya now, along with my partner who has been turned off milk completely since watching. Just need to set good examples here I think. Hard work when you have competition from a moron though!
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#17 Old 02-24-2010, 08:34 AM
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Oh dear Millibert. Sounds like perhaps your ex thinks he is "treating" your son to "lovely" food, maybe to gain one up-manship? You know how McDonalds etc is considered a 'treat' by many parents? Everyone else has given good advice, and I don't really have anything else to add except that I think your lad is going to grow up on the healthier side of things, looks like he knows that all the junk (from the four basic food groups: yellow, beige, brown and orange) makes him feel awful already.



Ooh and I didn't know Co-Op did veggie donuts? My poor boyfriend is craving them and I took a stance against them because I couldn't be arsed trying to read labels for egg free ones. Are they from the fresh bakery bit or from the cake aisle?
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#18 Old 02-24-2010, 05:50 PM
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We tend to assume what we have no problems eating is okay for others to safely consume.



For example, while many people wouldn't have a problem consuming a combo meal at McDonalds, someone who eats a healthy, low-fat, low-salt diet would probably have stomach indigestion afterwards.



I'd assume that the father didn't realize what the effects of the diet would be.
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#19 Old 02-24-2010, 10:21 PM
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so, Sting has this song called "i'm so happy that i can't stop crying" and it's about divorce. in it, he sings: The park is full of Sunday Fathers, and melted ice cream. . ." I remember the first time I heard this line, and i really thought it was quite tragic.



My husband is really intimately involved with my son's life. Of course, we are married, he agrees with our choices, and blah blah blah. but if i were to divorce him, I think about this line. would he be a sunday father? so many fathers very rarely actually see their children. And two days a fortnight really isn't much.



So this leads me to the melted ice cream bit. a lot of folks, when they don't get to see a child often, want to spoil those children. and i am using spoiling in that happy way--wanting to give them what they feel the child will like, what will be fun.



this may not be a ploy at all. it might just be that your ex is wanting t give his son all of the "fun" foods that he doesn't get on a vegan diet. Yes, it is overload--it made him sick. that wasn't--i believe--his intention. it was to be fun, to be dad. i don't even think it was about the veganism. i can imagine that even if your ex was vegan, the food would still be these "fun" and "junky" foods--veggie burgers and four times more chocolate than necessary and so on.



and i don't think it's something that your son has to "stand up to." all he has to do is tell his dad "you know what i really like?" and i bet his dad will find a way to give it to him. my parents know that i love this particular soup recipe, and so they make it for me every time because i like it. i may not want it, but it's a gift to me.



so, perhaps your son could say to him that he loves to have all of this fun food with him, but that it wasn't very fun for him last weekend, and wouldn't he like to get him his real favorites such as X, Y and Z?



cuz seriously, i think dad just wants to be fun and treat his kid.
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#20 Old 02-24-2010, 10:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

so, Sting has this song called "i'm so happy that i can't stop crying" and it's about divorce. in it, he sings: The park is full of Sunday Fathers, and melted ice cream. . ." I remember the first time I heard this line, and i really thought it was quite tragic.



My husband is really intimately involved with my son's life. Of course, we are married, he agrees with our choices, and blah blah blah. but if i were to divorce him, I think about this line. would he be a sunday father? so many fathers very rarely actually see their children. And two days a fortnight really isn't much.



So this leads me to the melted ice cream bit. a lot of folks, when they don't get to see a child often, want to spoil those children. and i am using spoiling in that happy way--wanting to give them what they feel the child will like, what will be fun.



this may not be a ploy at all. it might just be that your ex is wanting t give his son all of the "fun" foods that he doesn't get on a vegan diet. Yes, it is overload--it made him sick. that wasn't--i believe--his intention. it was to be fun, to be dad. i don't even think it was about the veganism. i can imagine that even if your ex was vegan, the food would still be these "fun" and "junky" foods--veggie burgers and four times more chocolate than necessary and so on.



and i don't think it's something that your son has to "stand up to." all he has to do is tell his dad "you know what i really like?" and i bet his dad will find a way to give it to him. my parents know that i love this particular soup recipe, and so they make it for me every time because i like it. i may not want it, but it's a gift to me.



so, perhaps your son could say to him that he loves to have all of this fun food with him, but that it wasn't very fun for him last weekend, and wouldn't he like to get him his real favorites such as X, Y and Z?



cuz seriously, i think dad just wants to be fun and treat his kid.



Great post, and I completely agree.

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#21 Old 02-25-2010, 12:04 AM
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My ex treats my kids the same way. They see him three days/evenings a week and two weeks in the summer - have for years, and they (mostly) LIKE the foods he buys them.



No way a judge - or any attorney I found - would touch the eating habits of my ex.

They told me as long as it's "nourishing" food (my definition and theirs is vastly different), not illegal (like alchohol, obviously) and they are not being starved, and are not medically ALLERGIC, or have religious beliefs stating otherwise, they can't tell a father what he HAS to feed his kids. I would end up looking like the "health freak" and might have MY feeding practices questioned, no matter HOW WELL I could prove that they were better and healthier, no one is going to support the freaky-healthy-vegan cook over the meat-and-potatoes all american BBQ chef!



It's sad, and I end up looking like the twigs-and-gravel-pushing hippie, but I do know that my kids still love my mostly healthy, mostly vegan cooking, regardless of the CRAP they get at their Dad's house. I do not want to make food into an issue so big that it's all my kids remember about their childhood. They KNOW where it comes from and that they DO feel better when not eating it, but they're kids, and stuff "tastes good", and they can't read lables, or know if Dad's being straightforward with them about what's in a certain dish - it's a hard argument to win - (sigh).
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#22 Old 02-25-2010, 03:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monsterbeans View Post

Ooh and I didn't know Co-Op did veggie donuts? My poor boyfriend is craving them and I took a stance against them because I couldn't be arsed trying to read labels for egg free ones. Are they from the fresh bakery bit or from the cake aisle?



From the fresh aisle, five small doughnuts for 65p. It is clearly marked "suitable for vegetarians and vegans" on the white label on the white bag. They were a yummy treat!



Quote:
Originally Posted by das_nut View Post

We tend to assume what we have no problems eating is okay for others to safely consume.



For example, while many people wouldn't have a problem consuming a combo meal at McDonalds, someone who eats a healthy, low-fat, low-salt diet would probably have stomach indigestion afterwards.



I'd assume that the father didn't realize what the effects of the diet would be.



Oh I agree totally it was not his intention to hurt his son. He does love him, and has never let him down over access etc.



Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

so, Sting has this song called "i'm so happy that i can't stop crying" and it's about divorce. in it, he sings: The park is full of Sunday Fathers, and melted ice cream. . ." I remember the first time I heard this line, and i really thought it was quite tragic.



My husband is really intimately involved with my son's life. Of course, we are married, he agrees with our choices, and blah blah blah. but if i were to divorce him, I think about this line. would he be a sunday father? so many fathers very rarely actually see their children. And two days a fortnight really isn't much.



So this leads me to the melted ice cream bit. a lot of folks, when they don't get to see a child often, want to spoil those children. and i am using spoiling in that happy way--wanting to give them what they feel the child will like, what will be fun.



this may not be a ploy at all. it might just be that your ex is wanting t give his son all of the "fun" foods that he doesn't get on a vegan diet. Yes, it is overload--it made him sick. that wasn't--i believe--his intention. it was to be fun, to be dad. i don't even think it was about the veganism. i can imagine that even if your ex was vegan, the food would still be these "fun" and "junky" foods--veggie burgers and four times more chocolate than necessary and so on.



and i don't think it's something that your son has to "stand up to." all he has to do is tell his dad "you know what i really like?" and i bet his dad will find a way to give it to him. my parents know that i love this particular soup recipe, and so they make it for me every time because i like it. i may not want it, but it's a gift to me.



so, perhaps your son could say to him that he loves to have all of this fun food with him, but that it wasn't very fun for him last weekend, and wouldn't he like to get him his real favorites such as X, Y and Z?



cuz seriously, i think dad just wants to be fun and treat his kid.



I agree with most of what you say. I appreciate when he goes there his dad wants to spoil him. But we have talked about my son's diet before, even before going veggie, and he insists on giving him rubbish. It's what they eat. His wife is very overweight, I assume she does the cooking, and he is no skinny man either. I've told him over and over our son needs to eat healthily, we've been to the doctor toegether over it. And still he insists on feeding him junk. I've told him about the stomach ache, and his response was "probably something he ate, but we're all ok" - no s***! Of course it was something he ate... how is it fun and treating if it makes him bad? I know he is going to treat him, but i need to find a way of acheiving damage limitation. And actually, he DOES need to stand up to his dad... that's where education about healthy eating starts. All the kids in the UK are studying it in primary school, their tv programming is interspersed with healthy eating commercials, how to tell your parents you want healthy food etc., how to get you parents out and about exercising... so he does need to say to his dad, hey, you know what, this food is crap and I want something better!



Someone told me I shouldn't worry, it's only two days a fortnight. I wouldn't worry at all if there wasn't stomach ache attached. But there is. And two days a fortnight is five meals. Times that by 26 visits and you have 130 meals. Plus the two weeks holiday in summer... that's a lot of crap. Not to mention the amount of sweets and chocolate he comes home with.



Anyway - moving on! I made a great dinner last night that was so quick and simple, he's asked me if he can take some stuff to Daddy's next weekend to cook it. I'm going to ring and ask if that would be ok. We'll see!
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#23 Old 02-25-2010, 06:07 AM
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Kids also get stomach aches if they're worried or stressed.
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#24 Old 02-25-2010, 06:46 AM
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Kids also get stomach aches if they're worried or stressed.



They do.



Milliebert, I'm glad your little guy wants to take some healthy food with him to his dad's. This is a great start. I think it's too much, at his age, to expect him to stand up to dad and protest for better food, and honestly, their time together shouldn't be about the food, it should be about quality time together. It's a really tough situation. I'm sure he wants to fit in at dad's house and I'm sure dad just sees it as a time that there shouldn't be any rules, just fun. Sadly, McDonalds and the like have become the symbol of fun.



Quote:
Someone told me I shouldn't worry, it's only two days a fortnight. I wouldn't worry at all if there wasn't stomach ache attached. But there is. And two days a fortnight is five meals. Times that by 26 visits and you have 130 meals. Plus the two weeks holiday in summer... that's a lot of crap. Not to mention the amount of sweets and chocolate he comes home with.



It was this kind of math that helped me decide not to let my kids eat the school lunches. One third of their daily diet was crap and it didn't make sense when I was trying so hard to fill them with good things at home. It's frustrating. Like you, I don't mind if my kids have an occasional fun, unhealthy treat, but it has to stay in the treat category and not be the norm.



You are doing great, Milliebert. I'm sure it's difficult to talk to your ex about this subject when you are both on such opposite sides of the debate. But, if he could just compromise and have his "fun food day" and also some regular healthier foods too. It does sound like he simply doesn't know the meaning of "healthy" food though, nor his wife. I'm sure with the situation being what it is, they aren't going to want to get their lessons from you. Do you think he would tell you what they had planned at least so that you could duplicate it in a healthier version for your son, ex: Boca chik'n patties and his favorit sauce or roll on a night that his dad n wife might be having a fried chicken meal? It wouldn't be any extra effort to pop it in the oven w/ the other meal and it would make your son feel great that his food looked just like everyone elses, but w/o that tummy ache. Who knows, maybe they might try some and like it.



Anyway, I'm proud of you and your son. ((hugs))
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#25 Old 02-25-2010, 03:42 PM
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I may have missed the post, but did you tell his father how sick he was when he got home with you? If so, what was his reaction?
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#26 Old 02-25-2010, 09:33 PM
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i think that nothing is going to change his father then, and perhaps if you move towaxrd acceptance, then you would feel better about how the majrity of the time, your son does get healthy foods that are obviously benefitting him, and that the parity between his home experience and his experience with his father will educate him about how he wants to feel (and thereby conduct himself).



overall, you're doing a good job. but i think you really have to let it go with your ex. it's his lifestyle; he has no intention of changing even though it harms him, his wife, his son, the national health care system or insurance system, and whatever else.
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#27 Old 02-25-2010, 09:46 PM
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i think that nothing is going to change his father then, and perhaps if you move towaxrd acceptance, then you would feel better about how the majrity of the time, your son does get healthy foods that are obviously benefitting him, and that the parity between his home experience and his experience with his father will educate him about how he wants to feel (and thereby conduct himself).



overall, you're doing a good job. but i think you really have to let it go with your ex. it's his lifestyle; he has no intention of changing even though it harms him, his wife, his son, the national health care system or insurance system, and whatever else.



What Zoebird said. Even though I agree completly with you about the diet you seem to be very controlling where your ex is concerned. As Zoebird said, it's his lifestyle, and while his son is over at his house, the feeding is his choice. A little bit more acceptance of other people's lifestyles can go a long way towards a harmonious relationship with an ex. He's not your husband any more, he's someone else's, you no longer have any input in his life with regards to his eating. Accepting that sooner rather than later is probably the way to go rather than stressing over what happens at a house you do not live at nor ever will.
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#28 Old 02-25-2010, 09:54 PM
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My son, bless him, is torn. And he's only nine. He loves us both very much. So he finds it difficult to upset either of us. In the case of this past weekend, I think it didn't occur to him that he would get ill. Maybe next time we can arm him with some tools to tackle his dad about it. His dad is really the most obnoxious man - he's always right. He told me my boy going to die without red meat, so he was taking him for a chicken dinner - yes, he is also stupid. He actually said "you know as well as I do that you only get nutrients from red meat"... I really don't know how to handle this!



It's a case of if he doesn't eat it, he'll have to go without I think. That's what his dad is like. He brought home a carrier bag full of sweets - horrid sweets, the kind I've never let him eat before. He hasn't had them, and I'm hoping he'll forget about them. I'm starting to feel like I'm being mean, actually... I never thought I'd be having issues like this! I've got family support, doctor support, school support, it's just his dad is the one I have trouble fighting.



Does he honestly think that red meat comes from chicken?!



I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I honestly don't know what to tell you. All the other advice here sounds really good, especially the sending your son over with food he'll actually eat. Does he take a duffel bag over with him? Put snacks in there?

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#29 Old 02-25-2010, 09:58 PM
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I think with comments like "yes, he is also stupid" we are hearing a bitter, jealous ex-wife speaking. Generally the man gets the worst of it in a divorce. After all, he's married again, I can see why she is looking for arguments like this diet one to spear him with. The mean slap about the new wife being fat said it all about the motives, really.



There are always two sides to a story. I'd like to get the man's in this case, as well. Ex-wives opinions are always a little dubious *speaks from experience*
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#30 Old 02-25-2010, 10:08 PM
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I think with comments like "yes, he is also stupid" we are hearing a bitter, jealous ex-wife speaking. Generally the man gets the worst of it in a divorce. After all, he's married again, I can see why she is looking for arguments like this diet one to spear him with. The mean slap about the new wife being fat said it all about the motives, really.



There are always two sides to a story. I'd like to get the man's in this case, as well. Ex-wives opinions are always a little dubious *speaks from experience*



So are ex-husbands.

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