Hi, sorry I didn't read all this yesterday - had a busy evening!
MrFalafel, I know you weren't suggesting I stop visitation, maybe I just worded my reply wrong. You're comments have been most welcome. Yes, the battle scenario is just how you describe it. I spoke to little man about this last night and he said he won't say no to his dad. But, he did say he could make good choices when he was there, so he could ask for a small piece of meat, and more veggies, and then hide the meat under his veggies - I said that wasn't really what I had in mind! Then he said, and I think this was great, "If Daddy asks me if I want a ham sandwich, I could say would it be ok for me to have beans on toast please?" I thought that was good, as his dad does buy wholemeal bread for him as he prefers it and always has!
Luxxi - thanks for the reply. Believe me, I have tried and tried to be friends. He is just horrendous to me. We've been divorced five years now, and separated longer. He has a new family, yet he still gets agitated when he comes here. He wants everything on his terms. As soon as things don't go his way he reverts to being abusive and aggressive towards me. As for not understanding veg*nism, well, I agree for some it's hard, but he has an intelligent wife, access to the internet to research (and believe me, he researches everything!) and his sister who is in her 30's has been vegetarian since she was 14. I'm not even asking him to prepare all veg*n food, just healthy food. I accept veganism is my lifestyle choice, and don't impose it on the family, but this change has been so positive I just want the ex to support it a little bit.
Tree, I thought about what you said about making food for them, and I think he would throw it in the bin - however, you did make me think that I could start wit a tray of healthy vegan muffins! I think we'll make some carrot and raisin ones and he can take them next week. My son loves them, and would take them over crap shop bought cakes any day - so I think I'll try that!
Sapphire - I'm with ya girl! Not just McDonalds, but KFC... Oh my gosh, it's his pay day just before he has my boy next time - so it'll be KFC friday night, junk brekkie and lunch Saturday followed by a carvery on Saturday night and a cooked breakfast on Sunday. I know so well what they do! lol... I agree that a chicken breast and greens would be preferable for their health than nuggets and fries. And yes, they have a deep fat fryer too... oh the joy... not!
My partner has been great, he said we should make a stand. So when he comes home with a carrier bag full of chocolate next time, we tell his dad to take it back to their house. We talk to my son first, and tell him that stuff is going to stay at his dad's, so he is prepared. I talked to him about treats last night, and just to prove that being vegan isn't boring I went to the Co-op and bought a bag of raspberry jam doughnuts... VEGAN! He had one after his tea and savoured every mouthful. I know it was junk, but I don't want to be the bad guy all the time! So I told him once in a blue moon the doughnuts will appear! He was very happy about that. I think if he knows I'll do things like that, it'll be easier to make a stand about the other crap coming into the house.
Who knew child rearing was so bloody hard?