what do you say when someone says to your child..... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-10-2010, 01:18 PM
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Here's a situation I've ran into a few times and never really knew how to respond to it. My daughter (almost 2) is always curious as to what others are eating or drinking. Naturally, the person who's eating or drinking asks me if my daughter can have whatever it is they have. Most of the time I don't want my daughter to have it, more often than not it's because it's junk food, but sometimes it's not vegan. So then I say no and the person says to my daughter "sorry, you can't have any. Mommy says no".



I don't like being made out to be the bad guy all the time. I know I have to be in some cases, but can't people say something else?? And when it's not a vegan item can't they say something to the effect that my daughter doesn't eat that and that's why she can't have it?



How do you deal with these situations? Do you do anything, I mean, do you tell the person "I'd rather you say....."? Or do you just let them say what they want and take the hit for being the bad guy?
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#2 Old 01-10-2010, 01:25 PM
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I guess I never saw that as making the mother out to be the bad guy, but rather upholding her authority.

Then again, I'm from a "Mom says no, and that's all you need to know" sort of family

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#3 Old 01-10-2010, 01:26 PM
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I would just let them say it. Not because it's not important but because it's not really a TOTAL bad thing. By them saying YOU said no, it just secures the fact that you make the rules. For some kids, as they grow up, that can be a very comforting feeling, knowing your parent has control over the situation and stuff.



Besides, if it really bothers you, once your child is old enough to have a deep conversation with, you can explain to them on the way home or somewhere private, WHY you said no. I suppose it's the way experience when people don't eat certain things for religious reasons. Good luck
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#4 Old 01-10-2010, 01:42 PM
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I think I get offended when people say this rather than glad that they're reiterating my authority because I've gotten so much grief over not letting my daughter eat junk food and non-vegan food. When my daughter was 15 months old a family argument started over the fact that someone in my husband's family wanted to give my daughter potato chips and pretzels even though she was content eating from the veggie platter. I didn't see any need to let her have those things and some people got really mad at me! I mean, she was 15 months old! It's not like I told my 10 year old she couldn't have any junk food!



I think I'm just sensitive when it comes to this subject, but I'm glad you guys made me feel better about it and made me look at it a different way.
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#5 Old 01-10-2010, 01:44 PM
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Rather than just saying no, maybe you could just say 'No, that isn't good for children (or little kids) to eat'. That way you've given her a reason as to why she can't eat it and you haven't offended the other person by adding on the part about it being bad for children (even though its probably bad for adults as well).

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#6 Old 01-10-2010, 01:50 PM
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Maybe it'd help if I shared a situation from the other side?



When I was in Kindergarden, all my classmates got those little individual packages of oreos to take home. (This was when oreos were still made with animal shortening). When my mom picked me up, she told me I couldn't have them. Of course, I was a bit upset, but she explained that they were made with animal fat. Of course, by five, I knew why we didn't eat animals, and I dropped it, and was content to give them to a friend. My mom, being the wonderful person she is, probably gave me homemade cookies when we got home, but I don't remember if she did or not.



It didn't scar me for life. As long as you are sure you explain *why* you don't eat something, you're daughter will be fine.



P.S. I also remember at lunch in first grade (or second?) one of my friends trying to give me peperoni, and me getting really frustrated, because I couldn't make anybody understand that peperoni comes from piggies. lol

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#7 Old 01-11-2010, 11:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegton View Post

I think I get offended when people say this rather than glad that they're reiterating my authority because I've gotten so much grief over not letting my daughter eat junk food and non-vegan food. When my daughter was 15 months old a family argument started over the fact that someone in my husband's family wanted to give my daughter potato chips and pretzels even though she was content eating from the veggie platter. I didn't see any need to let her have those things and some people got really mad at me! I mean, she was 15 months old! It's not like I told my 10 year old she couldn't have any junk food!



I think I'm just sensitive when it comes to this subject, but I'm glad you guys made me feel better about it and made me look at it a different way.



I can completley relate to this. If it is a stranger or just a friend then I don't mind them saying the mommy says no thing. If it is extended family, I know that are saying it with an attitude as a way to jab at me personally. When they ask me I always say to our son, "I'm sorry you can't have that. It is unhealthy/yucky/animal/whatever but mommy will get you something else if your hungry." Although he is just 2 this normally makes him happy as he can still have something to munch on and it is going to be better for him. This is also my way of subtley letting the family member know that their diet needs improving upon. Maybe I'm mean, but we have food/family issues.
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#8 Old 01-11-2010, 12:09 PM
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I wouldn't take offense to this - after all, nobody is exaggerating or being dishonest. Mommy DID say no.
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#9 Old 01-11-2010, 12:46 PM
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I think it's strange that other people offer food to yoru child. Seems presumptious to me.



But I would say, since they're talking about you like you aren't present (i.e. "mommy says no"), "Mommy will feed you a delicious, nutritious snack when we get home." You know, talk about yourself like you aren't there just as they did.
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#10 Old 01-11-2010, 02:02 PM
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I would go with "No, thanks, she's got her own snacks. Thank you though!" all smiley.



There's a kid on our playground who's allergic to a few things, and that's what her Papa always says if anyone asks him if she can have such and such a food item.



If you treat it like an allergy, anyone should be cool with that.
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#11 Old 01-11-2010, 02:07 PM
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I don't think, "Mommy said no..." is a bad thing either because it's true. Use it as an opportunity to teach your child and perhaps the person eating whatever is on the [email protected] list..lol Also, have something with you at all times to offer instead. Your child is going to want to know why at some point, have good answers ready.
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#12 Old 01-11-2010, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post

I would go with "No, thanks, she's got her own snacks. Thank you though!" all smiley.



There's a kid on our playground who's allergic to a few things, and that's what her Papa always says if anyone asks him if she can have such and such a food item.



If you treat it like an allergy, anyone should be cool with that.



I really agree with this, attitude is EVERYTHING. Especially with little kids because they are always watching the way their parents react to things and they learn from that. If you decline politely with a big happy smile it sends a good message to the child because they see your choices as a positive thing rather than deprivation and it makes the other adult feel more comfortable too and they will get the impression that vegans are friendly healthy people rather than poor souls who can't eat anything.

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#13 Old 01-16-2010, 01:11 PM
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I have run into the same problem with my own family. My parents want to feed our son junk food because they like to "spoil" him like grandparents do. It can be very difficult to say no to them when food is the way my mom has always liked to show love, and I do not like arguing with them in front of my son. To be honest, I usually make an excuse like "he hasn't had enough vegetables today so I'd like him to eat something a little healthier" or "He needs a nap soon and that sugar might keep him awake, why don't we try some _____ instead" I have already explained my principles to them which they don't understand, and I realize that they aren't going to change, so I just have to modify my behavior when I'm around them.
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#14 Old 01-16-2010, 08:48 PM
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This reminds me years ago while visit my parents or I am not sure If I was still living there but anyhow. My mom likes all kinds of junk food. Three was about 5 things not sure what they were but they were not healthy and upsetted my tummy. After the 4th thing and by the fifth item my dad chewed her out. He stated she said no to the others it will hurt her tummy don't ask her again. Nowadays alot of things upsets my tummy especially overly proccessed foods and things with HFCS. When we have kids I am sure if we give the list to my parents they will give the list of items they should eat not what is bad for them.
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#15 Old 02-19-2010, 01:59 PM
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I've joined this really late! sorry :S



I actually got sick of that happening to me, so I basically taught my daughter to refuse other people's food... and not because we were Vegan then, I just didn't want her eating junk or getting the idea she could eat everyone elses' food! lol. Now she's older, she knows to say no to thw offers and asks me if she really wants something for herself.



xx J
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#16 Old 02-19-2010, 03:32 PM
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Im of the opinion that a child should chose to be a vegan or vege when and if they want to.

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#17 Old 02-19-2010, 11:14 PM
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Im of the opinion that a child should chose to be a vegan or vege when and if they want to.

Frame.



I agree ... but You'd be surprised how many little kids don't want to eat animals. A soon as they realÃ*se it's an animal they themselves usually don't want to part take in dinner. My daughter was protesting to eating meat before my husband and I even realised what a Vegan or Vegetarian was! lol!

Now that we're living that way, she's very pleased with herself... she's only five and a half.

She may change somewhere down the line, but right now I'm enjoying her love for rights to life. <3



xx J
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#18 Old 02-20-2010, 08:01 AM
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Oh, wow, my family does this to me & my son too!



They'll constantly try to feed my son junk (chips, candies, etc) and I always tell them not to.. Then, of course, "mommy" is the bad guy because I want my son to eat healthy!! (They also say I'm a 'controlling snob' because I refuse.. haha)



If anything, I feel that THEY should care more about themselves (and my son) than try to stuff him with things that'll only cause illness in the long run.. =/



Don't let it get to you though.. when you baby is older they'll THANK YOU for looking after their health, when they were too young to understand how to do it themselves!!

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#19 Old 02-20-2010, 05:04 PM
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Rather than just saying no, maybe you could just say 'No, that isn't good for children (or little kids) to eat'. That way you've given her a reason as to why she can't eat it and you haven't offended the other person by adding on the part about it being bad for children (even though its probably bad for adults as well).



I've found this to be very effective with my niece. My niece is now 4, she wants a reason for things, but we even told her before she started asking, caused less problems. For soda, my sister would say "That's not good for kids. Water makes you big and strong, just like (insert her cousins name)." Immediately she would want water instead. If the child doesn't really know what it tastes like, they usually won't argue. This is why I think it's big that families are consistent, certain people don't give her junk. My niece is pretty healthy, her Mom is big on not giving her junk on a regular basis (although my niece's Dad's side of the family does it more often). She's a meat eater, but she's big on eating her broccoli, other veggies, and fruit. Really, kids learn their eating habits young.
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