Breaking Up By E-mail - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 12-03-2003, 12:35 PM
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My best friend just forwarded me an e-mail she received from her boyfriend. Yep, it was a "Dear John" letter but by e-mail because he "just can't bear to talk to her knowing how upset she is".



I feel so badly for her, and I want to be beat his little weasly butt for being so insensitive and immature. Granted he's only 24 and she's due to turn 34 tomorrow, so that explains some of the issue, but c'mon, don't you think someone deserves to be told to their face if it's really over?
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#2 Old 12-03-2003, 12:41 PM
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Yes, I agree. Situations like that should be done face to face. He seems like a coward and she's probably much better off. :
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#3 Old 12-03-2003, 01:05 PM
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Ugh... that's worse than doing it in IM. Cowardly, if you ask me.
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#4 Old 12-03-2003, 02:02 PM
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Yes, I think you should tell it some one face to face, but that isn't (always) easy.



I wouldn't do it via email though.
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#5 Old 12-03-2003, 02:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dawngirl View Post

My best friend just forwarded me an e-mail she received from her boyfriend. Yep, it was a "Dear John" letter but by e-mail because he "just can't bear to talk to her knowing how upset she is".



I feel so badly for her, and I want to be beat his little weasly butt for being so insensitive and immature. Granted he's only 24 and she's due to turn 34 tomorrow, so that explains some of the issue, but c'mon, don't you think someone deserves to be told to their face if it's really over?



i'll help you beat his little weasly ass. what a freakin loser! that is lame as lame gets. not even a 12 year old shold do that (and 12 year olds shouldnt be dating anyway).
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#6 Old 12-03-2003, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by 1vegan View Post

Yes, I think you should tell it some one face to face, but that isn't (always) easy.



I wouldn't do it via email though.

Lots of things aren't easy but you have to do them anyway.



My last bfriend broke up with me over the phone (or more accurately, confirmed our mutual breakup). He didn't want me to come over to talk about it, and said in so many words that it would terribly inconvenience him and he'd end up staying up too late. "Is this going to be one of those things where we talk all night? I have to go to work tomorrow"



But I was not innocent. I had earlier sent him a scathing email which contributed to the whole situation. I hope I learned from that and will not do it again.



That phone conversation with him refusing to let me talk to him about it in person is what I remind myself of when I am ever the least bit nostalgic.
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#7 Old 12-03-2003, 02:56 PM
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Breaking up, no matter how much you loathe the person you are leaving should be done in person or a formal handwritten letter. (Only if the reciepient is violent or at a great distance)



Vrooom! I think I hear the karma bus reving up it's wheels!



I'm so sorry that happened to your friend, she deserves better!
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#8 Old 12-03-2003, 03:29 PM
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I think all of my breakups have been done by phone, whether I was the one initiating the break-up or not.



I had not heard of any rule of etiquette requiring a face-to-face meeting.



It is also true that people in some sort of relationship (using the term in its broadest sense) call each other on the phone, discuss things, make requests or demands, state positions, etc. Often, all it takes is saying "no" to one of these requests/demands/whatever from the other person to break up the relationship.

So I think a rule not to break up by phone is just unworkable, unless you have a more general rule to never discuss anything important by phone.



I do think that breaking up by an e-mail message is very tacky and insensitive. But, on the other hand, what are you going to do about it? If the other person in the relationship does not want to see you anymore, they don't want to see you anymore. Period. End of story. If that includes not wanting to see you for a "final" conversation, so be it.
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#9 Old 12-03-2003, 04:48 PM
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Worst-best ways to break up (assuming a non-violent partner)

Worst: E-Mail (or on a internet board, mass e-mail...)

2nd worst: a letter

2nd best: phone

Best: in person



I've always thought that things should be done in person. E-mail is way to impersonal. A letter's well thought out but doesn't give the other person anyroom to say anything, even if they agree with the break up (normally they'd end with a "don't ever call, show up, etc" -- otherwise, why do it in a letter). I always like being able to see exactly what the person's doing when they're talking to me, about anything.
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#10 Old 12-03-2003, 10:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dawngirl View Post

Yep, it was a "Dear John" letter but by e-mail because he "just can't bear to talk to her knowing how upset she is".



Mmmm....that sounds like "I'm going to try and get out of this situation in the easiest way possible for me"



or, on the other hand.....it could indicate that they've already talked about it a bit and she knew it was coming.



Either way though, if someone is 24 years old and not able to face the person they've been in a relationship with and explain themselves, they are not good relationship material anyway. She's probably better off without him.

m8itcanw8.com
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#11 Old 12-03-2003, 11:07 PM
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I got dumped by email in September. When I did talk to him afterwards, I told him he was seriously f**king weak, and that after having been friends for so long (7 yrs) he could have at least picked up a phone.



Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh stupid.



and yet, we're still friends.

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#12 Old 12-03-2003, 11:36 PM
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Obviously not ready for a real relationship anyway.

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#13 Old 12-03-2003, 11:40 PM
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I see no problem with it. It's a f'n break up. Dropping a quick note that says "it was real, it was nice, but it wasn't real nice" seems okey-dokey to me.



What is there to say in person? Point to the door and shout "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya?"



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#14 Old 12-03-2003, 11:43 PM
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There's only one way to break up with a bird: "Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you."
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#15 Old 12-03-2003, 11:59 PM
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[QUOTE=Max Power]There's only one way to break up with a birdQUOTE]



You date birds? :P
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#16 Old 12-04-2003, 12:06 AM
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Probably just chicks...
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#17 Old 12-04-2003, 12:28 AM
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hmm. i am the weakest, wimpiest person when it comes to breakin up. ugh, but i've never even done it by email, ooo, tempting as it is. i think it's because i still have respect for the person, if i didnt (like if he did something bad), hmmmm, maybe i'd do it by email???

‎"I just think there's something in being lost. I never feel lost. I just think, 'Oh. I've taken a diversion'." ~ Karl Pilkington
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#18 Old 12-04-2003, 04:58 AM
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what a pussy. a g/f broke up with me once , but first she got conveniently got pissed off of like 7 beers before she decided to tell me.
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#19 Old 12-04-2003, 05:24 AM
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Okay here's what you do. You get all the pictures of handsome guys you can find, borrow or steal. Send them all to him with a note that says, "Pick out your picture and send the rest back. I can't remember which one you are."

I never said I was nice.
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#20 Old 12-04-2003, 10:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VegHeadAPMama View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Power View Post

There's only one way to break up with a bird



You date birds? :P



Max has spent some time in the UK.



Definition

bird (PERSON) noun



1 OLD-FASHIONED a particular type of person:

He's a rare bird, is Nick.



2 UK SLANG a young woman:

Is that Lee's new bird?



3 INFORMAL old bird an older woman:

DISAPPROVING This old bird was lecturing the shop assistant about her manners.

APPROVING She's a game old bird (= energetic and willing to do risky things).




(from Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary)



http://dictionary.cambridge.org/defi...7634&dict=CALD
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#21 Old 12-04-2003, 10:49 AM
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breaking up by e-mail is so informal. I always said, be a man, do it face to face.
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#22 Old 12-04-2003, 10:55 AM
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The entire thing is just STOOPID! Apparently he started the breakup process with text messaging across the cell phones the day before and was blocking her calls.
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#23 Old 12-04-2003, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Life2k View Post

Okay here's what you do. You get all the pictures of handsome guys you can find, borrow or steal. Send them all to him with a note that says, "Pick out your picture and send the rest back. I can't remember which one you are."

I never said I was nice.



Hee! That would be awesome...
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