I have been thinking about your situation for quite some time as I have had some similar experiences, but in different circumstances.
First of all, I am sorry that you are experiencing all of this. It can be quite exhausting and just plain ****ty. My heart goes out to you.
Secondly, I think your choice of going to Alanon meetings was a really positive one and can help to sort out some of the gray that addiction presents and also a source of strength and support.
Thirdly, if you buy into the disease model of addition then a simple yet complicated question might provide some guidance. The question is, are you supporting her or supporting her disease? Answering this may help you sort some things out as to what to do and how to handle this. Your actions that come from your answer should always come from a place of love and compassion.
Lastly, (I feel like I am writing a bad term paper with firstly, secondly . . .) you are important and worth it so your feelings/thoughts/needs/wants matter.
Hang in there and know that you are not alone.