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-   -   to women, what constitutes a "Good Kiss"... (https://www.veggieboards.com/forum/25-relationships-family/95175-women-what-constitutes-good-kiss.html)

AussieShane 03-07-2009 08:34 PM

this might seem like a weird or girly question and I don't want to but I have to ask this. What makes up a good kiss...



Last night i went clubbing

I met a girl

We danced

We started having a moment of kissing

But then half way into it, she kinda pushed me off

Then she went back to her friends and they were talking and looking at me.

I thought i should go back up to her but then i thought what's the point (if she's already walked away without a word)



I remember one of my Exes would say i was a bad kisser but I always overlooked it and never payed attention to what she's say.



So, i'd like to hear from the women on this one.

cerise 03-07-2009 08:47 PM

I think a good kiss is somewhat slow and passionate. Not tons of tongue haha.

Skylark 03-07-2009 08:56 PM

First off, you have to listen to what the person you're kissing is telling you about your kissing. No more overlooking or ignoring, OK?



We can all tell you what we like, but what it comes down to is what does the person you're kissing like, and how good are both of you at seeking to please the other person with how you kiss?



I had to teach my ex how to kiss me in the way I liked because he truly had no idea. The first time he kissed me it was all tongue and slobber and nastiness. I didn't want to hurt his feelings because he was genuinely trying, so I would ask him to do a little more of this, oh yeah try that again, etc., rather than saying "Ew, the way you kiss is gross and I don't want you to do that again." After I had him well down the road to kissing me the way I liked, I did tell him I'd found it nearly nauseating sometimes at the beginning. By that point, he'd decided he also liked it better the way I'd taught him.



Some people say it's not romantic to talk with your date/partner/girlfriend about kissing before you've even landed a peck, but it might save you some heartache if you do talk about it.

SobeVegChick 03-07-2009 09:00 PM

Good advice, Skylark. I would say just go slow and non-aggressive and build up from there based on what the other person wants.

jAded 03-07-2009 09:03 PM

It's really difficult to explain on a forum, but generally women aren't so into aggressive kissing like a lot of guys are. I think the number one rule is to make her feel like it's about her, not just you attacking her and slobering all over her like some animal in heat. Be a bit teasing, don't force your tongue down her throat but don't keep it stuck in yuor mouth either, change the pace to suit the change in mood as you get into the kiss and use your hands. Maybe follow her cues at first and pay attention to how she communicates when kissing you. As skylark said, DON'T overlook these criticisms - kissing is a pretty big thing to women and an important form of communication, imo.

jeneticallymodified 03-07-2009 09:06 PM

oh... the tongue and slobber and nastiness yeah, thats not good. randomly forcing a huge wet drooly tongue into my gob then poking about with it- not a huge turn on for me. its like being invaded by an alien.



what makes it even worse is when the snogger reeks of beer and gets all handsy right away, reading any sort of positive signal from me as a cue to dive right in there and squeeze anything and everything within reach.



but then i find drunk guys a massive turnoff anyway.



i'm not a kissing expert by any stretch of the imagination. but i'd say that taking your cues from the other person is an excellent plan, as is not just diving in and doing something odd completely randomly, and that reading their body language in response to what you do do is really important.



its all a bit of a sensual teasy thing, innit? like a many layered event, the good snogging pash-fest whateveryoucallit.

ProudVegan 03-07-2009 09:37 PM

practice!

gingerlove 03-07-2009 10:18 PM

slobberyness is one thing but not enough lip is bad to, i had a bf who kissed me all tight lipped



or sometimes kissing to hard (like pressing your face against theirs) is not so nice.



i prefer nice passionate full kisses

synergy 03-07-2009 10:27 PM

If you can, follow the woman's lead. Try to almost echo their kisses and respond to them rather than forcing your own pace and depth and style on them.



I've definitely broken up with guys that were bad kissers... It really is a very, very important part of a relationship.

Tori~CL 03-07-2009 10:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by synergy View Post

If you can, follow the woman's lead. Try to almost echo their kisses and respond to them rather than forcing your own pace and depth and style on them.



I've definitely broken up with guys that were bad kissers... It really is a very, very important part of a relationship.




AussieShane 03-07-2009 11:46 PM

wow. Thanks for the info ladies.

Yea I definitely don't have a habit of slobbering but perhaps i was too aggressive or overusing tongue..



Quote:
Originally Posted by jAded View Post

Maybe follow her cues at first and pay attention to how she communicates when kissing you.



So is that basically saying respond to her rather than being the proactive one about it?

Tori~CL 03-07-2009 11:51 PM

Shane, for what it's worth, you was at a club. I doubt you have a problem in the kissing area. Just guessing.

jAded 03-08-2009 01:40 AM

Kind of. I mean, show some confidence in your abilities and initiate the kiss a lot, but also try and prove that you're flexible and willing to learn, if that makes sense. It doesn't really work when you're trying to mesh two different styles into one kiss and it just ends up all over the place and both parties end up frustrated. So if a girl doesn't seem to be enjoying herself next time, get her to show you what she likes, then maybe show her what you like and you can work on that. It's a really sexy thing when a guy (or girl for that matter) allows his partner to take the lead and is willing to play the role of the student. And then when you're more confident about what pleases her, you can call the shots!

dormouse 03-08-2009 09:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieShane View Post


So is that basically saying respond to her rather than being the proactive one about it?



Don't wait for her to initiate the kiss necessarily, but once you start kissing, follow her lead on how passionate/tonguey/forceful she wants the kiss to be.

counting_hours 03-09-2009 07:58 AM

I dated someone...Lets call them person X. X was a HORRIBLE kisser. I mean, HORRIBLE. It was like X attacked your face with their slobbery mouth and mauled you, then prodded you with their tongue forcefully. I think X read my resistance as playful, because the more I tried to pull away or change things up a little- X would slobber all over my face more. It was like being attacked by a soggy plunger. It was awful. Which was a shame because X themself thought they were a great kisser. Previous exes of their had told them when X asked that X was a good kisser...not so.

I tried to subtly hint at what I liked- When they plunged my face I would kiss slower, gentler, less tongue. But X was so sure that they were an excellent kisser that none of the signals I was sending out registered with them. Regardless I was telling X what it was I liked, and X was too busy mauling my face with drool and being overly confident that they totally messed things up. We broke up for unrelated reasons, but by that point...I dreaded kissing them and would have ended up breaking up with them anyway. Total shame because X was very good looking and I was otherwise totally attracted to them.





Now, not saying I am perfect at these things. As much as I hate to say it I met my current boyfriend drunk at a party. The thing about drinking is- It can be seriously hard to feel your lips and the pressure you are exerting. So while you are making out with this person you might be kissing WAYYY too hard. Or too rapidly and oddly another thing that happens when you can't properly feel what it is you are doing. I say thsi from experince because buised lips arn't fun for either party even when you don't realize you are doing it! Keep this in mind while drinking.



NEVER start a kiss open mouthed. Oh my gosh. Don't do this. EVER. Play a little bit, lead up to it. And then once you want ot use some tongue please don't force your whole tongue into my mouth and choke me with it. A playful touching of tongues is often enough.



Read your partners signals. If I start kissing slower, or softer, or harder, I am telling you with my body language what I like. If I touch you with my hands, that is saying something too...and now always good. A hand in the hair- often a sign im into things, a hand on your side can just as easily mean I am really into what you are doing, but a change in pressure, pushing lightly with it might mean STOP. If I move away I am saying less...Closer I am saying..nope! (shocker)Not more! I am saying just right. If I start changing the pace though, then maybe I am saying more. Which doesn't mean go from a soft, slow kiss to seizing the back of my head and driving your tongue down my throat or using your lips to gum my face 1000x a minute. LISTEN TO WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU!



Don't drool on me, slober on me, make my face slick with your saliva. Moist, soft lips are nice. Wet lips are bad. Dry lips are not great to kiss too.



Kisisng a stranger- How about instead of diving into making out you have a few kisses, pull away slightly(not too far, don't make her feel weird about it..just half an inch from her lips even) and see if she kisses you again. You need to gauge her reaction to whats happening and not your own. Don't fondle her. Just because she let you kiss her doesn't mean she wants you grabbing her ass and grinding her aggressively.



You should have asked your ex what made you a bad kisser. When someone tells you something like that, it can hurt but it is a great way to learn and be better

FitChick99 03-09-2009 08:25 AM

Well, I dated a guy once who would open his mouth wide and just like move his tongue all around, and I definitely had to teach him. I was kind of shocked, like, "What the heck is he doing??" when he first kissed me... and he had had a long term relationship before me.

Anyway, obviously everyone is different, but I would say lots of lips, some tongue, (but the tongues aren't like swirling around each other like middle schoolers kiss...) Kiss her upper lip, her lower lip, take it slow, no teeth/biting, and maybe in a moment of passion you could get a bit more aggressive, but not so much on the dance floor at a club.

Maybe this girl just wasn't into making out on the dance floor?

Chrysalis 03-09-2009 12:10 PM

for me i don't like kisses that are at all slobbery. and tongue right away is too fast. i get kind of pissed off if i am kissed so hard that i can't even move my lips. kinda defeats the purpose of kissing if i can't kiss back



synergy gave good advice. every person has their own pace so it is definately good to start out a bit slow and then see how the girl reacts, and try to match your style to hers. then again, sometimes two people could be both good at kissing but it just doesn't feel good because there is no chemistry.



if you have a chance, i think following skylarks advice is good too. When my boyfriend first kissed me I really didn't like it. Much too aggressive and slobbery. But I've taught him how to kiss me in a way that I like and it is much better now! You can always learn!



ETA: Some girls also aren't into making out on a dance floor. I most definately am not! I'm a private person, even if I'm drunk! I would say for next time just give a couple of little kisses and pull back. If she wants to make out, trust me she won't be shy to lean in for another kiss.

sybaritik 03-09-2009 12:31 PM

Soft, slow kisses are definitely a turn-on, but I'm not averse to a good bit of tonsil-hockey either....with the right guy.



.

jeneticallymodified 03-09-2009 12:39 PM

i'm waiting for someone to post saying they really love a lot of drool.

Poppy 03-09-2009 12:57 PM

"I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. "



~Crash Davis

counting_hours 03-09-2009 12:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by hoodedclawjen View Post

i'm waiting for someone to post saying they really love a lot of drool.



I love a lot of drool....

















..............LMAO. Just kidding!

Nessus 03-09-2009 01:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by counting_hours View Post

I love a lot of drool....



jeez, you guys nearly made me spray coffee all over my monitor.

Skylark 03-09-2009 04:33 PM

I remember watching a couple of skanks make out in a club in Spain. The guy had been harassing my female friends and I all night, and then in walks this girl who looked like the stereotype of trailer trash. He started harassing her, too, and before you know it he had his tongue down her throat for a good half hour. I hope they were both drunk, because it looked painful for sober people.

jAded 03-09-2009 09:29 PM

One of my first kisses was like being mauled by a vacuum cleaner with braces and a lot of saliva. He actually twisted my head around to suffocate me when I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend. Not cool, dude!

GhostUser 03-09-2009 11:28 PM

OMG many years ago..I dated a guy who was the worlds worst kisser he was soooo serious and couldnt relax...i thought his lips were glued together they didnt move and they were like hard as rocks and they were awfully chapped...so all I kept thinking about was chapsticks...LOL



a good kiss to me is one with feeling...it has to have feeling to it...tons of Passion and Love....Thats the key for me and the rest just comes natural if its there you will feel it and go with it...its not something you plan..it just happens...



Good Luck with whatever happens with you

GhostUser 03-10-2009 08:02 AM

I agree with the people saying that it has to be something SHE likes. Every woman is different and therefore like different things. For instance, I like a kiss that is slow and passionate but I admittingly am a tongue kind of girl lol. I like that and then if the guy (obviously in my case, my husband lol) kind of nibbles my bottom lip. I also can't have him opening his mouth so wide it's like he is trying to eat my face.



EDIT: I also like when he kind of lifts my head with his hands and runs his fingers through my hair

wutaweirdo 03-10-2009 10:19 AM

Yeah, I think the best advice would be to follow her lead. Especially as beginning kisses (where you're not aiming to get hot and heavy right there?) I like a lot of lip stuff, a little bit of tongue. But damn, let me breathe! Don't just invade my space and throw a squirmy tongue down my throat. Ew.



I kissed someone once where, seriously, I think he had a saliva-production problem. I mean... at one point there was HIS drool running down my chin. Gag gag gag!!! Never again, thank you.



The man I'm with now, our first kiss was amazing. I think his kissing style is a little more aggressive than mine, but he immediately took my cues and followed my lead on the lip play and all that. ALSO... kissing is not just about the mouth area, it's the whole experience! Rub her back or arm lightly, touch her hair, make her feel like she's supported and cared about and that ALL of your attention is on her, not just her mouth.

greensgood 03-10-2009 01:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieShane View Post




I remember one of my Exes would say i was a bad kisser but I always overlooked it and never payed attention to what she's say.



So, i'd like to hear from the women on this one.



do you remember any of the things she would say about how you kiss?



also, girls aren't the only ones that can give good advice about kissing, i didn't even know i had been getting crappy kisses for years until my bf first kissed me, i never knew kissing could be so amazing.



here are some points to consider when kissing:



- bad breath. if you have been drinking alcohol or smoking cigs brush your teeth or at least pop a mint b4 lip action. eventhough we don't eat meat, our food can be stinky too...garlic and onions etc.



- chapped lips.



- drool, spit, slober. a good way to avoid too much spit is to remember to swallow every so often when kissing.



- speed, kissing too fast is awkward, slower is always better.



- depth, if its a first kiss it can be too much to start off with whole tongue action. ive had a few first kisses like this and i couldn't help but think that the guy was a bit too anxious...



these may help, if not they will at least make you laugh:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNr_APrRmpY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfiGr...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQkI0...eature=channel

MZCsmpsns 03-10-2009 02:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chrilynhawk View Post

I agree with the people saying that it has to be something SHE likes. Every woman is different and therefore like different things. For instance, I like a kiss that is slow and passionate but I admittingly am a tongue kind of girl lol. I like that and then if the guy (obviously in my case, my husband lol) kind of nibbles my bottom lip. I also can't have him opening his mouth so wide it's like he is trying to eat my face.



EDIT: I also like when he kind of lifts my head with his hands and runs his fingers through my hair



Ditto that. I'm a tongue chick, too. I've kissed a lot of guys that don't know how to use their tongues when kissing, though... like there's a lollipop at the back of my throat or something. One thing that kinda annoyed me, my ex would keep his eyes open, it made me feel kinda uncomfortable.



To me, a good kiss, as others said, is passionate, not aggressive. IMO, touching is also what makes a good kiss. As quoted, running fingers through hair, gently gliding fingertips down my jaw to gently raise my chin, a sweet sensual embrace, etc... Syncing up w/whoever you're kissing makes a good kiss great.

GhostUser 03-10-2009 02:43 PM

Quote:
my ex would keep his eyes open, it made me feel kinda uncomfortable.

Mine too, it weirded me out a little. At one point he asked me why I didn't open mine too, so I tried it and it was just...I don't know I just couldn't do it.


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