Is anyone else like this (make friends easily)? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-18-2009, 01:29 PM
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I go to a boarding school so am surrounded by the same people 24hrs a day, 7 days a week for most of the year. I find it easy to make friends, and I am especially close to the other girls in my house. We can talk to each other about anything, and spnd a lot of time just chatting about nothing.

But I dont really care about them.

I have never really cared about anyone in my life apart from my close family, and my pets. I Love my pets just as much as my family (which is the most I can, I dont mean I dont really love my family.) and much, much more than my friends.

I like them, but if any of them moved schools or left and I never saw them again I would pretend to be sad but wouldnt really be. And If I moved, I would just replace them with new friends and enjoy the change. Ive done it before.

And I would be more upset if one of my pets died than if the same thing happened to another person. Obviously I would be shocked and it would be terrible, but I wouldnt feel the real sadness I do whenever a pet dies, even if he/ she has been in my life for only a few weeks. When my best friend tried to kill herself I tried to be upset about it, but to be honest I couldnt really care less. It was just an exciting story to gossip about which is awful I know.

I wouldnt want to be alone and have no friends, but mainly because I dont want to be seen as someone who doesnt have any friends.

I get attached to boyfriends, for a few weeks until I get bored. But a lot of people are like this it seems.

Its even like I would rather lose a friend (as in moved away) than lose a piece of jewellery or money.

Is there something wrong with me? seriously. I was thinking about this today, and I really dont think its normal. Are any of you like this, honestly?
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#2 Old 01-18-2009, 01:37 PM
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It sounds like you are having trouble forming attachments to people. It might be worth talking to a psychologist about. Especially since it seems to be bothering you.
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#3 Old 01-18-2009, 02:01 PM
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I don't know if u've read my reply on the ''connecting with people'' thread but i have the same problem that you do, except with family. since i've moved away,i haven't really missed them. missed a couple of friends though... i'm coming to the conclusion that it's normal for us to form bonds and connect and really care about only some people. i mean if we loved everyone with the same intensity, how would we live?

so u only love ur family and pets. that's a good thing, that u feel love. u can't consider yourself heartless or insensitive then.

maybe u'll eventually meet a friend u'll become really attached to and maybe u won't. U can have superficial relationships with people and very deep relationships with animals. I haven't had pets for too long (my mom always made me give them up) but i can see that those are beings that could never intentionally hurt you unlike some friends. so maybe u're just being cautious on where u place ur love?

if this keeps bothering you for a while, u might want to follow the previous advice ( chatting with a psychologist can be productive if u choose the right one. it can help u find out more about yourself).

but to answer ur question, NO, I don't think there's anything wrong with u. in fact, i think a lot of people might feel the same way, with varying degrees, but don't really spend time analyzing it.
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#4 Old 01-18-2009, 02:19 PM
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I used to feel that way... I was very emotionally detached from everyone and everything in my life. It was a basically a defense mechanism that my brain had made for me because my mom was an abusive alcoholic. I didn't really feel anything strongly at all, and didn't really get close to people.

I was like that for my childhood and teen years. I think it only slowly changed after I moved out and was away from my mom for extended periods. It's really only been in the last 2 or 3 years that I've been able to feel things deeply, and develop close relationships with people outside my family.

I think I changed because of a lot of things.. getting away from my mom was only one of them. The rest was a lot of work on myself, finding peace and happiness was the main thing. I was able to let down my barriers cause I felt strong enough without them, and I feel now like there's nothing someone could do to hurt me like that again, so I was ready to open my heart.

I've had some counseling, and it was helpful, but volunteering and doing some peer support counseling was more valuable in that regard, for me.

If this is something that bothers you, and it sounds like it is, there are things you can do about it, but it will take some time. Talking to a counselor or spiritual advisor is a good step towards that.

PM me if you ever want to talk about it.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavanto

'May everyone everywhere be happy
May the whole world be joyous'
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#5 Old 01-18-2009, 02:19 PM
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You aren't making the right friends. I haven't spoken the to majority of my friends from highschool even though I talked to them all the time back then. I didn't see them out of school though, usually. Those I saw out of school regularly dwindled to 3 or 4. Then I moved to college with one, and now I don't talk to any really. They weren't 'real friends.'

So far at college, I haven't made any lasting relationships besides my boyfriend. And when our friend died last year, we kind of retracted from others even more, especially because of how the college handled the situation.

I care about my boyfriend, my dog, my cat, and my boyfriends fishies. I do care about my parents and brother, but we are definately not a close family. And my brother has problems of his own.

My one other friend has been my beset friend since we were 5. She lives int he same town as my parents, and it's hard for me to keep up with people that aren't around. I don't like chatting about nothing over the phone or anything. We barely text in between times when I'm at my parents'-- when I'm there, we usually spend a lot of time together.

there's not necessarily anything wrong with you unless you think it's wrong. If you're not happy, then you should try and talk to someone or do something about it. I'm perfectly content alone with my pets and a book, but my boyfriend goes stir-crazy if he's indoors too long. It's all preference.
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#6 Old 01-18-2009, 07:53 PM
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This thread actually makes me feel better... I'm like that too, and I thought I was the only one.
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#7 Old 01-20-2009, 01:20 PM
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Its probably just that you haven't found best friends yet, most people don't stay in contact with many people at all from college and stuff, its one thing to get on with someone, another to see them as a true friend.
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#8 Old 01-20-2009, 07:55 PM
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I've been feeling like this lately, because I am living a transient life. All my friends keep leaving, so I feel like I don't wanna get too close to them cuz it will just wind up hurting. Do you think that might be the reason for you too?
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#9 Old 01-20-2009, 08:18 PM
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I've had smiliar thoughts to this recently actually. I do have a couple of friends I genuinely care about now, but until I met them I hardly had anybody I really, really liked. I find it easy to "connect with" people on a superficial level. To talk about music, films, fashion and such like, but I very rarely find somebody I'm willing to talk to on a truly personal level.

In a way I think it's reassuring, because I think "loving" everyone you meet instantly surely devalues any love you give. You carefully select the people you share your love and affection with, and I think that's healthy.

You're in a situation where you havent been able to choose the people you're with. You just happen to be with them and that's that. You do well to get along well with them, whatever level your connections may be on. It may be that you're just not around the right people at the moment.

At college I didn't make a meaningful connection with a single person, but through other means I've found good friends.

In my experience, most people drift in and out of your life, making all diffferent sorts of connections with you and making all different sorts of marks. Only very occasionally do we meet those special people we can open up to and share our real selves with.

It might be worth talking through with somebody if you think that would help and it really is concerning you (and I'm guessing it is, since you made this post) but it doesn't sound like you have a massive defect to me.
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#10 Old 01-20-2009, 10:28 PM
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I can sympathize with you as well. All throughout high school I had a lot of acquaintances and very few close friends. Now that I've moved on to college, I have barely been in touch with those people that I would see and interact with every day. So far my college friends seem closer, and I feel that I would be able to confide in them, but at the same time I just got back from a month-long break and realized I didn't miss them at all (and barely thought about them) when I was home. Now that I'm back I'm realizing more how much I appreciate their friendship and the fun I have with them. However, I still lack that deep connection that some people seem to have. When I start getting too close to a friend, I feel a little freaked out and tend to scale back on the friendship. I agree with you when you talk about replacing friends...I think I would be lonely if I didn't have any friends, but I've also never had a tendency to dwell on past friendships and missing people.
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#11 Old 01-29-2009, 03:24 AM
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I'm like this too, to an extent. I make friends very easily. Evidence: a thousand facebook friends (yeah yeah). The people I actually take the time to call and keep up with: maybe 15.

If you look at my life in phases, it goes like this: High school, then college, first city I lived, the city I now live & work. Each of these "phases" I've made hundreds of acquaintances. I would definitely call them friends at the time. But I only truly connected with a handful from each place. In college, I met my best friend and we're still best friends today. If I hadn't met her, I would not have any lasting meaningful relationship from college.

I feel like you are probably the same way I am, but you just haven't met the people you truly connect with yet. You are still just starting have so many more experiences to experience and people to meet! Don't be so hard on yourself. Have fun for now and just keep hanging out with people on a casual level. You'll eventually come across someone and the connection will come naturally. Really. Don't stress.
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#12 Old 01-29-2009, 06:23 PM
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Did you move often during your childhood? Your relationship with your friends actually seems pretty normal, or should I say typical? (I have the opposite problem quite often, even though I am usually okay with someone moving on once they do.) It does sound like you have a lot of family support, which is a really awesome thing. If it really does concern you, you might go see a psychologist, but I would say it sounds pretty normal.

If you feel like you lack compassion for others altogether, remember that compassion and feelings are two different things. You can help your fellow man or animal without caring about them on a personal level if that makes any sense.
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#13 Old 02-03-2009, 03:21 AM
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I'm a bit like this, too, except that I'm pretty anti-social and don't make friends easily. I love my family more than anything, but it took years to become attached to the few friends I have. I also have trouble trusting people, and I have no idea why; as far as I can remember, no-one's ever betrayed my trust or anything like that. All this doesn't really bother me though, but I'd be curious to know where it comes from. Maybe it really is the case of not making the right friends yet?
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