I'm at my wit's end - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-03-2009, 09:26 PM
Mal
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I realize I've barely posted since I've been here, so no one will probably know me... I'm sorry -_-



I found myself back on the forum as I was using the search to find anything on what could be the best vegetarian online dating thing whatever you want to call it (because there's 50+ of them out there). Instead I found other threads that looked more interesting, so I looked through those, for advice or anything.



I know some of you are probably sick of the "woe to me, I'm single" threads, since I found a lot of those, but I feel like I have to do something. I've had this dilemma for what seems like forever - that I've always been single, never once had a date or anything like that. I'm not happy being single, I don't care how many positive things there are about it, I'm not content with myself. I've tried several ways of trying to meet people - a singles group at church (and after several weeks, nothing; but there isn't much connection happening anyways; it's frustrating), countless trips to coffee shops and bookstores (only because I love coffee... and bookstores)... okay maybe not several, but what else can I do? I go out to places occasionally (shopping and what-not) and I get nothing. There are no veggie clubs around me here in Meat Country USA (that I know of; and I'd rather stay away from omnis). My college classes are well... full of girls O_o. And my best friend (or at least she's supposed to be my best friend) knows full well about my dilemma and... doesn't really care.



I don't know what to think about online dating, because it's like, I might as well find someone on eBay. It's like anyone can do it. It just doesn't seem that special. And I've heard a few horror stories (even though I can easily arrange background checks).



After all the unhappiness, I feel like I have to do something, if not for my health. The problem is... I don't know what to do. I've heard it here and I've heard it from my mother - to just wait and the right guy will come at the right time. But I don't want to be... 35 and still be like this :O



I really don't know what I'm supposed to do - to just endure this some more, or do something about it - I'm at my wit's end.



Halp?



PS - I don't drink, so obviously pulling out a drink or two isn't going to be an option.
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#2 Old 01-03-2009, 09:49 PM
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Hey, man...I feel your pain. I've never had a date either, always been single. When I try to meet people they never like me. Maybe I'm too picky.



I understand your wanting to have a veggie partner, but you should let that go for now. If you really hate being single, you should widen your options to include omnis.



I don't know how old you are but I'm almost 30...so probably I'm worse off than you!



Sorry for the lack of advice. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your feelings.
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#3 Old 01-03-2009, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mal View Post

I don't know what to think about online dating, because it's like, I might as well find someone on eBay. It's like anyone can do it. It just doesn't seem that special.





IMO, the special part of a relationship is not in how you met, but how the relationship feels to you once it has established itself.



If you can help it, it's best to try not to look for romance in every aspect of a relationship because it's possibly setting yourself up for some disappointment.



.
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#4 Old 01-03-2009, 10:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Mal View Post

I've tried several ways of trying to meet people - a singles group at church (and after several weeks, nothing; but there isn't much connection happening anyways; it's frustrating), countless trips to coffee shops and bookstores (only because I love coffee... and bookstores)... okay maybe not several, but what else can I do? I go out to places occasionally (shopping and what-not) and I get nothing.



I don't really understand what you are doing to try and meet people. Are you just standing around expecting guys to hit on you? If so, I don't see that working. Most guys don't just go up to random women and hit on them, and the ones that do should probably be avoided. Asking girls out is scary, even if it is someone you know well. You can't just wait around and hope guys will ask you out. You might have to flirt, and when you do, you need to make it obvious. I don't know about other guys, but I usually have no idea whether or not someone is flirting with me.



If you want to meet guys I would suggest joining a community service club, or something similar. You could also join a club related to animals or the environment, and you might meet some vegetarians.



Don't just wait around though!
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#5 Old 01-03-2009, 10:14 PM
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yeah what everyone else said, plus you could try volunteering at a place that interests you. even if guys there aren't veggie, you would both have something in common that is important to you.



you could also focus on meeting more people in general, as in friendships. i don't make friends with people for the purpose of dating them or meeting friends of theirs to date, but sometimes it does happen and hey it is always nice to know more people, more people to hang out with and have fun with since you said your best friend does not seem to care about your situation. guys are attracted to girls that have a smile on their face and seem to be having fun, at least i always notice guys hit on me more if i'm out having fun with friends and not even looking for guys.



i wouldn't completely write off internet dating. yeah some guys on there are weird but just be careful. even if a date doesn't go very well at least you can look at it as adding some experience under your belt.

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

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#6 Old 01-03-2009, 10:16 PM
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Originally Posted by RoboMonkey View Post

I don't really understand what you are doing to try and meet people. Are you just standing around expecting guys to hit on you? If so, I don't see that working. Most guys don't just go up to random women and hit on them, and the ones that do should probably be avoided. Asking girls out is scary, even if it is someone you know well. You can't just wait around and hope guys will ask you out. You might have to flirt, and when you do, you need to make it obvious. I don't know about other guys, but I usually have no idea whether or not someone is flirting with me.



When I first started going (to the singles connection), the only men around were old enough to be my father, so I wasn't that interested in speaking to them. There was another that I started to get along with rather well... until I found out he was the same age as my mother (I couldn't really tell at first), and that's just... awkward (he was in his early 40s; I'm 22). I kept going to see if more "younger" peoples showed up, but it never happened. If there were any in the class, I would definitely be trying to make conversation. But I've just recently stopped going.



In other places... well that's the problem. Because I'm just there doing my own thing. It's not like I'd approach random people in the bookstore... Ok I don't even know what I'm getting at anymore -_-



Quote:
Originally Posted by Starblossom View Post

yeah what everyone else said, plus you could try volunteering at a place that interests you. even if guys there aren't veggie, you would both have something in common that is important to you.



you could also focus on meeting more people in general, as in friendships. i don't make friends with people for the purpose of dating them or meeting friends of theirs to date, but sometimes it does happen and hey it is always nice to know more people, more people to hang out with and have fun with since you said your best friend does not seem to care about your situation.



I'm starting to realize that volunteering for... something might be my only option, since the people in my college classes are snots, so I sort of stay away from them (which is surprising with aspiring vet techs, but it's true).
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#7 Old 01-03-2009, 10:29 PM
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I find it sort of hard to believe that there are no dateable guys at your school.
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#8 Old 01-03-2009, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted by RoboMonkey View Post

I find it sort of hard to believe that there are no dateable guys at your school.



Maybe if I had other classes, but:

- My classes, which are only vet-tech classes (I took my pre-reqs a few years ago), are in a completely different building away from the main campus.



In my actual classes:

- There is one guy who is married.

- The other guy is at least in his 60s.



I'm not sure how to get to the juniors or freshmen because we obviously don't have classes together, and I never see them (as in, I don't know where they are).



I'm open for suggestions.
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#9 Old 01-04-2009, 05:29 AM
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You're probably not going to like hearing this. But the unhappiness you have about your situation is most likely reflected to others you meet. You need to be happy and fulfilled in yourself, a relationship will not fill that void for you. I think you should focus on getting involved in some new activities that interest you and would lead you to meeting new people and forming new friendships. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to have a romantic relationship. 22 is the perfect age to get to know yourself more and explore different interests. If you do that, you may find you naturally meet people that you'd like to get to know on a more intimate level.
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#10 Old 01-04-2009, 08:08 AM
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3little birds has some good points there. It is important to love yourself and that reflects when you meet someone. People are drawn to confidence.



I wanted to ask though- why not try online dating? You start out your post saying that you'd like to try it and then dismiss it as "not special" and horrible based on other's bad experiences. Online dating isn't that bad and there are plenty here who will tell you that. Are you specifically wanting someone veg*n? If so, you may just have to be content to get out there, find a veg meet-up, hit the online dating scene, and wait.



And to add a positive story to balance the negative ones you've heard (and because I never tire of telling this ), I met my Husband online. My best friend who is very quirky was marrying her perfect man whom she'd met online and suggested I try it after I had broken up with my long term BF. I was going on dates at the time and live in a city with a good dating scene but figured I'd try it anyway. I checked out the same site she had been on, saw this gorgeous guy with a funny profile and sent him a message. He wrote me back, we planned a date and it was the best first date ever. I only did the online thing once because we married a year and half ago. He's amazing. Try the online thing. It's not so scary
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#11 Old 01-04-2009, 08:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Mal View Post

I'm starting to realize that volunteering for... something might be my only option, since the people in my college classes are snots, so I sort of stay away from them (which is surprising with aspiring vet techs, but it's true).



Every single one of them is a snot?
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#12 Old 01-04-2009, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Mal View Post

I don't know what to think about online dating, because it's like, I might as well find someone on eBay. It's like anyone can do it. It just doesn't seem that special. And I've heard a few horror stories (even though I can easily arrange background checks).



i dont understand people younger than myself who still think like this !! the internet is no different to the horror stories to be found in the traditional dating set up. you said you dont like being single, youre worried about still being that way when youre 35 so just jump in and have a go. what have you got to lose when youre so unhappy?
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#13 Old 01-06-2009, 07:46 PM
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So... I've looked at different dating sites and bookmarked several, but is there any one in particular that can be recommended? I've heard others mentioning Lavalife, and wondered how it is compared to vegetarian dating sites? Or should I just draw straws? :P



Btw, I appreciate all the advice and suggestions.
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#14 Old 01-06-2009, 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Mal View Post

So... I've looked at different dating sites and bookmarked several, but is there any one in particular that can be recommended? I've heard others mentioning Lavalife, and wondered how it is compared to vegetarian dating sites? Or should I just draw straws? :P



Btw, I appreciate all the advice and suggestions.



I hesitate to make some suggestions, because I see very few suggestions have been made, and a lot of people on boards seem reluctant to make suggestions themselves, but eager to jump in and criticize anyone else's suggestions.



However, let me mention a couple of things:



1) Many people go to church and form social networks around their church membership. Many of these churches have singles clubs. You don't say anything in your profile about any religious affiliation, but perhaps affiliating with some church and joining their singles group might be helpful.



2) Does your school have a newspaper? Consider placing a personal ad. Does your school offer some other means of similar communication, like a website or intranet for students? There must be some way for students to communicate with one another. Perhaps rent a post office box and/or set up an anonymous or pseudonymous e-mail address for receiving such communications.



3) Buy a small notepad that fits in your pocket. Every time you meet someone, chat with them about their relationship status. If they are married or in a relationship, ask them how they first met their spouse or bf/gf. Write these items down in the notebook, and soon you'll have a list of how to meet members of the opposite sex.



4) You say you don't drink alcohol. But you can still go to bars and have a soft drink, or sparkling water or something else non-alcoholic. Many people socialize and meet others at bars. I don't particularly care for bars, but that is where many people meet.



5) Talk to people who own dogs. Find out where they walk their dogs (possibly in a park). Go to the park and strike up conversations with guys walking their dogs. Possibly get yourself a dog and walk him/her in the park.

A very easy way to bump into guys. You are studying to be a vet-tech, so you should be able to make endless conversation about dogs or pets.



If a dog is too prosaic, get a more exotic pet. (I know a guy who has a cockatoo, and he is constantly surrounded by women fascinated with the bird.)



I've never tried internet dating sites, so have nothing to say about them, but I should think you'd want to try resources that were closer at hand first.
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#15 Old 01-07-2009, 01:40 AM
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I hope it gets better for you.
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#16 Old 01-07-2009, 06:17 PM
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Sorry You are going through this...and wish you the best whatever you do...that you find thats special someone



Peace Love and Happiness



Jenn
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#17 Old 01-07-2009, 09:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Joe View Post

I hesitate to make some suggestions, because I see very few suggestions have been made, and a lot of people on boards seem reluctant to make suggestions themselves, but eager to jump in and criticize anyone else's suggestions.



However, let me mention a couple of things:



1) Many people go to church and form social networks around their church membership. Many of these churches have singles clubs. You don't say anything in your profile about any religious affiliation, but perhaps affiliating with some church and joining their singles group might be helpful.



2) Does your school have a newspaper? Consider placing a personal ad. Does your school offer some other means of similar communication, like a website or intranet for students? There must be some way for students to communicate with one another. Perhaps rent a post office box and/or set up an anonymous or pseudonymous e-mail address for receiving such communications.



3) Buy a small notepad that fits in your pocket. Every time you meet someone, chat with them about their relationship status. If they are married or in a relationship, ask them how they first met their spouse or bf/gf. Write these items down in the notebook, and soon you'll have a list of how to meet members of the opposite sex.



4) You say you don't drink alcohol. But you can still go to bars and have a soft drink, or sparkling water or something else non-alcoholic. Many people socialize and meet others at bars. I don't particularly care for bars, but that is where many people meet.



5) Talk to people who own dogs. Find out where they walk their dogs (possibly in a park). Go to the park and strike up conversations with guys walking their dogs. Possibly get yourself a dog and walk him/her in the park.

A very easy way to bump into guys. You are studying to be a vet-tech, so you should be able to make endless conversation about dogs or pets.



If a dog is too prosaic, get a more exotic pet. (I know a guy who has a cockatoo, and he is constantly surrounded by women fascinated with the bird.)



I've never tried internet dating sites, so have nothing to say about them, but I should think you'd want to try resources that were closer at hand first.



Thanks for the tips
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#18 Old 01-08-2009, 05:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Mal View Post

So... I've looked at different dating sites and bookmarked several, but is there any one in particular that can be recommended? I've heard others mentioning Lavalife, and wondered how it is compared to vegetarian dating sites? Or should I just draw straws? :P



Btw, I appreciate all the advice and suggestions.



On the last page I should have mentioned the site- it was LavaLife. Though honestly, I don't think it's a super great one. I didn't try many (3 in total and only sent one message) but I wasn't super pleased with LL's site, layout, and usability (is that a word? lol). I only liked one profile out of all of the ones I browsed and I married him. I'd say sign up for a couple and just start looking! It can be fun just to look through profiles and if one strikes you send whatever free thing they have. Sometimes it's a wink or smile or some other cheesy way of letting them know you're interested without having to pay anything. I wouldn't pick just one and I'd sign up at some of the veg ones too. Just get out there and start meeting people.



Good Luck!
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