I need a hug :( - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 10-16-2008, 03:31 PM
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Sorry everyone, you dont have to read this but I think all my friends are getting sick of my boy troubles and I just want to talk to someone about my pathetic little problem!



Basically, I liked this boy for a while. He's in the boys house at school thats next to my house so the two houses do a lot of things together. He's in the year below although is a year older than me (he's 18).



We got together at the charity ball, and spent most of the night dancing and kissing. Same the next night (although without the dancing!) and the next, but kind of drifted apart again after that, and went back to bieng friends. I was pretty upset. My best friend spoke to him (they are both smokers, and all the smokers at school know each other pretty well) and he said that I wasn't forward enough and he didn't want to make the first move all the time. Fair enough, I suppose. There is a fine line between forward and clingy though, so I didnt want to be wrapped round him all the time. My last boyfriend was so clingy, I would actually hide in my room to stay away from him. He actually once grabbed me and pinned me against the wall in the tv. room which is why I dumped him. So I didn't want to be like that! I was pretty depressed for a while but then decided I would just speak to him to see if I still had a chance. He said, he didn't know what happened between us and he still really liked me, so we got together again.



We have been now going out for a week. I am going home (I'm a boarding school) tommorow morning at 5am for the october break so I wont see him again for 10 days. We kissed goodnight, and he asked me to email him "if you want" but he didn't seem to care that much. He seemed to be more upset to say goodbye to my friend.



And we were looking at pictures on his laptop, and there were some of him with some really fit girls. posing a lot with one in particular. He quickly clicked past them but I still saw, and now I feel that i'm not good enough. I am no way as pretty as those girls.



Yeah I know I am bieng stupid and pathetic, but I'm sure he likes my friend more than me and its really upset me.



And any tips on how to be more forward, and a generally better girlfriend? This has been the first boyfriend who after a week I still genuinely like and I dont want to get dumped!!!
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#2 Old 10-16-2008, 03:38 PM
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If he really doesn't care all that much about you or your 'relationship', becoming more 'forward' may very well be just sacrificing your dignity for no good reason.



:HUGS:
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#3 Old 10-16-2008, 03:41 PM
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yeah, your probably right.
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#4 Old 10-16-2008, 04:46 PM
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I don't have any advice at the moment, just wanted to give ya a hug.
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#5 Old 10-16-2008, 04:47 PM
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If we're going to start a new thread every time we 'need a hug,' I'll be starting threads by the million!



I'm sorry I can't give you a hug. It would infringe the conditions of my probation.
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#6 Old 10-16-2008, 07:49 PM
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Here's a for you!
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#7 Old 10-16-2008, 08:11 PM
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Everything will be ok...if it's meant to be, then it will be. And if he doesn't appreciate you for who you really are, then you deserve someone way better anyway.
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#8 Old 10-16-2008, 08:13 PM
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Here's a BIG HUG. (And a big hug for Bof, too )



Remember, pretty is in the eye of the beholder. You might think those girls are prettier than you, but someone else might disagree. Enjoy your vacation. Maybe you'll find an email from him, maybe not. In any case, don't let it spoil your days. If it wasn't meant to work out, you are now free to look for someone else.

"Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity." Â George Carlin
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#9 Old 10-16-2008, 08:27 PM
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^^^^ Gosh, life is so simple.
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#10 Old 10-16-2008, 08:58 PM
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?! Where did I say that? Okay, how about: "Try to enjoy your vacation."

"Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity." Â George Carlin
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#11 Old 10-16-2008, 09:29 PM
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thanks guys, you've made me feel much better.



I know its a silly little thing ( Bof, I'm looking at you as I say that!) but it was making me feel quite depressed. Its really nice to get so many good replies.



I guess I'll just enjoy seeing my family and pets, go shopping, have fun ect. and see what happens...
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#12 Old 10-16-2008, 09:45 PM
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I'm helpful like that....





.
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#13 Old 10-17-2008, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Veggily View Post

?! Where did I say that? Okay, how about: "Try to enjoy your vacation."

Eh, just giving you trouble. Didn't really mean to diminish your advice.
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#14 Old 10-17-2008, 10:51 PM
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luv4...shoot him an email, if you really like him. the whole "if you want" thing can be a way for him not to be putting himself out there so much, in case you were to reject him.

An email isnt too forward, but still shows interest.



and dont worry about the other chick. He obviously has said he liked you, so trust in that, and see what develops...put your energy toward what you two have/ can have...not in being jealous or suspicious.



good luck!
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#15 Old 10-17-2008, 11:02 PM
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Originally Posted by LucidAnne View Post

luv4...shoot him an email, if you really like him. the whole "if you want" thing can be a way for him not to be putting himself out there so much, in case you were to reject him.

An email isnt too forward, but still shows interest.



and dont worry about the other chick. He obviously has said he liked you, so trust in that, and see what develops...put your energy toward what you two have/ can have...not in being jealous or suspicious.



good luck!



agreed.



Also, I would say try to be patient.

Relationships, as much of life, are a process. Sometimes it takes a little rain for flowers to grow. And I know it helps when you're missing someone to be out doing things. Sitting alone in front of a computer is worst for me when I miss someone - getting out can help a ton.
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#16 Old 10-18-2008, 07:58 AM
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Thanks, you're replies are really nice. I'll send an email tonight, just need to think of something to write...
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#17 Old 10-18-2008, 08:45 AM
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Well, just in case you need another hug here's mine:

and another one from Bof:



I hope things work out for you.
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#18 Old 10-20-2008, 12:06 AM
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Originally Posted by luv4sheep View Post

And any tips on how to be more forward, and a generally better girlfriend? This has been the first boyfriend who after a week I still genuinely like and I dont want to get dumped!!!



You've got to be kidding us, if you think it's you who needs the improvement (from what I can tell).
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#19 Old 10-20-2008, 12:29 PM
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You've got to be kidding us, if you think it's you who needs the improvement (from what I can tell).



Yep, nothing wrong with you. I suppose I could tell you to get busy working out, get fit, and be more forward (i.e. "put out")-- change yourself into a flirt with a hot body to make a guy like you-- but we don't have that mentality anymore. It's not all about what HE wants, you know!
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#20 Old 10-20-2008, 01:14 PM
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I agree with the advice given. If he has a problem with you the way you are, then that is his problem. Don't change yourself for a guy! And here's another if you still need one.

It's not in what you say, it's in what you do (Oasis)

Feeling bored? Why don't you wander over to my blog sometime. http://thebohemiankitchen.wordpress.com
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#21 Old 10-20-2008, 01:35 PM
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Sounds like he's just being all laid back about it (or trying to be), email him and see how the 10 days go. As for the other girl/s in the photos in my opinion the way he flicked through them probably shows he likes you, and is trying to hide his past a bit, from what i've seen you're gorgeous i don't think you have anything to worry about. Just enjoy it and don't get too into feeling "i'm not good enough, he likes so and so more etc" it'll only make things worse and potentially ruin any future the two of you have.
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#22 Old 10-28-2008, 02:16 PM
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thanks for your lovely posts everyone. your advice is great, and really boosted my mood! I sent him an email, and we chatted on facebook, and he asked for my number so we texted until my phone ran out of money. I came back yesterday, but I wasn't allowed out the house, and I've only seen him for 5mins today, but things look good.



Thanks guys
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#23 Old 11-03-2008, 04:45 PM
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I know I'm a little late, but I just wanted to say I'm glad all went well when you returned from vacation.
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#24 Old 11-04-2008, 09:51 AM
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He sounds rather insecure, actually (saying you can e mail him, but only If You Want), and is resorting to measures like perusing pictures of him with girls, just to see if you'll get jealous.



You sound like a lovely girl, and there's no doubt he sees that as well. Thing is, that may make him uncomfortable, since it means he has to dig for qualities that will make YOU see HIM as something special. Hence, bringing out pictures with good-looking girls.



Another thing, you say that they are "fit" girls, so in my mind I see scantily clad girls hanging all over him, hamming it up for the camera. But really, my dear, it takes a lot more than THAT for a girl to be lovely.



You sound like a lovely girl and a smart girl, and I'm glad that you're happier now...but just keep some of this in mind.
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#25 Old 11-05-2008, 10:14 AM
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I actually came to this post late, and I know that you feel better about things. All I'm saying is, just keep being a lady.
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#26 Old 11-16-2008, 07:39 AM
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Now im feeling pretty upset again. Last week he didn't come out of his room for three days because he was doing work our playing counterstrike with other boys from his house. It is a big thing, and they all play it for hours. Thats ok, but I just get a bit annoyed that he doesnt even make the effort to come and see me. I think hes avoiding me. I didn't think I was bieng boring/annoying/clingy. Maybe it is clingy to want to see him every day. I dont know. So I'm obviously doing something wrong.



Then he went home for the weekend on thursday (we have weekends twice a term when we are allowed to go home) but I had to stay in school as I am on pager for the fire service. He gave me a hug and kiss goodbye, but I know if I hadn't bumped into him anyway he would not have even spoken to me.



He sent me a text on friday asking how I was. But he'd already texted about three of my other friends who are also his friends before me. I texted him yesterday because I was bored, and he was feeling depressed. I said he could call me if he wanted to talk but he said he just wanted to be alone.



so now i've pissed him off, even though I was just trying to be nice. I'm just fed up because Ive messed everything up again. Maybe if I was prettier or more interesting it would be different, but im not and i never will be. I try my best, and spend so much money on clothes, hair and makeup but maybe I shouldnt bother since im ugly anyway. I know im going to get dumped pretty soon. It just feels like im going to be alone forever.
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#27 Old 11-16-2008, 05:38 PM
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You need to stop pointing everything back on yourself! If he's treating you badly, don't think it's something you did wrong, or something you need to change! You seem like an amazing person! He is lucky to have you and to have you care about him. You are very pretty, I've seen photos of you. And from what I know, you're also very interesting. You need to stop blaming yourself! If it's messed up, it's from him. Talk to him about the way he's treating you, don't just silently take it and worry about how you can be better. You didn't do anything wrong.
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#28 Old 11-17-2008, 04:28 AM
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Originally Posted by luv4sheep View Post

so now i've pissed him off, even though I was just trying to be nice. I'm just fed up because Ive messed everything up again. Maybe if I was prettier or more interesting it would be different, but im not and i never will be. I try my best, and spend so much money on clothes, hair and makeup but maybe I shouldnt bother since im ugly anyway. I know im going to get dumped pretty soon. It just feels like im going to be alone forever.



Uh...I didn't see anything in the User Picture Thread that comes even close to ugly!! (I hate that word!) Heck, anyone who can look like that on a camel is pretty awesome in my book! And listen to animallover!
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#29 Old 11-18-2008, 03:48 PM
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Uh...I didn't see anything in the User Picture Thread that comes even close to ugly!! (I hate that word!) Heck, anyone who can look like that on a camel is pretty awesome in my book! And listen to animallover!



smart woman!
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#30 Old 11-18-2008, 04:23 PM
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Men continue to be rude and inconsiderate again and again and again.

My advice to you is to not put up with him being indecisive, and also not do the same yourself.
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