Could it be fate? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 11-06-2003, 09:31 AM
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Two years ago I ran into an old highschool boyfriend at a business function. He was married (10 years), 4 kids, not too happy, you get the gist? We hung out a bit after the event, then one evening we went out for a drink and to talk. He was miserably married and needed someone to talk to. I listened. We walked out, said goodnight. I reached to hug him and he planted the most emotionally charged kiss on me that I think I've ever experienced to date. I mean a curl your toes, leg pop, knock your socks off kiss!



We continued to talk a bit but I knew that I was a distraction in his life and he needed to focus on working out his problems. So, I did the right thing and said that maybe he should go figure out his life and call me if he ever figured it out. I didn't want to further complicate a friendship or his relationship by getting involved....I also knew that if I did I'd lose my heart completely. He's just one of those people and we both felt some incredible connection.



Two years later......

Recently I break it off with a summer fling and I come into work to find an IM from guess whoooo? That's right, the high school flame. He and wifey have been separated for a while (living under same roof but in different spaces for financial reasons) then the day after my birthday he moved out. He just broke it off with his summer fling uhh, on the same day I did with mine. There are many more similarities to our situations...but in the interest of not boring you to death, I'll stop. I will add that he confessed that he went through some difficulty to find me again.



Anyway, we went out last night for dinner. I think I'm a little freaked out. Could it be fate?
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#2 Old 11-06-2003, 09:50 AM
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Both exciting and sticky! How long has he actually been out of the house he shared with his ex-wife? Are they separated or divorced? Having been through a similar situation, my personal opinion is that is makes a difference. Good for you that you were a person of strength the first time and told him to get his stuff worked out first.



The synchronicity of the events is wild, though!
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#3 Old 11-06-2003, 10:02 AM
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Separated, officially out of the house 2 months. Living separately for 8 months total. There is an appointment to see a mediator scheduled to work out the details regarding children. I've considered all of the possibilities, certainly, but am still boggled it.
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#4 Old 11-06-2003, 11:39 AM
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I don't believe in fate but you should watch out for this guy, he apparently has no problems cheating on the person he's with. Just a note of warning.
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#5 Old 11-06-2003, 11:48 AM
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His wife apparently doesn't have a problem cheating either. I don't disagree with you, thanks for the word of caution.
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#6 Old 11-06-2003, 12:36 PM
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May I speak frankly?



Quote:
Originally Posted by dawngirl View Post

Recently I break it off with a summer fling and I come into work to find an IM from guess whoooo? That's right, the high school flame. He and wifey have been separated for a while (living under same roof but in different spaces for financial reasons) then the day after my birthday he moved out. He just broke it off with his summer fling uhh, on the same day I did with mine. There are many more similarities to our situations...but in the interest of not boring you to death, I'll stop. I will add that he confessed that he went through some difficulty to find me again.



Anyway, we went out last night for dinner. I think I'm a little freaked out. Could it be fate?



I'm troubled by a few things in your posts, namely some timing issues. He's only been separated from his wife for 2 months, yet he already had and broke off a "summer fling"? (I understand that he says he's been separated for 8 months, but legally he's not separated until he's out of the house, so it's only been 2 months.) I'm inclined to believe then that he started dating before he was officially moved out of the house. And now he jumps right into another dating relationship with you? I don't care how "miserable" he was in his marriage, he was married for 12 years (and is still married, BTW) and has FOUR KIDS to consider. What is he in such a hurry about? He and his wife have a great many issues to work out - are you sure that you want to start dating a man (and possibly lose your heart to him) who has such an uncertain future? You speak about him as if he would be more than a "fling" for you. Are you mentally prepared to deal with four kids and an ex-wife? Please slow down. If it's truly fate, and meant to be, it will happen. Be friends, have lunch together, but don't throw in with this man just yet.
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#7 Old 11-06-2003, 12:41 PM
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I appreciate the concern. I only had dinner with him.... Did I mention anywhere that I was considering jumping right into a relationship? If I led you to believe that, it's not the case. At this point we are both proceeding with caution as friends who have reconnected. I was merely pointing out what Poesia summed up nicely....the synchronicity of events is wild.
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#8 Old 11-06-2003, 05:47 PM
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I don't think anyone is trying to insult your intelligence or perceptiveness here because you seem to know the risks of getting involved with this guy, but it's hard to be excited for you when your fellow veggieboarders just want the best for you! You deserve someone you can trust. Do you think you can trust someone who you know has cheated before (AT LEAST once)?



Besides, why was he complaining about his marriage to you? Isn't that something a counselor should hear about? How would you feel if you were his girlfriend and he shared all of your relationship problems with everyone else? There's a certain confidentiality and respect that goes with having a relationship with someone.



In short, you deserve better in my opinion!
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#9 Old 11-07-2003, 02:03 PM
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I know you all are looking out for me...thanks.



I single handedly ran him out of my life last night. Nothing like some red wine and a heavy conversation about love and relationships to scare the crap out of a guy who is just rebounding. Wasn't intentional but I sort of F'd with his head. So, end of story.
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#10 Old 11-08-2003, 06:50 AM
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Sounds like you beat him at his own game, dawngirl.
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