Is it strange that I want to adopt over having biological children? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-05-2008, 03:11 PM
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This has been something that has been on my mind for a while now - I've always wanted to adopt, and was even willing to have ONE biological child with my husband, but lately, I don't know if I can really go through with that. I don't feel any desire to have a biological child with my husband, but would be very happy to adopt. Is this strange thinking? Why wouldn't I want a biological child with the man I love? Could it be my age (I'm 26)? If anyone has any similiar thoughts or advice, it would be greatly appreciated



Thanks a bunch!
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#2 Old 06-05-2008, 03:14 PM
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I'd say strange in a good way. The great majority of people would rather have a biological child because they want to see their genes being continued. I think adoption is a noble choice. Hopefully you can make a decision with your husband!
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#3 Old 06-05-2008, 03:32 PM
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it's not strange, but join the minority.

my boyfriend and i are 25/26 and we both decided for many reasons that adoption was going to be our choice when we could afford to have kids, rather than try to have one with eachother.

i have yet to encounter anyone else like us, especially age wise, it's nice to not be alone!
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#4 Old 06-05-2008, 03:36 PM
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No, it is not strange.
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#5 Old 06-05-2008, 03:44 PM
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It's not stranger than wanting biological kids. I would say it's strange to want any kids, though

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#6 Old 06-05-2008, 04:34 PM
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I want both. I wouldn't want to adopt babies though... just older kids. People think I'm nuts for that. *shrugs*

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#7 Old 06-05-2008, 04:46 PM
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I don't think its strange at all. I think its great that you want to adopt. There are so many kids out there that need homes.
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#8 Old 06-05-2008, 08:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

It's not stranger than wanting biological kids. I would say it's strange to want any kids, though



Har har har
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#9 Old 06-05-2008, 08:31 PM
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Its not strange at all.
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#10 Old 06-05-2008, 08:31 PM
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No, I'm the same way.. except that I don't want ANY child at ALL , ever! Haha.
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#11 Old 06-05-2008, 08:57 PM
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I don't think it's strange at all. You're definitely in the minority, so you should probably be prepared for a lot of people telling you to have a biological child instead since it's usually easier, though.



This is not to discourage you from adopting, but meant to prepare you for how difficult the adoption process can be. My cousin can't have biological children because of health problems she had when she was younger, so her and her husband decided to try fostering and adopting children. My cousin and her husband fostered children for a while and made several attempts to legally adopt them before they were finally able to adopt a child--it was a long and very emotionally painful process. They were hopeful to adopt 3 more of their foster children, but their birth mother got them back (though she probably shouldn't have). It was heartbreaking for them. My cousin wants to adopt more, but as much her husband wants more children, he isn't sure that he wants to go through the process again.



Even going through an agency isn't very easy, so be prepared for what may be a long wait. This isn't to say I'm against adoption (I'm all for it!), I'm just painfully aware of how difficult the process can be.
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#12 Old 06-05-2008, 09:09 PM
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It's not strange by any means! If (and I mean *if*) I eventually decide to have kids of my own, I would definitely adopt. The way I see it, there are enough kids in the world that need help, so why deny them? I feel the same way about animals...adopt, don't breed!
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#13 Old 06-05-2008, 10:38 PM
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haha, maybe its a vegan thing.

IF I dicide i want kids i will adopt.
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#14 Old 06-06-2008, 12:18 AM
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I feel the same way - we should look after the children who are already in the world before bringing more into it. My maternal instinct hasn't kicked in yet (as i'm only 24 i'm hoping it will be another decade before it does) but if and when that time comes adoption will be my first choice.
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#15 Old 06-06-2008, 05:26 AM
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I'm right there with you!!! I'm still in the "I'll have one of my own.." stage, but really I want to adopt--as I mentioned in a different thread: There are a lot of children out there who want parents, and I want a child--it's like a match made in heaven...
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#16 Old 06-06-2008, 10:32 AM
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I have always wanted to adopt. I have NEVER felt an urge to have my own biological children. And pleasantly enough, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who also wants to adopt. So when we decide to have a family (probably not for several years), we will definitely be seeking to adopt.



One thing has been worrying me for a few years--I have heard that some adoption agencies and social workers are very reluctant to let adopted children be raised with vegetarian families. I read a handful of articles over the years about adopted children being essentially "repossessed" over dietary issues.
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#17 Old 06-06-2008, 08:40 PM
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Even through I have no desire to have children, on some days I could see myself adopting a child when I am in my forties and more stable financially and career wise. The fact that I have a healthy fear of pregnancy and childbirth factors into it I guess.
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#18 Old 06-21-2008, 12:22 PM
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Good for you! I've want to adopt too, specifically girls in China---I heard that a good 90% of the orphans are female because males are preferred over females in Chinese society. I want to save a few from living lonely existences in orphanages. Ironically enough, couples need to be over 35 to be considered and that's the age I'm aiming for to start a family, so it works out well.
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#19 Old 07-03-2008, 05:24 AM
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I applaud you for wanting to adopt instead of adding more people to this already far overcrowded, overpopulated world. With so many babies and children in need of homes, I think it's quite selfish to add more when so many already in this world go unwanted, and not properly cared for.



Also, the environmental impact of adding more people to this world is devastating, not to mention the social impact of overcrowding, resources becoming less available and more expensive, housing and development destroying our wild and rural places and wildlife and habitats.



I agree with those who said adopt, don't breed. It's truly the responsible thing to do.
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#20 Old 07-03-2008, 07:00 AM
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Overpopulation is a very serious environmental and economic issue.



This is something the media, officials, and the public is very quiet about. Try to bring it up, even among people who do not plan on having children, and the issue is usually met with complete disbelief and dismissal.



Throughout human history, reproducing as much as possible was essential for economic survival--having more kids to tend the fields and all that. The life expectancy was much shorter and babies/kids died a lot more often too. Now negative population growth is essential for our economic and environmental health, but most refuse to believe it, let alone act in accordance.



Population growth had slowed down temporarily but it has returned. Very scary, when you research it.



Applause for wanting to adopt instead of making more babies! (Think about it--couples who have 0-1 biological kids are contributing to negative population growth, couples having 2 kids are contributing to zero population growth.)



Quote:
Originally Posted by meatlesslizzy View Post

Why wouldn't I want a biological child with the man I love?

There are many people who feel the same way but usually they go ahead and have kids because they think it's abnormal not to. Many people tell me they didn't want to have kids but did it anyway and "learned to adjust". There are lots of things adults need to "learn to adjust" to--working, being responsible in life--but this isn't one of them.

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#21 Old 07-03-2008, 07:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sluagh View Post

One thing has been worrying me for a few years--I have heard that some adoption agencies and social workers are very reluctant to let adopted children be raised with vegetarian families. I read a handful of articles over the years about adopted children being essentially "repossessed" over dietary issues.



WOW. Are these people who were feeding their children properly or not? I've heard of criminal cases against parents who allegedly thought they were feeding their infants properly with a vegan diet but were not providing enough calories, fat, and nutrients. They also did not seek necessary medical care when the children showed signs of distress.



I would hope no one who is providing the appropriate amount of nutrients would ever be in danger of having the child taken away. That would be truly scary, unsafe, and unjust. Wow, appalling.

Beanitarian.
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#22 Old 07-04-2008, 11:55 AM
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if I have any kids at all I'd like to adopt... my genes basically suck, and there are so many needy kids out there, it makes more sense. Finances is the only thing that worries me about the whole thing.
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#23 Old 07-04-2008, 11:43 PM
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My husband and I have this discussion quite frequently. We are 25 & 26. We flip-flop between wanting NO children, to wanting one child. Then we flip-flop between wanting a biological child or an adopted one. It's a really hard decision and we are still a few years away from having to make a solid choice. Right now, I'm on the "no kids" bandwagon. That may change again, who knows.
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#24 Old 07-05-2008, 05:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

It's not stranger than wanting biological kids. I would say it's strange to want any kids, though



I guess I am strange then, since I don't want any kids! Though, IF I were to ever have any children, it would only be adoption. At this point though, my husband and I enjoy our lifestyle the way it is.
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#25 Old 07-08-2008, 06:41 AM
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So nice to find so many people who aren't going to breed themselves. Everywhere but here I just get the "you'll see when you get older" "you'll change your mind" lines. It always comes across so condescending and seems to come from people who are always whining about money and how they have no time and how their lives are horrid. It's like they feel if they treat me like the freak it somehow improves the choices they made.



Oh well, sorta goes that way with everything else about me. =) Still saving up for that island!
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#26 Old 07-08-2008, 12:12 PM
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I keep telling my boyfriend if someday he wants a biological child, I'll be happy to do my part to get him pregnant, and he can the whole "swelling belly" stuff from there. So far, he hasn't taken me up on it. I can't imagine what his problem is.



I hope to adopt someday. But, IMO, no one should adopt without knowing about the mental trauma that virtually all adoptable kids have. Seriously. These kids are not the same as a homegrown child. And it isn't their fault. Read the book Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control" by Heather Forbes and B. Bryan Post.



Someday I hope to be prepared to love on a daily basis a child with attachment issues. Right now I know I couldn't do it.

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#27 Old 07-08-2008, 01:20 PM
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Strange? I think it's wonderful!
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#28 Old 07-08-2008, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Okra View Post

So nice to find so many people who aren't going to breed themselves. Everywhere but here I just get the "you'll see when you get older" "you'll change your mind" lines. It always comes across so condescending and seems to come from people who are always whining about money and how they have no time and how their lives are horrid. It's like they feel if they treat me like the freak it somehow improves the choices they made.



Oh so true! I hear it mainly from my colleagues, a lot of whom are in their 50s/60s whose generation just had kids automatically without actively deciding to, but I also get it from the younger ones who have kids. I reckon it's just a case of 'misery loves company' - they're envious I get to make the choice not to have kids and to enjoy my life and live it on my own terms.
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#29 Old 07-11-2008, 11:01 PM
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nope not strange at all... I think its awesome that you want to do that...People always look at me strange when I say I am not sure I want kids...cause the world is soooo overpopulated ect.
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#30 Old 07-12-2008, 12:10 PM
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I see no problem in adopting children and not having them biologically. I'm very much in favor of It. I'm young so, who knows how I'll feel when I meet that special someone. I might not even want kids.
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