Why do dating sites when no one answers to the emails that people send out ??? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-28-2008, 02:52 AM
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Hopefully this topic is not too vague haha In my opinion those things are pointless... Or Im just a lame individual haha
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#2 Old 05-28-2008, 12:22 PM
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I know some folks who have dated/are dating people that they met on dating sites. There are some people here at VB even. Further still, some VBers met their spouse in this way.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#3 Old 05-28-2008, 12:27 PM
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What are your emails like? The more unique and inspired your emails are, the more likely you are to get an answer. Of course, the hard part is it depends on who you're emailing too.... Do the people you're emailing seem interesting? (I know this is potentially a stupid question, but interesting people are more likely to respond to interesting emails.)
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#4 Old 05-28-2008, 12:39 PM
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A lot of people register for sites and then don't actually pay for memberships, making them unable to reply. Are you writing to people who have logged in recently? That might also make a difference.

As Froggy suggested, interesting emails are good, maybe ask a question or two based on things the person says in their profile, indicating that you have an interest in what they said, and giving them something to respond to.

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#5 Old 05-28-2008, 10:16 PM
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most of the time it has nothing to do with quality of email as that doesn't guarantee a response. it basically comes down to whether the person is attracted to you or not and the quality of your profile and pics (especially pics).
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#6 Old 05-29-2008, 12:02 AM
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Right.... a clubber is not going to find someone like me interesting no matter how many times I emailed them.
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#7 Old 05-29-2008, 03:48 AM
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I usually reply to say I'm not interested, too. I think it's just polite. I know a lot of people just can't be bothered though. Generally the sort of messages I'm more likely to find interesting are ones that sound like the person who wrote them has some education and intelligence, and hasn't written it in txt speak. I really don't have any interest in someone who writes 'hi how r u?' and that's it...
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#8 Old 05-29-2008, 01:18 PM
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I decided I wanted a summer fling so I joined lavalife--I met a bunch of guys I half considered, and some I really like--one in particular who I'm gonna go see some art galleries with next week.



I don't think they're pointless, you just have to go for the right type--when 30+ year olds message me I tell them to find someone their own age--it's right in my profile "if you're over 30 and pointedly trying to meet 19 year olds on a dating site, you're a creep. Go away." (In person I dont mind an age gap like that, but thats more like.. accidental you know?)



My point is--maybe you're e-mailing the wrong people? Read their profiles carefully and see if personality wise you match up--a pretty face gets old really fast. If so, try and catch their attention in the e-mail by talking about something you think you two would have in common--be it scuba diving, travelling, computers, books, a passion for cooking or gardening or pets... There have been times guys who explicitly did not fit the description of what I was looking for had such a great e-mail that I ended up replying anyway! Nothing came from it in my particular case, but they bought themselves a chance!



E-mails like: "Hey you're cute"

"Hey you're sexy"

"Nice lips."

"Just wanted to say hi."

"whats up?"

"send me a backstage please?"

"whats your msn?"





I don't reply. Call it rude--but these are just pointless and boring and chances are they're spammed to any girls with two eyes and a nose so I doubt they'd miss the reply anyway. If you're sending messages like that, then.. yeah...
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#9 Old 05-29-2008, 06:16 PM
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My current (and only ever!) wife and I met online.
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#10 Old 05-29-2008, 07:27 PM
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I am a very important person.

I've acquired a genetically altered handshake capable of speeds up to 30 mph.

Hair arranged by the most advanced landscape surveillance operators our

Company can afford.

I have a very expensive pen.

I use big words quite often in substitution for semantically equivalent words.

I attribute this success to my professional demeanor and my strong stock

Portfolio.

Though it may not appear so, I am quite comfortable in my surroundings.

I have everything, let me show you around.

Smile you ****er, it's not often you get this chance.

Love is just an exchangeof corporate documents.

I've reviewed your rapport and I feel you're a prospect for mechanical

Salvation.

This is a joint venture that will be mutually advantageous to both parties

Involved.

Technically this is just a business merger.

A consolidation of liquid assets.

We are respectively geared towards customer service.

There is a great possibility for corporate sponsorship if you're willing,

I am sure we could synchronize agendas.

Swift, and efficient satisfaction.

Through innovative planning,

We could form a strong strategic partnership capable of overcoming sensitive

And adverse predicaments which will be discussed at the next goals assessment

Meeting.

Promotion possibility and additional benefits are diagrammed in my

Preliminary objective outline.

Raises are granted based on performance.



- Every Time I Die







I have lost what initially makes us human, by joining this thing. Im a plain person with shallow interests. I am a misanthrope.I am a weirdo. I do not believe in Furniture. I do not watch TV. I am striving to keep pure beliefs. I do not believe in organized religion of any kind. I do not believe in supremacy. I do not do drugs, I only smoke crystal meth on thursdays. I have developed a great right handed masturbation technique. I can divide by zero. I am becoming desensitized. I love music, playing it as well as listening to it. I am vegetarian. I have sleeping problems. I know the last digit of Pi. I am not the ****. I am not cool. I do not like fast cars. I do not like jewelry. I cannot use plastic money. I have two rats. Video games keep me company at night.





Thats my thing har har har
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#11 Old 05-29-2008, 11:27 PM
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Maybe delete the bit about being a misanthrope? And replace all the things yuo don't like/aren't good at, with your interests positive characteristics?



It could help, you know, even just a tad.
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#12 Old 05-29-2008, 11:36 PM
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I initially was a little uncertain and was going to ignore a certain PM I recieved here on VB several years ago...



What a mistake THAT would have been!
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#13 Old 05-29-2008, 11:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jAded View Post

Maybe delete the bit about being a misanthrope? And replace all the things yuo don't like/aren't good at, with your interests positive characteristics?



It could help, you know, even just a tad.



Negative characteristics are essential so there is no surprises haha
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#14 Old 05-30-2008, 12:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB305 View Post

I am a very important person.

I've acquired a genetically altered handshake capable of speeds up to 30 mph.

Hair arranged by the most advanced landscape surveillance operators our

Company can afford.

I have a very expensive pen.

I use big words quite often in substitution for semantically equivalent words.

I attribute this success to my professional demeanor and my strong stock

Portfolio.

Though it may not appear so, I am quite comfortable in my surroundings.

I have everything, let me show you around.

Smile you ****er, it's not often you get this chance.

Love is just an exchangeof corporate documents.

I've reviewed your rapport and I feel you're a prospect for mechanical

Salvation.

This is a joint venture that will be mutually advantageous to both parties

Involved.

Technically this is just a business merger.

A consolidation of liquid assets.

We are respectively geared towards customer service.

There is a great possibility for corporate sponsorship if you're willing,

I am sure we could synchronize agendas.

Swift, and efficient satisfaction.

Through innovative planning,

We could form a strong strategic partnership capable of overcoming sensitive

And adverse predicaments which will be discussed at the next goals assessment

Meeting.

Promotion possibility and additional benefits are diagrammed in my

Preliminary objective outline.

Raises are granted based on performance.



- Every Time I Die







I have lost what initially makes us human, by joining this thing. Im a plain person with shallow interests. I am a misanthrope.I am a weirdo. I do not believe in Furniture. I do not watch TV. I am striving to keep pure beliefs. I do not believe in organized religion of any kind. I do not believe in supremacy. I do not do drugs, I only smoke crystal meth on thursdays. I have developed a great right handed masturbation technique. I can divide by zero. I am becoming desensitized. I love music, playing it as well as listening to it. I am vegetarian. I have sleeping problems. I know the last digit of Pi. I am not the ****. I am not cool. I do not like fast cars. I do not like jewelry. I cannot use plastic money. I have two rats. Video games keep me company at night.





Thats my thing har har har





When I was about 20 I probably would've considered replying to a profile like that, but I think most women on a mainstream dating site wouldn't be that interested.



You might get some responses if you wait it out a bit though.
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#15 Old 05-30-2008, 12:16 AM
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Oh dear, FB305, do you really write THAT? i'm afraid I would write you the 'not interested' note too...

That is just over the top and sounds like you are a bit of a looney...sorry, i'm sure you're not, but that's the impression i would get from a message like that.
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#16 Old 05-30-2008, 12:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Tablaqueen View Post

Oh dear, FB305, do you really write THAT? i'm afraid I would write you the 'not interested' note too...

That is just over the top and sounds like you are a bit of a looney...sorry, i'm sure you're not, but that's the impression i would get from a message like that.



Looney Thats a complement... they say honesty goes a long way right ??? haha What do you mean by over the top ?
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#17 Old 05-30-2008, 12:32 AM
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It almost seems as if your profile is purposefully hard to relate to -- pretentiously evasive under the guise of art and sophistication. It tells me that dating you would be very frustrating because you'd be constantly elusive for no apparent reason.



I guess all I've said is you're not straight-forward, but you already know that.
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#18 Old 05-30-2008, 12:41 AM
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Froggy you derserve a beer haha
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#19 Old 05-30-2008, 12:49 AM
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It's creative and unconventional, but it also comes off as pretentious and sophomoric. I wouldn't be interested, and I like creative, unconventional people.
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#20 Old 05-30-2008, 12:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by froggythefrog View Post

It almost seems as if your profile is purposefully hard to relate to -- pretentiously evasive under the guise of art and sophistication. It tells me that dating you would be very frustrating because you'd be constantly elusive for no apparent reason.





Pretentious? I think you could be taking it too seriously.



I think his profile has a kind of cynical humour to it. There's so few men out there that bother to say something original in their profile that I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.



If you went on a date with someone like that and they really did turn out to be pretentious and evasive, well, you don't have to see them again....no harm done
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#21 Old 05-30-2008, 12:55 AM
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well, the first part is not written by me... [email protected]# I wish I had the imagination the author has... Its a pretty nice love song though haha the other part is the about me part and that I did write haha
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#22 Old 05-30-2008, 01:03 AM
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well, the first part is not written by me... [email protected]#





I know I googled it, haha
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#23 Old 05-30-2008, 01:03 AM
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Negative characteristics are essential so there is no surprises haha



But you don't have to lay it all out for them before you've even met. Your profile is the first impression they will get off you and people will see it as the best you have to offer. With all the "I don't do this, I don't like that", I get the feeling you're saying you're already not all that interested and trying to alienate from the beginning, or at least you are cynical about anything coming from it.



It stands out, and some women may be attracted to it, but I think you have a much better chance if you sell what you DO have to offer.
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#24 Old 05-30-2008, 07:03 AM
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Hm, well I think for me the issue is--it's got a LOT of energy and a LOT of writing.



While energy is great in a person, in a profile its a little scary. This is how lavalife works for me: guy pms me, i read the quality of his e-mail, click on his profile--scroll first to age (under 30? check) scroll up to profile. If the profile is that long and energetic etc. I might just get scared--I was just looking for a blurb about you, not an essay. If I give it some hard thought, I can't see how that would affect you as a person, but in the end I'm still put off by it. I'm into down-to earth "hey, here's what I'm like in a few words, here's what I want in a few words, hope to hear from you and take care." But maybe thats just me; just giving you feedback.



edit: I think I get why I don't like all the energy/wierdness--it seems like you're taking the dating site as one big joke. While I get that its an online dating site, so poking a little fun at it is one thing, making it seem a big joke just makes me feel like I'm going to be looked down on for being there in the first place? Maybe? Something along those lines I think.
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#25 Old 05-30-2008, 08:40 AM
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Froggy you derserve a beer haha



I'd take you up on that one. I seriously hope you find who you're looking for.
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#26 Old 06-03-2008, 02:12 PM
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I'd write to you - I thought your message was funny, and had personality. A guy with no furniture who divides by zero? Definitely intriguing - The risk you take with adding personality to your profile, is that most women are looking for a normal, nice guy, and you sound a bit weird. Of course, it wouldn't work out with those women anyway. I also wouldn't read the song - it's too long and not written by you. I only look at peoples quotes to see if we like the same music/movies/books.
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#27 Old 08-20-2008, 06:40 PM
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Have to agree with the OP. On all of the dating sites I've tried (including free ones), I rarely get a reply, usually it's read/deleted or just read. Doesn't seem to matter whether I type a nice friendly message saying a bit about myself and asking a question or just a "Hi your profile is interesting do you think you'd like to chat to me sometime?". When I do get replies, they often say things like "love your profile, just need to see your pic", or "where's your pic?". Then after I've sent a pic I never hear from them again. On sites where I have my pic up I rarely ever get a message at all.



It's strange because I'm tall, slim and I don't exactly look like the back end of a bus! I've always gotten far more attention from girls/women (sadly, all omni) in real life than I've ever gotten on all of the dating sites combined! And that's before they got to talk to me.



On the flip side, my sis, who has been using dating sites for 10 years, has often told me how she can put up her pic/profile and get deluged with emails within 24 hours!





So, I've come to the following conclusions why this happens (in no particular order though):



1) There's far more men on these sites than women (according to sis, a lot of those men are chronic multi daters who are only single in their heads, aka players).



2) Most women on those sites won't date men who aren't fairly local.



3) Many of the women are just "window shopping" always waiting for an even better offer to turn up (some bloke on a forum came up with this one, though he may be right). He got me thinking, blimey! my online status is equivalent to a pair of shoes! Talking shoes!



4) Many women are only looking on there for Mr Superhunkydoolicious and they can find Mr Average in "real life". Those that aren't don't need to be on there as they've met their man in "real life".



5) There's far less women on there than men because the net still has a seedy rep and women are wary of using it to meet men.




Feel free to add to/amend this list!
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#28 Old 08-20-2008, 07:07 PM
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I joined a dating site a week ago. I get about 2 new messages a day. Some I respond to, some I don't. Like the other day, I got "nice pic id screw your brains out." Yeah, um DELETE!! But most are boring, like, 'hi, I liked your profile,' etc. If the e-mail is decent, I'll check out the profile. Some I don't reply to based on looks or the contents of their profile. I got this one the other day, and I replied and we've sent quite a few messages and even IMed for a while:



How's it going? I just read your profile and you seem like an amazing woman. I thought it was funny that you always have to be on the right side. What's even funnier is that I'm the same way, but I have to be on the left side. Anyway, I'd love to chat sometime if you'd like to get to know a pretty cool, intelligent and genuinely nice guy!



*The comment about sides is because I said in my profile how I always have to be on the right side!*



So, I got a nice compliment, I see that he actually read my profile, and made a comment about something in it. That's the kind of e-mails you should send if you want replies!
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#29 Old 08-20-2008, 11:01 PM
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i don't respond to many emails mostly because i am lazy and kind of jaded. i only read them out of curiosity. I am far more likely to talk to a guy online if he sends me one of those little pop up messages where you can chat in real time. what are those called? IM's? Plentyoffish has that feature. Then I get a sense of what he's like without reading through a profile or being turned off by photos. If the conversation goes well enough, I'll check out the profile and the photo if there is one but it won't matter that much cuz I'll have already given him my regular email. haha.

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#30 Old 08-21-2008, 02:59 AM
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i don't respond to many emails mostly because i am lazy and kind of jaded. i only read them out of curiosity. I am far more likely to talk to a guy online if he sends me one of those little pop up messages where you can chat in real time. what are those called? IM's? Plentyoffish has that feature. Then I get a sense of what he's like without reading through a profile or being turned off by photos. If the conversation goes well enough, I'll check out the profile and the photo if there is one but it won't matter that much cuz I'll have already given him my regular email. haha.



I'm on plentyoffish, too! But I check out their profile before accepting the IM converstion! I mean, why waste your time talking to someone you're not interested in? Like, what if his profile says, "I love hunting!" and he never brings it up in the conversation?
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