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#1 Old 05-15-2008, 05:14 PM
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I'm sick and tired of being dumped by people. It makes me not want to try making friends with anyone, ever. Why do some people act like friends and then bail on you out of the blue for no apparent reason? Sure, you can say, "There's all kinds of reasons", but it happens to me EVERY TIME. I'm sick of being dumped by people I thought I had some connection with, efery freaking time. Does this happen to anybody else... all the time? Screw people, they aren't worth it, and that's tha plain truth.
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#2 Old 05-15-2008, 05:20 PM
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I'll be your friend, and I WON'T bail on you.

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#3 Old 05-15-2008, 05:24 PM
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I know what you mean... I haven't had a single friendship that wasn't just them trying to use me for something. Once they tire of the fact that i'm not a lifeless item, They start to dislike me and eventually leave. I've pretty much given up on people. I'm friendless now, I know a couple people but as far as "friends", I haven't got any and I don't plan on changing that. I connect better with people on a 'random strangers' basis. After they know me for more than a few hours, Things go down hill.
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#4 Old 05-15-2008, 05:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy SF View Post

I'll be your friend, and I WON'T bail on you.

It's nice of you to say, but honestly I've been told that before.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Animosity View Post

I connect better with people on a 'random strangers' basis. After they know me for more than a few hours, Things go down hill.



Ain't that the truth.
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#5 Old 05-15-2008, 05:51 PM
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It can be very hard. I know I went through stuff like this in my younger days. I have much fewer friends now and less need for friends. The few people I do call friends are just that, true friends. They can be hard to find.



I find I am often disappointed by people. Once I get to know them, they are not what they seemed to be.
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#6 Old 05-15-2008, 07:21 PM
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I think us vegetarians have it much harder in this regard, even though such is life and it happens to everyone. I would guess that typically the friends doing this to you have been omnis? I think vegheads are often isolated within peer groups and among friends..
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#7 Old 05-15-2008, 07:41 PM
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I really don't think that being a vegetarian means it's harder to make friends or that being a jerk is exclusive to meat-eaters. Possibly if people keeping getting peeved at you and stop wanting to be friends with you on a regular basis it would be worth looking at your own actions and see what prompts this. It's true that good friends can be hard to find but if people from all works of life get ticked off at you and sever friendships I'm guessing there is something more going ton.

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#8 Old 05-15-2008, 07:47 PM
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Would it be possible to ask some of them why, or ask if there might have been something you did to offend them? I think that we are always growing and searching for matches in friends for whatever stage we happen to be in at the time. When we make real bonds, often we remain close to people even when we have grown apart in ideals and whatnot. Once in a while, you find a gem of a friend who finds you to be a gem, too, and those are the friends you rip the clothes off your back for, knowing they will do the same. So please keep searching. Even if you haven't found your gems yet, they are out there. and they are looking for you, too.



Greenrunner, are you serious about omnis being less friendly than veggies? Not to mention OP said it happens every time, and did not say s/he only tries to make friends with omnis. Veggies really don't have it over omnis in friend making. I've never seen anything to indicate that, in my own life or in the media.

"Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity." Â George Carlin
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#9 Old 05-15-2008, 11:46 PM
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Most of my friends are meat-eaters and they're still really good friends..?



I guess vegetarians are seen as especially compassionate, but meat-eaters still crave close relationships.



Hindsight could be your friend here so see if there were other patterns in your friendships that were similar. Perhaps in some way you attract certain types of people. For example, those who aren't all that assertive may attract controlling types. Be honest with yourself and if you find it difficult, getting a professional objective view can help - I know it did with another person I know.



I think it's safe to say we've all had toxic friends but that doesn't mean genuinely good friends aren't just around the corner
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#10 Old 05-16-2008, 01:24 AM
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I only have acouple friends becasue im very anisocial,but the ones I do have are very good friends who am closer with than my family and I would do anything for them as they would me.They are meat eaters but they dont hold my being Vengan agenst me just like I dont their meat eating.
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#11 Old 05-16-2008, 02:31 AM
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tell me about it. my so called friend of 8 years got a new bf just before xmas and has subcequently barely spoken to me since. we used to talk or see eachother every day without fail and now she has dumped me for some guy which is something she always had a go at other people for. when things change you find out who your real mates are. i;ve tried to keep in contact with her but she really doesn't try and i don't deserve to be treated like that so she can now dream on if she suddenly neeeds a friend. ( sorry about the rant)



you don't deserve to be dumped either, forget about this person they're not worth it and they don't deserve you as a friend if they do that to you. look for better, real friends. trust me they are out there somewhere
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#12 Old 05-16-2008, 02:37 AM
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Hey man, its most likely for the better...
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#13 Old 05-16-2008, 07:36 AM
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I have very few friends but the ones I do have are true friends. I am very picky when it comes to friends. I'd rather only have 3-4 friends that I know that I can trust than a lot of friends that would stab me in the back the first opportunity they got.
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#14 Old 05-16-2008, 07:56 AM
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Originally Posted by fadeaway1289 View Post

I have very few friends but the ones I do have are true friends. I am very picky when it comes to friends. I'd rather only have 3-4 friends that I know that I can trust than a lot of friends that would stab me in the back the first opportunity they got.



+1
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#15 Old 05-16-2008, 08:02 AM
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I know what you mean, I have friendships that tend to be so one-sided. I tell my friends that they can call me up whenever they have problems, that I'll be there to listen, and they do call pretty much all the time.

The only thing is none of my friends seem to have any consideration about what's going on in my life.

One of my best friends actually said to me the other day, "You know, I don't know anything about you really." Of course then he didn't bother asking anything, he just kept talking about whatever.

Oh well. :\\
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#16 Old 05-16-2008, 01:48 PM
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Thanks for the replies... well, except the person who said people were "peeved" at me. Who says they were peeved at me? I said they dropped me out of the blue.



Quote:
Originally Posted by scooby1988 View Post

tell me about it. my so called friend of 8 years got a new bf just before xmas and has subcequently barely spoken to me since. we used to talk or see eachother every day without fail and now she has dumped me for some guy which is something she always had a go at other people for. when things change you find out who your real mates are. i;ve tried to keep in contact with her but she really doesn't try and i don't deserve to be treated like that so she can now dream on if she suddenly neeeds a friend. ( sorry about the rant)





That's so incredibly lame to do. That sucks. Sorry to hear about it, but I don't mind the rant!



Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevie View Post

\tI know what you mean, I have friendships that tend to be so one-sided. I tell my friends that they can call me up whenever they have problems, that I'll be there to listen, and they do call pretty much all the time.

The only thing is none of my friends seem to have any consideration about what's going on in my life. One of my best friends actually said to me the other day, "You know, I don't know anything about you really." Of course then he didn't bother asking anything, he just kept talking about whatever.

Oh well. :\\



Are you still in Highschool? Highschool sucks. If you're not in highschool... well, it's not that great not being in highschool either.
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#17 Old 05-16-2008, 02:07 PM
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To Stevie who mentioned the "one sided" relationships. Some people are just wired to be totally self absorbed. I have two daughters. One is like the people you mentioned. Tell her that you have been feeling so sad lately (cause you're looking for a little sympathy), and the second you stop speaking, she is saying, "I know, I have been feeling really awful. My husband forgot to ......" and she is off and running with her tale of woe, which by the way is the same as the one she told you last week.



On the other hand, my other daughter is the exact opposite, and she is concerned for your feelings and listens and asks questions. She was like this as a little child. I used to call her my baby with the tender heart. By the way, she is the daughter who is also a vegan.



Both girls were brought up the same, but the results are totally different.



I think you sometimes get lucky and meet that one person in a million who is "the one" and the friendship has a chance. But it seems you gotta go through a lot of losing tickets to hit the jackpot.
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#18 Old 05-16-2008, 02:16 PM
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I really do know what you mean. I'm actually facing some dissapointment from my "friends" at the moments as well.



Sadly, I can only talk to my real friends online.





sending you a comforting hug.
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#19 Old 05-16-2008, 10:03 PM
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I have very few real friends as well. I know tons of people...but i connect with only a few and they are the ones who really know me. I dont like trivial things and prefer to not partake in a lot of what is "cool" to my friends. I havent been in highschool for a loooong time but i noticed some people never get over the "highschool stage". I stay away from those.



Really good friends are hard to find, but once you find them it doesnt matter that that may be the only one. B/c at least that person gets you.



On another note....it is very lonely being a veggie somedays. Lots of people just dont get me. Especially where i live.....its very rare to find someone here that doesnt live and meat and potatoes.



sorry about the long post.
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#20 Old 05-17-2008, 07:40 AM
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I have very few real friends as well. I know tons of people...but i connect with only a few and they are the ones who really know me. I dont like trivial things and prefer to not partake in a lot of what is "cool" to my friends. I havent been in highschool for a loooong time but i noticed some people never get over the "highschool stage". I stay away from those.



Really good friends are hard to find, but once you find them it doesnt matter that that may be the only one. B/c at least that person gets you.



On another note....it is very lonely being a veggie somedays. Lots of people just dont get me. Especially where i live.....its very rare to find someone here that doesnt live and meat and potatoes.



sorry about the long post.



I think its so true how some people never get over the "highschool stage" and I find it incredibly sad and pathetic. A good majority of the people I went to school with (over 10 years ago) still act the exact same way they did back then.
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#21 Old 05-17-2008, 08:07 AM
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I have less than 10 people I would consider "friends". I don't feel shortchanged because they're all REAL friends that don't do sh*t like this thread mentions. It can be hard to find out who the real ones are, often it takes something awful happening in your life for you to realise who's there for you no matter what and who doesn't care enough. Once you find out who they are though, life is so much better. It's worth it, just try not to get so disillusioned that you trust nobody. I have such a hard time trusting anyone and it's horrible.
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#22 Old 05-17-2008, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by LifeDrngWartime View Post

I'm sick and tired of being dumped by people. It makes me not want to try making friends with anyone, ever. Why do some people act like friends and then bail on you out of the blue for no apparent reason? Sure, you can say, "There's all kinds of reasons", but it happens to me EVERY TIME. I'm sick of being dumped by people I thought I had some connection with, efery freaking time. Does this happen to anybody else... all the time? Screw people, they aren't worth it, and that's tha plain truth.

unfortunately, this sounds like my story as well...then when i do run into them they accuse me of not wanting to keep in contact (despite me calling and them not returning calls)..apparently the phone is a one way device..
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#23 Old 05-17-2008, 12:22 PM
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I guess I'm one of those people that attract friends, I feel sometimes like I can't keep up with all of them. Life just gets in the way sometimes, it's not that I'm avoiding them or not keeping in touch, I do do that, I just don't always have time to do things with everyone. I feel a simple call or facebook message is good enough to keep a friendship going until time frees itself for a get together, and if someone can't understand that, then they weren't that good a friend in the first place.



When I graduated college a lot of friends moved away and I had to make new friends. I joined kickball, http://www.kickball.com for anyone in the states, and made a ton of new friends there. I see them once or twice a week, and my other friends other nights a week. It's a great place for people to meet others or even get a date, because the solo thing isn't a deal, you hang out with your team. I had to change teams this season because my old team had too many players, and the new team was instantly welcoming. They got me into swing dancing and now I do that with them too. There's also a vegan on the team who is super cool and we have a lot in common. So yeah, kickball rocks.



I have had a few friends that were always like, hey, you should call me sometime, but never made effort to call me. People just say that as a conversation breaker I think, they don't really want to talk to me. I doubt they even have my number So don't take it personally when people say that, odds are it's a cover so they don't seem like a jerk.



So far as real friends, I consider them all real friends. There are some that I talk about serious things with, and some I don't, not that I don't trust them, it's just that some people don't do serious well, which is ok. We can have fun hanging out without having to share our soul.
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#24 Old 05-17-2008, 05:16 PM
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Are you a kind of quiet, deep thoughts, given to introspection sort of person? Unfortunately, being that sort of person myself, I have found that our sort (if you are like that) don't attract people as a rule. The ones that folks gravitate to are generally lively and chatty and full of energy.



I used to know a woman who was like that and it seemed like lots of folks wanted to be her friend, including me. She just seemed like fun. And I made the effort, doing favors, forgiving her neglect of the relationship, going over to visit her and her kids, calling on the phone. And in ten years of knowing her, I don't think she once called me to say hi, how are you? Mind you the last three or four years, I really cooled off and when I moved across the country, I never even bothered to tell her we were leaving.



Over the years, I have developed the attitude that I like myself too much to waste a lot of time on people who are too busy to reciprocate my efforts to build and maintain a relationship. Do it for a couple years, and if it looks like a loosing battle, move on. They aren't worth your time and it is their loss.
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#25 Old 05-17-2008, 09:30 PM
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None of my friends have butt implants.
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#26 Old 05-17-2008, 11:47 PM
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LifeDrngWartime... X-Files buddies for life
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#27 Old 05-18-2008, 05:00 AM
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None of my friends have butt implants.



Marie is my truest fake-ass friend I will ever know, how's that for a stat ?

We have fun though.... ha!! NUDGE, don't we Marie?



Mind you a japanese friend I have comes even closer to being fake, but she's japanese, so you might say she has an excuse, only I know better, its just weird.
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#28 Old 05-18-2008, 11:06 AM
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Ha, I know what that's like... The group of people I've considered my closest friends for years just sort of turned me away because I wouldn't smoke pot with them. I'm not a "marijuana is the devil's weed!" sort of person, but I hate the way it makes me feel... Anyway, seeing what it's done to my best friend of six years has pretty well turned me away from it permanently. She hardly shows up to school, she quit her job, wrecked her car, and has gotten kicked out of her house... She's extremely unhealthy because she lives off of ramen noodles, beer, cigarrettes and marijuana, and she's living with a really emotionally abusive guy who treats her like she only exists when he feels like having sex. She has no money, no chance of getting into college, no way to get a new home, job, or car... no future at all. It's really hard to watch. Even though she's been horrible to me countless times, we still have a lot of history and I love her, and I want to fix everything for her... but she really doesn't deserve my friendship. It's hard to say. Would I be just as bad as her if I cut her out of my life at a time when things are so bad for her?
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#29 Old 05-18-2008, 12:15 PM
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Would I be just as bad as her if I cut her out of my life at a time when things are so bad for her?



If it was my friend, as long as she wasn't causing too many personal dramas for me, I'd stick by her.

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#30 Old 05-18-2008, 05:00 PM
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Ha, I know what that's like... The group of people I've considered my closest friends for years just sort of turned me away because I wouldn't smoke pot with them. I'm not a "marijuana is the devil's weed!" sort of person, but I hate the way it makes me feel... Anyway, seeing what it's done to my best friend of six years has pretty well turned me away from it permanently. She hardly shows up to school, she quit her job, wrecked her car, and has gotten kicked out of her house... She's extremely unhealthy because she lives off of ramen noodles, beer, cigarrettes and marijuana, and she's living with a really emotionally abusive guy who treats her like she only exists when he feels like having sex. She has no money, no chance of getting into college, no way to get a new home, job, or car... no future at all. It's really hard to watch. Even though she's been horrible to me countless times, we still have a lot of history and I love her, and I want to fix everything for her... but she really doesn't deserve my friendship. It's hard to say. Would I be just as bad as her if I cut her out of my life at a time when things are so bad for her?



In my younger days, sooooo long ago, I had the same lifestyle in lots of ways that your friend has except that I did manage to hold onto a 9-5 job. The friends that she wants around her right now are the ones who support her in her choice of activities by doing it with her. Until she's ready to make a change, you can't do anything, except make her feel weird and guilty which is why they have dumped you.



If I were you, I think I would tell her that you love her, and your door is always open to her and that when she is ready to have a friendship with you, you will be waiting. Say it lovingly and without trying to guilt her into anything (cause it won't work anyway) and then let it go. Down the road she may want to resume the friendship, or she may not. Only time will tell.
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