Sexual Attraction? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-01-2008, 04:08 PM
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If, in a relationship - the man is no longer attracted to the woman.. would you considered it doomed? Is it possible to get that attraction back? Any guys here lost that part of things when their partner was pregnant? Did it come back after the baby? If not a pregnancy issue, whats a girl to do?
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#2 Old 05-01-2008, 04:29 PM
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It could be a stress issue, related to baby or something totally different. Some guys are scared of hurting baby, or are just weirded out by the idea. Some guys are fine, or even seem more attracted. It varies by the guy, like anything else.



Have you talked with him about it? Open communication = good stuff, no matter the issue. If it's hard to say aloud, write him a note, an email, something. But get it out there and get talking about it.



Chances are good that more is going on than what is on the surface. My husband and I have had rough patches (most couples have!), and most were stress related or related to totally different things than I imagined. Things are fine with us now. I'd really just suggest talking with him, and seeing what is really going on.



And if it is an attraction thing, the best thing to do is spice things up! Monotony is boring, no matter who you are, after all.
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#3 Old 05-01-2008, 05:31 PM
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Hey, thanks. It very well could be stress but our relationship is.. complicated. We were apart for a few weeks and it was really hard on both of us, but he doesn't feel ready to commit and has interest in other women and "urges," but right now isn't attracted to me. It's tearing me apart. He's managed to not cheat and didn't sleep with anybody else during our break up, but feels the desire to.



I feel like all I can do is hope that it's a pregnancy thing, including all this stuff he's going through right now. I'm trying to give him space to do what he needs to in order to work out these issues within him, but it's hard. I'm trying to respect his lack of desire and not start anything with him which he thanked me for.



The painful part was that during our "seperation" he was all over me and couldn't seem to get enough (we lived together still even, because of having kids and its not like I could get a job and move out when I'm due in June - just had seperate rooms and went out seperately every weekend). When I tried to talk to him about all of this, he said he was confused and emotional and just wanted what was "comfortable."



I understand that, but where do I go from here? My head is spinning lol
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#4 Old 05-01-2008, 05:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bekajoi View Post

It could be a stress issue, related to baby or something totally different. Some guys are scared of hurting baby, or are just weirded out by the idea. Some guys are fine, or even seem more attracted. It varies by the guy, like anything else.



Have you talked with him about it? Open communication = good stuff, no matter the issue. If it's hard to say aloud, write him a note, an email, something. But get it out there and get talking about it.



Chances are good that more is going on than what is on the surface. My husband and I have had rough patches (most couples have!), and most were stress related or related to totally different things than I imagined. Things are fine with us now. I'd really just suggest talking with him, and seeing what is really going on.



And if it is an attraction thing, the best thing to do is spice things up! Monotony is boring, no matter who you are, after all.





I had that issue when my wife was pregnant.I was scared to death of huting our son.
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#5 Old 05-01-2008, 06:10 PM
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Well, what is best for everyone is not always "comfortable", and that can be hard. Sometimes a little space is good. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in a relationship and feel like you are losing YOURSELF. It's good to spend time with each other, and it's good to spend time with other people too (friends, etc, night out with the guys..)



Space is needed sometimes, and it's good to offer that, and not be smothering... but he also has to realize that your job is hard and you need a break too sometimes. You have other kids, it sounds like... I stay home with mine and it's more stressful than a "real" job (whatever that means!)~



Is there a way for him to take over with kids every now and then, and let you have an evening off? Go to a movie with a friend, go shopping, even just doing the groceries alone can be HUGE. You start feeling more at peace in yourself, and it reflects in the relationship too.



We try and have "us" nights every week where we spend time together, "family" nights where we hang out with the kids, and nights where hanging out with friends, away from home, etc, would be fine (or we have someone over). All 3 are nice, and all 3 are needed on occasion.



I know it's hard not to stress about it... but that may actually be part of the trouble. It is hard to really help without knowing details (not asking for them), but if you want to chat, you can feel free to PM me here and I'll offer what specific help I can. Hope you can sort things out, in any case.
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#6 Old 05-01-2008, 07:37 PM
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My husband went completely off sex for both my pregnancies. He said it felt weird, wrong and that my being pregnant totally put him off. He could barely touch me, much less have sex with me. I think he found it hard to tell me ('honey, I'm totally repulsed by you right now') and it wasn't easy to hear. Not everyone experiences this, but it's probably more common than we think. I only ever heard stories about how sex got really fabulous - she's horny all the time, no worries about BC, he's feeling like a virile stud. Bleah. (Not that I'm saying that can't happen!)



I hope things work out for you and that this is temporary.
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