Boyfriend won't agree to STD test - Page 4 - VeggieBoards
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#91 Old 04-25-2008, 03:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Pixelle View Post

cause the link between sexual relationships with more than one partner and the need to always be diligent with safe sex practices seem pretty obvious to me.

I know, but the fact that apparently because lefty said it's nice to see people admit to their mistakes, you are implying that lefty's not "diligent with safe sex practices", seems questionable to me. If you're not implying that, then I fail to see the connection.

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#92 Old 04-25-2008, 03:24 AM
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Originally Posted by sybaritik View Post

There's nothing remotely condescending about my post, I was only stating a fact. You've chosen to see it as condescending because you didn't like what I had to say.



Honestly Fafa, what do you expect people to say when you make a ridiculous statement saying that you thought it was easy for people in this thread to tell other people not to have unprotected sex, but you think it's hard to listen to the advice because you get caught up in the moment. And you said 'believe me, I know!' which implies that you've been in that very situation.



Well if you have been there, shouldn't that really have taught you something about planning ahead for sex?



That 'caught up in the moment' stuff is just a silly excuse you're using because you don't want to take responsibility for your actions for some reason. As I said before, if a fully grown adult like yourself leaves things to chance when it comes to sex, that's a choice you make and you can't then blame the unfortunate results of that choice on being a victim of your hormones.



You're not a teenager lacking experience, you're not uneducated or ignorant and you're not of unsound mind, so you know exactly how you get STD's and babies and you know how to prevent them. Why then are you making lazy excuses about how it's not easy?



All the rest of us have had to be responsible and use protection at one time or other, why is it so difficult for you to get into that mindset?



O_O Defensive... No kidding...



I am not making excuses. I was just saying how it's easy to be lazy and I learned the hard way, and many people do. No STDs for me or anything, but still. (I can still count my partners on one hand)



Chill. Out.



I made mistakes. Yes. I readily admitted that. Unless I missed something. All I was saying is that *I* made mistakes and learned from them. And it's easy for advice to go in one ear and out the other for many people. I think you misinterpreted my post entirely.



And I believe I mentioned, in the same post, how no one touches me now without precautions being taken.. Unless you glazed over that, too.



I never once implied that it was okay to just go through with it without testing or anything. That's just silly.
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#93 Old 04-25-2008, 03:35 AM
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Originally Posted by FafaFrappy View Post

O_O Defensive... No kidding...



I am not making excuses. I was just saying how it's easy to be lazy and I learned the hard way, and many people do. No STDs for meor anything, but still.



Chill. Out.



I made mistakes. Yes. I readily admitted that. Unless I missed something. All I was saying is that *I* made mistakes and learned from them. And it's easy for advice to go in one ear and out the other for many people. I think you misinterpreted my post entirely.



And I believe I mentioned, in the same post, how no one touches me without precautions being taken.. Unless you glazed over that, too.



theres more than one person reading this thread that found that thing you said about getting caught up in the moment kind of lame cuz its making out like youre not in control of your own body. thats kid stuff. i mean, you learnt about contraception and safe sex at high school didnt ya?
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#94 Old 04-25-2008, 03:51 AM
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Tons of people that are properly educated about things make mistakes. That's why they're called "mistakes." Any mistakes I made (sleeping with someone before testing [however, I did use condoms]) I was younger than I am now. And while I am still young, I know this now.



AND TO BE CLEAR - I have never not used a method of birth control. You guys are, again, jumping to conclusions. I have never had sex with anyone without birth control or protection. The only "mistake" I was referring to was not having partners tested prior to having sex. Geez, some of you guys are like vultures.



And for the record, my child was conceived while on birth control, and in a monogamous, long-term relationship.



It was a GENERAL STATEMENT about my experience. I have learned a lot since I became sexually active and am much more responsible as a result. Some people need to take a step back and think before judging me, because you're acting like I am not practicing what I should be now, and acting as if I am condoning casual, unprotected sex. I never once did.
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#95 Old 04-25-2008, 04:02 AM
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Anyway, I'm done with this thread. It's ridiculous when people jump to conclusions and become too proud to admit they're being jerks when it's not warranted. I don't need to justify ANY mistakes to anyone, especially faceless people on the internet. I am sorry I ever admitted my own mistakes, which is essentially what that post was.



All I have to know is that I am comfortable with what I have learned from them, and have changed and grew as a person for the experiences I have had.
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#96 Old 04-25-2008, 04:15 AM
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Originally Posted by FafaFrappy View Post

Tons of people that are properly educated about things make mistakes. That's why they're called "mistakes."



You should've read the post where Sybie said it wasn't the making of an actual mistake that was a problem, it was the stuff you said after it that she had a problem with.



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Anyway, I'm done with this thread. It's ridiculous when people jump to conclusions and become too proud to admit they're being jerks when it's not warranted.



It's not cool that you have to resort to calling people jerks just because they don't care for your slack approach towards safe sex. It's pretty childish.

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#97 Old 04-25-2008, 04:17 AM
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Okay so I came back, as I was editing a post with this tidbit and I saw yours.



I just want to highlight the fact that I NEVER SAID I didn't use birth control. I always have. The mistake I was referring to in my original post was not having previous partners tested.



So yes, I am slack. I think the money I have invested in condoms and bc pills/IUD say otherwise.



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#98 Old 04-25-2008, 04:26 AM
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I just want to highlight the fact that I NEVER SAID I didn't use birth control. I always have. The mistake I was referring to was not having previous partners tested.



Then why did you post about it being easy for people to say stuff about safe sex but then say it was hard to listen to the advice people give when you're caught up in the moment?



Surely if you're taking BC of some kind you wouldn't be concerned about getting caught up in the moment?

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#99 Old 04-25-2008, 04:29 AM
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I was referring to thinking about having your partner tested when you're "in the moment". I never thought about it the first time I was with my first two.



I have never seen anything I have said taken so far out of context.



Maybe I should have worded things better, or something! O_O So, that was a mistake on MY part...



And if I am taking BC (I actually have an IUD), I would only be worried about possible STDs... Condoms don't offer 100% protection/guarantee...
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#100 Old 04-25-2008, 04:34 AM
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Yeah maybe



I'm sensing cultural differences or something here now though, so I think I'll leave it alone.

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#101 Old 04-25-2008, 03:59 PM
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I just read the thread and I thought I would throw in my two cents.



I went through something very similar with my ex-boyfriend, where he would get very defensive every time I would try to express my feelings about him getting tested. I think personally most of it is fear, and them not wanting to know the results. The other part of it could just be pure ignorance, some people dont think THEY will EVER contract something. You know, the whole "it wont happen to me" syndrome. Either way, if its something you feel very strongly about (trust me, I dont blame you), then I would sit him down, and say exactly how you feel and tell him basically that if he cares for you then he will try atleast TRY to listen, and understand where you are coming from.



If he still doesn't want to hear it, maybe rethink things with him?
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#102 Old 04-25-2008, 07:10 PM
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My current boyfriend and I agreed that we would both get tested before we would stop using a condom (I'm on the pill). I had to go to the doctor's for something else that day, and I asked the doctor about it while I was there. She said the usual way they do it is an interview with each of us separately about our sexual history. That's it! No blood testing, no pap test, WTF??? So we didn't bother because we had known each other for years and each knew that the other one had only had one previous partner. But really, how UNthorough is that? Maybe in Canada we're so goody-two-shoes that we can go by the honour system at the doctor's?
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#103 Old 04-25-2008, 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Abbey View Post

My current boyfriend and I agreed that we would both get tested before we would stop using a condom (I'm on the pill). But really, how UNthorough is that? Maybe in Canada we're so goody-two-shoes that we can go by the honour system at the doctor's?



Hmm, while condoms are certainly useful in reducing the risk of STDs, they aren't 99% on some of them. It's still worth it to get checked while using them. And your doctor sucks! A lot of diseases can take a while to show up, so your previous partner may not have known about it, and now you might not! Is your health care free because this is the kind of thing you get from it?



Assuming getting tested is also free, go for it! It should be worth the knowledge that you two definitely don't have anything.
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#104 Old 04-25-2008, 08:31 PM
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Hmm, while condoms are certainly useful in reducing the risk of STDs, they aren't 99% on some of them. It's still worth it to get checked while using them. And your doctor sucks! A lot of diseases can take a while to show up, so your previous partner may not have known about it, and now you might not! Is your health care free because this is the kind of thing you get from it?



Assuming getting tested is also free, go for it! It should be worth the knowledge that you two definitely don't have anything.



LOL about the free health care. Interviews for STD testing??? Really!



This happened almost 2 years ago and we haven't used a condom since then, and there have been no problems. I was very sure about my own sexual history, since I had been with my previous partner monogamously for 4 years with no problems, and he had had no partners before me. I was also very sure about my current boyfriend, since we had been friends for so long and I was sure he had only had one previous partner. It was really just a precaution that we were going to get tested, and were so surprised at their lack of diligence!
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#105 Old 04-25-2008, 08:34 PM
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What's great is there are places like Planned Parenthood who do free tests and give you free birth control (in the US). It's sad that these services are offered and people don't take advantage.
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#106 Old 04-25-2008, 08:36 PM
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give you free birth control (in the US).



You said it, sister! I've been taking it for a while.







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#107 Old 04-25-2008, 08:41 PM
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You said it, sister! I've been taking it for a while.










I didn't say The Pill, silly They gave my friend a giant bag of condoms.
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#108 Old 04-25-2008, 08:49 PM
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I didn't say The Pill, silly They gave my friend a giant bag of condoms.



Did you guys have an awesome water balloon fight?!
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#109 Old 04-25-2008, 09:24 PM
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Did you guys have an awesome water balloon fight?!



No... but very good idea. They're too expensive to use for that purpose unless they're free
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#110 Old 04-25-2008, 10:58 PM
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My current boyfriend and I agreed that we would both get tested before we would stop using a condom (I'm on the pill). I had to go to the doctor's for something else that day, and I asked the doctor about it while I was there. She said the usual way they do it is an interview with each of us separately about our sexual history. That's it! No blood testing, no pap test, WTF??? So we didn't bother because we had known each other for years and each knew that the other one had only had one previous partner. But really, how UNthorough is that? Maybe in Canada we're so goody-two-shoes that we can go by the honour system at the doctor's?



I would have switched doctors! I'm in Canada and when I asked my family doctor about getting an annual exam, she didn't think I needed one and just gave me birth control pill prescription. So when I moved away, I went to a different doctor on my campus, one who would give actually test me. Where I go now, a thorough pap smear and so on is required every year to get birth control.

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#111 Old 04-25-2008, 11:46 PM
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Wow, what is up with Canadian doctors turning you guys down? If you ask for a test here and they say no you could sue the hell out of them



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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

No... but very good idea. They're too expensive to use for that purpose unless they're free



I can see it now.



dks sixty four: "Whew, good water balloon fight, guys! I'm gonna head in and dry off. See you later!"

X-Files fans and other sci-fi weirdos you hang out with: "The towel is out there!"

ring ring

dks sixty four: "Oh, hi mom. Could you call me back in a few minutes? The neighborhood guys just broke a few condoms on me and I'm soaked, I need to get this washed off!"

dks sixty three (I assume the number lowers by older generations!): "Wha... what!? Mr. dks sixty three, call an ambulance! I'm... ahhH!!!"*



*No characters portrayed in these events in anyway are meant to represent real figures either living or dead and by reading this you agree to take no legal action against the writer of said fictional events.
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#112 Old 04-26-2008, 09:20 AM
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Wow, what is up with Canadian doctors turning you guys down? If you ask for a test here and they say no you could sue the hell out of them



Yeah, and in the US they run every test imaginable to man (necessary or not) just so you won't sue the pants off them which drives the cost of healthcare to ridiculous levels...



If a doctor doesn't give you a test you think you need, insist on it and explain why. If they won't give it to you, go to another doctor.



ETA For the record, my Canadian doctor (who I thought was absolutely amazing) never refused running a test for me. I would always ask for iron, B12, etc, and he never gave me any trouble over it. Everybody needs to be somewhat responsible for their own health care!



That's all
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#113 Old 04-26-2008, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Abbey View Post

My current boyfriend and I agreed that we would both get tested before we would stop using a condom (I'm on the pill). I had to go to the doctor's for something else that day, and I asked the doctor about it while I was there. She said the usual way they do it is an interview with each of us separately about our sexual history. That's it! No blood testing, no pap test, WTF??? So we didn't bother because we had known each other for years and each knew that the other one had only had one previous partner. But really, how UNthorough is that? Maybe in Canada we're so goody-two-shoes that we can go by the honour system at the doctor's?



Ummm. WTF??? I'm in Canada, and I've never been offered "the honor system". It's always blood tests and pap smears.

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#114 Old 04-26-2008, 03:24 PM
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Ummm. WTF??? I'm in Canada, and I've never been offered "the honor system". It's always blood tests and pap smears.



I know, what was with my doctor??? It was at my university clinic. They always insist on annual pap tests there, but when I asked about STD testing for me and my boyfriend, she just said that unless I felt that one of us had a high risk of having an STD, the "usual" way is just an interview about sexual history. So yeah, basically the honour system.



I wasn't too surprised, I'm always getting the brush-off from doctors when I ask them their opinion on something.
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#115 Old 04-27-2008, 08:44 AM
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I can see it now.



dks sixty four: "Whew, good water balloon fight, guys! I'm gonna head in and dry off. See you later!"

X-Files fans and other sci-fi weirdos you hang out with: "The towel is out there!"

ring ring

dks sixty four: "Oh, hi mom. Could you call me back in a few minutes? The neighborhood guys just broke a few condoms on me and I'm soaked, I need to get this washed off!"

dks sixty three (I assume the number lowers by older generations!): "Wha... what!? Mr. dks sixty three, call an ambulance! I'm... ahhH!!!"*



*No characters portrayed in these events in anyway are meant to represent real figures either living or dead and by reading this you agree to take no legal action against the writer of said fictional events.



Holy Moley...
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#116 Old 04-27-2008, 04:32 PM
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Holy Moley...



I got your mom's voice just right, didn't I?
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#117 Old 04-27-2008, 07:49 PM
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I know, but the fact that apparently because lefty said it's nice to see people admit to their mistakes, you are implying that lefty's not "diligent with safe sex practices", seems questionable to me. If you're not implying that, then I fail to see the connection.



Or that the implication is that a polyamorous relationship is an unsafe sexual practice?
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#118 Old 04-28-2008, 10:20 AM
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In any case, aren't you the one who is or was in a polyamorous relationship? Food for thought there.



I'm safe - and just tested last week. Why are you interested?



Quote:
Or that the implication is that a polyamorous relationship is an unsafe sexual practice?



I kinda just took it as a jab... oh well.



Quote:
dks sixty four: "Oh, hi mom. Could you call me back in a few minutes? The neighborhood guys just broke a few condoms on me and I'm soaked, I need to get this washed off!"



lol thats awesome.
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#119 Old 04-28-2008, 10:25 AM
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I got your mom's voice just right, didn't I?



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