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#1 Old 03-19-2008, 11:16 PM
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What do you all think of internet dating sites?



I've joined two of them in the past. In both cases, I ended up going out on a couple of first dates with women I didn't really click with, and never went on any second dates. I didn't keep the memberships more than a month or two.



I'm a fairly quiet guy, so I have a hard time meeting people. I guess every so often if I've gone too long without a girlfriend, I end up joining these sites to give it a try. I'm not sure if that makes me lonely and desperate, or if it's really a good way to meet people. But the fact that I haven't really had any luck in the past kind of makes me reluctant to try it again. On the other hand, you never know if you don't try.



The reason I bring this up now is that I keep seeing the TV commercials lately for chemistry.com, so I logged on to that one recently to see if they were any different from the others. They claim to analyze your personality more deeply, but after filling out their questionnaire, it doesn't seem that accurate to me. They show you the first five "matches" for free, and most of mine were smokers, which I'd already told them is a major turn off for me. So much for real deep analysis. At least on the other sites I'd tried, that's one of the basic filter criteria when searching.



So I wasn't going to join the site, and I forgot about it for a week or two, but then I got an email saying someone was interested in me. And unlike some of these sites, they show you who the interested person is without you having to pay, but in order to contact them, you do have to buy a membership. Looking at this woman's profile, there's some potential there, though she doesn't jump out as being absolutely perfect for me or anything. But hey, she expressed an interest, so why not?



So I clicked the link to join the site, and it's WAY more expensive than I was expecting. The others I'd joined were only like $15-20 per month. This one's $50 for just one month, or you can get 3 months for $100 ($33 per month). They also have a cheaper 6 month rate, but there's no way I'm spending even more and sticking with it that long. I do have the money if I think this might be worth it, but I really wasn't planning to spend that much on something like this right now.



Sorry for the long rambling post. I guess I'm just trying to decide if this is a waste of time and money, or if I'm being overly cynical due to my lack of success in the past.



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#2 Old 03-19-2008, 11:27 PM
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Don't waste your money!

I would check out the free site: plentyoffish.com



I met my boyfriend online there and I've never been happier.

I can give you more details later. I just happen to be on a date right now

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#3 Old 03-19-2008, 11:36 PM
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I've tried doing many different searches on a single dating site...for different cities and such... And I was surprised to find the same person showing up in 5 different cities...and, it's usually the hottest one shown on the site!



Anyways, I myself have never had a subscription... I'm just one of those that lurks around, trying to look for those who have made it easy to contact them without a subscription. You may catch an e-mail address before it's deleted, or they may mention where they work.



I really did go to a certain place looking for someone I saw on a dating site. I spoke to the person without them knowing my motive...but ultimately decided I didn't really like the person.



Don't forget...as far as worrying about looking desperate...that the women you'd be contacting are doing the dating-site thing, too.

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#4 Old 03-19-2008, 11:54 PM
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I'm not worried about whether or not I look desperate. I'm worried about whether or not I *AM* desperate.



And most sites these days proofread your descriptions before they get posted, so they filter out email addresses and free contact info. I know 5 or 6 years ago when I looked at these things the first time, that wasn't the case, but they're getting better about forcing people to pay.



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#5 Old 03-20-2008, 12:59 AM
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Quote:
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Don't waste your money!

I would check out the free site: plentyoffish.com



I met my boyfriend online there and I've never been happier.

I can give you more details later. I just happen to be on a date right now



No way! I'm on plentyoffish! My 30-something year-old coworker who still lives with her dad and 7 cats actually found someone on there within a week!



I have my reservations about meeting SO's online however. I'm on there just for fun, pretty much.

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#6 Old 03-20-2008, 01:19 AM
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<---- Really wishes dating sites were not blocked by her employer...and wishes her home computer was working.



I'd love to check out PlentyOfFish!!!



Fromper, 'desperation' would be more along the lines of a girl's friends making her go out with you because she lost a bet...I think.



Anyways, the internet meetings vs. real-life meetings is debated A LOT!!!



Psychologists are right when they point out hte fact that when meeting online first, you fill in the holes of someone else's personality with your own...and that you miss out on the 'chemistry of attraction' that you'd get in real life.



BUT, others would argue that it's a great opportunity to meet people who don't really get into the bar/club scene. It's a way to weed out specific likes/dislikes (such as smoking, religion, veg*nism) without investing a lot of time int he wrong person.



Also, there are people out there who have GREAT personalities, and a sense of humor that can SHINE... But you wouldn't think so by looking at them.



For me... It takes MONTHS for people I meet face to face to even begin to grasp my personality type... But, online, it only takes a few days to realize I'm a strange, messed up little person.

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#7 Old 03-20-2008, 01:32 AM
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I was on plentyoffish - free, but a lot of filtering to do, there are some real w*&^%s on there (think it's worse if you're a girl).



I also signed up to match.com, but went through www.quidco.com to get cashback on the subscription, making it MUCH cheaper... in fact, Match accidentally paid me twice, so I made a profit



But I haven't really got on with either of them much - as you say, been on a few dates but no real interest there. I just don't think it's possible to judge chemistry long-distance. But then, I'm coming up to my 3rd anniversary of being single now (despite the BBC last week declaring that I was every man's "ideal woman"), so maybe I'm just fussy
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#8 Old 03-20-2008, 02:57 AM
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Fromper would it be possible to get involved in an activity that you enjoy that women also do? I don't know maybe a sport or a walking club or even a veg*n meetup near you? I'm sure internet dating sites work for some people but it all seems so forced and unnatural to me. I think if you met someone while doing something that you have an interest in then you would at least have one common interest and could take it from there.



It's not at all sad to be single. It's incredibly hard to meet the right person for you and you'll find that quite a few people in "happy" relationships are still not entirely sure that they have met the right person.



Good luck mate!
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#9 Old 03-20-2008, 08:11 AM
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Fromper would it be possible to get involved in an activity that you enjoy that women also do? I don't know maybe a sport or a walking club or even a veg*n meetup near you? I'm sure internet dating sites work for some people but it all seems so forced and unnatural to me. I think if you met someone while doing something that you have an interest in then you would at least have one common interest and could take it from there.



It's not at all sad to be single. It's incredibly hard to meet the right person for you and you'll find that quite a few people in "happy" relationships are still not entirely sure that they have met the right person.



Good luck mate!



Well, my other problem is that I'm usually the quiet one in a crowd, so it's hard for me to meet people even when I'm surrounded by them. I even had a blind date a few years ago where my dad and step-mother set me up with one of her coworkers, and all four of us went for dinner together, and I didn't really do much of the talking. I think it would have worked out better if I'd just taken the woman out myself. I'm not that disappointed in that particular case, because she wasn't really my type, but the point is that I do best in one-on-one situations where there's no one else hogging the conversation.



I have been to a local veg*n meetup group a couple of times, but there don't seem to be many single women in my age range there. There actually was one that I would have liked to talk to at one meeting, but again, I didn't get much of a chance because of the group dynamics.



And right now, my main hobby is chess, which doesn't exactly attract women. In fact, the local chess club that I go to every week doesn't have a single female member. Also, I occasionally do some political volunteering, especially in election years like this one, but here in southern Florida, that means spending all my time surrounded by senior citizens. So I'm not going to meet someone that way, either.



So I guess that's why I turn to the online stuff, just because it's the easiest way for me to meet someone and have a chance to talk to them one-on-one.



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#10 Old 03-20-2008, 08:25 AM
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What do I think of internet dating sites? I think they're great! And now I get to tell you why lol



I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. I had broken up with my BF a few months before, and was kinda looking for something different. I was tired of the bar scene, and just generally over the men I'd been meeting. My friend met her husband online at www.lavalife.com and moved 600 miles to be with him. They are perfect together. I mean perfect and they're an odd couple, wonderful, caring, intelligent, but odd.



So she suggests that I go "shop for boys" online and late one night I did. I hadn't signed up, was just browsing, and then I saw his profile. I signed up and sent him the free smile/wink/ or whatever it was, but was not willing to pay for the emailing option. So I put my email address in my profile. I got a lot of wierdo-s emailing me (I set up the account just for that) but he wrote me back.



We met the following weekend, never left each other's side, and married last July.



A friend I've known my whole life, signed up last year, after meeting my Husband and seeing how happy we are, and she's engaged to the guy she met from lavalife.



3 happy couples, and more to follow. Online dating is just as crazy, unstable, and risky as any other way of meeting, it's just more efficient I was adamantly oppossed for a long time, but it can be a wonderful experience.
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#11 Old 03-20-2008, 09:09 AM
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Aw don't despair - some chicks dig chess. I have a chess trophy from my younger days! I'd be pretty useless at it now though....i'm more into Scrabble these days. Guys that play chess ROCK.



I still find the easiest way to meet people is through work or through your friends. I know it's not easy to meet people when your the 'quiet' one which is why you need an environment where you get to see these people regularly (instead of having one hour in a nightclub to meet, greet and impress).



I've been single for about six years, but then I quite like being single so I haven't really been looking for anyone. I know a few people who have had success with online dating sites and Plentyoffish seems quite popular so definately worth having a go if you want a partner. It doesn't make you desperate at all....I think it just takes some of us longer than others to find the right person, but when we do it's for real!
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#12 Old 03-20-2008, 09:19 AM
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I think internet dating is a pretty good thing. I mean, you can get to know each other with no strings attached, then maybe start talking on the phone to see if you have conversation chemistry. Then if you decide to meet, you have a lot of the awkward getting-to-know-you stuff out of the way.
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#13 Old 03-20-2008, 01:11 PM
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I hate internet dating because it always involves people thousands of miles away from me and I do NOT have good luck with long distance relationships.



But, I've signed up with just about everything out there at one point or another. Even signed up for full membership at veggieconnection when they were offering a discount. Absolutely nothing has come of it though.
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#14 Old 03-20-2008, 06:47 PM
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I just started trying it two days ago... I posted a craigslist personal then (yeah, kinda lame) and have gotten two replies since then. Kinda surprised, didn't expect anything. I used the picture I have in my avatar, and I'm not particularly confident in my appearance so I think it's pretty cool that I've gotten replied to... I am asking for veg*ns though which quite narrows down who would reply!



I also just signed up for that PlentyOfFish one... I'm not too sure about that, there are thousands of people on it in my area and the filtering kind of sucks. Seems like it'd be super tedious to sort through and I'm not convinced I'm going to stand out much there, but I figure it's worth a try.



I've seen that there are a few veg*n dating sites but... There are 10 or less people on them in my area and most haven't logged onto it in years! That seems like a waste, especially to pay for.
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#15 Old 03-20-2008, 08:16 PM
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I hate internet dating because it always involves people thousands of miles away from me and I do NOT have good luck with long distance relationships.



But, I've signed up with just about everything out there at one point or another. Even signed up for full membership at veggieconnection when they were offering a discount. Absolutely nothing has come of it though.



??? Most internet dating sites are by geographic region. I've occasionally gotten women contacting me from outside my area, but even filtering for non-smoking women within 25 miles of me in my age range, most of the major sites I've used give back at least 100 matches.



I've never bothered with the veg-only sites, because of the lack of people on the one or two I've looked at.



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#16 Old 03-20-2008, 08:30 PM
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I REALLY wish you guys lived closer to me!!!

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#17 Old 03-20-2008, 09:21 PM
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I REALLY wish you guys lived closer to me!!!



If you took up a nomadic lifestyle then everyone and everything could potentially live closer to you. Imagine the great stories you'd be able to tell any guy you meet, too! You could even rescue animals and have them travel with you. I bet someone would turn your life into a movie, and I'm talking big screen, not lifetime!
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#18 Old 03-20-2008, 10:25 PM
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Online dating is just as crazy, unstable, and risky as any other way of meeting, it's just more efficient



Hell yeah
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#19 Old 03-20-2008, 10:36 PM
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I liked learning about myself by filling out the more interesting questions on some of the dating sites out there. Never got any interesting bites at all. And then I found someone in real life. If I could even remember which dating sites I have profiles on, I'd go take them down... but I'd be doing well even to remember user names, let alone passwords.

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#20 Old 03-20-2008, 10:41 PM
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Now that I have a moment,

I'll tell you more about my experience on plentyoffish. I had just recently ended a bad relationship, and I was just wanting to dip my toes back in the water. I had read an article about paid dating sites and how they sucked, so I decided to search for a free one to see what they would be like. I found www.plentyoffish.com and set up a profile.



I chatted with a few people. some of whom were boring and weird, and some of whom were very nice, but then I started talking to this one guy and after just a few exchanges I was very intrigued. He was pretty cute in his pictures too. After only a few days, I decided to ask him to me up with me.



We hit it off and dated for 4 weeks this summer. The first date wasn't even awkward, although we did make some cracks about climbing out a window each time one of us went to the bathroom.



After a month or so, I freaked out because I still wasn't over my ex, and this guy was so opposite to him, it started to drive me crazy. So I dumped him, started dating my ex again. That obviously didn't go so well, but I finally got him out of my system.



Then, once I was single again, I popped on to plentyoffish again (all the while, I was thinking of calling up the guy from the site from the summer). Lo and behold, guess who was online.



The timing was much better and we have been dating for the last 5 months and I have never been so comfortable in a relationship before. I barely think about the fact that we met online. It will be a neat story for the grandkids though.

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#21 Old 03-20-2008, 10:56 PM
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That's a sweet story Synergy.
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#22 Old 03-21-2008, 09:04 AM
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Okay I really dislike that PlentyOfFish doesn't show your username on their "My Matches" pages. Mine says vegetarian in it; I've had a few people look at my profile (it shows you who) but no responses... They wouldn't know mine is asking for a veg*n until they get there, and someone who might check it out based on that can't see it unless they do a more detailed search. Hrmph.
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#23 Old 03-21-2008, 10:12 AM
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There are dating sites out there that specialized in veg*ns. I had a friend of mine point me to one (she was a member there)...I haven't posted an ad, but it did seem pretty active in my area (more active than I thought).



I have done the internet dating thing several times...all I can say is look at as an adventure, and you have to kiss ALOT of frogs to find a prince
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#24 Old 03-21-2008, 10:22 AM
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Okay I really dislike that PlentyOfFish doesn't show your username on their "My Matches" pages. Mine says vegetarian in it; I've had a few people look at my profile (it shows you who) but no responses... They wouldn't know mine is asking for a veg*n until they get there, and someone who might check it out based on that can't see it unless they do a more detailed search. Hrmph.



I had never heard of PlentyOfFish before starting this thread, so I went there to check it out. I created a profile and started searching, but I don't like the fact that there's almost no filtering on their searches. I can search for women in a specific age range within 25 miles of me, but that's all the filtering they have. I'm used to other sites where I can rule out smokers or most other criteria that they ask you when you create your profile.



In fact, I found that on match.com, they have a question about what type of foods you eat (it's a "select all that apply" thing) with "vegetarian/vegan" as one answer choice, and (most importantly) you can search based on how other people answered that question! So I'm thinking match.com looks like the most veg-friendly of the major sites.



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#25 Old 03-21-2008, 10:28 AM
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I used match.com for awhile, and it was pretty good and not $50 a month. I didn't actually meat my bf online, but I did go on some interesting dates and I don't think it's a waste of money. Go for it! Even if you don't meet your soulmate, going on a series of blind dates can be an interesting experience and help you to work on your dating skills. And who knows, maybe you will meet the woman for you.
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#26 Old 03-21-2008, 11:31 AM
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I only scanned this thread, so sorry if I'm repeating others. That plentyoffish site sounds good, but there are some other decent free sites.



Craigslist has personal adds. You can't filter search results, but a lot of people write pretty good decriptions. You can also post your own add there.



Myspace can be hard to get responses on, because not everyone is looking, but it's free and I've met people through them.



Hotornot is not just for finding out your rating - it actually has quite a few people looking to meet people on it. You put in keywords about yourself, so you could look for people that write veg*n in there. I think you have to pay like $7 a month now - it used to be free.



Also, you have to look at what you can do for free even on a pay site. AFF and hotornot allow you to chat with members that are online, even though they make you pay to send messages (well for guys).



Match.com is good, just because it's huge. Also, don't forget to keep your eyes open in other online spaces. You post on here, so like if you read something someone posts that you like - check their profiles to see if they live near by. You can just send them a friendly note. The more friends you have the better - even if they aren't interested, they may know other veg*ns in the area who are looking. It's not a bad idea to be on more than one site, especially if your impatient like me.



I met my bf online, so I'm all for online dating.
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#27 Old 03-21-2008, 01:26 PM
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In fact, I found that on match.com, they have a question about what type of foods you eat (it's a "select all that apply" thing) with "vegetarian/vegan" as one answer choice, and (most importantly) you can search based on how other people answered that question! So I'm thinking match.com looks like the most veg-friendly of the major sites.



Thanks for that info, I hadn't known that. It's cool that they have a veg*n question and it shows up as matching or not when you look at a profile. I've been considering this site after I saw that "six months free if you don't find someone" thing. I caved and signed up. Although if I'm there for six months and don't meet anyone I'm gonna be a bit down, haha.
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#28 Old 03-21-2008, 01:54 PM
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I had never heard of PlentyOfFish before starting this thread, so I went there to check it out. I created a profile and started searching, but I don't like the fact that there's almost no filtering on their searches. I can search for women in a specific age range within 25 miles of me, but that's all the filtering they have. I'm used to other sites where I can rule out smokers or most other criteria that they ask you when you create your profile.



Hmm... In looking at PlentyOfFish in more detail, it appears that they have an "advanced" search that does more of what I was looking for. I didn't notice that at first.



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#29 Old 03-22-2008, 01:02 PM
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??? Most internet dating sites are by geographic region. I've occasionally gotten women contacting me from outside my area, but even filtering for non-smoking women within 25 miles of me in my age range, most of the major sites I've used give back at least 100 matches.



I've never bothered with the veg-only sites, because of the lack of people on the one or two I've looked at.



--Fromper




Ah~ but were you looking for a non-smoking atheist vegan man in Oklahoma? I'm not talking within 25 miles....I'm talking within 100-200 miles. No luck. My location sucks--that's the problem.
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#30 Old 03-22-2008, 01:36 PM
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Hmm... In looking at PlentyOfFish in more detail, it appears that they have an "advanced" search that does more of what I was looking for. I didn't notice that at first.



--Fromper




I was just about to mention that, I'm glad you found it.

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