When you realise friends aren't really friends. - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 03-19-2008, 05:18 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Punk_in_Drublic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 907
I went out for a meal tonight with my old "group" from school. We've known each other for years, but only meet up about 3 times a year because everyone's moved away/gone to uni etc. Even so, i think that's pretty good going as we all have our own lifes now, so to speak.



Well it had been a while since i last saw them, and tonight i just couldn't get on with any of them. None seemed interested in what i'd been up to etc, and i realised, i have nothing in common with them.



It bugged me a little that not one even looked at the veggie section of the menu, they skipped past it like it was the weird, unedible section. One of them works at a butchers, and was going on about her work. All the others said how horrible it was that in the mornings the truck parks outside the butchers with whole pigs hanging up in it. Argh, they all eat pig.. yet are digusted that the whole dead pigs are on show. The girl who works in the butchers then said, they once had a piglet in the fridge. Again, everyone was digusted as they tucked into their dead animal meals.



When the bill came, they decided to split it equally, £15 per person. I know what my meal came too, it was a simple curry for £6 and a drink for £1.40. I know i sound a bit tight, but i am struggling with money. I was annoyed that they all had more expensive meat meals, and naan bread etc, yet we all paid the same.



I'm the non-confrontational type, so said nothing about the issues... maybe it's time to go our seperate ways.



Sorry, i just needed to get it off my chest.
Punk_in_Drublic is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 03-19-2008, 05:50 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Irizary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Punk_in_Drublic View Post

When the bill came, they decided to split it equally, £15 per person. I know what my meal came too, it was a simple curry for £6 and a drink for £1.40. I know i sound a bit tight, but i am struggling with money. I was annoyed that they all had more expensive meat meals, and naan bread etc, yet we all paid the same.



I'm the non-confrontational type, so said nothing about the issues... maybe it's time to go our seperate ways.



Sometimes it's easier to assert oneself in non-confrontational and self-defacing (i.e. non-offensive) ways that still get the point across but make it harder for people to attack you, as you're already acknowledging what they may go for. You can say something like, "Hey, I don't mean to be a pain, but I'd rather just pay for my own meal - you might think it's weird, but I'm a vegetarian and I don't like to pay for meat." Not the most powerful way to do it, but maybe more comfortable for someone who doesn't like confrontations.

"If you want to know where you would have stood on slavery before the civil war, don't look at where you stand on slavery today, look at where you stand on animal rights." - Paul Watson.

 

Every animal you eat
was running for her life

Irizary is offline  
#3 Old 03-19-2008, 06:03 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Punk_in_Drublic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 907
Thanks You know what, that kind of thing was on the tip of my tongue, but i just couldn't come out and say it. One girl there is extremely judgemental and i know she would have made some smidey remake. I could see a few of them looking oddly when i asked the waiter is the meal i wanted was suitable for vegans (I was veggie all the way through school, but this was the first meal with them where they've seen i'm vegan) I've always found talking to people difficult, and although i can talk quite easily with these people, there are still somethings i can't let myself say.



If my boyfriend could have made it, however, it would have been a completly different scene!!!
Punk_in_Drublic is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 03-19-2008, 10:38 PM
Beginner
 
tarantela's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 199
tarantela is offline  
#5 Old 03-19-2008, 10:56 PM
Veggie Regular
 
asp3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,251
These sound like "Christmas card" friends. One you keep in touch with once a year or possibly more because they were a part of your life, but don't really fit anymore.



With these types of friends, I don't really wish to sever ties, but I also don't spend a lot of time and/or effort getting together with them. People do grow apart and bonds that were once strong can weaken or disappear completely. I don't think there is any valid reason to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn't respect you.
asp3 is offline  
#6 Old 03-20-2008, 01:21 AM
Veggie Regular
 
ViolinCyndee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 383
I used to feel guilty when it was time to 'move on' from friends.. Not anymore! I have been on the receiving end of that way too many times.. So now, I just make sure to keep an active social life, and meet new people all the time, with the same interests as me.
ViolinCyndee is offline  
#7 Old 03-20-2008, 02:49 AM
Veggie Regular
 
SupersonicSheep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 307
Don't worry that you don't get on with your friends like you used to. People grow up and change and move on. It's just life. I've found that the friends I made in my early 20's are the ones I've stuck with, as well as making new friends along the way of course! I have very few school friends that I am in regular contact with still.



As for splitting the bill. If I'm out with friends and we're all drinking wine etc then I'm happy to just split it equally. After all there is always someone who eats meat but doesn't want dessert or doesn't want to drink alcohol so it all evens out. If I'm really skint then I say so at the start of the meal before we order anything so that people know I am only going to pay for my own and nobody ever has a problem with that. I think if you're up front about it then people don't mind. I've even had occasions where I've been prepared to split the bill equally and a friend has said "hang on yours was a lot cheaper than ours". It's nice when that happens!
SupersonicSheep is offline  
#8 Old 03-20-2008, 05:24 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Punk_in_Drublic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 907
Quote:
Originally Posted by asp3 View Post

These sound like "Christmas card" friends.



Yeah they are exactly that, i probably will go out with them again and see how it goes. A part of me thinks, this is my past and i can't really let go of it.



Quote:
Originally Posted by ViolinCyndee View Post

So now, I just make sure to keep an active social life, and meet new people all the time, with the same interests as me.



Lately i have met some really nice people, and made some good friends.



Quote:
Originally Posted by SupersonicSheep View Post

If I'm really skint then I say so at the start of the meal before we order anything so that people know I am only going to pay for my own and nobody ever has a problem with that. I think if you're up front about it then people don't mind.



I didn't even think of that, thank you.. i will remember that next time i'm skint!!



Heh, my orginal post reads a bit silly to me now, i was tired and fed up!
Punk_in_Drublic is offline  
#9 Old 03-20-2008, 02:04 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Teresa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,222
I never split a food bill. I had this happen to me in my younger days. Paid a lot more than I had consumed. Paid for others drinks etc. Do not be intimidated to state right up front: "I'd like my bill separate please."



Sometimes being vegetarian/vegan can isolate you. And you will find through your life that friends do come and go. Sometimes people go in different directions and grow apart. I'm sure you have and/or will have life long friends too.
Teresa is offline  
#10 Old 03-20-2008, 03:28 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Libellula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,341
what things interest you beyon veg*nism and animal rights? Maybe your group still has a common ground with you, but you may need to go do things that don't involve food.
Libellula is offline  
#11 Old 03-20-2008, 04:17 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Punk_in_Drublic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 907
Quote:
Originally Posted by Libellula View Post

what things interest you beyon veg*nism and animal rights? Maybe your group still has a common ground with you, but you may need to go do things that don't involve food.



Not really sure to be honest, as i've known them since school.



My other interests include guitars, music, art and looking after horses. Although they do like music, it's a different taste to mine.. so gigs etc are not a good idea!
Punk_in_Drublic is offline  
#12 Old 03-21-2008, 12:53 PM
Veggie Regular
 
yblad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 260
me and my freinds are really relaxed when it comes to the whole bill splitting thing, basically we all usually pay for own own, but if we are ordering together we just pay watever we have and sub each other the rest, we dont mind paying for part of the others meal because usually they paid for part of yours earlier, or will do later when they have cash. As we are all on relativly even incomes it evens out over time. We are that close though that it doesnt matter even if it doesnt even out, because we got to spend time together. Im lucky that i have got a few friends that im this close to



if ever you are really skint i find that telling them when you arrange the meal is even better than saying at the begining of it, that way they know what to expect well in advance.
yblad is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off