Brother getting married, and the only food choices are meat... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 10-14-2007, 09:21 PM
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My brother is getting married December 29th. And the dinner choices are either beef or chicken. There won't be a buffet or anything like that, and besides...my mom doesn't really like the fact I went vegetarian (although she's starting to accept it.)



She's been asking me what I want for dinner at their wedding, and I keep on saying "I don't know..." I'm afraid to talk about it with my brothers fiancée because I don't want to cause conflict (this is the type of thing my mother might say to me "We don't need another thing to worry about" or "Don't ruin their wedding day.")



So I'm really not sure what to do. Should I go hungry, cause conflict, or give up what I believe for a day and eat meat? (yuck...)
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#2 Old 10-14-2007, 09:28 PM
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Why don't you just eat something before you go to the wedding?
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#3 Old 10-14-2007, 09:30 PM
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None of the above. I usually go to weddings blindly. I try to eat before hand and hope for the best. At two recent ones I was pleasantly surprised.



At one, all the entrees were meat, so I told the server to just give me the sides with no meat. They brought back a gourmet pasta dish!



Last night I was at a wedding at an Eastern European Lodge. They brought huge bowls of breaded veal, roast beef and stuffed cabbage.



Then a server just walked up to me and said, "Who here had pasta?" I looked shocked and said, "I guess I did!" and they brought me spaghetti. Turns out no one knew I was veg, but the vegetarian mother of the bride had them ask around just in case.



You probably won't be that lucky. Often there are appetizers of fruit and crackers (and cheese if you eat that) before the meal. I'd say fill up on those.



It's not uncommon to only eat bread at a wedding! But it's just one night and not worth inconveniencing anyone. You are a guest.
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#4 Old 10-14-2007, 09:30 PM
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Chicken or beef? Is this a wedding or a transatlantic flight? (just kidding)



I would probably say "I'm vegetarian, so I won't be eating the beef or chicken. If you think it's too much trouble to make special provisions for me, then maybe I could prepare something for myself beforehand. I'm not going to eat meat, but if you have any other ideas on how I could make this as little trouble as possible, I'm open to any other compromises short of eating the meat."



I'm not sure how viable that approach is in your circumstances, but that's what came to my mind.
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#5 Old 10-14-2007, 09:32 PM
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More room for drinks. Just kidding, I'm a tea totaler.

Just let it go. Have fun and kiss the groom for me.
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#6 Old 10-14-2007, 09:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Brandon View Post

Why don't you just eat something before you go to the wedding?



Well, I'm also a Bridesmaid. So before the wedding I'll be getting ready and helping with last minute stuff. But I'll try
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#7 Old 10-14-2007, 09:34 PM
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Thanks for your responses so far. They're all pretty helpful B-)
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#8 Old 10-14-2007, 09:50 PM
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Well, I'm also a Bridesmaid. So before the wedding I'll be getting ready and helping with last minute stuff. But I'll try



Big lunch? Maybe you could take a Luna bar or something with you in your bag or purse or something.
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#9 Old 10-14-2007, 10:22 PM
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Well, I'm also a Bridesmaid. So before the wedding I'll be getting ready and helping with last minute stuff. But I'll try

I agreed to be a bride's maid once and the bride assured me there would be a vegetarian entree. Then she changed her mind. For other reasons (she changed her mind about a lot of my duties) I was demoted. I was thinking to myself, does she really want someone at the head table eating nothing but rolls and potatoes?



At that wedding I actually ate cheese and crackers, rice, and bread. I was at one (another Eastern European lodge) where I only home fries and bread, as did my boyfriend (at both of these).



I like Idhan's suggestion. Being a bride's maid makes a little bit of a difference. Sometimes with various events I just ask, "do you know what they will be serving?" and often people will then remember I am vegetarian.



My one friend's wedding had great food with tons of vegan sides. I couldn't even choose, there was so much stuff. Typical weddings are chicken, pork chops, roast beef and potatoes or rice pilaf. It's like eating bad cafeteria food.
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#10 Old 10-14-2007, 10:23 PM
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I'm afraid to talk about it with my brothers fiancée because I don't want to cause conflict



Why don't you ask your brother about it then? It's his wedding too.
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#11 Old 10-14-2007, 10:31 PM
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I would just tell the truth... "I will be unable to eat either meat selection because I'm a vegetarian. What vegetable/vegetarian options will be available for me?" If there aren't going to be an abundance of veggie option, I'd make sure to snack a bit before hand.



Avoiding the truth creates a bigger conflict, because it makes you seem ashamed/uncomfortable about your lifestyle choices. And that makes it easier for others to treat vegetarianism as something to be ashamed/uncomfortable about. You are going to have to get used to being confident in who you are or settle on being ashamed of it because this won't be the last time someone assumes/expects that you will eat meat.
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#12 Old 10-14-2007, 10:45 PM
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is your mum one of those people who might ask you a question in the hope of starting an argument? cos asking a vegetarian if they want chicken or beef... yeah... how well does she expect that discussion to end?



i'd feel inclined to accidently on purpose miss-hear her, and say "chicken or beans?- i'll take the beans please! ".



this is your brothers wedding, right? the bride is gonna be your sister in law after this? i dunno... surely they could rustle up a salad for the grooms sister without it being a huge deal? lay it on thick.



if all else fails, you could threaten to get out your cunningly concealed lunchbox right in the middle of dinner, and start snacking on hummus and cucumber sandwiches, tofu and hemp smoothies, and al sorts of other weird (and no doubt embarressing for the hosts) veg*n foods, right infront of everybody.



would it help to totally detour your mum, and talk to your bro? do a sisters speciality sucking up trick, or offer to phone up and sort it out with the caterers yourself, and cover any extra costs, so its no trouble to them?
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#13 Old 10-15-2007, 04:07 AM
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Well, she asked you what you wanted. Why not tell her? Maybe ask what the side dishes are and think of something that would go with them easily. And I'll echo the talk to the brother thing, too. It's his wedding after all.

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#14 Old 10-15-2007, 05:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope.Is.Here. View Post

She's been asking me what I want for dinner at their wedding, and I keep on saying "I don't know..."



If you keep on saying that I think that's more likely to end up being a source of conflict than them having to provide you with a vegetarian meal. You need to think of a meal you would be happy to eat and let them know what it is.

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#15 Old 10-15-2007, 09:23 AM
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Hmm, maybe.



I think I should talk to the bride. Actually, I'm not too close to my brother (Haha, even though his room is only like, 3 feet away from mine). And he doesn't like the vegetarian thing. He'll probably use this as more of a thing to try to get me to eat meat. The bride might be more understanding.



But thank you all for your suggestions Now I know: Talk to my family about this, and if they can't get me a vegetarian meal, bring a snack :P







This was helpful.
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#16 Old 10-15-2007, 10:44 AM
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I think a lot of times omnis just have a hard time figuring out what to make for the vegetarian folks. "What DO they eat?" they're thinking. So, you have to give them ideas. Specific ideas. So I tell people to make spaghetti with plain sauce, and put meatballs on the side for people who want them. I suggested that the chef on campus take the plate of pasta and veggies that was suggested to me and add some chickpeas or tofu for a board lunch (and I got a fabulous breaded tofu which surprised me!). Sometimes if you find out what they are planning on doing with the chicken/beef, you can make some easy suggestions on how to make something vegetarian that won't take a lot of time or trouble.
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#17 Old 10-15-2007, 11:47 AM
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it's unclear in your OP: is your mum asking you what you want to eat out of chicken or beef, or is she asking you to come up with a veg. option?
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#18 Old 10-15-2007, 07:46 PM
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I was at a wedding this weekend. It was a buffet, and the bride is a vegetarian.. I eat a vegan diet, however, and everything was swimming in butter and/or cheese. The only options for me were "salad" (aka lettuce) and bread. I opted for neither, because I'm not really a fan of salad, and it was early afternoon so I figured I could just wait until we got home. Well the something manager of the place came to make sure everything was okay, and asked me why I wasn't eating, and I told her that I ate a vegan diet and there really wasn't anything for me to eat. She said there was salad (haha) and I said I wasn't really a big fan, and that I'd just get something once we went home. She INSISTED that she have the chef make me something special, and that he really enjoys doing that sort of thing. I ended up with a lovely vegetable pasta. A lot of the time the only person it's a problem for is the person who is hosting the event. The caterers usually don't mind throwing something together.



It's possible to just check off neither, since they do that for an approximate count but it's not like what you ordered is set in stone. When the person comes around to ask you 'Chicken or steak' you can say "I'm a vegetarian... is there a vegetarian option?" I have never once had someone at this type of event say there was nothing they could do. You may end up with a plate of all side dishes, but hey, it's better than a dead cow on your plate!

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#19 Old 10-15-2007, 08:01 PM
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I work as a banquets server, and I've done a LOT of weddings. It's pretty standard to prepare special meals for vegetarians, people with allergies, etc. - you could probably call the facility yourself and place an order for a special meal (just make sure to explain specifically what you won't eat). That way it won't be any trouble for the happy couple and you will have something to eat.
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#20 Old 10-16-2007, 03:07 AM
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rabid_child and beatricious hit the nail on the head. It's not as big of a deal as one might think to get a veg*n option at special event. And this coming from someone who is afraid to ask for anything!
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#21 Old 10-17-2007, 05:53 PM
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eat before and then make sure they don't give you a plate with meat, just the veggies potatoes ect
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#22 Old 10-18-2007, 07:41 AM
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Take a protein bar. Avoid chocolate-coated ones as they'll melt in your pocket. :P
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#23 Old 10-18-2007, 09:24 AM
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Why don't you ask your brother about it then? It's his wedding too.



No it isn't. He is nothing more than a prop.
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#24 Old 10-19-2007, 11:30 AM
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The wedding is in December, so if you tell them you don't want meat in your dish, it shouldn't be a problem to tell the caterers to have a plate of just the side dishes that contain no meat. Depending on what the sides are, you could get extra quantities of whatever your fave(s) are. If there's not much else of an option, bring a granola bar or something to munch down on the way to the reception. You could even offer to talk to the caterers for them so they won't think of it as an extra task.
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#25 Old 10-19-2007, 12:58 PM
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rabid_child and beatricious hit the nail on the head. It's not as big of a deal as one might think to get a veg*n option at special event. And this coming from someone who is afraid to ask for anything!



Exactly. I'm planning my own wedding at the moment. The place we chose for our reception (and seated dinner) only allows the selection of one entree for guests. We plan to serve meat since the majority of our guests are omnivores. HOWEVER, vegetarian options (and other dietary accommodations) ARE available... we just need to give them an idea of how many veggie meals to prepare. A lot of the places we looked at were similar.



It's unfortunate you feel you can't talk to your family, or at least the fiancee about your meal. If you have to, I'd follow the advice of calling the reception place and talking to the caterer yourself to see what veg*n options might be available for you that night.

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#26 Old 10-19-2007, 04:04 PM
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I was a bridesmaid at one of my best friends wedding a month ago.



Even though i knew it was a buffet, I knew that they'd be hard pushed to deal with veggies, let alone vegans, so on the morning of the wedding, before we got dressed etc etc, we headed off to the local supermarket to stock up on a pre-wedding buffet of our own, and i was so full of houmus and carrot that i didnt go hungry all day luckily.



But if youre busy, i suggest going the night before the wedding to stock up on a few bits.
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#27 Old 10-19-2007, 10:03 PM
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i agree w/ rabidchild and beatricious...

the kitchen isnt usually the problem, they are usually more than happy to prepare something veg for you... even if it just ends up being an assortment of sides.



you could call the place beforehand, or if you wait until the actual reception, try and flag a waitperson down, before the meal, and let them know...



or if worse comes to worse, break out your own meal. haha. and bring yourself a piece of vegan cake!
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#28 Old 10-20-2007, 07:34 AM
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Good luck. Don't let this spoil a beautiful day. Pack some nuts, a luna bar, dried fruit, a samwhich...thing that won't go bad. Put it in your vehicle as your private stash. It's just food..don't make it more than what it is (which is what I usually do).
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#29 Old 10-23-2007, 03:11 PM
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Really, what you need to do i talk to the bride or the groom, and address the fact that you're a vegetarian and sort out what needs to be done.



They'll probably get in touch with the catering firm, who'll see to it that they provide a vegetarian meal for you. And that should be you sorted!
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#30 Old 10-23-2007, 03:33 PM
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But then you couldn't come to VB and whine about how they didn't have any vegetarian options.
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