Difficulties in forming relationships.... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 10-07-2007, 04:01 AM
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I am 26 and have only ever had one (brief) relationship last year. I never thought I would date anyone, but miraculously I found a woman that actually went out with me. Unfortunately she left me only a matter of weeks after telling me she loved me. It was heartbreaking.



Now I know I am not a supermodel, but I don't think I am particularly unattractive either. I would like to meet someone and settle down in the near future. Unfortunately women are never interested in being more than friends.



I worry about being on my own forever.



Can anyone else relate to this or offer any advice?
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#2 Old 10-07-2007, 05:10 AM
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Sounds a lot like myself a couple of years ago. I was already starting to think that I would live on my own for the rest of my life. Then I found VB and the love of my life! I had to travel almost half the world to meet her, but that was a small price to pay : )

I no longer post here after VB was sold in 2012. (See my profile page for details.)
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#3 Old 10-07-2007, 05:37 AM
 
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<<embarrassed to admit that she was pestering her man a few minutes ago, saying "come on...let's get ready to go".



JV: I took a different route than my other half, but it was no more fulfilling. I had plenty of company at the movies, but feared (at well past 30) that I wouldn't find someone with whom to grow old. Don't worry too much about your dating experience or lack thereof. Finding the right person only has to happen once.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#4 Old 10-07-2007, 05:48 AM
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No advice, but I can definitely relate. I am 26 also and always thought I'd be in a relationship and have my life more figured out by now. I worry about being alone forever too, or getting too set in my ways that if I ever did meet someone I wouldn't be able to have a proper relationship and would prefer being single!
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#5 Old 10-07-2007, 07:28 AM
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i didn't really start dating before i was 18. I am 21 now and have been in a relationship for almost 18 months now. My previous relationships (2) were very short-lived and ended primarily because my (now exes) decided to stop speaking with me or just didn't care enough about me to respect me.
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#6 Old 10-07-2007, 09:13 AM
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I can relate. I was 24 before I had a serious or for that matter any real relationship (and I'm still in it). It was long distance for the first couple years as well.



It seemed like the harder I tried the worse things got. So I had kind of given up, and then it happened (as in I found someone). I wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time though. So somehow I think there's some truth to not trying to force it, but just keep your options open. So that would be my only advice (if it is even useful advice) is to not try to actively seek partner/spousal unit, but just try to meet people.



I've wondered before if actively seeking a partner or trying too hard has actually scared away possible perfect matches (I've seen it happen with my friends, or at least from my point of view that's how it looked).



I agree with IamJen, it only has to happen once.

I believe everything.
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#7 Old 10-07-2007, 09:26 AM
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i think that actively seeking or trying too hard can scare off a potential partner. I have a friend who comes off as desperate for a life partner and it can be off-putting. My mother once said to me "don't be desperate for love, that only chases it away. Love comes to you when you are happiest with yourself and aren't so concerned about "love" anymore"
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#8 Old 10-07-2007, 09:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Libellula View Post

i think that actively seeking or trying too hard can scare off a potential partner. I have a friend who comes off as desperate for a life partner and it can be off-putting. My mother once said to me "don't be desperate for love, that only chases it away. Love comes to you when you are happiest with yourself and aren't so concerned about "love" anymore"

Agreed. Living a full life can bring that special someone in other ways, too. For example, if you are participating in group activities, taking classes, going out and doing thing, you are more likely to meet people with similar interests and have a chance to get to know one another without the pressure of "the date". (I hate "the date" and all of it's expectations.)



Having a full life with a semi busy schedule also prevents one from doing off putting things like calling too much or being clingy.



I really want to find someone again, too, so I understand how it seems so impossible, but I have before. A bad attitude (but easy to have) is that life doesn't start until you find a partner. That's probably about the worst attitude to have. And think about it, chances are, about half of us will die alone even if we do have a life partner- one of us has to go first!!
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#9 Old 10-07-2007, 10:37 AM
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Thanks for all the responses, it means a lot.



I think my problem is loneliness, I would love someone to just hold, cuddle up with in front of a movie and just generally share some laughs and good times together.



Luckily I have great friends and family and am busy with my studies, but there is always the feeling of loneliness in the back of my mind.
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#10 Old 10-07-2007, 11:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Libellula View Post

My mother once said to me "don't be desperate for love, that only chases it away. Love comes to you when you are happiest with yourself and aren't so concerned about "love" anymore"



your mother gives wonderful advice. I am in the same boat as OP; i've only been in 1 very brief relationship in my life and have been single for a number of years. I've never activly searched for a partner but have been starting to get worried that i might never find one.



I've decided that until i fully love myself no-one else can love me, and i'm concentrating on myself right now. I actually enjoy being single, i like the freedom it gives me, and i'm learning alot about myself that i didn't know.



my friend once told me that i'm the type of person that doen't fall in love easily and there's 1 person out their right for me, and once they find me i'll be swept off my feet. I loved her for saying this.. it definately took the pressure off me.
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