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-   -   When your SO doesnt brush their teeth..? (https://www.veggieboards.com/forum/25-relationships-family/70627-when-your-so-doesnt-brush-their-teeth.html)

starseed13 09-06-2007 02:46 PM

It seemed like when my boyfriend and I first started dating he brushed his teeth more..maybe I just throught so but..now Ive noticed that he hardley brushes them. Maybe for like 3 seconds first thing in the morning. But he eats all day and doesnt clean his mouth..he also will be muching on cookies and kool aid and then go straight to bed. It makes me cringe. He doesnt really have bad breath or anything usually but his teeth are already kinda messed up and I just CANNOT understand not taking better care of them, especially when he knows he will be kissing me and stuff. Ive already asked him to please brush his teeth before bed and he just says "whats the point, Im just gonna brush them in the morning when I wake up anyway."







I hate to be one of those nagging girlfriends but I dont see how its THAT much to ask, and I DONT understand why he wouldnt wanna go to bed with a fresh mouth, especially because before bed is when we usually make love. I already nag him about so much other stuff {I want him to stop drinking Kool aid and soda because he has told me he wants to lose weight and be healthier, and I also have gotten him on a vitamin regimen}I dont want to be even worse..



What drives me even more mad is almost every SO Ive EVER had Ive had to FORCE to brush their teeth, shave or even with one of my exes, take a shower! That particular ex told me if it wasnt for me, he would only take a shower once a month. And he was serious. At least my current showers daily LOL. But Im begining to wonder if all guys are like this..



Should I just let this go?

IamJen 09-06-2007 03:08 PM

Dude, you need to expand your dating pool.



Shaving isn't a hygenic issue for me, but taking a bath/shower and brushing one's teeth are just common sense. It would bother me if someone didn't have the courtesy to avoid smelliness/bad breath, but it would trouble me even more to think that they didn't think enough of themselves to perform these kinds of simple maintenance. Bleah.

starseed13 09-06-2007 03:15 PM

Well he is a wonderful, wonderful man, and definately VERY different from the abusive *******s Ive dated in the past. Im definately not putting him down as a person, I just wish he would take better care of himself. LIke not FOR me, but for himself ya know?



Actually its funny but shaving is the most important thing, like he knows he HAS to shave or he cant come near me, I have terribly sensitive skin and acne issues and stubble rubbing on my face basically makes it break out in a gross raw rash.



I am just unsure what to do because when Ive asked him to do it he looks at me like he doesnt understand why I would care, and says because he brushes them in the morning its "pointless".

Sevenseas 09-06-2007 03:19 PM

When you want him to brush his teeth, you should tell him that you carry a small bottle filled with Tom Cruise's sweat, and that you put a few drops of the stuff in his most recent meal. That way, if he's sensible, he will brush his teeth carefully afterwards.



Pretty good advice, eh?

IamJen 09-06-2007 03:22 PM

Ah, now see, I understand the shaving thing then. It would definitely be a matter of courtesy, if my skin were sensitive. I just didn't consider it as "icky" as not brushing your teeth or showering.



Honestly, I would say that it's NOT pointless to you because you have to taste his ickiness, smell his funk, etc. I do agree though, that the issue of takeing cre of himself for himself seems more important. Who would want to be with someone who didn't respect themselves enough to take care of things?



Maybe he just needs to see how important it is to you?

rabid_child 09-06-2007 05:04 PM

I've analyzed my bf's reluctance to brush his teeth and I've deduced it is a response to his strained relationship with his mother who was a dental hygienist.



And he's lazy.



Fortunately we're at a point in our relationship where I just say "You're gross go brush your teeth" and he does. :P

Skylark 09-06-2007 05:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rabid_child View Post

I've analyzed my bf's reluctance to brush his teeth and I've deduced it is a response to his strained relationship with his mother who was a dental hygienist.



And he's lazy.



Fortunately we're at a point in our relationship where I just say "You're gross go brush your teeth" and he does. :P



Having met both of you, I can so see this happening.

rabid_child 09-06-2007 05:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by skylark View Post

Having met both of you, I can so see this happening.



And I'm pleased to say he hides how gross he is when we're out in public.

jAded 09-06-2007 05:11 PM

If you dragged him along to a dentist who drilled it into him that those extra 8 hours of letting food rot your teeth can be quite crucial to his dental health, would that get the message across do you think?

rabid_child 09-06-2007 05:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jAded View Post

If you dragged him along to a dentist who drilled it into him that those extra 8 hours of letting food rot your teeth can be quite crucial to his dental health, would that get the message across do you think?



You'd think that, but I brush my teeth obsessively and always have cavities, and my bf brushes his teeth before work in the morning (weekends get a "go brush your teeth you're gross" from me) and he has had one cavity his whole life. Where is the justice in that??

Tofu-N-Sprouts 09-06-2007 05:23 PM

I would probably let the toothbrushing thing go if he didn't have horribly stinky breath or whatever. (I have horrible allergies and breathe through my mouth at night - I wake with the most foul morning breath EVER... I'm thankful my guy puts up with me!!!)



Anyway - Some guys are great at personal hygiene, others not so much. I don't understand why either. If it bothers you, you need to be up front with him and explain very clearly "It really bothers me when you ...-bla-bla-bla".



Then, let it go!!! Nagging might do a little good, but you'll come off sounding like his Mom and that won't make for a great relationship either. Don't nag! If you can't let it go, then you need to decide if hygiene is enough of an issue to break a relationship over. Sometimes it can be.



Quote:
Originally Posted by IamJen View Post

...it would trouble me even more to think that they didn't think enough of themselves to perform these kinds of simple maintenance.



EXACTLY!! It's not so much for me - but geez... I never understood why they didn't think enough of themSELVES to stay clean and showered and all... (I looo-oo-ooove stubble though - rawrr!).

Nishani 09-06-2007 08:06 PM

You need a metrosexual. Those dudes brush, floss, gargle the whole works



I'd just tell him that I wasn't going to kiss him or have sex with him until he starts cleaning his teeth at night. Once he makes it a routine, I'd say I'm still not going to have sex with you because starseed13 will probably get angry at me.

LucidAnne 09-06-2007 08:42 PM

whatever bacteria and germs that are in his mouth get transferred to you. so its dangerous to your health too.



(i'm grasping at straws here! lol

Cornflower 09-06-2007 08:43 PM

My husband was a smoker while we were dating (gave it up for me on our wedding day! ) but he knew he had to go brush REALLY thoroughly before any kissing was going to happen! I just couldn't stand the smell/taste of it.



If it grosses you out, I would definitely say something. But if it doesn't really bother you, then I wouldn't say anything to him about it.

starseed13 09-06-2007 11:18 PM

Yeah I know I worry about the bacteria transfer thing as I have a sorta gum problem {Ive had gum disease a couple times, one time so severe it almost put me in the hospital because the infection spread}. Maybe its my terrible, painful experiances with oral health that cause this to bother me. 90% of the time he doesnt have terrible breath.



Thanks for all the replies, a lot of what you guys said made me LMAO.

Maybe Ill buy him one of those nifty electric spin brushes for christmas or something so he will be more likely to brush. Hehe.

starseed13 09-06-2007 11:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

When you want him to brush his teeth, you should tell him that you carry a small bottle filled with Tom Cruise's sweat, and that you put a few drops of the stuff in his most recent meal. That way, if he's sensible, he will brush his teeth carefully afterwards.



Pretty good advice, eh?



Best advice ever! Actually I could say it was George Clooney's sweat because he has a terrible hatred of him. Hahahahahahaha!

thebelovedtree 09-07-2007 12:03 AM

I'm with Rabid_Child, when Chance needs somethign done I'll tell him he's gross, and he's the same with me. He has braces so I tell him to brush his teeth a lot. I don't find bits of food stuck to his teeth very attractive



I make him shave all the time too, since his chin will scratch up my chin. I actually had him grow a beard at one point, but he's in scuba now so had to shave it off.



He grew up on a farm so he has a way higher gross-out point than I do, he thinks its weird I feel the need to shower after being in the ocean, and that I don't like to be sticky.

starseed13 09-07-2007 01:31 PM

Ive told him it was gross before and he didnt really respond. I said something like "You dont brush your teeth before bed! THATS SO GROSS!" and made a face. He always goes back to the same thing, the Im gonna brush them in the morning anyway so whats the point argument. Ive told him that the food sitting there on his teeth for 7 hours while he is sleeping IS destroying his teeth and he just doesnt respond.



I dunno if this is just something around here or what..one of my coworkers told me he hadnt even owned a toothbrush or cleaned his mouth in ANY way in 7 YEARS.

rabid_child 09-07-2007 02:46 PM

You need to follow that statement with a command. I don't make it an opinion or an option. It's just "go brush your teeth" and I don't lay off until he does. I can be a pain.

NotYet 09-07-2007 03:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by starseed13 View Post

Maybe Ill buy him one of those nifty electric spin brushes for christmas or something so he will be more likely to brush. Hehe.





I wouldn't wait until Christmas. Ick. But my guy is kinda like that. If he happens to fall asleep on the couch before bed or something he doesn't get up and brush his teeth before he crawls in bed with me. But he doesn't have ANY teeth issues. I brush at least twice a day and I'm waiting for January to roll around so my insurance will kick in so I can get three cavities taken care of. I dislike him sometimes...



I'm a smoker and he isn't so I always have to brush my teeth before I get smooches. He eats a pepperoni pizza and gets pissed because I tell him to at least gargle....



R

thebelovedtree 09-07-2007 05:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rabid_child View Post

You need to follow that statement with a command. I don't make it an opinion or an option. It's just "go brush your teeth" and I don't lay off until he does. I can be a pain.



If they know they're not getting any love until they're cleaner it becomes more important.

Tofu-N-Sprouts 09-07-2007 06:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by thebelovedtree View Post

If they know they're not getting any love until they're cleaner it becomes more important.



I know what you're saying here, but it sounds so conditional and I don't want my relationship and the love I give, to be based on conditions. If I was in this situation I'd have to find another way to get my point across, I couldn't "withhold" affection.

thebelovedtree 09-07-2007 06:18 PM

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect expressions of physical affection to be pleasant for me. I don't think I should have to kiss him if he's got gross stuff in his teeth, if his chin is hurting me, etc. I'll still hug him, and express my love for him in other ways but kisses are important enough for him to brush his teeth/shave over.



He's sitting right next to me, so I just asked him to weight in and he says he totally agrees with me. He said that he wouldn't want to continue to engage in a behavoir (or lack of behavoir) that hurts the relationship. It hurts our expression of physical affection for him to not shave his chin so he does.



Based on his reaction I would say he feels more strongly about being pleasant for the other person to love on than I do.



We've been dating for 5 years and we're both still crazy about each other (people usually think we've just started dating) so it works for us.

Nishani 09-07-2007 10:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tofu-N-Sprouts View Post

I know what you're saying here, but it sounds so conditional and I don't want my relationship and the love I give, to be based on conditions. If I was in this situation I'd have to find another way to get my point across, I couldn't "withhold" affection.



I believe it's only wrong to withhold affection or sex as a form of punishment.



In this case, it's not punishment, it's just letting your partner know that their hygiene standards have slacked off from what they were at the beginning of the relationship and that you're not willing to compromise your own standards for the sake of intimacy.



I think, by deviating from his original behaviour he's actually imposing conditions on her in a sense, because unless she wants to say something about it, she sort of has to put up with it. That's not right.

Sevenseas 09-08-2007 12:23 AM

You could use another ickiness issue to make someone brush their teeth: "if you don't brush, I won't flush".

jAded 09-08-2007 01:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by starseed13 View Post




I dunno if this is just something around here or what..one of my coworkers told me he hadnt even owned a toothbrush or cleaned his mouth in ANY way in 7 YEARS.



That's just ****ing disgusting.

IamJen 09-08-2007 03:47 AM

It's a wonder they had any teeth left.



(((shudder)))

Kill Uncle 09-08-2007 06:48 AM

I am surprised by all of thses posts.



I brush 3-4 times a day and even at work after a morning coffee.



I floss and mouthwash every day,and take 2 showers.



Am i some kind of a freak?

Kill Uncle 09-08-2007 06:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

You could use another ickiness issue to make someone brush their teeth: "if you don't brush, I won't flush".



Thats a good one !

NotYet 09-08-2007 07:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kill_uncle View Post

I am surprised by all of these posts.



I brush 3-4 times a day and even at work after a morning coffee.



I floss and mouthwash every day,and take 2 showers.



Am I some kind of a freak?



Yes, yes you are. And do you need a girlfriend?



R


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