Originally Posted by AuroraLily
I think you are smart to recognize your personality style and what makes you happy. It's also smart to lay down some 'rules' with your girlfriend. I think what you are asking for is completely reasonable. If she's willing to respect your style, then go for it.
Hi Sunny - I'm like you as far as needy my own space half the time and needing company the other half. When I was married, I would get private time by staying up after wife and child had gone to bed. Now I have my own place, and I'm happier. My present lover and I both value our independence/separate spaces. I doubt that we will choose to live together any time soon - and if we did, it would have to be in a place that gave each of us a lot of separate living.
Some questions to ask yourself before you do this -
What do you enjoy about your "alone time" in your current space? Is it something you could still do in her place? (For example, I like curling up on the living room sofa with a good book, and the house all quiet, just outdoor noises coming in.)
Is there really enough room for both of your things? What will be given up?
Do you two have compatible social habits (like friends dropping by, parties, houseguests, etc.)? I like having company, but I MUST be expecting them - can't deal with trying to unwind at the end of the day and suddenly discovering that my partner's friends are "dropping in" - for God knows why or how long!
When you share time presently, do you act like "equal owners" of whatever place you are in, or does the person whose house it is more or less do things like they would if any friend dropped by? (subtle things like arranging things in the kitchen, turning on the TV or stereo, grocery shopping, etc.) In other words, to what extent have you already merged "domestic habits"?
I wish you luck - there are a lot of benefits to living with your SO, both emotional and practical. But one inevitably gives up a lot too.