Ok, so this is kinda wierd for me 'cos i usually hate letting people "know" much about me. But it's getting to the point in my life where if i don't fix some things i'm never going to. And i thought that if i posted where people don't really know me i could get some things in my head in line.
So.. I'm 23 now, havn't had a boyfriend since i was 18 and it went so terribly that i'm sorta scared of the whole process now. He was a good friend of mine that i started to date, we didn't go out long but it ended badly, when i say badly i mean life alteringly bad. He didn't leave me alone for 2 years, it got to the point where i was scared to walk around alone incase he was there. Awful experience really, and i wish i had confronted him on it. I used to bequite outgoing, wear whatever i wanted, now i'm shy, introverted and socially retarded basically.
I didn't get to confront this guy because he died a few years ago. At the time i told myself i was putting it behind me, but i havn't. Anytime where situations arise that i could potentially be asked out or am asked out, i make an excuse. I know it sounds stupid but i'm afraid it'll happen again.
I noticed i tend to distance myself from people, especially male friends, who i previously had alot of, by being harsh and bad tempered with people. I've even earned the title "man hater" from a guy at work.
I don;t want to be this person.. i want to have relationships and experience this crazy thing called love. I know i should probably be talking to a therapist about this but that would mean getting my family etc. involved and that's not happening.
So i guess this is my pathetic cry for