um... relationship ****** has entered the building! [Feeling inept after a bad exp] - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 07-04-2007, 07:08 PM
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Ok, so this is kinda wierd for me 'cos i usually hate letting people "know" much about me. But it's getting to the point in my life where if i don't fix some things i'm never going to. And i thought that if i posted where people don't really know me i could get some things in my head in line.



So.. I'm 23 now, havn't had a boyfriend since i was 18 and it went so terribly that i'm sorta scared of the whole process now. He was a good friend of mine that i started to date, we didn't go out long but it ended badly, when i say badly i mean life alteringly bad. He didn't leave me alone for 2 years, it got to the point where i was scared to walk around alone incase he was there. Awful experience really, and i wish i had confronted him on it. I used to bequite outgoing, wear whatever i wanted, now i'm shy, introverted and socially retarded basically.



I didn't get to confront this guy because he died a few years ago. At the time i told myself i was putting it behind me, but i havn't. Anytime where situations arise that i could potentially be asked out or am asked out, i make an excuse. I know it sounds stupid but i'm afraid it'll happen again.



I noticed i tend to distance myself from people, especially male friends, who i previously had alot of, by being harsh and bad tempered with people. I've even earned the title "man hater" from a guy at work.



I don;t want to be this person.. i want to have relationships and experience this crazy thing called love. I know i should probably be talking to a therapist about this but that would mean getting my family etc. involved and that's not happening.



So i guess this is my pathetic cry for .
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#2 Old 07-04-2007, 08:52 PM
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I am really sorry to hear your story. I don't have any magic solution to your problem, but I do have a few thoughts and maybe a little advice.



I think it was very unfortunate that this happenned to you when you were 18. People talk about age 18 as if people were instantly transformed from children to adults at that age. In fact, it is a gradual transition, and one simply does not have all the skills and knowledge to assume full adult responsibility at age 18.



I am sorry to say this, but I think you may be partly to blame for what happenned to you, or at least for letting it go on for two years. When this guy started harassing you, you should have consulted a lawyer, gotten a restraining order against him, and if he violated the order, called the police and had him arrested and jailed. I'm a bit surprised that your family and friends did not advise you to do this during your two-year ordeal.



I think you should do this today, that is, go talk to an attorney who specializes in TROs and find out all about the process, how it works, how much it costs, etc. Set aside some money in advance to pay for this. So if anything should happen in the future, you will have a plan for dealing with it.



Taking some self-defense classes might also be helpful.



In terms of meeting men, you would be better off getting involved in the social activities of some church or other rather than going to a bar or nightclub.



You can also go out and socialize in groups or with groups of friends rather than as part of a couple.



If you feel socially inhibited, you can take classes related to developing social skills, e.g., dance classes.
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#3 Old 07-04-2007, 09:46 PM
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I think you should do this today, that is, go talk to an attorney who specializes in TROs and find out all about the process, how it works, how much it costs, etc. Set aside some money in advance to pay for this. So if anything should happen in the future, you will have a plan for dealing with it.





That sounds extreme to me and almost setting up for failure.

A bit of counselling might help.

I agree with socialising in a group, maybe with AR / vego type people, who tend to be much nicer then the average (with some notable exceptions!)
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#4 Old 07-05-2007, 12:42 AM
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Can you get in touch with your local womens center , some of them have very good counselors and it would be confidential . There would be no need for any involvement from your parents if thats how you wanted .
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#5 Old 07-05-2007, 01:03 AM
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Who says you can't confront him? Project him onto something or someone (with their permission, of course. We don't want you yelling at random passers-by... although, that could be quite therapeutic). A therapist could help with that kind of thing.



Could you try and forge a friendship with a non-threatening male figure? It might sound cliche, but a gay man might help. Or a therapist. Therapist's are helpful.



What's really important is figuring out why. Why are you acting in this manner that is causing you such pain? A therapist could really help with these kinds of questions.
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#6 Old 07-05-2007, 01:35 AM
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I am sorry to say this, but I think you may be partly to blame for what happenned to you, or at least for letting it go on for two years. When this guy started harassing you, you should have consulted a lawyer, gotten a restraining order against him, and if he violated the order, called the police and had him arrested and jailed. I'm a bit surprised that your family and friends did not advise you to do this during your two-year ordeal.



Go a bit easy man, I dont think laying blame on her is what phoenix really needs to hear right now. There's a lot of things we "should" do when we're 18 but we just dont because we lack the life experience and insight.



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I didn't get to confront this guy because he died a few years ago. At the time i told myself i was putting it behind me, but i havn't. Anytime where situations arise that i could potentially be asked out or am asked out, i make an excuse. I know it sounds stupid but i'm afraid it'll happen again.



It doesnt sound stupid, its sounds like a very typical behaviour that people adopt as a way of coping when they're confronted with a situation that has caused them trouble in the past. You just need to go and talk it out with someone who knows about this stuff. Is there a specific reason why you cant or wont get your family involved?
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#7 Old 07-05-2007, 06:44 AM
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Joe. when all this crap was going on i didn't tell people, ok i shouldn't have let it happen but everyone liked this guy and i was seen as a bit wierd, he was overly friendly to most so no one thought bad of him. My brother got wind of it (i'm a twin, so this guy was his friend) and he warned him off..it helped but not totally. I might take your advice and go to a class of some kind; i like the self defense idea.



Ok, i'm starting to agree with the fact i probably need councelling from someone who knows how to deal with this sort of stuff. I used to be a little ball of rage and scream at anyone, but i've mellowed i guess, i could shout at random passers-by but that seems a little mean!



I really wish i had soem gay friends here, i had loads in england but havn;t met one gay man since i moved here, stupid ohio!!



"Is there a specific reason why you cant or wont get your family involved?"



I don;t really know, i guess i didn;t want them to know how much it was bothering me, my mam tends to over react abit; and we've never been close onough to talk about stuff like this. She just assumes i've got better things to do than obsess over men.. how wrong she is!
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#8 Old 07-05-2007, 06:49 AM
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If I were you, I would not hesitate (if you can afford it) to do a few months of psychotherpy. Sounds to me like you are traumatised and that it has developed into some kind of nevrosis (or whatever) and that you need help.



I have had help from psychotherapists in the past when I have gone through very difficult life experiences, and I know they can help tremendously.
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#9 Old 07-05-2007, 06:52 AM
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If I were you, I would not hesitate (if you can afford it) to do a few months of psychotherpy. Sounds to me like you are traumatised and that it has developed into some kind of nevrosis (or whatever) and that you need help.



I have had help from psychotherapists in the past when I have gone through very difficult life experiences, and I know they can help tremendously.



Yeah, from the comments i've gotten i'm starting to think this is the right idea.
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#10 Old 07-05-2007, 07:34 AM
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I think that you will be able to see someone (psychologist, counselor, etc...) about this without involving your family. However even if you do have to involve your family, this is your life. It is important that you take care of yourself, grow healthy and have the type of life you want.



Based on what you've said it's easy to understand why you have trouble trusting men and seem to have turned inward.



That outgoing, confident woman is still inside of you, but you just need to learn how to trust to let yer out again. I think talking with someone will allow you to learn to do that. Professionals help people deal with problems like this and know of ways to help you progress.



When I see your avatar I think the image shows a fun, confident woman with a wonderful smile. It sounds like that's the person you think you've left behind. I wish you well in finding her within you again and learning to trust to let her out again.
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#11 Old 07-05-2007, 12:11 PM
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When I see your avatar I think the image shows a fun, confident woman with a wonderful smile. It sounds like that's the person you think you've left behind. I wish you well in finding her within you again and learning to trust to let her out again.



Thank you. Thats the reason i love to use that picture, i don't have many others that look so carefree and confident. Thats the person i was, but this was only taken a few years ago, after all the other crap happened. So you must be right, she's in here somewhere..i gotta find her again!
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#12 Old 07-05-2007, 12:11 PM
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Phoenix - First, I want to say that the reaction of backing off after a bad relationship isn't unusual. Try not to think of yourself as a "social retard". As far as I can see, you basically just have some (or a lot) anger to work through. Therapy might be one way to do it. Also, feel free to write a letter to this guy and tear it up or burn it. Write in a journal to vent the anger. Take up kickboxing and visualize him a your target. (And, if you're religious/spiritual, don't forget about prayer.)



You also mentioned a twin brother who stood up for you with the guy. He sounds like a good guy. So don't lose track of the fact that there are good men out there - after all, you know one of them. That can also be a building block. You might also reach out to him for some support.



It also sounds like you're in a new area (England to Ohio). You might find it worthwhile to join in some larger group activities (or to to meetup.com and see if there are some vegetarian meetups in your area - or meetups of other britains, or whatever interests you) and slowly build your circle of friends where you are. Those friends can form a support network if you ever need it - from screening potential boyfriends (if you need them to do that), to supporting you if you need to get rid of one.



Where in Ohio are you? There are some VBers who either live there now or have in the past and may be able to point you to specific resources.
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#13 Old 07-05-2007, 12:34 PM
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Phoenix - First, I want to say that the reaction of backing off after a bad relationship isn't unusual. Try not to think of yourself as a "social retard". As far as I can see, you basically just have some (or a lot) anger to work through. Therapy might be one way to do it. Also, feel free to write a letter to this guy and tear it up or burn it. Write in a journal to vent the anger. Take up kickboxing and visualize him a your target. (And, if you're religious/spiritual, don't forget about prayer.)



You also mentioned a twin brother who stood up for you with the guy. He sounds like a good guy. So don't lose track of the fact that there are good men out there - after all, you know one of them. That can also be a building block. You might also reach out to him for some support.



It also sounds like you're in a new area (England to Ohio). You might find it worthwhile to join in some larger group activities (or to to meetup.com and see if there are some vegetarian meetups in your area - or meetups of other britains, or whatever interests you) and slowly build your circle of friends where you are. Those friends can form a support network if you ever need it - from screening potential boyfriends (if you need them to do that), to supporting you if you need to get rid of one.



Where in Ohio are you? There are some VBers who either live there now or have in the past and may be able to point you to specific resources.





It's definatley anger, the first two years i was in university i became a very angry person, which in a way helped because it kept away people only looking for a quick shag.. so i guess that was good.



I never thought about writing a letter, i've tried to write a journal, but somehow it didn't stick, i couldn't, i don't know. it felt a bit wierd to me. the letter sounds like an idea though.



yeah, my twin is a good guy, stupid sometimes, but basically good. he even punched this guy to try and keep him away from me! and wouldn't let him move in with him.



Yeah new area, with not many friends, i didn't think about a veggie meet up..that sounds like fun. I'll have a look on the ohio bit of the boards and see if anyone can suggest anything.



Thanks for the support.
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#14 Old 07-06-2007, 11:20 AM
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Phoenix: I am not sure I can be any real help, but I just want you to know that a lot of people find themselves reluctant socially after a really bad relationship. And this is the reason that stalking is so damaging. Here's hoping that you recover from this bad experience.
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#15 Old 07-06-2007, 12:27 PM
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Phoenix: I am not sure I can be any real help, but I just want you to know that a lot of people find themselves reluctant socially after a really bad relationship. And this is the reason that stalking is so damaging. Here's hoping that you recover from this bad experience.



Thank You. I think it's affected me so badly because really i'm a hopeless romantic; I mean really... i love to read pride & predjudice for the romance of it.



I'm thinking more positive and actually trying to get involved in things. I took another job at a more friendly barn when there are lots of people, and i might be moving my horse there so i can meet some frienly horsey type people.
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#16 Old 07-06-2007, 02:21 PM
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Thank You. I think it's affected me so badly because really i'm a hopeless romantic; I mean really... i love to read pride & predjudice for the romance of it.



Ok this going to sound really cheesy and cliche, but bear with me:



It seems to me that your mind and soul are not in sync. It sounds to me like your "soul" is healthy. It's just your mind and behaviors that are bothering you. Which is okay, if you think about it. Our minds our their to protect our souls in situations like yours. And it seems like it did a wonderful job. You survived. And you obviously want to move on with your life.



If you still are a hopeless romantic, then I think your mind succeeded. You still have the ability and want to love another person. I don't think the things you mentioned would bother you so much if you didn't. So I think you just got to help your mind get out of survival mode and have it give your soul a big ol' hug. A lot of the things peopled have mentioned could help with that.



See. Reeeeeaaaally cheesy.
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#17 Old 07-06-2007, 06:06 PM
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Ok this going to sound really cheesy and cliche, but bear with me:



It seems to me that your mind and soul are not in sync. It sounds to me like your "soul" is healthy. It's just your mind and behaviors that are bothering you. Which is okay, if you think about it. Our minds our their to protect our souls in situations like yours. And it seems like it did a wonderful job. You survived. And you obviously want to move on with your life.



If you still are a hopeless romantic, then I think your mind succeeded. You still have the ability and want to love another person. I don't think the things you mentioned would bother you so much if you didn't. So I think you just got to help your mind get out of survival mode and have it give your soul a big ol' hug. A lot of the things peopled have mentioned could help with that.



See. Reeeeeaaaally cheesy.





Not so cheesy as you might think. anyway i'm a sucker for cheese!!!



You're probably right, and i'm glad my mind worked so well;i think the fact i'm actually talking about this proves i must be ready to move on...yippeee!!! Finally; it's taken long enough!



Ok, now i just need a knight in shining armour on a big flashy white horse to come and sweep me off my feet.



Any knights on horseback out there??
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#18 Old 07-06-2007, 08:42 PM
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Hi, I just wanted to comment on that 'blame' issue - it's so totally not your fault at all for doing or not doing anything. Those situations are incredibly hard to deal with. It sounds like you have and are making tons of progress, which is wonderful.
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#19 Old 07-07-2007, 02:08 AM
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Any knights on horseback out there??



You don't seem like a damsel in distress to me. You seem like a hardcore, veggie-eatin', ass-kickin', creative soul who is kicking butt and taking names (Never quite understood that idiom...).



Like the Phoenix you are, you can rise from the ashes and set the world ablaze with your glory and wonder (and maybe, I dunno, knit quilts or something, maybe )!
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#20 Old 07-07-2007, 09:30 AM
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You don't seem like a damsel in distress to me. You seem like a hardcore, veggie-eatin', ass-kickin', creative soul who is kicking butt and taking names (Never quite understood that idiom...).



Like the Phoenix you are, you can rise from the ashes and set the world ablaze with your glory and wonder (and maybe, I dunno, knit quilts or something, maybe )!



Yup thats me, butt-kicking hardcore veggie fool!!



I can't knit, but i'm sure theres something i could do!!!
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#21 Old 07-08-2007, 12:43 PM
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Not to make light of your situation, but when I read your first line, I thought you might be 45 or fifty. You know, "If I don't fix this now I never will." Like just in case I die next Tuesday, I should get this worked out. Then I read you wer 23 and I laughed a little. Not out of any meanness....but just out of thinking of myself at 23 and how I always felt I had to 'do something about it.' That said, I do think that both counseling and self defense would be helpful...though it seems like this guy didn't 'hurt' you in a physical way...it was more the fear of being stalked and the wierdness surrounding that that has put you off. I swear by couseling though...it never hurts, and almost always helps people with what they are struggling with.



Other things that may help...find things you are interested in and do them with others who are similarly interested. Try to do one thing a week...a month...that you've never done before.



It is difficult to meet guy friends because I don't really think our society encourages platonic friendships between men and women. I feel that this is problematic, and why women are always looking for gay guys to hang out with . It's nice to be around a guy when there isn't the thought of...well...sexual pressure. Romantic tension...etc.



In other words...take good care of yourself. Do things with and for others...get out of your own head and neuroticness . And relax...you're 23. You do have time to figure things out. Besides, life is never perfect...nor are we. We simply are what we make of ourselves...and life is what we make of it.



B
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#22 Old 07-08-2007, 07:22 PM
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Not to make light of your situation, but when I read your first line, I thought you might be 45 or fifty. You know, "If I don't fix this now I never will." Like just in case I die next Tuesday, I should get this worked out. Then I read you wer 23 and I laughed a little. Not out of any meanness....but just out of thinking of myself at 23 and how I always felt I had to 'do something about it.' That said, I do think that both counseling and self defense would be helpful...though it seems like this guy didn't 'hurt' you in a physical way...it was more the fear of being stalked and the wierdness surrounding that that has put you off. I swear by couseling though...it never hurts, and almost always helps people with what they are struggling with.



Other things that may help...find things you are interested in and do them with others who are similarly interested. Try to do one thing a week...a month...that you've never done before.



It is difficult to meet guy friends because I don't really think our society encourages platonic friendships between men and women. I feel that this is problematic, and why women are always looking for gay guys to hang out with . It's nice to be around a guy when there isn't the thought of...well...sexual pressure. Romantic tension...etc.



In other words...take good care of yourself. Do things with and for others...get out of your own head and neuroticness . And relax...you're 23. You do have time to figure things out. Besides, life is never perfect...nor are we. We simply are what we make of ourselves...and life is what we make of it.



B



Feel free to laugh all you want, sometimes i laugh at the rediculousness of me but then when it comes down to it i feel anxious and the laughter sorta stops! Sometimes i feel like a 50 year old trapped in a young body, i always get told i act to old for my age..maybe not a bad thing, but i realise i need to lighten up...Hence steps to make me take charge of what im feeling and thinking again.



I do have the problem of being in my own head too much, i work at a barn most mornings, and horses aren't the conversationalists they should be so i have alot of time to think...with me thinking is bad and leads to stupidity and rediculous thought.



Through reading these comments and feeling the support of people on here in general i'm actually for once activley trying to make things better and make new friends and get myself a little life going... I've decided to move barns, to where the people are more friendly and hopefully there will be more chance of meeting other people interested in horses. I've even told my mam i will meet up with her friends son and go to the movies.. he doesn't know anyone here so i thought it would be a nice thing to do, and who knows, he might turn out to be a nice guy.
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#23 Old 07-08-2007, 10:28 PM
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It is difficult to meet guy friends because I don't really think our society encourages platonic friendships between men and women.



No it doesnt. It keeps pushing the idea that we men always want to have sex with every woman we see which is far from the truth let me tell you. Ive got a couple of really good friends that are women and the idea of having sex with them is just not right, not because they are unattractive by any means, but I just dont think of them in that way.
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#24 Old 07-08-2007, 10:46 PM
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No it doesnt. It keeps pushing the idea that we men always want to have sex with every woman we see which is far from the truth let me tell you. Ive got a couple of really good friends that are women and the idea of having sex with them is just not right, not because they are unattractive by any means, but I just dont think of them in that way.

Maybe you just caught The Gay?



But then you'd wanna have sex with every man you saw. Same problem, really.
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#25 Old 07-08-2007, 11:03 PM
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Maybe you just caught The Gay?



But then you'd wanna have sex with every man you saw. Same problem, really.



You need to get out more man, if you believe the stereotype that every gay man wants to **** everything that moves.
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#26 Old 07-08-2007, 11:07 PM
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You need to get out more man, if you believe the stereotype that every gay man wants to **** everything that moves.

Of course not, silly. Gay men only want to have sex with every man who moves.





For the record (and I'm beginning to think there's never actually gonna be a record) I was being sarcastic. Trying to point out another type of sexual prejudice society puts on me, both gay and straight.
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#27 Old 07-08-2007, 11:19 PM
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Of course not, silly. Gay men only want to have sex with every man who moves.



No, its every man who moves "well". If they cant dance, Im not interested.
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#28 Old 07-08-2007, 11:23 PM
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No, its every man who moves "well". If they cant dance, Im not interested.

Humph. Well then your standards are set too high.



To remain on topic: How are things going Phoenix? Any progress?
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#29 Old 07-09-2007, 02:50 AM
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Oh, it's a JOKE....



hahahahaha----



wait. it's not funny....

Nec Aspera Terrent
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#30 Old 07-09-2007, 07:08 AM
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To remain on topic: How are things going Phoenix? Any progress?



Things are going ok, not much progress so far, mentally loads of progress but in actual life i've been working too much to really do anything!
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