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-   -   Vego and non vego relationship (https://www.veggieboards.com/forum/25-relationships-family/65984-vego-non-vego-relationship.html)

petal9 05-13-2007 10:54 PM

So recently i conluded that my next partner will have to be vego....problem being my vego tree hugging self is starting to fall for a friend in the military, he's your typical animal eater and im not sure if this is too much of a personality difference, he's always at mine so im not really confronted with his stuff and his food and diet, he had brought it up too asking how would i go at a bbq with him eating meat, even if its cooked away from me, i find it repulsive, even knowing its in his body makes me feel a little weird, has and is any one able to maintain a relationship with this in play? Im not sure i could, secretly id want to convert him but i dont want to do that or have that in there either...

GhostUser 05-14-2007 07:22 AM

I think a lot of people are in relationships with non-veggies. It works fine for my husband and me.

Sister BDSQ 05-17-2007 12:07 PM

I have no issue. I cook vegetarian and he eats what I make, but sometimes he'll throw a steak or something on the grill (his side only). When we go out, he will usually eat meat. I love him so I would never strong arm him into anything. I would never make demands on another person's lifestyle just because *I* chose to live my life a certain way. I am not into converting people or being a PITA militant prechy veg so I just live my life the way it pleases me and expect others to respect me and my choices, even though they may not feel the same for themselves. and I do tire of hearing militant preaching from some vegans!



You need to decide what's more important to you, being in a relationship or being in a relationship with a veg. Do you feel as though you are compromising yourself by dating a non-veg? Then don't.

starelda 05-20-2007 12:14 PM

My husband is non-veg. He does the majority of the cooking so if he wants to eat meat then he's the one cooking it. He eats less meat now that I'm vegetarian as he eats pretty much the same stuff as me. It's usually when we do something like pasta or stir-fry...everything's veggie and then he'll cook some meat separately and mix it into his half before dishing it up.

synergy 05-20-2007 12:46 PM

My partner is a respectful omni. He understands my dietary choices and always makes sure I am eating what I feel comfortable with.



He asked me to cook him meat once, and I refused, saying that it would go against my ethics and make me uncomfortable. Once he realised that, he apologised and said he would never ask me to cook or handle meat- ever.

He knows any children we have will be raised vegetarian. He understood that before I even said anything.



I think as long as both parties respect the other's choices, then there is no problem. If one partner is looking for the other to change... well, then there is a problem.

orange09 05-21-2007 11:13 PM

relationships depend on the couples, actually, not on what they eat.





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*AJ* 05-22-2007 03:47 AM

Hi petal9 -



I really think it depends on whether or not you're already in a relationship or if you are looking for a relationship. I am in a pretty serious and committed relationship now (3 1/2 years - longest ever for me) and my partner was an omni when we started dating. He was always respectful and supportive. He made the decision to go vegetarian completely and utterly on his own. I know if I had harbored any beliefs or desires to try to 'convert' him it would have never worked (we're both very strong-willed). That being said, I've had periods in my life where I will only date vegetarians or vegans. I used to go back and forth and just now consider myself very lucky that the man I will probably marry is a vegetarian (at least for now - he says if we ever move to the Pacific Northwest he won't be able to resist the seafood).



Journaling has always been helpful to me. Whether that's doing a bit of writing after dates with omni guys or just kind of doing some free hand about the pros and cons of having a veggie partner.



I think the issue of animal rights plays in to it too. If you're a veg*n for animal rights reasons or environmental reasons and your partner does not support those some rights or causes, it can cause some strain on a relationship. Obviously it can be done but it can be difficult at times. I know that I want to be with someone who essentially holds a lot of the same beliefs I do as I've chosen to live child-free and want to do activism with my partner. It's been wonderful for us to go to the farm animal rescue together or to go to companion animal rescue events together. It depends on how much these issues and events are going to be a part of your life and whether or not that is something you want to share with your partner or if that can be shared with someone else.



Obviously our SOs can't meet our every need - nor are they responsible too ... but looking at relationships from an objective view ... what do you eventually want ... what kind of relationship will bring you joy and happiness? Exploring this now before you get really serious with someone is a wise choice. Congratulations on being willing to look at it and not just assume it'll automatically work out.



Good Luck!!!

NiceDream 05-28-2007 02:01 PM

i really couldnt date a non veggie. I will not allow meat into my home, my kitchen is a dead animal free environment. This may sound a little extreme to some but im so passionate about veganism, i couldnt eat from a kitchen that had dead animals lying around or a cooker that had previously cooked dead flesh.



As for snoggin a non veggie, ewww no thanks.

zoebird 05-29-2007 03:22 AM

i think the big thing here is about preferences and respect.



if you're really uncomfortable with the idea of him eating meat (ie, it being in his body, etc), then perhaps it won't work because you prefer something else (namely, to not be uncomfortable. ). so, perhaps it is best to let it go.



but, if it doesn't really make you uncomfortable, then at a certain point you have to respect his decisions and accept him as he is. really, acceptance is the basis for any good relationship. people are full of conflicts and contradictions and foibles. if you can accept him as he is, right now, then go for it.



some people can live with things that i cannot; i can live with things that others cannot. it's ok. figure out what you want, what you can live with, what makes you comfortable, and go from there.



(btw, my husband eats meat and it's not a problem for me).

NiceDream 05-29-2007 12:17 PM

My ex decided to go veggie about 2 years ago, even though he never bought meat into the home, he would eat it if we were out together. I just felt he went veggie for the wrong reasons, felt like i was forcing him to give up meat and i didnt like feeling like that.



I also got a little sick and tired of the meat jokes, the desperate looks he would give to the hot chicken counter at Asda and the digs from friends as awwww poor guy she wont let him eat meat.

jeezycreezy 05-29-2007 12:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by petal9 View Post

id want to convert him but i dont want to do that or have that in there either...



Converting people is a bad idea (I have tried it, I speak from experience, my soon to be exwife strongly urged me to never do that to another person again...something to do with always feeling guilty, I think she said).



You either like the person as-is or you don't like that person. You can't pick the parts you like and expect the other person to change what you dislike just to please you, in veg*nism as well as in any other aspect of your life.



Also you already seem to have doubts. That's not a particularly great way to start a relationship if you ask me.

Sister BDSQ 05-29-2007 01:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by NiceDream View Post


and the digs from friends as awwww poor guy she wont let him eat meat.



I hate that. "Oh, she lets you eat meat right? GOOD!" Like eating meat is some great thing that everyone must do and I'm some evil effing b*tch that controls every action of my boyfriend, including preventing him from eating dead animals. He can eat whatever the eff he wants...and he does, based on what he LIKES! Sure, I'd PREFER if he didn't, but I love him and want him to be happy so we accept each other the way we are. You'd think that the ppl in question (who are infact my mom and dad) would be a little less condescending. Especially considering dad is the one with insulin-dependent Diabetes and mom has HBP. Jerks.

petal9 05-30-2007 03:01 PM

Update time and a special thanx to *AJ* your response was excellent and spot on....It had been pretty cool right up till last nite, it was the first time i could smell it on him and i cringed, he'd just eaten veal (excuse me while i go throw up!!) Obviously this is more a physical relationship than on any other level but that is basically where i was going with this post earlier, i think it doesnt make me like the person or him any less but i feel it alot harder to be completely in the now and enjoy it to the fullest with them if i have to try to step around this issue, he'd actually cut back on eating it a bunch, of his own will but had then made comments last nite about how he could never give it up as its too yummy, i feel so passionate and convinced i could never go back to eating it and it is a way of life for me, theres no way i could long term be wit n omni, theyre just totally in another zone.

NiceDream 05-30-2007 04:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister BDSQ View Post

I hate that. "Oh, she lets you eat meat right? GOOD!" Like eating meat is some great thing that everyone must do and I'm some evil effing b*tch that controls every action of my boyfriend, including preventing him from eating dead animals. He can eat whatever the eff he wants...and he does, based on what he LIKES! Sure, I'd PREFER if he didn't, but I love him and want him to be happy so we accept each other the way we are. You'd think that the ppl in question (who are infact my mom and dad) would be a little less condescending. Especially considering dad is the one with insulin-dependent Diabetes and mom has HBP. Jerks.



well when i met my ex 14 years ago, he knew then how strong i felt about having meat in the house, he accepted that i was a strict veggie at the time and ended up moving in kind of being ok with that. I never tried to convert him, he accepted my beliefs though never actually agreed with them, he still to this day believes veganism to be extreme ( i went vegan about a year and half ago), unatural and something he cannot accept or uinderstand.

troub 05-30-2007 06:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by orange09 View Post

relationships depend on the couples, actually, not on what they eat.



But many times, one's diet has a direct correlation to who they are.



If someone can know fully the evils and consequences in the factory farming industry, and have the means, but still don't even want to pursue veganism, then their personality isn't something I want to be committed to long term. They obviously don't have much empathy; and empathy, or rather lack thereof, is one of the character traits that is a "deal breaker" for me, so to speak.

*AJ* 05-31-2007 12:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by petal9 View Post

Update time and a special thanx to *AJ* your response was excellent and spot on....It had been pretty cool right up till last nite, it was the first time i could smell it on him and i cringed, he'd just eaten veal (excuse me while i go throw up!!) Obviously this is more a physical relationship than on any other level but that is basically where i was going with this post earlier, i think it doesnt make me like the person or him any less but i feel it alot harder to be completely in the now and enjoy it to the fullest with them if i have to try to step around this issue, he'd actually cut back on eating it a bunch, of his own will but had then made comments last nite about how he could never give it up as its too yummy, i feel so passionate and convinced i could never go back to eating it and it is a way of life for me, theres no way i could long term be wit n omni, theyre just totally in another zone.



It is a difficult decision ... any update on how things are going?

NiceDream 05-31-2007 09:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

But many times, one's diet has a direct correlation to who they are.



If someone can know fully the evils and consequences in the factory farming industry, and have the means, but still don't even want to pursue veganism, then their personality isn't something I want to be committed to long term. They obviously don't have much empathy; and empathy, or rather lack thereof, is one of the character traits that is a "deal breaker" for me, so to speak.



Yes it can also be difficult being green, being vegan and being pagan while living with a non green, non veggie person who ridicules your beliefs. If there understanding and supportive then thats different, but sometimes there is a bit more to it than that. Enough to put me off ever dating a non veggie again at least. For me veganism is part of my beliefs, its so much more than just a diet.



OK he did agree not to eat meat in my home and eventualy went veggie, but for the wrong reasons. That just dont work.

evan_fabiani 05-31-2007 09:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by orange09 View Post

relationships depend on the couples, actually, not on what they eat.





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i beg to differ. veg*nism isnt just about what you eat, but an understanding. a way of life. I wouldnt want to be with anyone who doesnt have the same udnerstanding for life as me. If i was already with someone before i turned veg i wouldnt break up with them because of it, but i also wouldnt allow myself to fall in love with someone who consumed flesh. thank god my gf doesnt eat animals

zoebird 05-31-2007 11:05 AM

my husband is an omnivore; i'm veg. we have the same/similar understandings of life, of our way of life. but, i guess i'm a more liberal 'veg' than others.

NiceDream 06-07-2007 04:46 AM

Theres a guy interested in me, quite cute and all that but non veggie and i get the feeling he may not be respectful of my vegan ways.



Said hes going to bring himself a chicken sandwich to an veggie event, something tells me not to bother. What do you think?



I spent 14 years with a non veggie guy, although he totally showed respect to my veggie/vegan lifestyle he did crack way too many stupid jokes like that. Cant be botherd me thinks.

zoebird 06-07-2007 07:48 AM

seems to me that if he can't be veggie at a veggie event (one meal), then he's not respectful of anyone's beliefs. it would be like taking pork to a kosher jewish gathering. highly inappropriate and disrespectful.



my husband, while an omnivore, will happily eat a number of veggie meals. breakfast is usually vegetarian for him, and while we were travelling in NZ, we cooked a lot of food in the hostel. it was easier to cook vegetarian than to worry about meat (buying, prepping, and clean up). So, every meal that we cooked was vegetarian. when we would go out to dinner, he would order meat. i think he ate meat about two or three times during the week.



so, it is possible to be very respectful and open as an omnivore. my husband would never dream of bringing a chicken sandwich to a veggie event where there would be plenty of good food. we're going to such an event this weekend--and we both know that we'll enjoy all of the food there (it's a vegan event actually).

*AJ* 06-07-2007 03:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

seems to me that if he can't be veggie at a veggie event (one meal), then he's not respectful of anyone's beliefs. it would be like taking pork to a kosher jewish gathering. highly inappropriate and disrespectful.



my husband, while an omnivore, will happily eat a number of veggie meals. breakfast is usually vegetarian for him, and while we were travelling in NZ, we cooked a lot of food in the hostel. it was easier to cook vegetarian than to worry about meat (buying, prepping, and clean up). So, every meal that we cooked was vegetarian. when we would go out to dinner, he would order meat. i think he ate meat about two or three times during the week.



so, it is possible to be very respectful and open as an omnivore. my husband would never dream of bringing a chicken sandwich to a veggie event where there would be plenty of good food. we're going to such an event this weekend--and we both know that we'll enjoy all of the food there (it's a vegan event actually).



this is how my omni boyfriend was before he became a vegetarian (I just got lucky - no efforts to 'convert' on my part - he's quite an environmentalist and the argument that you can't be a true environmentalist while still eating meat finally got him).



I think this is what you have to search for ... someone who will truly respect you and vegatarianism in general ... someone who makes jokes about it isn't being respectful - even though they'll probably just insist that you don't have a sense of humor ... someone feeling that they must have meat at a specifically veg*n function obviously is either trying to be 'funny,' i.e., not respectful, or trying to make a statement (like - I'm not going to let those crazy vegeterians convert me!).



Though I'm not a vegan (am in the transition process though), I wouldn't dream of bringing anything not vegan to the farm animal sanctuary that I support - it would be disrespectful of the work and outreach they do.

NiceDream 06-08-2007 04:06 PM

you know, i love a good laugh, will laugh at myself (if you cant laugh at yourself then you shouldnt laugh at/with others really) but there are some things i dont find funny, one is taking the p!$$ out of something i feel passionate about.



So no, decided not to meet up with him.

*AJ* 06-09-2007 01:50 AM

Hey NiceDream - sounds like you made a good choice!

petal9 06-13-2007 12:24 AM

Yea...nicedream thats what i think, why bother starting something with someone who you knw doesnt have the same respect about it, i cant stand those corny jokes about sneaking meat, what a tool, i wonder if he realises what he's really saying by making those comments.

NiceDream 06-13-2007 02:38 PM

yeah those veggie/vegan jokes are so dull, they must think there being so original, like we never heard it before.



Very sad.

Jesska 06-13-2007 11:36 PM

My guy & I have been together for 9months now- we're doing great even tho he's a meat eater. I told myself after the ex that the next guy I'd be with would be vegetarian & we'd learn from each other. It just didn't happen. I met my guy & fell in love- I knew he had faults- eating animals was a big one. But I had cooked meat before for the ex & I buy meat for my pets so handling meat is no real problem, but when he'd whip out a steak for a BBQ I had something to say. I used to download pics of animal cruelty & slaughter to kind of turn him off- I'd have them on the computer but never put them into a folder so if he clicked on pics- he'd see them. It made him angry cause he didn't want to see it & honestly- we did have a fight about it, I called him ignorant & said I loved animals more than him because I don't eat them. But I was veg & into animal rescue when he met me so he knew what he was in for. Now he is trying to better himself- even tho he wont give up meat- he eats a lot of vegetarian food with me. He has agreed to only buy free range organic chicken meat because it saddened him to see the chickens in cages & he only buys free range eggs & we buy only cruelty free products- he's very willing to do that. But unfortunately we're still trying to find a butcher that sells only free range steaks etc. He's told me he's not giving up meat- that saddens me but he's a good guy- at least he's changing his habits. But please- never sit back & let someone tell you you're wasting your time by helping animals. I stayed silent & almost gave up on my beliefs & everything my heart was telling me. I feel I lost part of myself for three years- don't compromise anything when your beliefs are on the line. You will find someone who loves you quirks & all. But make sure you are respected- don't settle for less

bluegold 06-15-2007 11:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by synergy View Post




I think as long as both parties respect the other's choices, then there is no problem. If one partner is looking for the other to change... well, then there is a problem.



sorta sums up a relationship and how it should be

NiceDream 06-16-2007 09:38 AM

Im at that stage though where i cant eat from a restaurant/persons home that cooks meat, i dont enjoy sitting eating with meat eaters as it makes me uncomfortable. If im visiting my meat eating friends they are ok with me taking my own food along, once there used to my weird little ways with food they dont usually take offence, well some have in the past, but then oh hum! whatever!



Im not sure if i would feel comfortable snogging a meat eater, just a total turn off for me.

tearhsong2 06-16-2007 03:56 PM

I'm married to a meat eater who is very supportive and respectful of me be a vegetarian. I'm just as respectful and supportive back. We cook for each other and we're fine with that. As far as kissing goes, he has to at least rinse out his mouth if he's been eating meat before we kiss. We're raising our daughter as an meat eater for now, but she will be exposed to veg*nism through me and will have the option to stop eating meat if she wants to.



It works for us. Being a vegetarian is *my* choice and I'm not going to force it on other people. If people have questions I'm willing to answer them and even help them with becoming veg*n if they want, but I won't force them to do it. I learned the hard way when I first became vegetarian, that forcing other people into anything isn't the way to go and I've also learned not to be preachy about it.


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