Am I asking for too much? - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: Am I asking too much?
Yes, you are kidneylust your a freak. 0 0%
No, I understand and your not a freak. 0 0%
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#1 Old 04-05-2007, 09:03 PM
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I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't like to be around any of it, don't like to go partying, don't like to go to clubs, don't like religion, don't like animal cruelity, don't like gangsta stuff, don't like brand name clothes, don't like mainstreem music, don't like fancy cars, don't like overconfident people, don't like mean people, don't like wasteful people, don't like lazy people, don't like any new horror movies, don't like t.v., don't like videogames, don't like myspace, don't like politics, don't like sodas, don't like greasy foods, don't like Mcdonalds, and hate social standards.



I do like music, art, poetry, movies, older or foreign horror flicks, indie and controversial movies, hippie music, inscents, animals, black light posters, reading, relaxing, playing tennis, going to shows, playing guitar and writing music, eating healthy, drinking only water, educating myself, calming sounds of the earth. ooh and key lime pie



oh and I want a girl who can fall into that category XD.
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#2 Old 04-05-2007, 09:19 PM
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where is the in-between category when you need it?



i think its nice to hope for perfection, but you might need to be flexible on some points.



the girl of your dreams might partake of the occasional organic vegan vanilla cream soda, and like a bit of deepfried tofu once in a while... it'd be a shame to miss out on a wonderful life with her cos she didn't perfectly fit your criteria... ya know?
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#3 Old 04-05-2007, 10:19 PM
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And she may like green tea as well as water! I think it's great that you know what you want, but don't box yourself in. Be open to all people. You may seem poles apart but have the same fundamental ethics. Good luck finding your miss right though. xx
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#4 Old 04-05-2007, 10:26 PM
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Yeah I get you guys, I'm not really asking for all that just some of the main things, like I WILL NOT date a smoker, drinker, drug user, I don't really care what the girl eats as long is its not just fast food (don't wanna fall in love then have her die from a heart attack) I don't really care what they drink either but I don't wanna kiss coffee filled lips you know. Those are some of the major things I guess ooooh and she has to like animals, but my main problem here where I live is all the girls wanna be brand-whores you know where nothing but brand names and all those big glasses and junk and thats all they care about, I want a girl who isn't concerned with all that stuff and realize that their is an actual world out their and want to explore it with me. phew oh and I would really like the girl to be into the same music as me and respect that I'm a musician.
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#5 Old 04-05-2007, 10:47 PM
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I knew what you meant, I was just teasing about the tea thing.



I definately don't think you're asking too much at all. Nothing wrong with knowing what you want. I think if the girls near you are brand whores, you need to swim a little further out to sea. Annoyingly, you usually find that person when you're not looking.
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#6 Old 04-05-2007, 11:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidneylust View Post

I don't really care what the girl eats as long is its not just fast food (don't wanna fall in love then have her die from a heart attack)



But she's not going to have a heart attack when she's with you, it'll be the guy she's with 30 years from now, so let him worry about it j/k





You seem to have very specific likes and dislikes. Because of this, you're going to find it very difficult to meet your 'ideal' person in the conventional way. People like yourself have much better luck dating online. It worked for me.



Quote:
I do like music, art, poetry, movies, older or foreign horror flicks, indie and controversial movies, hippie music, inscents, animals, black light posters, reading, relaxing, playing tennis, going to shows, playing guitar and writing music, eating healthy, drinking only water, educating myself, calming sounds of the earth. ooh and key lime pie



Put something like this on an online personals site and you might have some luck.
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#7 Old 04-05-2007, 11:30 PM
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I voted no.... but I'm also a sympathetic audience as I have a lot of the same likes and dislikes, and the same problems with meeting someone.



My advice: avoid online dating.
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#8 Old 04-05-2007, 11:36 PM
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Some of your concerns seem a little superficial to me, such as girls who wear labels. I guess if she dedicates herself to wearing the latest fashion it can be reflective of her values, but I wear some expensive clothing and I wouldn't exactly consider myself an airhead or total conformist or anything. (If those are your main concerns about it?)



Otherwise, it's really good you aren't just going to take whatever is on offer. God knows, I'm in no position to preach with my stupid demands.
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#9 Old 04-05-2007, 11:48 PM
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I think your lists are great for knowing you. But you will never find anyone else to fit into your lists. Sometimes opposites attract. I agree w/ the smoking and drugs part, I couldn't deal w/ that either. But as for what someone else eats and drinks, you might have to bend a little.



I don't think you are a freak at all. I think you are a sensitive guy who is finding out a lot about himself, that's great. If you aren't finding the kind of fish you are looking for, you may want to search a different pond. Where are you looking? I have always found that you never find love when you are searching for it. For some reason it has to sneek up on you when you least expect it. You'll find your dream girl, or she'll find you. Fear not...
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#10 Old 04-06-2007, 12:01 AM
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I don't know how old you are but a lot of these things seem quite juvenile. I think, as you grow older, you will see that love can be found in many different people; not just in those who are most like us. Would you really refrain from getting to know someone because you see them drinking coffee? Or if they enjoy horror movies? These are all very superficial nit-picks and that's surprising for someone who seems to hate superficiality.



The hard truth is that you are not ever going to find someone who mirrors you completely. And would that even been the ideal? Are you so insecure that you need to be around someone who doesn't ever challenge you ... who doesn't foster their own sense of self and independent identity?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidneylust View Post

Those are some of the major things I guess ooooh and she has to like animals, but my main problem here where I live is all the girls wanna be brand-whores you know where nothing but brand names and all those big glasses and junk and thats all they care about, I want a girl who isn't concerned with all that stuff and realize that their is an actual world out their and want to explore it with me.



See, this is another example of you being superficial about others' superficiality. Do you not think it is possible to possess both qualities? I certainly am one example of that. I love fashion and the ability to play with and change my appearance. I am far from a 'brand-whore' as I don't usually buy designer, but I enjoy clothing, accessories and makeup with passion. But that hardly negates my intellect, my strong sense of self and the causes that I champion for daily.



It may be that there are many thoughtful, passionate and intellegent women out there but because of some small 'defect' in character [based on your own judgement] you bypass them all. I am not telling you not to have standards. On the contrary. Knowing yourself enough to know that you won't be with a smoker, a drug user, and a religious person is great. It's when you start judging someone on very base and superficial interests such as the type of music or movies or beverages they enjoy that you end up becoming the very person you say you abhor.



The best part of a relationship, imo, is the opportunity for personal and shared growth. Don't be afraid to dig a little deeper.
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#11 Old 04-06-2007, 12:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Hang~Ten~Honey View Post

Would you really refrain from getting to know someone because you see them drinking coffee?



Remember this thread HTH https://www.veggieboards.com/boards/s...ad.php?t=68711
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#12 Old 04-06-2007, 04:59 AM
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I used to have this friend in highschool who was all anti-conformist. One time she told me that she bought a skirt she really liked at the Goodwill and was later horrified to see a "GAP" lable on the inside, and returned it. She said it was because she wasn't obsessed with lables....











Anyways if anything I think you're asking too little. Unless you're just looking for a date to incenseblacklightpolooza.
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#13 Old 04-06-2007, 05:41 AM
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I definetly agree with Hangtenhoney. I am also very fashion-interested, love make-up and accesories. But that doesnt mean that I dont know that there is more to life..you know. People are so complicated..things like what movies you prefer, what clothes you like, is not important really. What is more important is how the girl behaves, attitudes, and her personality.
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#14 Old 04-06-2007, 07:04 AM
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I don't know how old you are either, but you reach a point in life where you stop making lists of things you like and dislike (right around when you stop doing those "get to know your friends" forwards, lol) - and you look to see who a person is inside, not what glasses they wear, not what beverages they drink.



Obviously it is perfectly reasonable to want a partner that does not do drugs of any kind. There are a lot of us out there ;-) I do not drink, but my husband does occasionally, and I don't mind it at all.



REmember, who YOU are will change with time too - you might become very interested in politics, you might suddenly realize you LOVE watching 24 with your friends, or "Lost" - even if you don't like TV normally ( I had no TV for years, and even still have no cable, but I enjoy watching a couple shows with friends now, its entertaining and a good social get together.) Don't be so rigid, don't compromise on the most important things - like respect, and compassion, etc - but everything else is just overkill and could prevent you from meeting someone who is really worth it. I have friends who wear designer stuff from time to time, they aren't the shallow hollow husks of humanity you might think they are, lol.
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#15 Old 04-06-2007, 07:31 AM
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I think there was some good advice here, but don't settle. Believe it or not there are lots of people out there and there are people who think similar to you. No matter who you find you are going to find imperfections in that person, and will never find a perfect match. The key is to find someone who matches all of your critical core needs, and many of the more superficial ones. Usually your best match is someone you would have least expected. The ones who match you well tend to blend in to society as opposed to standing out, making them harder to notice.



And never judge someone on the outside. Ever. That is sage advice.
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#16 Old 04-06-2007, 07:52 AM
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With my vote, it's now 50% you're a freak, and 50% you're not. :P



I don't think you are, I think most people are picky about who they spend their time with. You'll find someone who matches up with you when you're not looking.
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#17 Old 04-06-2007, 08:05 AM
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not that im not occassionally guilty of this myself, but (and i think im quoting jd salinger here) sometimes not conforming is conforming as much as anybody else.
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#18 Old 04-07-2007, 05:15 AM
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You actually sound like quite a cool person I sometimes think i expect too much too and find it hard to meet someone who isn't just into beer and football... so i can relate!
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#19 Old 04-07-2007, 06:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwerks View Post

I used to have this friend in highschool who was all anti-conformist. One time she told me that she bought a skirt she really liked at the Goodwill and was later horrified to see a "GAP" lable on the inside, and returned it. She said it was because she wasn't obsessed with lables....

.



hahahahaha

some people



surely anywhere has a label in thier clothes, even primark is a label!



anyhooo

I think youre being a wee bit fussy and judgemental.

Just because someone likes certain things you dont you shouldnt not bother with them! You'll miss out on so many amazing friends and girlfriends that way.



Not everyone who drinks and uses drugs is an alcohlic junkie!
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#20 Old 04-07-2007, 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Pirate Ferret View Post

hahahahaha

some people



surely anywhere has a label in thier clothes, even primark is a label!



anyhooo

I think youre being a wee bit fussy and judgemental.

Just because someone likes certain things you dont you shouldnt not bother with them! You'll miss out on so many amazing friends and girlfriends that way.



Not everyone who drinks and uses drugs is an alcohlic junkie!



well i'm sorry but personally i wouldn't want to date someone who uses drugs either...not even pot, really, although i don't mind that so much. i would definitely NEVER go near anyone who used coke as it's totally immoral...

and i prefer guys who aren't big drinkers, just a bit of wine at meals, that kind of thing. Just thought i'd say that...
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#21 Old 04-07-2007, 01:55 PM
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I think tablaqueen actually understands me. Yay.
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#22 Old 04-07-2007, 03:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidneylust View Post

I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't like to be around any of it, don't like to go partying, don't like to go to clubs, don't like religion, don't like animal cruelity, don't like gangsta stuff, don't like brand name clothes, don't like mainstreem music, don't like fancy cars, don't like overconfident people, don't like mean people, don't like wasteful people, don't like lazy people, don't like any new horror movies, don't like t.v., don't like videogames, don't like myspace, don't like politics, don't like sodas, don't like greasy foods, don't like Mcdonalds, and hate social standards.



IMHO, by eliminating all of those factors, you're taking out a lot of fun you could be having.



Lazy days watching TV and eating junk food can be fun every now and then, and there's nothing like late night gaming when you're over-your-heels drunk.
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#23 Old 04-07-2007, 04:30 PM
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Well, if we lived in the same state and I was 15 or 20 years younger (I'm guessing) and single, I'd date you in a minute!
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#24 Old 04-07-2007, 10:24 PM
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Often opposites attract. You'd probably be most compatible with a cigar smoking female:-)
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#25 Old 04-08-2007, 10:32 AM
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The only thing I'd worry about is that you might judge people or affix labels to them ("she's a brand whore" "he's an alcoholic") before actually getting to know them. People have a wonderful range of diversity and goodness in 'em if you take the time to look.



Good luck! I married a man nothing like me and we're wonderfully happy.
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#26 Old 04-08-2007, 12:47 PM
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I too, am now wondering your age, haha. Anyway, my suggestion is this, concentrate on YOU, what YOU are interested in, and try to get out of the house as often as possible. Peruse health food stores just for fun. Go to groovy outdoor concerts for bands you are into. You said you love animals, so if you have a dog, you could take it to a dog park. Usually, the love of your life comes along when you least expect it. Make sure that you are defining/building who you really are so when a girl asks, you can say "Hey, this who I am." Did any of that make sense? Don't rush into finding the "right person". They will come!
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#27 Old 04-08-2007, 01:31 PM
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I think a list can be good, but it has to be based on something and open to change. For example, one can think about past relationships and what they've learned about what they can deal with that they didn't think they could, or red flags that they hadn't thought of before.



I have a list, but it's best to keep it vague and unassuming. For example, instead of brand name whore because it indicates x about a person, why not just say that you don't want someone who is superficial, and that's something you can find out as you get to know them. It's quite possible that many people who care about fashion too much are superficial, but be careful in learning how fast you can diagnose a person's bad points from limited "symptoms".



There will be some silly things that can become pretty reliable indicators about a person, but they still need to be taken in context. For example, a person with a very expensive flashy car, I might have good reason to believe they care about making an impression, or spend money in a way that is incompatible with me. However, I might talk to them and find out it's not really their car, or their dad bought it for them and they don't like it, or they got it very cheap and just like making it look nice as a hobby and otherwise aren't worried about impressing people.



As far as opposites attracting, there is a lot of research that the more similar people are, the better their chances of long-term success, but those may be important similarities (like core values, world view and temperment), not the little things that can spice up life.



On one hand, a homebody like me, might find an adventurous extrovert exciting for a short fling, but after a few months, we'd probably get annoyed with each other. On the other, I prefer indie rock to jazz, but I'm sure I could grow to love jazz with some cool cat and live happily ever after. I've learned to like lots of things from former SO's like new foods, activities, music, movies, etc. and they've learned from me, too.* However, no one has gotten me to change my core personality. No matter how cleanly you are, or how much you nag, I will always live in *some* clutter. WYSIWYG. It just depends on what areas a person can stretch in and what areas are a solid part of your personality and values. This is where building dating and relationship experience really helps.



*I had an SO who knew very little music outside of classical, and I got him into Steely Dan. Well turns out his fiancee is into Steely Dan, and I'm thinking he pass my love of them on to his next SO!
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#28 Old 04-08-2007, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidneylust View Post

I think tablaqueen actually understands me. Yay.



psst... we don't have to agree to understand. ;-)
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#29 Old 04-08-2007, 03:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidneylust View Post

and all those big glasses

What is it with you and glasses?



Your tastes in things are somewhat similar to mine but I think instead of obsessing over particularities you should think about more general qualities. Instead of listing specific non-mainstream things and requiring someone to like all of them, it makes more sense to have a general requirement that they're interested in non-mainstream things.

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#30 Old 04-08-2007, 03:24 PM
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I used to have this friend in highschool who was all anti-conformist. One time she told me that she bought a skirt she really liked at the Goodwill and was later horrified to see a "GAP" lable on the inside, and returned it. She said it was because she wasn't obsessed with lables....

Yeah, this seems a little crazy to me. I remember as a teen I was very obsessed with the idea of being non-conformist, and people who conformed were letting themselves be controlled and not thinking for themselves. I put a lot of energy into proving to people I was different. Now I do what I want with as little effort put towards trying to fit in as trying to be different. I don't try, I just do.
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