how do you know if someone will actually call...? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 06-22-2006, 09:31 PM
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Hey guys, I find myself in need of some ADVICE, but background info i guess is necessary...



I met this guy through work and we hit it off immediately. We seem to enjoy each other's company and he's driven me home a couple times. Nothing physical has happened but our interaction is fun and flirtatious for the most part. About three weeks ago, after he moved into his apartment, he invited me over but I wasn't able to go, thus, I gave him my number. (His apartment doesn't have a phone line and he doesn't have a cell "yet," so I am not able to contact him.) Every time we run into each other (usually in the workplace) he mentions hanging out once he gets settled in, or a variation of that sentiment, HOWEVER he has already lost my number twice and it's been a few weeks since I first expected him to call. He has come right out and asked for it again, suggested on his own accord that we'll have to make plans, but I'm wondering if it's realistic to expect it to ever happen. I realize he is busy getting settled into his new place, with his new "real" job and his band, but I would think that if the attraction (or whatever it is) is mutual that we would've gotten together by now (or he would've at least called)...?



Please offer any wisdom or additional points of view if you've got it! thanks.
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#2 Old 06-22-2006, 09:40 PM
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He sounds interested, but out of sorts if you ask me. See if he follows through on his plans, let him have your number if he asks again, but don't allow yourself to just hang there waiting on him. Get on with your life.... if that brings another prospect who follows through, so be it.
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#3 Old 06-23-2006, 05:40 AM
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He sounds really distracted. Does he have an internet connection?



Just be patient, like froggy said, he does sound interested.
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#4 Old 06-23-2006, 08:28 AM
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What sort of guy with a job, and a band doesn't have a phone? It sounds like an excuse, big time. Everyone and their mother has a cell phone. Give me a break.



Move on. That's the best advice given so far. If he's lost your number several times already, he's probably distracted, yes, but more likely immature, absent-minded and disorganised and probably won't get his act together for a long time to come.
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#5 Old 06-23-2006, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Tempeh-Tantrums View Post

Everyone and their mother has a cell phone.



Oh? I don't, and neither does my husband. We're both professionals with good jobs too.



Skunkpumpkin- it sounds to me like he probably IS interested, but maybe isn't the most reliable guy out there. Someone like that would probably make me crazy, personally, but I like froggy's advice. He could just be a bit out of it due to his move etc.
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#6 Old 06-23-2006, 11:27 AM
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Dating someone from work is always more trouble than it's worth. Rule #1 is don't stick your pen in the company ink. Ditch him.



-Kevin
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#7 Old 06-23-2006, 01:01 PM
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But at least he asked for your number again, you know. So he probably didn't "accidentally" lose it. He does seem a little unreliable and/or disaorganized (hence repeatedly losing your #, even though he does admit it and ask for it again). But what everyone is saying makes a lot of sense.



And Kevin's caution is very sensible. You would have to be really cautious dating and working together, and depending on how recently you and he have ben hired (like, if one of you are particularly new) it would definitely need to be put off. I don't think starting a relationship with a coworker would make a new hire look good.

But that doesn't mean it would inherently be a bad thing. If it did happen, you would both need to talk about it and have strict ground rules for yourselves, i.e. "As far as the workplace is concerned, we are not dating. period. no pecks on the cheek in the breakroom, or whatever." Obviously that calls for maturity on both people's parts, and you would need to ascertain if he possesses that maturity.



And yea, not everyone has a cell. One of my friends just doesn't want one.
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#8 Old 06-23-2006, 01:28 PM
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I moved last year and it is so easy to lose telephone numbers (especially if one doesn't have a phone) and lots of other things in the weeks leading to and following moving.



It sounds to me like he's interested too. I like the idea of setting up a definite meeting the next time you run into him.
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#9 Old 06-23-2006, 01:42 PM
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hold one of their companion animals for ransom. always worked for me.
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#10 Old 06-23-2006, 01:57 PM
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If he is so negletful to keep losing your number than he really isn't as interested as you may think. He only seems interested when he's around you and as soon as you leave work, you're the last thing on his mind. I say forget about him. Find someone who truly cares.
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#11 Old 06-23-2006, 02:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffenoughtoroc View Post

If he is so negletful to keep losing your number than he really isn't as interested as you may think. He only seems interested when he's around you and as soon as you leave work, you're the last thing on his mind. I say forget about him. Find someone who truly cares.



Yea, that is a good point.
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#12 Old 06-23-2006, 02:28 PM
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Dating someone from work is always more trouble than it's worth. Rule #1 is don't stick your pen in the company ink. Ditch him.



-Kevin



Well, like I said, he recently started a new, higher-paying job, so at this point he's in the process of quitting.



Thanks for the advice, guys. you have brought up really good points. I guess I'll give it a little time (ugh).
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#13 Old 06-23-2006, 02:30 PM
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Oh, he got another job, and is quitting the one you are at? No worry in that area then.
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#14 Old 06-23-2006, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevinLA View Post

Dating someone from work is always more trouble than it's worth. Rule #1 is don't stick your pen in the company ink. Ditch him.



-Kevin



haha

I met my husband at work.

Honestly, he sounds like a flake. He'll probably forget dates or birthdays or other things too. That would drive me crazy. I'd probably just avoid giving him my number again. He'll either find one of the other dozen times you've written it out or stop asking. lol

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#15 Old 06-23-2006, 02:46 PM
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haha

I met my husband at work.



So did I. Eight years later Denny's still sucks, and we haven't worked there for seven. But we're more in love than ever.
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#16 Old 06-23-2006, 03:32 PM
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My daughter just got married and she met her husband at work!
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#17 Old 06-23-2006, 04:20 PM
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I would say don't expect anything to happen. From what I've been able to figure out, guys generally don't give mixed signals. Anything that seems like mixed signals means usually that he thinks you're pretty ok, but isn't really all that interested. If he well and truly liked you, he'd be asking you out and making actual plans.



However, the chance exists that he may quite like you and just be out of sorts. So if he does ask you out, it could be fun to say yes. Make him come after you though. If he does, it's a sign that he likes you. If he won't go even a tad out of his way, best to find someone who likes you enough to do that.
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#18 Old 06-23-2006, 04:50 PM
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He sounds sincere. Moving is so stressful and chaotic. If at all possible, next time he asks for your number so you can "do coffee or whatever" why not suggest to him "well what are you doing after work? we could grab some coffee/drinks/whatever for a little bit if you have the time." If he's really interested, he should find at least 15 minutes for you, unless he's really truly busy, in which case try again and call it quits after try #2 and let him come after you if you want him. Keep in mind I'm not expert at this dating business, but that is what I would do. I hate to sit around waiting, lol.

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#19 Old 06-23-2006, 04:53 PM
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So did I. Eight years later Denny's still sucks, and we haven't worked there for seven. But we're more in love than ever.



Yeah he quit working there a little after and I quit a year later. He's the only good thing that came out of that job.

It's been, wow, 10 years! Already! lol

Mary
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#20 Old 06-23-2006, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffenoughtoroc View Post

If he is so negletful to keep losing your number than he really isn't as interested as you may think. He only seems interested when he's around you and as soon as you leave work, you're the last thing on his mind. I say forget about him. Find someone who truly cares.



This is what i immediately thought, although i don't actually think he has lost your number. I think it's his excuse for not calling you, and him asking for your number again is his way of getting out of telling you he isn't interested. If you're really interested in someone, you'd make sure you didn't lose their number... especially twice! However, you did say his apartment doesn't have a phone, and he doesn't have a mobile, which would make it a little difficult for him to call someone! lol Can't you arrange something with him next time you see him at work, before he leaves?
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#21 Old 06-23-2006, 05:42 PM
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Did he ask for your number in the first place, or did you just give it to him? Just curious.
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#22 Old 06-23-2006, 07:16 PM
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Regina~when I told him that I couldn't come over that night, he said we'd have to arrange plans for another time and said i could call him at work on certain days he'd be there and I said OKAY and offered him my number.



I DO believe that he doesn't have phones at his convenience considering the restaurant has a list of everyone's number and not even the manager has his new one.



He has said things like "I will DEFINITELY be calling in the near future" and "you know I will [call]" and he is pretty "out of sorts", considering he's very laid back and enjoys his mary jane...but still, one can't be sure. It could be that circumstances being what they are, our getting together has been postponed, but I don't want to just be naively following his word when it isn't true, you know?
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#23 Old 06-23-2006, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skunkpumpkin View Post

Hey guys, I find myself in need of some ADVICE, but background info i guess is necessary...



I met this guy through work and we hit it off immediately. We seem to enjoy each other's company and he's driven me home a couple times. Nothing physical has happened but our interaction is fun and flirtatious for the most part. About three weeks ago, after he moved into his apartment, he invited me over but I wasn't able to go, thus, I gave him my number. (His apartment doesn't have a phone line and he doesn't have a cell "yet," so I am not able to contact him.) Every time we run into each other (usually in the workplace) he mentions hanging out once he gets settled in, or a variation of that sentiment, HOWEVER he has already lost my number twice and it's been a few weeks since I first expected him to call. He has come right out and asked for it again, suggested on his own accord that we'll have to make plans, but I'm wondering if it's realistic to expect it to ever happen. I realize he is busy getting settled into his new place, with his new "real" job and his band, but I would think that if the attraction (or whatever it is) is mutual that we would've gotten together by now (or he would've at least called)...?



Please offer any wisdom or additional points of view if you've got it! thanks.



Sounds to me like he's gay.

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#24 Old 06-24-2006, 11:32 AM
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hm.



haha.



WHO KNOWS.
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#25 Old 06-24-2006, 01:35 PM
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Hey - maybe he's not confident that you're interested in him, and he's apprehensive about asking and getting turned down again.



If you like him, corner him and tell him you want to take him to lunch and ask him what day would be best for him. He's already said he wants to do something with you, so it wouldn't come across as pushy.
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#26 Old 06-24-2006, 03:36 PM
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Oh ok (about the number). Just wondering the circumstances.



Do you mean he smokes pot and gets high? I wouldn't have anything to do with anyone who does things like that, from pot to cigarettes, to overly drinking or whatever. My philosophy: If he has that little respect for his own body and mind, how could I expect him to respect mine? But that's just me. Just use caution if he is into that stuff.
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#27 Old 06-24-2006, 10:01 PM
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thanks
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