boyfriend is not vegan - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-01-2006, 10:23 PM
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My boyfriend wants to spend some time apart from me. He says that my veganism has really been hard for him to accept. Although he does show respect when we go out. He eats at vegetarian restaurants and all, but he's starting to doubt there being any future with me if it's always going to be like this. He loves meat, and says he won't give it up permanently. And I'm not scoring any points with his family. They all think I'm crazy. And his mother gets frustrated because she doesn't know what to prepare for me. And it hurts to know that he's condemning what I DON'T put in my mouth. I'm not trying to control what he eats, so he shouldn't bother me about it either. But do you think I should give him some time to really think about what he's said and done? Is there anything I can say or do to convince him that this shouldn't interfere with our love for eachother? This is the first time I've been in a situation like this. So any advice will help because
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#2 Old 05-02-2006, 12:37 AM
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Awww, I'm sorry. *hug*

Maybe he's just feeling out of it, a bad day. Family has a lot of influence, but if he loves you enough that shouldn't matter. The fact that you don't eat animals can be a big thing with omnivores, it can make them feel guilty that they do. Uncomfortable.

Talk to him about it. Talk it all over. Ask him if he really thinks it's such a bad thing, why can't he take it. Tell him how much you care for him, how it hurts you that he feels that way. You want to work it out, right? Couple's counseling might help. Can't hurt to try.

I hope you feel better! That he'll realize how you great you are and won't do anything drastic.

Is being with someone who has a different view on eating, so hard?
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#3 Old 05-02-2006, 01:22 AM
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I kind of know how you bf's family all make fun of me because of my diet

I try to ignore them but i know it's hard...i think you need to sit your bf down and have a heart to heart to see if you have a future together.

good luck!
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#4 Old 05-02-2006, 09:32 AM
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Just curious, Ericha, were you vegan before you and your boyfriend got together or did you adopt a vegan lifestyle afterwards?
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#5 Old 05-02-2006, 06:52 PM
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i hate being mocked by family?! I dont laugh about THEIR stuff. its just not on. sorry. especially if you're vegan for animal rights reasons. thats like you walking in there and laughing at their religeon or something equally close to their heart. perhaps they don't realise how much it effects you. perhaps you're boyfriend doesn't register its more than just a 'food choice' thing.
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#6 Old 05-03-2006, 12:12 AM
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Hey Ericha. I'm very sorry you have to be going through all that. First your dad and now your boyfriend. No one should have to put up with all of that. But you're young, you're life will be starting fresh very soon, with college and new job opportunities... Maybe it's for the best that you're finding all of this out now before things got even more serious. I know that doesn't help make you feel any better though, so I'll just offer my sympathies..
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#7 Old 05-04-2006, 10:55 AM
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All of you are right. But I'm afraid that it might really be over. Apparently he's making the desicion FOR me and not WITH me. So would it still be appropriate for me to talk to him about the way he was acting? Or should I just leave him alone for a while? He'll be moving a few hours away this summer for work, so I probably won't even see him.

He said "I'm doing this because I love you and I want you to move on, sorry."
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#8 Old 05-04-2006, 11:38 AM
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sounds to me like he's just looking for an excuse to get out of your relationship. he's moving away, wants to start anew, blah blah blah... i don't know him obviously but it sounds to me like you deserve a LOT BETTER anyway. he just wants to make a clean break with you, so let him, and move on!

plus, there are plenty of herbivorous fish in the sea, if you know what i mean
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#9 Old 05-04-2006, 01:51 PM
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I agree. This is a convenient excuse to leave. If it wasn't this he'd find some other reason. This just puts it more on you so he doesn't have to deal with any bad feelings he may have that may pop up for making you sad.

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#10 Old 05-06-2006, 09:00 PM
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I'm sorry you have to deal with this - but I would give up. I'll bet you can find someone who'll love you for you and not care about what you do or don't eat. If he can't accept your personal choice on food then what about raising kids or religion?

Good Luck
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#11 Old 05-06-2006, 09:13 PM
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If he's moving several hours away for the summer and you're starting college in the fall, it sounds like you are both in a period of transition, and this relationship is unlikely to survive anyway. If he is making a big deal about your veganism, that's a sign this is not a strong relationship. People who truly love each other and are willing to build a future together realize what a small thing it is for two partners to have different views on eating meat. You have your whole life ahead of you-- you'll meet plenty of new people and ideas in college. It may be time to let this love go. There will be others. Maybe one of them will even be a veg-head!
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#12 Old 05-07-2006, 08:05 AM
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Why don't you try to love him despite him eating meat and lead by example? If vegetarianism is a serious core value for you (which is awesome), then it might be better for you to be with one. He may feel pressured and probably does not like the conflict, so he is pulling away. Best of luck!
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#13 Old 05-07-2006, 01:26 PM
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Sounds to me like this guy does not want to be in a relationship anymore. You said yourself he's made the decision for you, not with you. I'm on the move-on-and-find-a-yummy-vegan-boy boat. I know it's easy for someone on the Internet who doesn't know you or your boyfriend to just say something like that, but honestly we've all been through breakups and it's never easy and it's usually for the best.

Another thing that clues me in that this guy is just looking for a reason to break up with you is that different eating habits are not a big deal. It seems like a cop out to me Yeah it's tough to be criticized, especially by your sig other's family, but we deal with criticism on a practically daily basis from the rest of the world and it's no reason to stop leaving the house. So why should a few awkard situations mean the end of a relationship? EVERYONE has trouble at first with an omni family, but it gets better over time. Hell, I'm married to an omnivore, and my family is vegetarian while his is as mainstream as it gets. But that never stopped us, because we always believed in our union. Sounds to me like your boyfriend doesn't really believe in your union.

As far as whether or not you should talk to him about this: yeah, it couldn't hurt. But I'm warning you, if the boy wants to leave, he'll leave.
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