I'm always going away & leaving him alone... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-22-2006, 06:29 PM
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Hi everyone,

I'd like to know what people think about my situation, and if you think that I am being unfair.

Some background: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years.

My life-long dream is to work in animal welfare/conservation, and I am working really hard at the moment to achieve my aim. 7 weeks after we first got together, I went overseas to volunteer at a conservation/rehabilitation project for apes and spent 2 months there. The trip had already been planned before we even met, and I had been to this particular project already 1 time before. After the 2 months I came back and we felt a bit disconnected from each other. Well, more me - because I had been doing something that I loved so much in a place I really love, so coming back home was a little hard for me. Being away from him for that time had made us distant from each other (emotionally) and it took us a while for our relationship to get back on track - but it eventually did and eveything was wonderful again. A little over a year later, I had the opportunity to go back to that project for 2 more months, and I had to do it - it is invaluable experience for me. So again I went away, got very involved in my work there, and coming back again was hard and we went through the same emotional turmoil. Again, we got back on track and everything is great again - but now I have the opportunity to go overseas and volunteer on a project with bears in China, and then another one in Cambodia. I am really excited about it, because I know that I will learn alot and it will bring me closer to being able to work in animal welfare in a paid/more permanent capacity. But I will be leaving him again - for 5 months. He is sad, but also wants to be encouraging because he knows that it is important to me. But I feel terrible, and wonder if I am being completely unfair to him - I just hope when I return home there won't be that emotional distance between us and things will just be normal. And I hope that my decision to pursue my dreams doesn't result in me losing the man of my dreams (which he definitely is).

Sorry this is long, but any thoughts/opinions would be really appreciated.

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#2 Old 03-22-2006, 07:31 PM
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My ex- boyfriend went back to his country for a month and half while we were dating, and our relationship, in my opinion, never got past that awkward emotional distance you mentioned. We broke up a few months after that. That you and your boyfriend have successfully recovered, with him still being supportive enough to let you go yet again for longer, proves you have a very strong connection. Plus, chances are, even after this one, more opportunities may come up. Soldiers leave for years at a time, and as far as I know, their families usually do not desert them for leaving to work for something they believe in. If you want to have a successful long term relationship, any partner you have will have to accept that these projects are a part of who you are, and a part of the whole package. And, if you've found a man that says he accepts that, and with whom you have such a enduring relationship with, then I'd say. . . accept that he knows what he's saying when he supports you. While 5 months is a long time, its not forever. If you dont let it get awkward and you control that emotional distance before it gets out of hand, you'll both allow yourselves to just be glad to be back together.
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#3 Old 03-24-2006, 07:09 PM
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the man of your dreams will help you pursue your dreams--even if that means being apart for years. if the relationship is right for both of you, then both of you will find a way to make it work, no matter what.
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#4 Old 03-24-2006, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

the man of your dreams will help you pursue your dreams--even if that means being apart for years. if the relationship is right for both of you, then both of you will find a way to make it work, no matter what.

I couldn't put it any better, so I won't even try.

I will however add that if you reflect on the support your bf is giving you by encouraging you to follow your dreams while you're gone you might find that the emotional distance isn't as big as it was previously when you return.
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#5 Old 03-24-2006, 07:56 PM
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#6 Old 03-24-2006, 08:11 PM
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I think if you don't go you could end up resenting him forever for preventing you from pursuing your dreams which would thus end the "man of your dreams" relationship.

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#7 Old 03-24-2006, 08:18 PM
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I agree with the thought that this is not unfair. He is obviously very supportive of you and who you are and what you do, and so I see no reason for this to be seen as unfair. If he hated it so much, he'd leave. But it is obvious that he respects you and who you are and how passionate you are about what you do.

5 months is a long time, but it sounds like you guys really have it good.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
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#8 Old 03-25-2006, 09:13 AM
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I agree with the others who say go! It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and he is being supportive so that is encouraging. If you really want to be with someone you can do so no matter where they live or for how long you have to be apart.
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