worth waiting for? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 03-02-2006, 11:40 AM
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Me and my ex broke up a month ago, it was his decision. He said that he doesnt want a relationship now beacuse of all the things he said to me which were that he doesnt love me yet as much as I would like him too, that he wants to focus on 2 jobs he loves and university.He said he would see our relationship as too much of an obligation. But he also said we can still hang out, have fun.... After some time we still hear from eachother nearly every day. We went out a few times, acted like a couple. So, one night we were out and I was in a new group of people, after he goes home he sends me a text message saying how he wants to be in my life, how he wants anything with me as long as its me, and that he will want anything what ever I want and that he doesnt want to lose me. After 2 weeks I asked him bout it, to give him time, not to jump on what he said that moment. We talked and I asked if he meant what he said, he said Yes. SO now this is how he feels: He doesnt want to lose me to another guy or at all from his life, he doesnt love me yet, and isnt sure if he wants a relationship. He also said he cant say now that he wants this or that. Is it worth waiting for him to make up his mind? OH and last weekend he was out with his friends and he said there were girls all over him tryint things but that NOTHING happend. that he just didnt feel like it. I trust him on this cos he told me he would say when he meets another girl cos he doesnt want to be unfair toward me.
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#2 Old 03-02-2006, 11:51 AM
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If he doesn't want a relationship, and he doesn't love you - well, it's tough if you still love him, but it sure doesn't sound like too good of a deal for you. If you want to wait, OK, but I wouldn't close the door to any other opportunities in case he never makes up his mind. Personally, I want more out of a relationship than someone who just doesn't want me to be with someone else.
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#3 Old 03-02-2006, 12:29 PM
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He's either confused or manipulating you... I personally would not recommend waiting, because he could sit on this for a very long time if he has things exactly where he wants them.



You deserve to be loved and have a good relationship if that's what you want. It's also not a "must" to have someone in your life.
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#4 Old 03-02-2006, 12:38 PM
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tell him if he's interested in a relationship with you, he knows where to find you. until that time, you're getting on with your life in all ways. you can still be his friend, but he's got no exclusive hold on you relationship-wise.

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#5 Old 03-02-2006, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by froggythefrog View Post

He's either confused or manipulating you... I personally would not recommend waiting, because he could sit on this for a very long time if he has things exactly where he wants them.



You deserve to be loved and have a good relationship if that's what you want. It's also not a "must" to have someone in your life.



I agree. He sounds like he likes the idea of having someone just holding out and waiting for him to make up his mind.

I wouldn't pass up anyone's offer for a date waiting for him and if it's difficult for you to be around him because of your feelings for him, let him know you need some time to yourself.

There's something weird about a guy who tells you he doesn't love you but he wants you to wait around and see if he decides to fall in love with you later. You deserve more than to be the backup girl waiting patiently in the wings. Go have some fun!

Mary
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#6 Old 03-02-2006, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post

tell him if he's interested in a relationship with you, he knows where to find you. until that time, you're getting on with your life in all ways. you can still be his friend, but he's got no exclusive hold on you relationship-wise.



I agree.
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#7 Old 03-06-2006, 05:11 AM
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What he is asking you to do is accept a situation where he will be happy with the relationship, but you will not be. its unequal, and unfair - not to mention selfish, and manipulative. If he really cared for you, he wouldn't even dare ask of you to wait.... he'd want you to be happy.



I hope for your sake that your self-esteem is high enough to avoid this trap (I have known women who have been burned in similar positions.) Good luck.
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#8 Old 03-06-2006, 07:14 AM
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I think it would be best for you to end this now - better now than later, since this situation seems like it could go indefinitely, and it's going to be much harder to deal with after a few months have gone by. And such 'arrangements' are almost guaranteed to breed resentment in the long term. Despite what he's saying about wanting you in his life, he has been clear about NOT wanting a relationship at this time, so I'd advise to have zero expectations from him. There is a possibility he might decide to go out with you, but that seems unlikely if he's getting what he wants anyway (i.e. he has you exclusively and without all the commitments involved in a proper relationship). Right now, consciously or not, he is manipulating you, and the best option IMHO would be for you to step away and reassert yourself.



As froggy said :



Quote:
Originally Posted by froggy View Post

You deserve to be loved and have a good relationship if that's what you want. It's also not a "must" to have someone in your life.

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