Being Alone - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 06-16-2003, 08:43 AM
Veggie Regular
 
dawngirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,022
I've been reading a lot of stuff about not so perfect relationships. For those of you that are in the good ones, keep on keepin' on and congrats.



What I am wondering though, is why do a lot of us put up with the less than satisfying ones? Are we afraid to be alone?



What do you think? Are you comfortable being alone, do you enjoy your own company, do you need to be connected to someone all the time?
dawngirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 06-16-2003, 08:57 AM
Veggie Regular
 
carnelian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,965
I LOVE being alone! Alone does not = lonely for me.
carnelian is offline  
#3 Old 06-16-2003, 09:00 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Tiggzie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,622
I like being alone and at times when I am with someone I crave to be alone. I think it's nearly impossible to find someone of like mind or someone who can even understand me. Maybe I just have high standards? I think we put up with less than satisfying relationships because, like you said, a lot of us need to be connected to someone. Sometimes it's so much easier to stay with someone 'ok' then to break it off and be lonely. Well not myself but most people I know. I could be wrong though.
Tiggzie is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 06-16-2003, 09:03 AM
Veggie Regular
 
TreeManEarthSteward's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 7,895
Yeah but would any of you like to be "alone with me" (?).. that is the question! .....I am genuinely lonely so I came to this thread to feel better! ...but I would rather be alone than be in a f---ed up relationship.
TreeManEarthSteward is offline  
#5 Old 06-16-2003, 09:32 AM
Administrator
 
Michael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 19,872
Because there are no nice single people out there? Yeah, that must be it.

Follow me on Twitter - @_jorts
Michael is offline  
#6 Old 06-16-2003, 10:09 AM
Veggie Regular
 
lucycat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 765
I'm in a good, long-term relationship now, but I've always liked being alone. Before this relationship I did go out a lot, but after a few weeks I would always start to feel like I was wasting my time with the other person and would rather just be alone again. I like being on my own. To be unhappy in a relationship is a waste of energy. I have plenty of friends, however, who put up with losers out of fear of "being alone" and "no one else will want me" (and they admitted this).
lucycat is offline  
#7 Old 06-16-2003, 10:53 AM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
There's a great line in Some Kind of Wonderful where the character played by Lea Thompson says, "You know how I said I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons than alone for the right ones? I'd rather be right." *sigh* What a great movie.



I've gone long periods of time without being in a relationship, so I don't think I'm one of those people who stay when it's bad. I do feel lonely when I'm alone, though.
GhostUser is offline  
#8 Old 06-16-2003, 11:30 AM
Veggie Regular
 
holly golightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,369
the nookie

‎"I just think there's something in being lost. I never feel lost. I just think, 'Oh. I've taken a diversion'." ~ Karl Pilkington
holly golightly is offline  
#9 Old 06-16-2003, 12:34 PM
Veggie Regular
 
CaptainSwab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,265
I think that people are afraid of change. People get so used to these long term relationships that when they go bad it seems like they don't even realize it. Its a routine and when your routine is broken it feels like your life is disruptive. I know for myself when looking at past realtionships, I realize that I usually let them go on for longer than is needed and I think that this is true for many other people too. And yes, maybe people are afraid of being alone. Once you get used to seeing the same person every day or evey weeked or whatever, its hard to give it up.
CaptainSwab is offline  
#10 Old 06-16-2003, 03:17 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Marie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 10,153
I hate being alone.. I go from one relationship to the next without a break. Not that I've been in lots... just a few.
Marie is offline  
#11 Old 06-16-2003, 04:04 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Thalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 6,902
Quote:
Originally posted by CaptainSwab

I think that people are afraid of change. People get so used to these long term relationships that when they go bad it seems like they don't even realize it. Its a routine and when your routine is broken it feels like your life is disruptive. I know for myself when looking at past realtionships, I realize that I usually let them go on for longer than is needed and I think that this is true for many other people too. And yes, maybe people are afraid of being alone. Once you get used to seeing the same person every day or evey weeked or whatever, its hard to give it up.

I am sort of the same. It is not fear of being alone (which I love, a little too much I think), but the fear of losing a familiar routine. Case in point, I could start dating I suppose, but I would disrupt my routine again!
Thalia is offline  
#12 Old 06-16-2003, 04:08 PM
Veggie Regular
 
dawngirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,022
Everytime I date someone I start screeching for "alone" time. I don't miss the people...



I miss the nookie.
dawngirl is offline  
#13 Old 06-16-2003, 04:52 PM
Veggie Regular
 
natalie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 712
i like being by myself just fine.
natalie is offline  
#14 Old 06-16-2003, 04:53 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Kamila's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 870
Quote:
Originally posted by Tiggzie

I like being alone and at times when I am with someone I crave to be alone. I think it's nearly impossible to find someone of like mind or someone who can even understand me. Maybe I just have high standards? I think we put up with less than satisfying relationships because, like you said, a lot of us need to be connected to someone. Sometimes it's so much easier to stay with someone 'ok' then to break it off and be lonely. Well not myself but most people I know. I could be wrong though.



Next Saturday will be 28 years for the prince and I. I have always thought that breaking up is what is easy. Relationship when it isn't "fun" or "satisfying" or they cannot give the grace of understanding ME or are not likeminded to ME, is hard. Some of the loneliest women I know are married to great guys.



There have been times I have said, "Enough", there were times he said I cannot take any more of your ****, I'm outta here. (Abuse was never an issue) He has never understood me, but we are good together. I have needed him and I have wanted to shake loose of him. He has felt smothered by me and he has felt he cannot get enough of me. I am glad we honored our covenanted. At this stage in life we truly care more about each other then about ourselves. The incredible highs and the horrible lows have come together to form a history that is the foundation of a right now of love that I never understood before.



Anyone can get through the easy stuff, but you will not know what you are made of or what you are together until you get through the hard stuff.



I absolutely do not, btw, believe in soul-mate mush. I believe in the lust that brings two people to a place of being unable to consider being without that person, needing to be together. I believe in the covenant of marriage being a promise to God by the power of the Holy Spirit, not a promise to each other. I believe love is what happens after the thrill and the romance of lust has died and the hard work has revealed you for who you are. I believe my job is to love and make him feel significant rather then to demand to be loved and be seen as significant. It all comes back to you if only both of you grow, though you may grow at an uneven rate. Lord knows the prince grew up a long time before I did, lucky for me.
Kamila is offline  
#15 Old 06-16-2003, 05:07 PM
Veggie Regular
 
epski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 12,374
I do fine alone or with company, though I usually sought out the company of friends more when I was single. I like the energy. I do like being alone when I'm working. It's very distracting to have even my cat around.



I wish my sister could stand not to be married for at least a couple of months...
epski is offline  
#16 Old 06-16-2003, 06:08 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
I was in a 6 year relationship that I probably could have stuck with and been comfortable, but I knew that neither one of us were really happy. It was very difficult, but I ended it and haven't any regrets. We are only here for a short time, and I refuse to end up a martyr like my mother and other older female relatives and friends. My closest friend is a guy I've known since I was a kid, so when I crave male compaionship, I go to his place and crawl into bed to sleep next to him...it's enough for me!
GhostUser is offline  
#17 Old 06-16-2003, 07:10 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
Hmmm.....I am tired of being alone, but I would not put up with a crappy relationship just to be with someone. I'm ready to find my life partner, ya know!?
GhostUser is offline  
#18 Old 06-16-2003, 07:17 PM
Beginner
 
portabella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 180
Its funny that this thread was posted because I know so many people who just got out of really long term relationships because they weren't going where they should have been. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship and we had both worked really hard and had a lot of fun but we realized that we wanted different things in life. And I wasn't willing to compromise the things I want from life (mostly to have children) to be with this person that I had loved for so long. And at first it was really hard to be alone... but then I had a chance to really fall in love with myself again and indulge in the things that really make me happy and a unique individual. I am now just starting a new relationship and I am having a blast but leaving something that was such an established routine showed me that its okay to change and to be on my own because I have grown so much from that experience. And in my new relationship I really take a lot more personal time then I have in previous ones. I make sure that I get what I need and then give whatever I have to the relationship. I totally agree with what was posted above when it said that the you can be really lonely in a relationship too! That's when its better to be on your own.
portabella is offline  
#19 Old 06-16-2003, 07:50 PM
Veggie Regular
 
bethanie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,914
I spent WAY too much time with someone who really wanted something entirely different in life and in a relationship than I did. What I learned is I will not do that again just because it is...hmmm...easier to explain than I'm single with a child and not terribly interested in finding Mr. Right (or wrong) at the moment.



I'm enourmously happy to be alone right now. I have my daughter of course, but I mean no romantic relationship.



We are really taught to believe that we NEED something else. That we can't be entirely complete if it's just us. That there has to be SOMEONE in our lives at all times, or if not, it's because we're nuts or something's wrong. I just drove for two days through the mountains listening to various easy listening stations...and country, rock...etc etc. All of which say the same thing. "I am not complete by myself. I really need you to make me happy."



In two such songs the men offered to do EVERYTHING for the woman. One man wanted to choose a lady and buy her clothes, give her credit cards, put her up in an apartment...take her out to eat, get her nails done, her hair done, get her a car, a yacht, and finally (of course) lay her down. In another such song the man isn't nearly as eloquent, but more to the point. "Here's some money."--literally. I nearly drove off the road laughing and Madison yelled from the back seat, "What's so funny?"



So here we are, willing to beg/steal/borrow/buy our way into some nookie and a reprieve from alone. But I have to say, that I spent some of the loneliest years of my life so far, as a married woman. Yet surprisingly, as a single mother, I don't seem to feel lonely at all. Alone occasionally, but not lonely.



Thus my current philosophy, "It's not enough to have someone around, just to have someone around."



B
bethanie is offline  
#20 Old 06-16-2003, 11:24 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Miss Meg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,437
I tend to stick with things in general, mostly because I tend to have mixed feelings. Often one day I will be really unhappy with a certain situation, but then the next day I will feel fine about it. I'm like this with people, work, school.......it gets annoying, but I learned not to make quick decisions. When I do decide to make a change it usually occur after a long long period of contemplation.
Miss Meg is offline  
#21 Old 06-18-2003, 08:10 AM
Veggie Regular
 
1vegan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 8,440
It's because people don't like the change...If you leave someone you will feel lonely for a while.



Live is easier when you are together.



But there is no such thing as a "perfect" relation.



Every one has a down side...and sometimes it takes long to discover that.



And when you already have a long lasting relationship you tend to accept that downside more easly.
1vegan is offline  
#22 Old 06-18-2003, 04:46 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Kamila's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 870
I don't know if I completely agree 1Vegan. Except I do agree that there is no perfect relationship and that everyone has a down side. Everything I say must be taken with the understanding that I have never had a swing or a kick dished out to me. There were some lines that neither of us have ever crossed, name calling is one of those lines, cheating is another line--and as for him he gives me the honor of not twisting his neck around when ever some skirt sashays by, his eyes do not roam the room and I have always done the same for him, if the lines were crossed the story and the stand would be different.



There is one thing I have become aware of after reading these posts. None of us want to be clingy. When I let go, things became much better. The one time he actually threatened to leave (was that ever a down side for him, his dad had just died, his sisters were squabbling about the estate of which he was executor (while he was at the depths of his mourning of course), he was nose to nose with the reality of our youngest sons meth addiction, he could not have been lower. Still, I was fairly unprepared for his rage toward me. It seemed so unfair but there it was. I wanted him to at least explain to me what I had done, to tell me why. By the next day I decided that if ever he wanted to leave again he was free to go, but not to come back and I told him that. I completely let go that night. My marriage has never been better. I am not afraid of being alone, lonely bothers me. It might stab at my pride if he did leave and found someone else right away but I will not worry about the what ifs.



I guess the problem I have with your saying that it takes a long time to discover "downsides" is because I have so many of them and yet he accepted the whole package, I was never in fear that my negative traits, my many days of not being much fun were reason to abandon me. I know his downsides; none are worth tossing him out for. We are like the moon; we have seasons of shining brightly and seasons of darkness. We made a covenant and I am not alone in the responsibility to keep that covenant. If he chose to not "love, honor and forsake all others" the covenant would be broken, I would not look back but up. Maybe I have it easy. Maybe not. So many couples I know break up not because of abuse but because the are not going the same direction, I dont know what that means except that at least one of them either found some thing that they made more important then the person who gave them the best of everything they are and it wasnt enough for them, or someone got jealous of some thing that needed a whole load of attention from their mate. Drug and alcohol abuse destroy relationships and I have not had to deal with these either.
Kamila is offline  
#23 Old 06-18-2003, 04:56 PM
Veggie Regular
 
kraftykraft's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,481
I am enjoying the single life . With all of the upheaval in my life (moving to a new city, finding a new job), I would not have enough emotional energy left for a relationship. I am a very independent person and I find that I like not having to answer to anyone. My cat and I are doing well on our own. If I meet someone, then of course that would be cool, but i am not dwelling on it.
kraftykraft is offline  
#24 Old 06-18-2003, 04:58 PM
Veggie Regular
 
ceryna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,648
I'm the type of person who really hates being alone. I hate sleeping alone, living alone, coming home to an empty apartment...I hate all of it.



I'm a very touchy-feely sort of person (with those I am comfortable with and know well, anyway), and it's hard for me to go day after day without so much as a pat on the shoulder or a backscratch. It's not a sexual thing...I just need hugs and backrubs and basic touch to feel right.



I was devastated when Jerry left me. I lost my primary source of touch. I lost my primary source of love. I based my entire emotional well-being on my relationship with him.



I feel empty and incomplete, and it hurts terribly.



But I have good friends, a loving family, and people who care about me and remind me to keep on keepin' on. With time, I'll feel better. It won't hurt forever. (Or at least, that's what I keep telling myself, heh.)

We see the world as "we" are, not as "it" is; because it is the "I" behind the "eye" that does the seeing.
ceryna is offline  
#25 Old 06-18-2003, 05:15 PM
Veggie Regular
 
epski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 12,374
Quote:
Originally posted by ceryna

I based my entire emotional well-being on my relationship with him.



It always pains me to see this. I hope that you can learn to base your entire emotional well-being on your relationship with yourself. If you meet a great man somewhere down the line, you'll be that much more ready to have an emotionally solid relationship with another person.



Best wishes on that.
epski is offline  
#26 Old 06-18-2003, 05:17 PM
Veggie Regular
 
ceryna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,648
Thanks, epski.



I'm trying to really learn from this experience so that I can move on with my life and not repeat my mistakes. ^^;;

We see the world as "we" are, not as "it" is; because it is the "I" behind the "eye" that does the seeing.
ceryna is offline  
#27 Old 06-18-2003, 07:02 PM
Veggie Regular
 
grain_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 637
I much rather be alone, than in an unstable relationship. It's not worth it.



dawngirl - If you're missing certain things, there are other *cough cough* certain things you can do to take care of that. *blush*
grain_girl is offline  
#28 Old 06-19-2003, 06:15 PM
Veggie Regular
 
dawngirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,022
grain_girl - I have *blush* *cough cough* things to take care of that
dawngirl is offline  
#29 Old 06-24-2003, 05:17 PM
Newbie
 
scarletboo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 86
I happily single but it has not always been that way for me. When I would walk around my college campus, I saw tons of couples making out. And it annoyed me! Now I only get annoyed when they block doorways because they are making out. Anyways, I think that my friends have helped me feel better with our singleness. We consider it to be a form of preparation for our future husbands. We believe that every date is a potential mate. So, we are reading book to prepare for our future husbands. For instance, we read the book When God writes your love letter, about someone who wrote letters to the person they would marry one day while they were still single. We have been writing letters to our husbands knowing that one day our future spouses will read them.



I like the freedom of being single. I can develop hobbies that keep me entertained alone and/or with friends. When I am in a relationship, my husband could not be with me all of the time. I have to find my own source of happiness because my husband will disappoint me.



I don't believe that there is just one guy out there for me. But, I do believe that what I do while I am single will affect the relationship that God has for me in the future.
scarletboo is offline  
#30 Old 06-24-2003, 05:55 PM
Veggie Regular
 
dvmarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,301
I prefer not to be in a relationship, and I don't feel that way based on any negative feelings really. I just do better not attached for some reason.



I also prefer to be alone (a loner); however, I've learned that this is a luxury - I rarely get the opportunity to indulge myself. Not that I'm anti-social - I just think I need more space than most, and I like to pick and choose my interactions (like VB....the perfect social environment hahaha). I think I would make a good hermit.....living in the woods with my garden and books. That would be paradise.
dvmarie is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off