Being Alone - Page 2 - VeggieBoards
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#31 Old 06-28-2003, 11:49 PM
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Originally posted by Miss Meg

I tend to stick with things in general, mostly because I tend to have mixed feelings. Often one day I will be really unhappy with a certain situation, but then the next day I will feel fine about it. I'm like this with people, work, gets annoying, but I learned not to make quick decisions. When I do decide to make a change it usually occur after a long long period of contemplation.

.............................or I just get dumped
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#32 Old 06-29-2003, 01:21 PM
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Ceryna, your post could have been me posting. I ditto your post. I've been alone now long enough and I'm starting to feel lonely. I miss having someone to tell how my day went. I miss cuddling and I'm also a touchy-feely type of person. Oh well, I figure someone will want me one of these days and when that happens I'll probably end up smothering them to death. Hahaha!
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#33 Old 06-29-2003, 01:34 PM
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I find that it is important to learn how to be alone, in order to make being with someone worthwhile. Now that I understand what being alone really means, I am not so needy when it comes to picking a new person. I don't gloss over another person's flaws just to say that I am with someone.
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#34 Old 06-29-2003, 02:48 PM
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I stayed with my now-ex for far too long. We were together seven months, and I had enough warning flags at the beginning to tell me that he wasn't mature and collected enough to make a solid, mutually-fulfilling relationship work. I have my own issues, too, so it was a bad combination.

I stayed with him for that long probably because it was my first serious "dating" relationship, and I wasn't sure what was "supposed" to happen. We talked about breaking up several weeks before we did, but I suggested that we wait until after finals were over so we weren't making a stressed-out decision. Ugh. Well, now I've learned the hard way to be friends with someone for quite awhile before jumping into more-than-friends. I would have been able to more clearly see the situation and who he was if my blasted emotions weren't getting in the way.

I know, I know, y'all are probably laughing at me right now because I don't seem to be taking my own advice too well. *clasps her hands and repeats* "I will not fall for Chris D., I will not fall for Chris D., I will not..." yeah you get the idea.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#35 Old 06-29-2003, 04:28 PM
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Well I'm never alone much anymore since I have my daughter but I love being out of a relationship. I love the indipendant life but I would also love to be in a relationship with the right man who would let me keep that sense of freedom and be more of a friend than anything else.

When I am single, I love spending time with family. I go down to my parents at least once every week. Right now in my life, they are my primary social life, along with my daughter.
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#36 Old 06-29-2003, 10:26 PM
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You know, the thing I LOVE most about being alone....not having to answer to anyone. If I want to pick up and go somewhere on a moment's notice, I simply DO IT. Freedom has become really important to me as an adult human being. I could never do this in any of my relationships because the men I insisted on finding and spending my time with were so insecure they didn't want to let me out the door.

Freedom is GRAND. Also my X husband was VERY drama prone, esp when it came to money and alcohol...I LOVE not having to clean up his messes.

Those are two wonderful things about being single. I am relishing those two things as a single woman.
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#37 Old 06-29-2003, 10:45 PM
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After having been married 2 x and in a co-dependent 3.5 year relationship following the marriages, I believe at this point I am better off alone. I spent time and money (after marriages) with a therapist who tried to help me find "me" and unfortunately I got lost again, but I found my track again. Since I've been ALONE for a little while now, I have certainly decided that I like me, I have my own interests, desires, etc. (P.S. My ex bf told me after we broke up to "go eat some meat" that would fix what was "wrong" with us - A**HOLE). Unfortunately, I think sometimes, I like me so much that I might be afraid to let someone else in. I suppose I'll know when that moment is right. I have learned, however, that alone and lonely are two very different things, and I am fortunate that I have a decent network of friends and family that I don't feel the LONELY so much, and I really do appreciate the ALONE, very much.

Bethany - freedom is indeed GRAND.
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#38 Old 07-13-2003, 07:03 PM
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there are a lot of things at work here, I think. one is your perception of your situation. I had a friend who's mom was in and out of relationships all the time. and my friend was always criticizing her mom about "why cant she just be alone? I'm alone and its fine." well this friend WAS single but she was most definetly NOT ALONE. she was OBSESSED with being with friends all the time. to the point where every friday, she was like "Oh we have to stop by here cuz I havent see group A for a while, then go to this party to see Group B, etc etc." it was SO TIRING. I just don't work that hard at maintaining contact with eveyrone. but literally this girl would never just be with herself, yet she percieved she was better than her mom for being single relationship wise.

2) I think everyone has to get used to being alone. If you are comfortable being alone, people want to be with you naturally. because you don't project this neediness outward. I think thats why a lot of people will say "when I was single, I couldnt get a date. now Im in a relationship everyone wants me." Its not only because people want what they cant have (i.e. the taken guy), but also that on a very subtle level (and sometimes not so subtle) we project a clinginess when we are looking for someone.

when I first moved into an apt. by myself, I really loved it. it was a weird adjustment at first not to automatically call someone to go shopping with me every time I went out. but I began doing stuff on my own and it was so liberating. I almost got to the point that when my other friends (some of whom STILL will not go shopping without a friend...its weird) wanted me to come, I would rather not.....cuz I'm not a big shopper to begin with and I didnt wanna stand around looking at their crap, looking for a belt or whatever they needed. I wanted to do my business and leave. haha.

I have another friend who is addicted to relationships. she goes from one to the other. wants to be serious immediately. I don't understand where the insecurity comes from. She looks like Cameron Diaz (literally) and has a great personality, but her self esteem is totally low. She just came out of a really ugly 4 year relationship, and the first guy she meets she's already talking to me like "when you met michael, how did you know when you were boyfriend/girlfriend?" SAD! and I think she will continue to find ****ty relationships until she is comfortable being alone. but she refuses to even date. she just finds one and goes with it and tries to make it serious right away...even if they have nothing in common. with her beauty, she can get them immediately...but they are often the wrong ones.

it seems to me that the best prescription for picking crappy relationships is to prescribe for yourself 6 months of alone time. get to know yourself and you will attract other centered people.

sorry so long, but this topic is such a huge one.


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#39 Old 07-13-2003, 10:59 PM
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I like to be alone, yet I don't in some ways. I need response and interaction with people. However, being thirteen I find it much more enjoyable to just admire that way from afar, rather than this so-called dating that junior high kids do. I like my friends perfectly fine, instead.
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#40 Old 07-13-2003, 11:52 PM
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Bethanie! You took the words right out of my mouth I'm also a single mom and feel the same way. I do feel alone sometimes but I'm not in any rush to jump into a relationship just because I feel alone. My single friends all say "But you have Sophie! You can't feel alone!" I say ~ whatever...a 4 year old doesn't compare to a relationship LOL! I feel like when the time is right then maybe I'll feel interested in someone...lately there's not even anyone who makes me take a second look. This is a very rare thing for me too ~ Jengle
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#41 Old 07-14-2003, 04:03 PM
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good for you, girl! I remember that age all too well. and there were always a few kids that were knee deep in condoms, pregnancy scares, and drama in junior high. Those people (to my knowledge) appeared deeply scarred and confused later on (in highschool and beyond) because they messed with that stuff too early. They gave themselves a bundle of self esteem issues and sexual hangups.

You're only young once! Let these things develop with time.

I'm very impressed with your post.


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#42 Old 08-01-2003, 12:08 AM
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my relationships are few and far between, but i have a bad habit of getting extremely attached to the person that i'm with. i don't feel incomplete at all with out being touched or hugged constantly, and would almost prefer that i wasn't. but it seems that i'm usually the last one standing, the dumpee, not the dumper. i do really well by myself, and it gives me a chance to focus on the things that really matter in a long term sort of way. and i have to admit, a best friend is a lot better than a boyfriend. honestly, the way things are running, unartfuldodger and i will probably just bum around the country with a hippie van full of cats. not to say i don't get really lonely sometimes. especially when i see couples hanging all over each other in malls and things. but i know i would probably get sick of it as soon as i got it.
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#43 Old 08-01-2003, 12:33 PM
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In general, I hate to be alone. I'm seventeen and I have absolutely no relationship experience, but as far as friends and family go, I'm definitely a people person. If I'm at a time in my life where I'm busy and I'm always around other people, I always crave alone time, but I think that's normal. This summer I've been going through a lot of crap (I'll spare you the details) and I've gone days without having a real conversation with anyone. For the last month I've spent almost all of my time alone, and I've got to tell you, it's hell. I've started talking to my cats even more than before, and I sleep with the TV on to feel like there's someone else in the room.
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#44 Old 08-01-2003, 03:26 PM
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Originally posted by dawngirl

What do you think? Are you comfortable being alone, do you enjoy your own company, do you need to be connected to someone all the time?

I've gotten myself involved in a very silly thing this year.... a long distance relationship. Neither of us meant for it to happen and we both deny the fact that it exists, but it does...


I'm alone most of the time. I'm only NOT alone one week every other month. (And at this point, we're not gonna see each other again until January so its even longer than that) The only way this is bearable for the both of us is that we both are comfortable alone and enjoy our own company, and we do quite well with not connecting with eachother for days at a time. I don't know how I got to this place in my life where I'm fine by myself. Its only ever difficult the first few days after a visit, and after that, life just slips back to where it was.
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#45 Old 03-30-2005, 12:12 AM
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I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. (Walden)

The man who goes alone can start today, but he who travels with another must

wait till that other is ready. (Walden)
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#46 Old 03-30-2005, 12:14 AM
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Originally Posted by carnelian View Post

I LOVE being alone!

I wondered why you kept saying "Leave me alone!" I knew it couldn't be me.

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#47 Old 03-30-2005, 01:15 AM
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My problem is as follows. I will find a girl that seems decent enough, and after a while (usually a month) I realize things won't work out. Unfortunately, it takes me forever to finally break her heart. The moral of the story: being alone is much better than being stuck in a dead-end relationship.
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#48 Old 03-30-2005, 01:17 AM
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I like my solitude. I seek it out sometimes. I've always been more of an observer. But I also enjoy the company of good friends. It took a while to get used to being by myself once my last relationship ended. We were together for a long time. I've been single for 3 years now, and though I do admit missing being intimate and just having that "special someone" there with me....I don't mind the being alone now. Lots of things have happened the past few years and I've grown and learned from them.
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#49 Old 03-30-2005, 03:24 AM
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Originally Posted by dawngirl View Post

What I am wondering though, is why do a lot of us put up with the less than satisfying ones? Are we afraid to be alone?

That happens a lot. It happened to me some years ago, but I realized better and grew out of it.

Another reason that some people stay in bad relationships is that it's 'comfortable' in a twisted sort of way. You don't like it, but it's what they know, and they fear the unknown more. DV counselors see this all the time.
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#50 Old 03-30-2005, 07:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Michael View Post

I wondered why you kept saying "Leave me alone!" I knew it couldn't be me.

*since the obvious didn't work, carnelian makes a note to devise another way to communicate to Michael that it IS him.
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#51 Old 03-30-2005, 01:23 PM
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I think one of the major things that has allowed my bf and I to have a rewarding relationship is that we are both comfortable being alone. We were both children who enjoyed our alone time and both of us have gone for long spans of time without partners. (I'm 35 and he's my first serious bf, and he's 39 and has had 5 girlfriends since his early 20s.) As a result, we're both very aware of who we are. I know way too many people whose relationships didn't work out because they were looking for themselves in someone else. They needed a bf or gf to feel whole. I have one friend who I don't think has gone a month without a bf since the 7th grade (she's also 35). When we were in high school and college I used to envy her a bit because she always had a bf and I never did, but in hindsight I realize that I was getting to know myself in ways that she never did. So I guess my advice to anyone who feels lonely is to embrace aloneness. When you can be alone without feeling lonely, that might be the best time to pursue a serious relationship.
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