my mother realy is sabotaging my vegan diet - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 07-07-2005, 05:03 PM
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When I first went to my friend C (who's an anorexic) and asked her if she thought I was being paranoid for suspecting my mother of adding butter and milk to all my food, she said i was being unreasonable, and likely paranoid. I believed her, and i agreed. My mother supports my vegan aspirations

right.

I just saw her throw the lid on my salmon fillet after she tossed a wedge of butter on it.

I only eat seafood as a compromise because she and our nutritionist says I need to.

My iron reading was last marked at 7, and it should be above 18, and so I've agreed to make certain compromizes until I can move out. I also live with my dad, who's not a vegetarian dude at alll,

anyway, yeah, my mother is going angainst my wishes and she's adding animal products to my food. I'm tired of fighting and defending it and trying to prove that veganism will not cause sterility (she said I'd never have babies if I stopped eating meat; she still thinks I'm "sick" (E.D) but I'm not, I swear. I'm just really frustrated. I can't wait until I move out)

Veganism was never supposed to be a wedge between my mother and me. what do I do?
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#2 Old 07-07-2005, 05:44 PM
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technically..your still an omni (on account of the seafood)...but its great that your doing what you can to keep animal products out of your diet apart from that..

for the iron...maybe try eating more spinach..or just take an iron supplement..

im not sure what to tell you about your mother...the parents have never been too happy about my dietary choices until the last year or so..when they just stopped caring..
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#3 Old 07-07-2005, 05:54 PM
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omg. i understnad what you're going through. well, not EXACTLY the same. but the other day, my parents made me break up with my bf (i'm still going out with him. but they dotn know. that's beside the point though) the y were arguing with me, and they yelled at me for everything i'm doin g wrong - the list goes on and on, which is really stupid becasue i'm a good child - never done anything bad. never gotten in trouble. never skipped, never done drugs/smoked. NOTHING! but i'm still a horrible child to t hem>



nayway, my food came up. my dad said taht he doesnt care if i flunk out of school - the only thing he wants is to be able to eat "real food" with me - meat. let me just say there is NO way i am willing to do that. the only thing him forcing me to do that i s that i will start to hate them, move out as sooon as i can, and just not have a close bond with my family - be on my own. which isnt good. i' dont think i can survive on my own. but yeah, he said that me not eating meat was horrible.. but he could live with it..... kind of. and then he said that i HAD to start eating dairy,and eggs. he got into this thing - about how do i think that i'm better then everyone else? how is it that the food thats good for him isnt good enough for me and other sh!t like that. i mean, wtf?! my parents are so f***ed up.



anyway, i have two to three months to start drinking dairy and eat eggs.... i'm not going to. i can change other things - they named A LOT that i should change, that i REALY dont want to.... i cant change my whole personality for them. but i'm willing to just if they let me eat the food i want... i really dont know how its going to turn out. i'm scared.



i really dont have any advice for you. i dotn know how i can help you, but if you need to talk to someone, private message me. i''ll listen. and , obviously, i'm going through similar situations. so i think i'll understand w/e you're having trouble with....



ps: how old are you? i'm seventeen. ... about ummm.... ten months until my eighteenth birthday and i can move out. but our culture/ our family is really close. typically children dont move out that quickly. if i did that, they would be really hurt - it woudl be like slapping them in the face and say taht i dotn love them..... i dotn know what i'mgoing to do.





best of luck.

~weird2twiggy~
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#4 Old 07-07-2005, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaerSturing View Post

she still thinks I'm "sick" (E.D) but I'm not, I swear.

This sentance really jumped out at me.



Did you have an ED or did you have any restricting/controlling issues at one time?



The reason I ask is because most parents don't automatically assume their child has ED just because they go vegan. I know there are exceptions to that rule but on whole parents don't usually pull the ED card unless there really *was* an ED at one time.



What do you eat in a day? Perhaps we can give better information if we know what a typical eating day looks like for you (try to include serving sizes if you can).
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#5 Old 07-07-2005, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThaerSturing View Post

When I first went to my friend C (who's an anorexic) and asked her if she thought I was being paranoid for suspecting my mother of adding butter and milk to all my food, she said i was being unreasonable, and likely paranoid. I believed her, and i agreed. My mother supports my vegan aspirations

right.

I just saw her throw the lid on my salmon fillet after she tossed a wedge of butter on it.

I only eat seafood as a compromise because she and our nutritionist says I need to.

My iron reading was last marked at 7, and it should be above 18, and so I've agreed to make certain compromizes until I can move out. I also live with my dad, who's not a vegetarian dude at alll,

anyway, yeah, my mother is going angainst my wishes and she's adding animal products to my food. I'm tired of fighting and defending it and trying to prove that veganism will not cause sterility (she said I'd never have babies if I stopped eating meat; she still thinks I'm "sick" (E.D) but I'm not, I swear. I'm just really frustrated. I can't wait until I move out)

Veganism was never supposed to be a wedge between my mother and me. what do I do?



I would talk to her about adding healthy iron sources like beans and dried fruit instead of the salmon.Maybe she's underestimating how much you eat because of the ED-she could be adding the butter and milk for extra calories.

Can you start making your own meals?



weird2twiggy:

Do you have a part time job?I don't see how they could object to you buying your vegan food with your own money.

That is really unreasonable to call meat "real" food...and fruits and vegetables are what,plastic?
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#6 Old 07-07-2005, 07:30 PM
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Here's some vegetarian sources of iron that you both should look at. BTW, this site is not vegan or vegetarian and the information in it is pretty impartial.



http://www.nutritiondata.com/foods-0...0000000-w.html

http://www.nutritiondata.com/foods-0...0000000-w.html

http://www.nutritiondata.com/foods-0...0000000-w.html

http://www.nutritiondata.com/foods-0...0000000-w.html

http://www.nutritiondata.com/foods-0...0000000-w.html

http://www.nutritiondata.com/foods-0...0000000-w.html



Also, on this same site, there's a tool called "pantry". Use it to log down what you eat in a day and then run those day's totals as a recipe to see if there are really things that you're lacking or getting too much of. If there are things lacking, you can do a search under tools, use the drop down to pick out the vegetarian foods you want (it won't do it on its own, sorry), the nutrient you want to read for, and choose either value based on 200 calories or 100 gram servings. I use the 100 grams one cause just about every food has 100 gram readings which makes comparasons really easy and it's a good measurement for figuring accurate serving sizes (since most people don't know how much 200 calories is).



Also take her to www.veganhealth.org and let her read some of the articles there. The first 2 articles on that page are really good reading and you both should view it together.



If she has any questions (and I'm sure she will) you can either post them here or PM me with them and I'll be happy to answer anything I can.
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#7 Old 07-07-2005, 09:48 PM
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I don't know that you could call your diet vegan, or even vegetarian, with or without the dairy. Meat reduction is great and all, but I can see how people would be confused and not take you seriously if you're like "I'm a vegan! But I eat fish." Have you discussed with your mother using veggie milk and butter alternatives?

http://megatarian.blogspot.com
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#8 Old 07-07-2005, 10:03 PM
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ah you guys are amazing.

4evergrounded, I *heart* nutrition data, best site ever, I just need to develop the dicipline t use it regularly.

Yeah. last year I discovered I am not a stress eater, I am a stress restrictor, and I lost thirty+ lbs. most of which I have gained back, I promise

Mom shouldn't be worried about my calories. I eat dates like you wouldn't believe. I'm also taking a vegetarian iron supplement that we got at the healthfood store, and mom's paying for it rather than the medically prescribed iron pill that makes you constipated and costs lots of money.

typically, I wake up and I have either a grain centered breakfast of a fruit centred one, like today I had boilt rhubarb and strawberry stew and dry rye toast with cinnamon. I also had a vitamin E pill, Evening Primrose to keep my "girlish matters" in line (another side effect of the ED episode) and a B12 tablet, magnesium, calcium, and another iron pill after breakfast. phew.

I usually snack on either cookies, dates, or nutragrain bars between lunch and dinner.

I'll admit it. I skipped lunch today because I'm upset about work, but I made up for it when I got home.

Usually, lunch is bean soup or an organic burrito or vegan left overs and a fruit popsickle for dessert.

I eat cherries, grapes and strawberries when they're in the house, but my parents continually buy bad foods I have no self control over such as chocolates, cookies and wine gums etc. I've stopped eating ice cream, cheese (I've substittuted with veggie cheeze slices) and I regularily encorporate beans, lentils, quinoua millet, wild rice and steamed vegetables into my diet.

The thing is, I'm tired. constantly. Since I've started the iron suplement i feel better, but the slightest shift in my mood, my mother either credits it to my raging teenage hormones (I'm 19) or the unnatural diet I'm putting myself through.

How do I deal with her in a civilized way? I'm NOT good at confronting her or anyone about stuff, especially when its led to conflict in the past.

If I don't eat seafood, mom would make me eat chicken, and I've done it before just to avoid an all out fight. I hate being such a chicken ****.

WEIRD2TWIGGY
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#9 Old 07-07-2005, 10:03 PM
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ah you guys are amazing.

4evergrounded, I *heart* nutrition data, best site ever, I just need to develop the dicipline t use it regularly.

Yeah. last year I discovered I am not a stress eater, I am a stress restrictor, and I lost thirty+ lbs. most of which I have gained back, I promise

Mom shouldn't be worried about my calories. I eat dates like you wouldn't believe. I'm also taking a vegetarian iron supplement that we got at the healthfood store, and mom's paying for it rather than the medically prescribed iron pill that makes you constipated and costs lots of money.

typically, I wake up and I have either a grain centered breakfast of a fruit centred one, like today I had boilt rhubarb and strawberry stew and dry rye toast with cinnamon. I also had a vitamin E pill, Evening Primrose to keep my "girlish matters" in line (another side effect of the ED episode) and a B12 tablet, magnesium, calcium, and another iron pill after breakfast. phew.

I usually snack on either cookies, dates, or nutragrain bars between lunch and dinner.

I'll admit it. I skipped lunch today because I'm upset about work, but I made up for it when I got home.

Usually, lunch is bean soup or an organic burrito or vegan left overs and a fruit popsickle for dessert.

I eat cherries, grapes and strawberries when they're in the house, but my parents continually buy bad foods I have no self control over such as chocolates, cookies and wine gums etc. I've stopped eating ice cream, cheese (I've substittuted with veggie cheeze slices) and I regularily encorporate beans, lentils, quinoua millet, wild rice and steamed vegetables into my diet.

The thing is, I'm tired. constantly. Since I've started the iron suplement i feel better, but the slightest shift in my mood, my mother either credits it to my raging teenage hormones (I'm 19) or the unnatural diet I'm putting myself through.

How do I deal with her in a civilized way? I'm NOT good at confronting her or anyone about stuff, especially when its led to conflict in the past.

If I don't eat seafood, mom would make me eat chicken, and I've done it before just to avoid an all out fight. I hate being such a chicken ****.

WEIRD2TWIGGY
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#10 Old 07-07-2005, 10:05 PM
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ah strange post...... anyways i was saying, weird 3 twiggy, i'm totally understand the need to move out, but like you said, it'll really hurt their feelings and potentially ruin your relationship with them. MOving out is like running away from the problem, and we need to find a way to live in peace with our parents because parents are, belive it or not, really important, and I'd miss my mom and dad if I moved out on bad terms. But yeah, i totttally feel your pain. just be patient...it won't go on forever. lol I should listen to my own advice.
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#11 Old 07-07-2005, 10:23 PM
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Is it possible to cook you're own meals? On the other subject vegan isn't just about giving up dairy. You're not even vegetarian if you are eating salmon and other fish. I mean, you're still doing good, right? But maybe think of another name for you diet?

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#12 Old 07-07-2005, 10:28 PM
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Struggling.



I like that term for teens who have parents making some of their food choices for them.
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#13 Old 07-07-2005, 10:36 PM
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Dairy doesn't really add anything good to the diet. It's not like it's loaded with iron and omega-3s or anything.

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#14 Old 07-07-2005, 10:46 PM
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19 eh? Well, technically, you're an adult so she can't really tell you what to do but since you live in her house, you're kinda stuck to their rules (screwy, I know).



It sounds like you have a pretty decent diet. The only things I would suggest is to try to work in some nuts, especially walnuts (that will help your vitamin E) and work in some dark green leafies like mustard greens, collard greens or turnip greens which will help iron. Also, try to up your beans even more as that will help out in the magnesium and iron area (some types of beans will also help you out in your calcium intakes as well ). Black strap molasses is really good for iron and a lot of people here really swear by it.



I also agree with talking to her about milk and butter substitutes. There are many good plant milks on the market and butter subs that you can't tell the difference from. The brand we use is available at most US stores, even. Maybe you two can get a compromise there?



I assume you've told your mother you're a stress reducer? If you haven't, you need to. But assuming you have, it's really time to stand up in a nice, but firm way and tell her that you're glad that she's concerned about your eating habits but her constant sabatoge is really causing problems between you. After all, she wouldn't really like it if someone went around sabotaging something she was trying to do and so you don't really like her doing what she's doing although you appreciate her intentions (I believe she's only trying to do the best for you, no matter how off the beam it might seem). Then, I would ask her what her real fears are about the diet and listen.... really listen to what she has to say. If you have that info in nutritiondata entered in, you can show her that your food is just as healthy as the SOD (standard omni diet) and then show her those articles I gave in my other post.



Oh, and while you have nutritiondata open , do a search and show her the cholesterol and fat that seafood and chicken have. It's quite a lot and it's the bad fats, too. The stuff that will cause health problems later in life. Block tofu is a much cheaper protein (as are beans) and they're showing to have health benefits, not drawbacks. There are articles everywhere about the toxic concentrations in seafood and the icky things they give chickens to make them grow faster. Find these articles (from non AR/AW sources) and show them to her. Chances are, most people don't know how health-wrecking that stuff really is.



Oh, and I forgot to mention this earlier - congrats on your transition to vegan. I know it's slow going right now but little that comes good, comes easy (and I think when you finally do go all the way vegan, you'll appreciate it much more than most because of all the struggles you went through on the way).
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#15 Old 07-08-2005, 02:39 PM
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If you want calories, try soy ice cream (yummy), olive oil on food, veganaise (my

omni wife says it tastes identical to mayonaise) and soy milk.



As for iron, check this link: http://www.vegansociety.com/html/foo...ition/iron.php



Try to take in vitamin C with your iron, it should increase your iron absorption dramtically.
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#16 Old 07-10-2005, 02:09 PM
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thanks everyone, especially 4evergrounded. I really appreciate the quick response and suggestions. I know I'm not a true vegan right now, and it's difficult even saying I'm vegetarian, but I'd call myself an *aspiring vegan* I will defiantey try to incorporate more wallnuts and pecans, (which are devine candied btw) and keep eating the beans.

Thanks again!

Thaer
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#17 Old 07-15-2005, 09:53 AM
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this post is about to have no point but its funny so read it anyway. my friend amanda decided she was gonna go veggie. so she went around tellin everyone she was a vegetarian now and all this crap. so at luch the first thing she pulls out was miniature hot dogs in a can *gags*. so when i asked her y she was eating those if she was veggie she said..."oh, i'm just an *aspiring vegan*



so you can call yourself that but please don't eat mimi hot dogs out of a can!
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#18 Old 07-15-2005, 01:22 PM
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Surprisingly enough, soya beans are a really good source of iron. When I went to give blood a month ago, they said my iron levels were 'lovely', whereas my omni mum was told that she is anaemic. Now she believes that a vegan diet is healthier than an omni one.
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#19 Old 07-15-2005, 01:32 PM
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Loma Linda makes those (canned vegetarian hotdogs -- I know you're talking about the real thing here or Vienna sausage or cocktail weiners, perhaps?). Looks very scary to me -- fortunately, I refused them on account of the egg.





Quote:
Originally Posted by gCspuNKpRiNcESs View Post

this post is about to have no point but its funny so read it anyway. my friend amanda decided she was gonna go veggie. so she went around tellin everyone she was a vegetarian now and all this crap. so at luch the first thing she pulls out was miniature hot dogs in a can *gags*. so when i asked her y she was eating those if she was veggie she said..."oh, i'm just an *aspiring vegan*



so you can call yourself that but please don't eat mimi hot dogs out of a can!

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#20 Old 07-20-2005, 12:56 AM
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...so you can call yourself that but please don't eat mimi hot dogs out of a can!



I had to laugh, because I have a friend who eats those nasy little things and she always and forever asks me if I want one...



"Um, no, they're MEAT"

"No, I don't think so, let me read the label..."



She reads the label (we do this every couple months... What! - she thinks the ingredients have CHANGED since last time? Maybe I have incredibly stupid friends... )



"Oh, hmmm, I guess you're right, they do have some meat and stuff.."



(Yeah, it's the "and stuff" in them I'm worried about almost more than the actual MEAT!!)

-----------------------------



~~~BTW, I happen to LIKE some of Good Charlotte's stuff - but couldn't post in the teen forum to tell you... (I know, my kids tell me to grow up and listen to real music..)
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#21 Old 07-20-2005, 01:30 AM
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I had to laugh, because I have a friend who eats those nasy little things and she always and forever asks me if I want one...



"Um, no, they're MEAT"

"No, I don't think so, let me read the label..."



She reads the label (we do this every couple months... What! - she thinks the ingredients have CHANGED since last time? Maybe I have incredibly stupid friends... )



"Oh, hmmm, I guess you're right, they do have some meat and stuff.."



(Yeah, it's the "and stuff" in them I'm worried about almost more than the actual MEAT!!)



I firmly believe there isn't meat in those. Leather, carpet, plastic, yes. Meat? No.
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#22 Old 07-20-2005, 01:42 AM
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You're worried about butter on your meat?



That's kind of humorous. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You'll be out on your own sooner than you know, in just a few years, and then you can start making healthy choices for yourself. Best you can do now is sit down and talk with your mom, and offer to cook your own meals.
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#23 Old 07-20-2005, 02:17 AM
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Yeah.. I wasn't sure if this was a troll post or not, so I answered honestly and assumed the person was just misguided.

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#24 Old 07-20-2005, 03:34 PM
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its really sad to me that a nutritionist and your mother would MAKE you eat fish. If you honestly WANT to be vegetarian, theres plenty of information out there on how to be healthy. It seems you have a very close-minded, misinformed nutritionist, because he should be willing to respect your choices. However, I do commend you on what you HAVE done. I'm glad you're making a conscious effort to eliminate most animal products from your diet and you seemed to eat very balanced, healthy foods. Still, if you want to eliminate fish I really suggest finding some of the information out there and showing it to your nutritionist and your mom....maybe its just me but if someone told me i HAD to eat fish I'd be really mad.
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#25 Old 07-20-2005, 03:49 PM
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Not to mention, you might inquire of them the health aspects of mercury in said fish.
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#26 Old 07-25-2005, 10:32 PM
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You are a bonafide pescetarian. But still, not veggie just yet. I wouldn't be worried about a little butter because you are still technically eating meat. Remember, fish is not necessarily healthy.
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#27 Old 07-26-2005, 01:37 PM
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You are a bonafide pescetarian. But still, not veggie just yet. I wouldn't be worried about a little butter because you are still technically eating meat. Remember, fish is not necessarily healthy.



Okay, so her diet is not vegan, but if she does not want to eat dairy, why should anyone make her?



If she does not want to eat peanut butter, taco shells, licorice whips, why should anyone at all be sneaking them into her food when she's not looking?



I think we should stand by her best effort right now. She wants to be vegan, and is coming as close as she can. Dairy is a step back for her. Nobody says all the meat must go before the dairy, eggs, and honey, even though that's the typical route for most.
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#28 Old 07-28-2005, 06:28 AM
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That's true. Sometimes dairy can be harder to get rid of in a person's diet than meat. However, she is still eating meat and I think to get rid of the fish first would be better than the butter. Granted, its full of fat and all, but the animal product itself causes less suffering than having to kill the fish for food.
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#29 Old 07-28-2005, 06:31 AM
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Also, I'm not flaming anyone. I think its great that she is trying to get rid of animal products from her diet. Just like kpickell, I find it humourous.
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#30 Old 07-28-2005, 06:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Corrina View Post

That's true. Sometimes dairy can be harder to get rid of in a person's diet than meat. However, she is still eating meat and I think to get rid of the fish first would be better than the butter. Granted, its full of fat and all, but the animal product itself causes less suffering than having to kill the fish for food.



That's debatable, really, depending on where the dairy comes from.
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