relationship detox-trial separation with bf - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-20-2005, 01:50 AM
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I thought i would come here to ask for some advice/stories/experiences you've all had with this sort of thing. I'm a ranter and this is long...caution.

I've been with this guy for the past little while, 4 months on Sunday actually. He's had previous relationships while this is my first (I chose to not be in a serious relationship with anyone before i met this guy), we're both 18. Everything has been going great, even though we've moved from one thing (emotionally, mentally, physically) to another rather quickly...we have been comfortable with the speed of things.

Recently we've both been getting irritated with each other. Last Saturday night he came over to my place -after we had yet again cancelled plans- to "talk" at my request. Lying on my bed i explained the issues i had which were me feeling frustrated that he wouldn't just tell me he needed some time for a break/for himself/to hang out with his mates and instead constantly told me that he was tired; and our recently more frequent cancelling of plans (the last 4 times we had things arranged, it was cancelled...i guess i've played parts in that too though). He told me he felt he needed to always tell me where he was, with who, and doing what...a general chained down feeling. We agreed everything was seeming so routine, from the time and amount we called each other every day, to what we said in those phone conversations, to feeling obligated to say 'i love you'

He spoke, i spoke, i asked what we should do about it...he spoke some more, i spoke somemore, i repeated the question, he said maybe we should see other people (this hurt. he tells me he loves me yet he could think about seeing other people?? he shouldnt have felt pressured into feeling like he had to tell me he loved me-as he said it first, i didnt tell him till a week and a half later), i told him i was in love with him, why the hell would i want to see other people, he went into "most relationships dont work long distance anyway (he's leaving for college in the fall, we had planned to work on things as he would be coming home/i would be able to visit regularly) and it would suck for both of us to not be free to date who we wanted while he was gone. Anyway, it was decided that we would not speak on the phone/in person/via text messages/emails/im's at all this week....spend a bit of time together next week (beg. may 22) and see if we wanted to be together at all. A few things he said really hurt me...the whole maybe we should see other people, ld relationships usually dont work anyway...i figured he had been in enough relationships to know when he loved someone or not, why would you think of seeing someone else when you're "in love". Long distance relationships, i understand usually dont work. Theres no doubt alot involved. I believe if you love someone (god i love him so much) its worth a try.

So. its been 5 days. I'm alright i guess. Its been hard trying to keep busy enough to not think of him, but every place i go...everyone i see (esp. all the cute little couples) remind me of him. I love him alot and hope this can make things better for us. I've shared more with him than i have ever shared with anyone, i guess it could be said that i've had alot of firsts with him.

thanks for taking the time to read. please send happy thoughts and prayers my way. i think i'm settled as to knowing whatever happens...whether we stay together or not...will be happening for the best.

i love you guys sorry for the rant
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#2 Old 05-20-2005, 02:02 AM
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This sounds really familiar, to me. When I was 15, I had a boyfriend who was 18. He was my first serious boyfriend, and I was his third girlfriend. It took a long time for me to realize that I wasn't in love with him, I was in love with being in love. I wanted a boyfriend, he was a good friend, so it looked like it was working.

He was the one to ask me out, and the first person to say "I love you". After a while, I got a little clingy, and we got into a boring rut. We lived in a small town with not much to do. Twice in about a span of 6 months, he asked for a break. These breaks lasted about 5 days, where we didn't see each other or call. When he went to University a year later (he waited a year after high school), it was quite far away, and we kept up a very rocky long distance relationship that was toxic to both of us. When I was 17/18, I moved to the city he was living in to go to University, fell in love with someone else (who is now my husband), and broke up with the boyfriend. At the time he was very hurt and confused, but I think he's come to realize that we were both just not into the relationship.

I don't know if you should end your relationship or not, but I think a long break will help. Then try new things after, and have nights set aside where you go out with your friends, and he goes out with his. If you really don't think it's working, you might want to try breaking up. I hope it works out.

Edit: Thought I should mention that my husband and I had a long distance relationship for 4 years before we got to live together, so they can work. They're just really, really, really hard.
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#3 Old 05-22-2005, 04:56 PM
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we broke up today. i alternated between crying and smiling/laughing. everythings ok, i never thought it would be like this. i still love him and i always will.
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#4 Old 05-23-2005, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by outbackbaby View Post

we broke up today. i alternated between crying and smiling/laughing. everythings ok, i never thought it would be like this. i still love him and i always will.

Not to sound heartless, but I think this is great for you. From your OP, this guy sounds like a selfish jerk (typical of that age and "situation", IMO )...and so you're better off without him.

Get out there, have fun, and take care of yourself!

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#5 Old 05-23-2005, 11:42 PM
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yeah-i didnt really see this happening. The things he was telling me two weeks ago (he didnt want to lose me) to what he was telling me last week (that we should maybe date other people) differed so greatly...its hard to believe him when he says he was in love with me. i dont know. whatever. I'm doing whats best for me and not dwelling on it. Moving on is all i can do...its not the end of the world. (though at times it feels like it)

Thanks for the posts you guys. I appreciate you taking time to reply. you rock
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