Is he looking for more than a fling? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 02-22-2005, 03:12 AM
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Here's the deal in point form:



I am currently out of a relationship and a friend introduced me to her boyfriend's room-mate at a party. We all went out but somehow we ended up at the back of the line to get into the club together. He and I decided the lineup was too long and he asked if I wanted to go to another club so we did, and he bought me a drink and we kinda chated, then he kissed me, and soon we were kind of making out, so we left the club and he told me he was staying at a hotel tonight (as my friend was having a huge fight with her bf at her house which was where we were staying) and offered for me to come join him. So we went there, had mind-blowing sex, and he kept on saying things like:



I like you. (x2)

I really like how your body feels.

Can I have your number....if you want to give it...I would like that.

I hope you won't leave in the morning.



Then he called me and invited me to another party, we had sex again, and then he said things like:



Do you have my number? ..do you want it?

(when I agreed) Please call me sometime this week (x2)



Then when I went to leave he walked me to the door and gave me hugs and a kisses.



He was also paying for things that evening, chatting a lot about himself, cuddling, kissing me in public, and informed me he would be coming back the next weekend into town if I would like to meet with him.



Does it seem like he wants more than a one night stand? My friend informed him that it is a whole fling thing...but I'm thinking he's wanting more...am I crazy?
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#2 Old 02-22-2005, 03:36 AM
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Hard to tell from that. I think there's evidence to support both. Probably best to just ask.



I don't really understand how people can have sex without even being to the point where they feel comfortable asking what the other is expecting from it. Maybe I'm just not that lucky.

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#3 Old 02-22-2005, 03:44 AM
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What do you want out of it?
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#4 Old 02-22-2005, 04:03 AM
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"he would be coming back the next weekend into town if I would like to meet with him".



Where you will have sex, like the two previous times? I don't know, sounds like a fling to me. Especially considering he seems so eager about how much he likes you, after you've known each other less than 24 hours. Just seems a little insincere to me.



That's just my view, though. I could be totally wrong.
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#5 Old 02-22-2005, 04:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Michael View Post

Hard to tell from that. I think there's evidence to support both. Probably best to just ask.



I don't really understand how people can have sex without even being to the point where they feel comfortable asking what the other is expecting from it. Maybe I'm just not that lucky.



It just kind of happened, we both found eachother really hot and were horny...but yes, I agree there is evidence to support both...which is confusing! lol
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#6 Old 02-22-2005, 04:11 AM
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Originally Posted by kat View Post

What do you want out of it?



I'm not ready for any sort of serious committed relationship, I am happy if we become friends-with-benifits with a SMALL possibility of a VERY relaxed girlfriend/boyfriend thing...but in no way am I wanting the whole "meeting the parents and pouring our hearts out to eachother" thing.



I just want to know where we stand, but I think after this weekend we will see how the boundaries are.



I am waiting 'till Wednesday or Thrusday to call to see if he'll make the first move.
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#7 Old 02-22-2005, 04:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Toefur View Post

"he would be coming back the next weekend into town if I would like to meet with him".



Where you will have sex, like the two previous times? I don't know, sounds like a fling to me. Especially considering he seems so eager about how much he likes you, after you've known each other less than 24 hours. Just seems a little insincere to me.



That's just my view, though. I could be totally wrong.



We will most likely go at it like rabbits (as we had a great time last time) but I see what you mean, he is really eager about how much he likes me, but I just get this odd feeling that he wants me to call him etc. so that he doesn't feel like he's losing tabs on me so-to-speak, he had mentioned before "Call me anytime you want."
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#8 Old 02-22-2005, 04:15 AM
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Why on earth don't you just ask him what he is after?

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#9 Old 02-22-2005, 04:26 AM
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Why on earth don't you just ask him what he is after?



On one hand I'm scared he wants more...on another hand I don't want to ruin the mystery of it all.



I think I'm not asking because I'm unsure of what I want, and therefore cannot clearly articulate anything to him if he should ask me.
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#10 Old 02-22-2005, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by HystericGlamour View Post

On one hand I'm scared he wants more...on another hand I don't want to ruin the mystery of it all.



I think I'm not asking because I'm unsure of what I want, and therefore cannot clearly articulate anything to him if he should ask me.







It's games like this that make me glad I don't date. We can play games second-guessing his behavior until the cows come home, but the only way you are going to settle the question is to either tell him what you want, or ask him what he wants.
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#11 Old 02-22-2005, 11:31 AM
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Sounds like he's smitten and wants to get to know you better. It's still early. Roll with it and see how it feels in a few days/weeks.



I wouldn't try to read more into it. Most guys are very basic and act out what they feel.
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#12 Old 02-22-2005, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post





It's games like this that make me glad I don't date. We can play games second-guessing his behavior until the cows come home, but the only way you are going to settle the question is to either tell him what you want, or ask him what he wants.





I couldn't agree more.
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#13 Old 02-22-2005, 11:59 AM
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Originally Posted by HystericGlamour View Post

......My friend informed him that it is a whole fling thing...but I'm thinking he's wanting more...am I crazy?



What made your friend say that this is a whole "fling thing"?? Does she know him well? If she does, there may be a reason she said that.



Maybe you should take the initiative and tell him where you stand without waiting for him to bring it up. It would suck if he's really falling for you and you are just using him for sex.



Drop the mind games. If you are old enough to have sex, you are too old to play games. It doesn't do any good to anyone. Keep it real with people.
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#14 Old 02-22-2005, 06:16 PM
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Originally Posted by sealife View Post

What made your friend say that this is a whole "fling thing"?? Does she know him well? If she does, there may be a reason she said that.



Yeah, I didn't understand that part. Was she saying it was a fling for you or a fling for him?



Quote:
It would suck if he's really falling for you and you are just using him for sex.



Something tells me that someone who has sex with you the first two times they meet you, even before getting your phone number (and probably before getting your last name), doesn't mind being used for sex.



Quote:
Drop the mind games. If you are old enough to have sex, you are too old to play games. It doesn't do any good to anyone. Keep it real with people.



I think she knows that. It's common sense but one of those things that's easier said than done.

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#15 Old 02-23-2005, 09:50 AM
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Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

We can play games second-guessing his behavior until the cows come home, but the only way you are going to settle the question is to either tell him what you want, or ask him what he wants.



Right on!



You need to stop asking friends and people on message boards. You need to talk to him about it and figure out what you want.



Six years ago I met a wonderful woman, and we had a similar introduction as you did; and a similar first physical encounter. Two weeks later I moved in. Two years after that we got married, and two years later we had a kid. My wife and I are still happy and together.



Anything can happen, and what some chump on a message board (me) and your friends says has nothing to do with the outcome.



What happens is up to you and what you want, and how he feels. You won't go finding any of that out unless you talk to him.
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#16 Old 02-24-2005, 12:30 AM
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Thanks everyone for your feedback!



UPDATE:



I decided to call him on Tues. and there was no answer so I left a message. Today he called and apologized for not calling sooner as he was working. What was really awesome though was that he was really making an effort at conversation even though he's the kind of guy that hates talking on the phone. He is coming into town for Sat. this weekend so I will get to see him, though briefly (sigh). But he is eager to see me and he;s goign to call me when he gets into town....yay!



I feel giddy...lol
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#17 Old 02-24-2005, 09:04 AM
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Sounds like a fling. I'm sorry, but if he was wanting something more committed, sex wouldn't have happened so quickly. That's just my opinion though.
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#18 Old 02-24-2005, 09:37 AM
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Sounds like a fling. I'm sorry, but if he was wanting something more committed, sex wouldn't have happened so quickly. That's just my opinion though.



You are entitled to your opinion, but i think that it is baseless and wrong.



A man having sex with a woman before marriage, after marriage, or within 8 hours of meeting her has nothing to do with whether the man wants a long term or a short term relationship. There is just no such correlation. This goes both ways: a woman who has sex on the first date is no less likely, or more likely to want a long term or a short term relationship.



That is why talking to your partner is much better than making baseless assumptions.
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#19 Old 02-24-2005, 09:42 AM
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My partner and I had sex on the second date, and we are together 11 years later.
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#20 Old 02-24-2005, 09:50 AM
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Originally Posted by xrodolfox View Post

You are entitled to your opinion, but i think that it is baseless and wrong.



A man having sex with a woman before marriage, after marriage, or within 8 hours of meeting her has nothing to do with whether the man wants a long term or a short term relationship. There is just no such correlation. This goes both ways: a woman who has sex on the first date is no less likely, or more likely to want a long term or a short term relationship.



That is why talking to your partner is much better than making baseless assumptions.





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#21 Old 02-24-2005, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by xrodolfox View Post

You are entitled to your opinion, but i think that it is baseless and wrong.



A man having sex with a woman before marriage, after marriage, or within 8 hours of meeting her has nothing to do with whether the man wants a long term or a short term relationship. There is just no such correlation. This goes both ways: a woman who has sex on the first date is no less likely, or more likely to want a long term or a short term relationship.



That is why talking to your partner is much better than making baseless assumptions.



Thankyou! people are animals, animals have sex drives and sex can happen no matter what the intention..



Very well put.
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#22 Old 02-24-2005, 11:39 AM
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Originally Posted by GTChick01 View Post

Sounds like a fling. I'm sorry, but if he was wanting something more committed, sex wouldn't have happened so quickly. That's just my opinion though.





Nope. I had sex with my late husband pretty quickly.
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#23 Old 02-24-2005, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Michael View Post

Hard to tell from that. I think there's evidence to support both. Probably best to just ask.



I don't really understand how people can have sex without even being to the point where they feel comfortable asking what the other is expecting from it. Maybe I'm just not that lucky.





LOL, for some reason, I loved this response.



B
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#24 Old 02-24-2005, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by kirkjobsluder View Post

My partner and I had sex on the second date, and we are together 11 years later.



yep same here. ok well we're 9 years together (this week actually! w00t for 9 years!) but I think we knew each other for ... 5 days? 5 years later we tied the knot.



but back OT, glad you're having a good time. But I agree with the rest - just ask the guy what he's after. If he doesn't know, then hey at least you're both on the same page.



When it comes down to it, just have a good time and do what feels right. Listen to what your gut is telling you. IMO, we dont' listen to our gut feelings often enough
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