PMS or something else? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 02-20-2005, 01:34 AM
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Hey Everyone,

Is it normal to want a break from some one you really love?

The entire month, I've spent every free moment with my man. But the last 2 days Inexplicably I became sad, moody, insecure, irritated... u name it, I felt it! I honestly don't know why I feel this way. So, I told him that I didn't want to see him for a few days.

Even though I am still madly in love with this man, I really wanted to be by my self and I knew if I spent one more night with him, I'd either say something really bad to him or he will get sick of my whining and sarcasm.

So, Tonight I am wondering if it's PMS. I can't recall feeling this way ever before though. I started on some hormone pills about 3 weeks back so I wonder if that has something to do with my not very pleasant behavior.

I am sure this is normal and everyone needs their breathing space sometime during a relationship. But I just wanted to hear if others have felt this way too. Is it bad sign when u need a break from a lover?
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#2 Old 02-20-2005, 09:28 PM
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I think it's natural to want to spend time apart in a relationship. You probably did the best thing telling him you needed some space, instead of him staying and arguing etc.

Can I ask what your relationship is like? Does he stay over often? or have you moved in together? Maybe you are just rushing a bit. My boyfriend stays over about once a month, and I love having him there and miss him when he leaves, but I think that's a good way to test the ice, before you move in together, or just to strengthen your relationship in general
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#3 Old 02-21-2005, 08:24 PM
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Thanks Nicky,

We have a very intimate and close relationship. We were friends for about 4 months before we got together. And since we got together (exactly a month ago) we've spent almost every free moment together. Usually I spend time over at his place.

But I took a 2 day break from him, and when we got together after that, the relationship felt stronger and I feel more in love with him. Now I sort of understand what people mean when they say that things change when they move in with a SO and see them day in and day out.
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#4 Old 02-21-2005, 09:54 PM
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sealife, it is 100% normal for you to want a measure of independence from your BF. If you didn't want any autonomy from him, I'd question the healthfulness of the relationship. One of my faaaaaaavorite communication theories says that in all relationships, we have competing desires for closeness/separateness, openness/closedness, conventionality/uniqueness, etc. Neither desire is bad or threatens the relationship, and it's natural to alternate between wanting one and wanting the other. The biggest problem is probably when you decide you only want to be close, and that if you ever don't feel close to him, the relationship must be going badly.

Most relationships go through cycles. They're not linear, with you both getting closer and closer and feeling more attached all the time. (Despite what Hollywood may tell you is the perfect relationship.)

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#5 Old 02-22-2005, 06:21 PM
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i sort of know where your coming from here sealife. i'd been with my bf for about 2 years when out of the blue i felt smothered & wanted to be free.i told him how i felt, he understood, we had a week apart & saw eachother less often than we had done before,this sorted the problem for me, and soon i was back to loving him just as much as before

i get the feeling back every now and again, so we have a day or two apart, see our friends, and have some general 'breathing space'. if you spend less time with your bf, your time together will mean more to you both, its worth a try.i hope everything turns out ok for you
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