relationships with non-veggies - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-02-2005, 09:32 AM
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So I met a guy who I like a lot but he isn't vegan or vegetarian I haven't dated anyone for a long time because I was holding out for a vegan and I thought it would be pointless to start a relationship with someone when I knew it wouldn't really go anywhere. I feel kind of snobby to say this but also I feel like scince veganism is such a big part of my life, it would be really nice to have someone to share it with. I don't think that I am superficial. I don't care about looks/weight/skin color. This is just a deep personal value that is really important to me. Is it wrong to descriminate like this? In every other way he is great. We have a lot in common and he is really nice to me.
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#2 Old 01-02-2005, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by lijahbaby View Post

So I met a guy who I like a lot but he isn't vegan or vegetarian I haven't dated anyone for a long time because I was holding out for a vegan and I thought it would be pointless to start a relationship with someone when I knew it wouldn't really go anywhere. I feel kind of snobby to say this but also I feel like scince veganism is such a big part of my life, it would be really nice to have someone to share it with. I don't think that I am superficial. I don't care about looks/weight/skin color. This is just a deep personal value that is really important to me. Is it wrong to descriminate like this? In every other way he is great. We have a lot in common and he is really nice to me.



Don't feel snobby. I respect your determination as I have the same outlook when it comes to selecting a mate. A person that cares about looks/weight/skin is more of a snob than a vegan who wants to date a vegetarian or vegan. I wish you the best in your search.
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#3 Old 01-02-2005, 09:48 AM
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I -completely- know how you feel...however...my current interest has almost as much *ahem* affection for BACON as he does for me...



And some times, it's even a joke between us...but I enjoy his company for HIM, not for his diet. And we don't live together; it may not even get more serious than it is at this point...so I'm just glad he thinks I'm cool and we can chill. Plus, sometimes we have really interesting conversations on the matter (not in a me being totally militant and psycho about it all) b/c our views are different so...yeah.



Don't give up hope, as you could still find someone spectacular who's veg. If not well...then there's obviously some other sort of attraction that shouldn't be denied



Cheers!
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#4 Old 01-02-2005, 09:58 AM
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I don't think the situation of dating a non-veg is a whole lot different than dating someone with any other sort of different value/belief system. Some (insert religion/value here) people marry (insert different religion/value here), some veggies marry non-veggies. Others couldn't imagine sharing their life and raising their kids with someone who didn't share their same ideas. Whatever is right for you, is whats right for you. I don't think holding out for a veggie is much different than a devotely Christian person holding out for another devoted Christian person. There just seems to be a huge shortage of veg men out there
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#5 Old 01-02-2005, 10:48 AM
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Omni's can be fun for hanging out with and even a short term relationship. I just know I couldn't be with someone who has no interest in vegetarianism in a marriage/kids situation. Enjoy what you have right now, someone to chill with. You never know though you might bring him over to the light side. Some omni men are open enough to think about being a vegetarian, some however (like my bf) are stubborn and love meat more than the thought of a meatfree life with a kick ass vegan chick. I feel for you girl but can't say "dump the omni jerk!" cuz I myself have one of those. It's just a lot harder than it needs to be and if given the choice would definitely prefer to have a veggie guy or someone at least interested in it enough to have me help him out in being more veggie than omni. I shouldn't really give advice in this situation cuz I'm bitter about having a guy that thinks life without meat would be worthless.
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#6 Old 01-02-2005, 03:02 PM
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my bf isn't a veg/vegan either, it doesn't bother me, as long as he doesn't try 2 make me eat meat & i don't try 2 stop him eating it, we get along just fine
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#7 Old 01-02-2005, 03:53 PM
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I married an omni. He's a sweetie and none of the veg*ns I dated lit my fire.
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#8 Old 01-02-2005, 04:47 PM
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Of course, it all depends on the person. I'd rather be with a kind, understanding omni than a snobbish, cruel vegan. Now, my preference would be a kind, understanding vegan, but that may not be practical. (Especially since my bedrock criteria is that my future mate be a Christian.)



Some behavior I simply will not tolerate from any person, regardless of eating philosophy. If you can figure out what that behavior is for you, you may be better equipped to figure out whether this guy is worth keeping.

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#9 Old 01-02-2005, 10:43 PM
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I married an omni- he is now a veggie. I'm really proud of him, mostly because he came to the descision himself. I tried to not push him since I think that can often have the opposite effect. The truth is that now that I'm older (and wiser) I would not date an omni. But things really worked out for the best in my case.
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#10 Old 01-02-2005, 11:34 PM
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I married an omni. He's very supportive of my vegetarianism and isn't a picky eater (thank God!). If I would have held out for a veg*n man, I would have never had a bf, much less a marriage. I've been acquainted with a few veg*n men, but I didn't have much in common with any of them except for veg*nism, which is just my dietary preference.
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#11 Old 01-03-2005, 06:33 AM
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I'm not sure what to say. I'm in a longterm relationship w/ an omni & we just moved in together. I have enforced a "no meat" rule- hope it holds up.

I think what falafels said is good advice, but you may be waiting a veeeerrrry long time for a vegan man to come along.

I've only met 2 male vegetarians in my entire life. One was my brother Pat. I dated the other & he was psycho-obssessive so I had to dump him.

If vegan men were so easy to find, I'd certainly tell you to hold out for one.

But maybe you're like me, & get lonely being single, so an amni is the best option at the moment.

One thing you *can* do is talk AR/veganism w/ the guy. You definitely don't want to end up w/ someone who looks down on AR/veganism, as many omnis I've met definitely do. Get a feel for his perspectives on these crucial issues. Who knows, he may be interested in trying to go vegan!!

Even my omni eats a lot less meat than he used to, & I'm hoping he can handle the meat-free zone I've now imposed.

Let us know how it goes!!!
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#12 Old 01-03-2005, 06:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Jinga View Post

I don't think the situation of dating a non-veg is a whole lot different than dating someone with any other sort of different value/belief system. Some (insert religion/value here) people marry (insert different religion/value here), some veggies marry non-veggies. Others couldn't imagine sharing their life and raising their kids with someone who didn't share their same ideas. Whatever is right for you, is whats right for you. I don't think holding out for a veggie is much different than a devotely Christian person holding out for another devoted Christian person. There just seems to be a huge shortage of veg men out there



^^^ What she said!



I'm married to an omni. He's about as omni as omni can get. But we both respect the other's choice and we get along great. I can't imagine my life without him. We usually do separate dinners and we have to take turns when it comes to picking out a restaurant to go to, but those aren't big issues for me. What's important is that he loves me, makes me laugh and generally treats me like I'm a queen.



But eating is a big part of life, so I think you should really examine closely if you could be comfortable living with an omni mate.
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#13 Old 01-03-2005, 07:17 AM
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Thanks guys. I think at this point I will just let it be what it is. It isn't serious yet so I don't have to make any decisions right now. And it is true that I could die an old woman waiting for vegan man. Anyway, he has liked everything I have cooked for him so maybe I can win him over with my amazing cooking prowess
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#14 Old 01-03-2005, 02:57 PM
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It's true - there aren't that many veg guys out there! But I certainly wouldn't eliminate an animal eater - afterall you maybe able to change him! And as been said, it really ultimately depends on you. If you have a hard time being with someone isn't veggie then you'll know.
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#15 Old 01-03-2005, 05:16 PM
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lijahbaby:



i was going to tell you to just let it be what it is and see what happens. right now, it's just fizzy-phase, so no worries.



i think that people can share similar values and still not both have the same lifestyles. I mean, skylark says she wants a christian, which is cool, but i'm sure that if she met a buddhist who was just like she was, except buddhist, she'd be like--yeah, ok, i'll date this person. and, if it goes farther, then she'll deal with that as it comes. you know? i think that you can say, well, we're alike in these ways, and he's really cool, and if it goes further, then we'll deal with whatever comes.



my husband is omni. we share core values. it's no biggie.
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#16 Old 01-03-2005, 05:17 PM
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oh, and i also support a person only dating veggies if that's what they want. it's like people who only date christians or catholics or benedictine catholics (see how the groupings just get narrower?). whatever floats your bouey.
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#17 Old 01-10-2005, 02:48 PM
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Yea, you are being a snob.. and stupid too.. but thats ok.. you can still change that... I'm married to a meat eater, and my kids all eat meat too.. and you know - we all respect each others choices... and I could not tell you how happy I am with all of them... LOVE is way bigger than what a person eats... don't give up your happiness over your choice of diets.. Yes, its a nice thing that Vegitarians are doing... were helping more than just animals.. but - people do great and wonderful things in thier own way.. who knows what this person might bring..



DO IT!!! DO IT!!!DO IT!!!DO IT!!!DO IT!!!DO IT!!!



and let us know how it goes.





Quote:
Originally Posted by lijahbaby View Post

So I met a guy who I like a lot but he isn't vegan or vegetarian I haven't dated anyone for a long time because I was holding out for a vegan and I thought it would be pointless to start a relationship with someone when I knew it wouldn't really go anywhere. I feel kind of snobby to say this but also I feel like scince veganism is such a big part of my life, it would be really nice to have someone to share it with. I don't think that I am superficial. I don't care about looks/weight/skin color. This is just a deep personal value that is really important to me. Is it wrong to descriminate like this? In every other way he is great. We have a lot in common and he is really nice to me.

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#18 Old 01-13-2005, 12:23 PM
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I've only met 2 male vegetarians in my entire life. One was my brother Pat. I dated the other & he was psycho-obssessive so I had to dump him.

If vegan men were so easy to find, I'd certainly tell you to hold out for one.

But maybe you're like me, & get lonely being single, so an amni is the best option at the moment.



I hear that. I've met 1 veggie guy and he's the Dean of Students at my college (well, and I met Michael Stipe, but he's no longer veggie). Most guys just laugh when I talk about being meat-free. It's sucks being single and I'd say, if you think you could have a relationship and be comfortably vegan, then do it. If not, that's cool too. But, it will be a long wait for a vegan guy, they are few and far between.
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#19 Old 01-13-2005, 12:36 PM
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In my experience, most kind, understanding omnis are convertible
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#20 Old 01-13-2005, 12:38 PM
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Is this guy turned off by veganism, or just unexperienced with it? I ask because you might find that sharing your food with him becomes something fun you do together. Now, he probably won't turn veg, but you might find he's eating less meat, and you two get to enjoy meals together (which is high quality time above and beyond just the eating part).



My 2¢







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#21 Old 01-13-2005, 02:16 PM
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i've only had one boyfriend, and he was an omni. he never ate meat around me - except for once. he asked me if i was okay with him eating it in front of me a couple of times. i said yes because id rather know about it then taste it. that would be the most disgusting thing ever.

i havnt met a single vegan guy except for this one, but he was older, so that doesnt count .... 'tis sad. there should be more guy vegans out there.
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#22 Old 01-13-2005, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by esculentveggies View Post

(well, and I met Michael Stipe, but he's no longer veggie).



Sorry to stray off topic but you mean REM Michael Stipe? I can't believe he is no longer veg, do you know what prompted this? And how did you meet him???
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#23 Old 01-13-2005, 02:45 PM
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It all depends on how you feel about veganism. If you feel that anyone who is omni is an unethical, unfeeling, cruel person by definition, then you probably won't have much fun dating omnis. If you think that people can have different interpretations of what it means to live a good, ethical life, go for it.



My bf is omni and is one of the most compassionate people I know. He respects my veganism, but he has different views about eating animals than I do. Keep in mind that there are varying degrees of omni-ism, from guys who eat steak on a daily basis and have to have some kind of meat with every meal, to guys who just eat meat occasionally and like vegan food. My bf is in the second category, so he likes what I cook, makes vegan food for me, and we only go out to restaurants where I can eat something. It sounds like your guy is more in this category since he likes your cooking, so if you like him I say go for it and see where it leads...
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#24 Old 01-13-2005, 05:07 PM
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My sweetie started out as an omni, but switched over after being around me. But I wouldn't have difficulty dating an omni, so long as he was respectful of my belief system. It is really up to you and I'd imagine that you'll have some grappling to do. Honor yourself, okay?
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#25 Old 01-13-2005, 05:23 PM
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I was dating an omni when I went veg*an. It caused a lot of tension between us, even though he was respectful most of the time, he thought I was judging his actions. I left when things really were going downhill- and he has since come to the conclusion that he was being an ***. We're actually back together... and he told me he never wants me to compromise my ethics for him- because they're important.



Not only that- but he's actually eating and buying fruits and veggies and whole grains for himself now!



Like lots of people have said- the question is really wether or not he is respectful of your beliefs.

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#26 Old 01-13-2005, 06:25 PM
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My BF is omni and he has no intention of changing. Sometimes I wish he was veg*n so that he would enjoy going to veg restaurants with me, but overall he's a wonderful partner, so that's not a big deal. He doesn't usually eat meat around me, and on the rare occasions when he does, he's careful to brush his teeth before kissing me.



He supports me in being vegan and will go to veg places with me- but only because he loves me. He's a picky eater, so even though he eats my cooking, there are some things he just isn't interested in trying.



We're moving in together in a few months, and we've already come up with the appropriate compromises and plans. It's not ideal, I guess, but it's easy to cope with, especially because he's an incredible boyfriend who makes me happy and treats me very well.



(And he's very sexy. )

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#27 Old 01-13-2005, 06:38 PM
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I'm dating the epitome of the meat&potato man. We can joke about it, but I wonder too, if it will get old eventually. For now, it's not very serious, so I just don't think too much about the future, but put my energy into enjoying his company right now. But you should see how cute it is when big huge meat-man asks, "can you eat here?" before we stop for lunch.
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#28 Old 01-14-2005, 10:03 AM
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I only date vegans.
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#29 Old 01-14-2005, 11:32 AM
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I only date vegans.



How many vegan girlfriends have you had?
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#30 Old 01-14-2005, 02:46 PM
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My fiance was an omni and went veggie after being around me so much. He's always respected my choice to be veggie.
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