Uninvited to Wedding? (venting) - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 12-30-2004, 11:43 AM
Veggie Regular
 
dawngirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,022
A friend of mine, who lost his wife to a freak accident over a year ago is getting married again! We've worked together for 7 years, and I was a shoulder to cry on when his wife died and he was left with 3 kids to raise. Now that he's moving on, I'm thrilled and he personally invited me to the wedding ~ in Las Vegas.



I was preparing to make my plans along with another co-worker this week. I find out today that I am "uninvited" because the bride is threatened by my friendship with her future husband and that nobody wants to tell me because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I have not been officially "uninvited" by my friend but only found out through my co-worker that I was planning to travel with.



I must respect the wishes of the bride, but d**n, couldn't someone be human enough to step up to the plate to tell me instead of me finding out in hushed tones second hand? What if I had already made flight and hotel reservations ~ fortunately I haven't. Pretty much our entire office and even some of my clients are going.



Thank you for the space to vent....I'll be moving on now.
dawngirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 12-30-2004, 11:45 AM
Veggie Regular
 
qetta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,089
Oh what a crummy way to find out about it. Have you spoken directly to the groom yet to ask if that's all really true?
qetta is offline  
#3 Old 12-30-2004, 11:47 AM
Veggie Regular
 
dawngirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,022
Nah, not yet. I'm pretty good at bowing out gracefully for everyone's sake. Along the same lines ~ at least when my brother told me I couldn't bring a particular friend to his house for Christmas this year he called and said he'd understand if I didn't come. Why can't we all just get along?



Seems...umm, err...I may have some financial issues that keep me from attending.
dawngirl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 12-30-2004, 11:50 AM
Veggie Regular
 
qetta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,089
Oh but what if your friend really wants you to be there, and this whole thing about the bride being threatened by you is just untrue, or an exaggeration?



And do you think you and the groom will be "allowed" to remain friends after the wedding? If not, I think he needs to have a serious talk with his intended about friendships. And trust!
qetta is offline  
#5 Old 12-30-2004, 11:51 AM
Veggie Regular
 
SeaSiren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,150
I wouldn't bow out based on a rumour. He's your friend, just ask him. I would be really ashame if it were untrue and he was hurt because you didn't attend due to a misunderstanding.
SeaSiren is offline  
#6 Old 12-30-2004, 11:57 AM
Newbie
 
Banshee's Wail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawngirl View Post

Nah, not yet. I'm pretty good at bowing out gracefully for everyone's sake. Along the same lines ~ at least when my brother told me I couldn't bring a particular friend to his house for Christmas this year he called and said he'd understand if I didn't come. Why can't we all just get along?



Seems...umm, err...I may have some financial issues that keep me from attending.



I don't mean to be rude, but aren't you kind of doing the same thing you think he's doing by not bringing up the potential issue with him? Maybe he's already told the bride that you're his guest and will be at the wedding and all the scuttlebutt is simply her venting. You won't know unless you talk about it.
Banshee's Wail is offline  
#7 Old 12-30-2004, 11:57 AM
Veggie Regular
 
Tash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,447
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaSiren View Post

I wouldn't bow out based on a rumour. He's your friend, just ask him. I would be really ashame if it were untrue and he was hurt because you didn't attend due to a misunderstanding.



Yup-!.......Call people on it-! I always say.. Some folks, usually fake ones avoid me because I love telling them that the Emperor is nakie.. Can't help it..

Make the call, find out what's what before you get upset. Like G-ma always told me, don't borrow trouble. Find out if there's any really there before ya' worry...
Tash is offline  
#8 Old 12-30-2004, 12:01 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Skylark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 15,684
I think it's better to ask him and risk offending/hurting his feelings than to assume the rumor is true and definitely hurt you by not going.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
Skylark is offline  
#9 Old 12-30-2004, 01:12 PM
Newbie
 
GhostUser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 0
SeaSiren that's exactly what I was going to say. Have a talk with your friend. Find out the truth of the matter. Suppose the rumour isn't true. And your friend hears about how upset you are upon hearing it, but yet you don't come and talk to him about it. He'll have hurt feelings (I know I would). Best just to get it aired out.
GhostUser is offline  
#10 Old 12-30-2004, 01:30 PM
Veggie Regular
 
dawngirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,022
Ok, all, thanks for the advice. I'll chew on it and see what I come up with.
dawngirl is offline  
#11 Old 12-30-2004, 01:39 PM
Veggie Regular
 
qetta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,089
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawngirl View Post

Ok, all, thanks for the advice. I'll chew on it and see what I come up with.



Please let us know how it turns out!
qetta is offline  
#12 Old 12-30-2004, 07:05 PM
Veggie Regular
 
chiaraluna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,704
Definitely talk to him about it before bowing out. Either way, the bride is out of line feeling so threatened by you -- but such is life.



Like qetta said, do let us know how it everything turns out!
chiaraluna is offline  
#13 Old 12-30-2004, 07:18 PM
Veggie Regular
 
renaissancesun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,791
Gee, I'll bet that is going to be a great marriage. I hope it is not as bad as it sounds.



renaissancesun is offline  
#14 Old 12-30-2004, 07:36 PM
Veggie Regular
 
SilverC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,009
I'd ask him about it too. He's your friend, so if there is a problem he should have the guts to tell you face to face.



I had a friend that I knew since 7th grade. When we were teens, he had a huge crush on me, but I didn't feel the same way. In his late teens, he started dating one of our mutual friends. Well, at the time I thought she was my friend.



In university they announced they were getting married, and I was happy for them. I even saw her at school one day and gave her a hug and said how great I thought it was. And then I waited for an invitation. All my other friends were invited, and since I was one of P's oldest friends, and was also friends with K, I just assumed I'd get one. But it never came.



A week before the wedding, my mom was at a church function and saw one of my other friends there. He had been invited to the wedding and asked if I was going. My mom replied "No, because she never got an invitation. He said, "Oh I'm sure she's invited! Why wouldn't she be? The invitation must have gotten lost."



I never did get an answer as to why I wasn't invited, when every single one of our other friends were. I can only guess that it's because she was still jealous of me and the fact that her soon to be hubby used to have a crush on me. Oh well. I lost a great friend because of her.
SilverC is offline  
#15 Old 12-30-2004, 07:49 PM
Veggie Regular
 
vegbunny83's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 933
wow... your friend's new fiancee sounds like a controlling, jealous b!tch- that certainly doesn't make for a good marriage. i think you should call and ask him if it's true that you are "uninvited" because of his wife-to-be and her paranoia. then if he says it's true, tell him that you hope her controlling behavior won't prevent you from being friends in the future. if he says he still wants you there, then by all means go!!!



hope everything works out!

"I remember the days when we talked for hours/And we were young, we thought we had superpowers/We weren't our problems, our age or our paychecks/And we weren't taking anybody's $h*t."
vegbunny83 is offline  
#16 Old 01-01-2005, 05:21 PM
Veggie Regular
 
zoebird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 8,451
i'd talk to your friend. At the very least, you should ask him what he wants. if he supports his bride (which, i suppose he should now that she's keeping his balls in a mason jar under the sink), then he'll repeat her perspective to you.



as a friend, he should be communicative with you. You should ask for this in this situation. Even if this is the end or suspension of this friendship, he should at least ask his wife for his balls back long enough to tell you.



ps: i'm venting about idiot brides like this and their stupid husbands who are no longer my friends because their wives stole their balls.
zoebird is offline  
#17 Old 01-01-2005, 05:29 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Foxy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,028
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post




ps: i'm venting about idiot brides like this and their stupid husbands who are no longer my friends because their wives stole their balls.





Ypu can't "steal" what is willingly given.



Any man/person not willing and able to stand up for what he feels/believes (especially to a life partner!) is pathetic and, in his passivity, just asking to be controlled in those situations.



Sounds like these "couples" have huge issues and within the relationship, each partner's weakness is complemented (in a bad way) by the others'...



aS FAR AS WHAT TO DO, DAWNGIRL? iT HAS BEEN SAID. oops! Talk to your friend directly.
Foxy is offline  
#18 Old 01-01-2005, 05:50 PM
Veggie Regular
 
zoebird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 8,451
foxy:



yup, that's my point. i have over 5 'friends' who told me over the last few years as they got married that i can no longer email, IM, or call them. Now, i've been friends with these guys for over 15 yrs, long before they knew their girlfriends/wives, and i live at least 1/2 of the US away in distance (in the case of two, literally all the way across the country, and one lives in Hawai'i for christsakes). How am i possibly a threat to their girlfriends/wives?



talk about weak.
zoebird is offline  
#19 Old 01-01-2005, 06:33 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Thalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 6,902
This is a reach but...

I think maybe the bride might feel insecure in general considering her relationship started so soon after her grooms wife died. So she has to direct her jealousy toward an acceptable person, who is living. She is in an unenviable position. He can remember his relationship with past wife as super perfect, while they, the living, will have the harsh reality with its ups and downs for comparison. Unlike an ex-wife, she has no right to demand he get over her nor say anything bad about her.
Thalia is offline  
#20 Old 01-01-2005, 07:11 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Foxy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,028
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia View Post

This is a reach but...

I think maybe the bride might feel insecure in general considering her relationship started so soon after her grooms wife died. So she has to direct her jealousy toward an acceptable person, who is living. She is in an unenviable position. He can remember his relationship with past wife as super perfect, while they, the living, will have the harsh reality with its ups and downs for comparison. Unlike an ex-wife, she has no right to demand he get over her nor say anything bad about her.





Quitle possible. However, he reason she is jealous (if she in deed is) has little to do with the fact that it is an inappropriate response to try and get her needs met.
Foxy is offline  
#21 Old 01-01-2005, 09:33 PM
Veggie Regular
 
Skylark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 15,684
Foxy,

While a possible explanation for the bride's behavior doesn't excuse what she may or may not have done--remember this is mostly rumor--it could make her behavior more understandable. I think that was Thalia's point.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
Skylark is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off