how to choose - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 05-08-2003, 09:54 PM
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i started liking one of my friends (he's not a close friend, he's just a normal friend). I'm not really sure how long I have liked him. I just realized on thursday I had a small crush on him. I was on a band trip over the weekend and was hanging out with 4 people. 2 guys, 2 girls. One of the guys and I were clicking in a friendly way. One of the nights we were there the other guy told one of the girls that he thought the guy liked me, and it dawned on me that he was probably right. He ended up sitting by me on the bus ride home so we talked a lot. There were small seats so we were touching a lot, and i sort of liked it. I guess I was sort of starting to get a crush on him also. Band the next day was a free period and the guy and the two girls and I hung out in the same area. I started being able to see myself actually liking him, Ryan. I don't really know him that well because he goes to the other high school in our school district. The girls go to the same school and said he is really nice, and cool. On monday the first guy Matt was really flirty, and friendly, and my crush on him got bigger. I didn't really talk to Ryan the next day in band but I saw him looking at me a few times. That is what has gone one with him pretty much all week, where as the other guy Matt (who I am almost positive likes me) has been all flirty and stuff. It seems like it would be an obvious choice, pick the first guy. But from my past experience I have learned I never stay friends with my ex's, and since Matt is one of my friends I would hate to see that happen. With Ryan I wasn't really friends with him so I wouldn't really care if we weren't friends afterwords. I am afraid that I will lead both of them on, then one of them will ask me out, and I would end up feeling like I had been playing the other one, or realize I had been acting like i liked the guy, then realized I didn't like him when he asked me out. I still sort of knew with this whole guy thing, and I have never liked 2 guys at once and had both of them liking me also. How do you guys choose? I have made the whole pro and con list for both of them. Matt did have the most pro's but I am terrified about loosing him as a friend if it didn't work out.
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#2 Old 05-08-2003, 10:15 PM
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Perhaps you could concentrate on viewing both of them as friends? My guess is that you're young yet, maybe in high school. Do you need to be dating right now? If you find all of your self-worth in a boyfriend, then I think it may be time to work on some self-esteem issues. (Note: I'm not accusing you of this! I just know some girls do do this.)

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#3 Old 05-10-2003, 12:23 AM
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Nooooooo! Date as much as you can. Cause once you get married it's all over.

There are some really great things about being married, and honestly I wouldn't go back to the dating life for all of the money in the world, but sometimes I miss the thrill of the chase, the excitement of flirting or kissing someone for the first time. Now I have nothing but my memories. Sigh!
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#4 Old 05-10-2003, 12:56 AM
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When I was in high school, I had a friend who couldn't just be friends with boys. They always turned into boy friends...the relationship would last a month or so and then they wouldn't speak, usually.

Then we met "Dave" at the same time...we were all very friendly and he became our chum...then I saw they were becoming more than friends...after a week he dumped her.

She was pretty hurt and expected me to dump him as a friend.

I was annoyed because I wanted to keep him as a friend and he would try to talk to me and she would give him the evil eye and give me a look like "if you were a good friend..."

Friendships can last a lifetime...high school romances are usually brief. I guess you need to decide which kinds you want.
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#5 Old 05-10-2003, 01:00 AM
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oh and I think it's fine to date two boys at long as they know that you aren't ready to be tied down and want to "play the field"
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#6 Old 05-10-2003, 01:50 AM
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I totally agree. There's nothing wrong with dating two guys at once. For some reason I didn't figure this out until college. My only real regret in regards to dating was that I dated one guy in high school for almost two years. I missed out on so many other cute guys because of all the time I wasted with him. And the longer you stay in a crappy relationship the harder it gets to leave. Believe me. I was way too young to be tied down like that.
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#7 Old 05-10-2003, 08:16 AM
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It doesn't sound like you have to choose anything yet. You haven't even talked to either guy about what's going on. Just continue to have a good time with both and enjoy the flirting. If someone decides to make a declaration, you can decide from there. I see nothing wrong with dating both guys at the same time until it becomes an unnatural state for you, by then your choice will become more obvious.

You should think about why you can't remain friends with an ex, and try to resolve things differently next time around. Some of my most favorite people are ex boyfriends. Just because something's not happening romantically doesn't mean you have to lose out on rewarding friendship. It takes a little work in the beginning but, it's well worth it.
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#8 Old 05-10-2003, 04:49 PM
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I'm going to be honest...high school romances AND friends come and go. It is rare to still be friends when someone from high school when you are into your 20s and 30s..and beyond.

Go for it. What's the worse that can happen? You have a few great dates and you break up and he's a prat and doesn't speak to you again? Bah, go find another crush-worthy friend
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