Oh, Bi the way.... - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 09-16-2004, 11:03 PM
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Ok, there's this girl who often rides the same bus as me, and we've made alot of small talk. She works at the grocery store right by where I work. I ride the bus with alot of the same people everyday, and I talk to alot of them, but this is different. I think she's really pretty, and I kind of want to ask her out. I get the feeling she may be interested inme too, but I don't really know.



How on earth do I broach this subject? I don't want to freak her out if she's totally straight, since she'd have to ride the bus with me still after that. In the past the girls I've been with have always been really upfront about their orientation with me from the get-go, so I've never had to do this.



And the other thing is, I've never really had a girlfriend before. It was always just messing around that didn't turn into anything serious, and I'm not sure what I would do if it did. My parents don't have a clue, and neither does anyone else really. I don't really think I'm ready for everyone to know. I'm thinking maybe I should just forget about this.
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#2 Old 09-17-2004, 01:07 AM
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Totally straight person attempting to answer this question:



Maybe one of the first things you'd want to do is scope out her attitude towards same sex relationships. Bring up a subject which does not involve you or her personally. What does she think about this whole same-sex marriage issue (one which I don't really think is the government's to decide honestly except... oh wait, off topic)?



Invite her out for some coffee or a movie. Don't call it a date or anything. If you get to know her, you will begin to pick up on some of her attitudes pretty quickly. And if she's attracted to you, you both may come to the point where you're at ease enough to share that feeling. Kind of the all-time favorite: Shoot for friendship first and see where it all blooms from there.
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#3 Old 09-17-2004, 01:10 AM
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You could also say something about your ex-girlfriend (even if you have to make something up) in casual conversation and see how she reacts.

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#4 Old 09-17-2004, 02:05 AM
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Perhaps, if you carry a purse or bag, you could pin a little rainbow button on it one day. Hold your bag on your lap so she can't miss it and then see if she brings the topic up.
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#5 Old 09-18-2004, 12:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikie View Post

Perhaps, if you carry a purse or bag, you could pin a little rainbow button on it one day. Hold your bag on your lap so she can't miss it and then see if she brings the topic up.



Heh. I was totally thinking that.
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#6 Old 09-18-2004, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by mosquito View Post

Heh. I was totally thinking that.

Yeah, I think it's an innocent cute way of finding the answer to your question. If she doesn't bring it up, she doesn't bring it up, and if she does, then good luck! In the mean time you don't have to worry about wording an awkward question!
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#7 Old 09-18-2004, 01:53 AM
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Alas, if I saw it, I'd probably say "cute rainbow" and think nothing more of it.



<----haplessly straight and oblivious to the symbols around her
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#8 Old 09-18-2004, 02:08 AM
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Originally Posted by kristadb View Post

Alas, if I saw it, I'd probably say "cute rainbow" and think nothing more of it.



<----haplessly straight and oblivious to the symbols around her

You're exactly why I think a rainbow pin would work!
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#9 Old 09-18-2004, 03:09 AM
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I like the idea of just asking her out to coffee. Even if she turns out to be straight, you could gain a cool friend that way.
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#10 Old 09-18-2004, 08:09 AM
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I've usually gone the coffee or drink route...because I definitey like to gain a friend at least....best of luck to you!! *secretly wishes she rode the bus with mosquito*

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#11 Old 09-18-2004, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by mikie View Post

You're exactly why I think a rainbow pin would work!



Oh I get it



* Krista *
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#12 Old 09-18-2004, 10:44 AM
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the coffee idea is what i was going to say... if she is straight she will probably think you just want to be friends and if she's not she will know what you mean (one can hope). it's always worked for me anyway...
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#13 Old 09-18-2004, 01:35 PM
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The only problem I see with the coffee route is that you might go for coffee and have a great time and then you'll leave with a date to meet again and yet you still have no idea what her sexual preference is!
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#14 Old 09-18-2004, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by mikie View Post

The only problem I see with the coffee route is that you might go for coffee and have a great time and then you'll leave with a date to meet again and yet you still have no idea what her sexual preference is!



Yeah, that's what I'm kind of afraid of. And I know it sounds awful, but I don't really want to "just be friends" if she's not interested, because ten years ago I had a guy friend I was horribly attracted to, but he didn't like me that way, and I'm *still* not over it.
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#15 Old 09-19-2004, 01:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mosquito View Post

Yeah, that's what I'm kind of afraid of. And I know it sounds awful, but I don't really want to "just be friends" if she's not interested, because ten years ago I had a guy friend I was horribly attracted to, but he didn't like me that way, and I'm *still* not over it.



Yeah, that hurts.... Your mentioning this actually made me feel better that I am not the only one who can hurt over a bad relationship for years on end.
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#16 Old 09-23-2004, 11:16 AM
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Since you're not ready for "everyone to know" yet, perhaps it would be wiser to work on that than on getting this woman as your girlfriend. Consider why you haven't told your parents yet that you're bi. You sound somewhat pensive--and as they all say, confidence attracts people. I can imagine that if this woman is interested in you, she'd feel better about it if you had already worked through issues with your parents before dragging her into it.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1001...one to change the bulb, 1000 to say it's already been done.
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#17 Old 10-01-2004, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikie View Post

Perhaps, if you carry a purse or bag, you could pin a little rainbow button on it one day. Hold your bag on your lap so she can't miss it and then see if she brings the topic up.





I think everyone glbtq person has been through this at some point in our lives.

It gets easier.



But if you want to try this guys method I have some bi pride pins and regular gay, les, trans, ect as well.



I'll be more than happy to send you a couple for free if you email me.
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#18 Old 10-01-2004, 12:59 PM
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Well, I haven't seen her on the bus since I posted this. I think you're right Skylark that I should work through my issues on this first. I mean, if I put myself in someone else's place, I don't think I'd want to have to keep our relationship a secret. It's not fair.
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#19 Old 10-06-2004, 08:25 AM
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hang in there mosquito!! :-)
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