I hate my father - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 09-10-2004, 07:32 PM
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What am I supposed to do?!?!?! My dad steps into my room because I wanted to show him something. He notices a plate on the floor, and a couple glasses. I bring them back, and by that time, he's noticed another glass. Now, my room was not very dirty at all. Just a plate and a few glasses. But this launches into a tirade in which he accuses me of having no aspirations. He says I'm sh**, my life is sh** and what I do is sh**. I'll admit, maybe I don't concentrate fully on "school" during conventional hours, but I still get my work done, and I'm working on a schedule to show him when I'll be ready for testing. I don't think what he did was justified. Now I sit here practically in tears... I just wish this wouldn't happen, as it happens far too often nowadays.
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#2 Old 09-10-2004, 07:44 PM
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Thats awful. I'm sorry you have to deal with that stuff
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#3 Old 09-10-2004, 07:52 PM
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All I want most in the entire world is to be accepted by my dad. That's all I want, but there's always something wrong with me. Always. I'm never good enough. I can't begin to explain what my life is like right now! I sometimes just want to give up.
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#4 Old 09-10-2004, 08:08 PM
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Although my parents did not yell at me like that, I did always feel the need to be better than I was. I got called lazy a lot and it stuck with me like a nasty scar. Nothing could ever be good enough. I felt I needed to be perfect and since there is no such thing, I was miserable. It sounds like your dad may have some problems. Most likely when he yells at you its because something about the situation brings up something he dislikes in himself. Maybe he feels he didn't work hard enough when he was young and feels he missed out on greater opportunities. He wants better for you, but is showing it in a very hurtful way. Try to do well for you. Its your life and you deserve better. I'd also suggest finding some emotional support through someone who communicates in a more loving manner. Having a great friend, teacher, neighbor, etc. can really help.



There are three great things in life ... work, play, and love. Work hard, play harder, and surround yourself with beautifully loving people.
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#5 Old 09-10-2004, 08:23 PM
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I have little to no social life, and I'm an outcast in my community because of a mistake I made shortly after new years. (I'll only tell you that it was very serious, although not jail serious) I have 2 friends, one I'm not sure of. Both drink and smoke dope. I rarely see them, because I can't resolve myself to leave the house much anymore. I'm going over to one of their houses tomorrow, because I don't want to be here. I've never had many friends, and I was always on the fringe, mostly because I wouldn't change myself to fit them. All of my really good friends have moved away, or proven to not be really good friends. I'm afraid of meeting people now. I don't like being with people anymore. I'm sorry to load this on everyone, but I just need support. This is the hardest thing I've ever faced in my entire life. I don't really face those problems either. I escape them, by going to the forums, or playing video games. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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#6 Old 09-10-2004, 08:32 PM
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I was very lonely and distrustful, too. Still go through that some times. Just do whatever you can to get through. Don't let it consume you. The bad will pass if you let it go. There are amazing things waiting for you. You just have to find them.
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#7 Old 09-10-2004, 08:44 PM
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He obviously wants great things from you.... and seems to being letting his fear of your failure mess up his perspective. But beating you down will affect you badly, and definitely won't push you in the direction of improvement.



I don't really know what to tell you, but it sure would be nice for him to have a third party to help him adjust his perspective on things -- take notice of the good things you are doing so that he could possibly turn into a source of encouragement; redirect his frustrations in a positive direction.



What I am saying is that I think he wants you to succeed but he is allowing his fears to take over. I don't think there's much you can do about him, but if you can remember that he is afraid, it may help you to toss episodes like this over your shoulder a little easier. That way, you can work on where you (I said you) want to be in life.
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#8 Old 09-10-2004, 08:50 PM
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Do you think it would be a good idea to show him this thread?
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#9 Old 09-10-2004, 08:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Druidus View Post

Do you think it would be a good idea to show him this thread?



I think it may be a better idea to talk to him about how it makes you feel when he yells are you.
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#10 Old 09-10-2004, 09:09 PM
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Yeah, I think talking to him in an honest, but not accusing way would be a good idea. Some time when both of you are calmed down emotionally.



My parents were pretty demanding of my brothers and I when we were young. I know that it's hard a lot of the time. I didn't really do anything about it, and now I have a lot of resentment and anger that I am now just beginning to work through. I wish that I would have said something sooner.
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#11 Old 09-10-2004, 11:00 PM
 
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Agreed with the rest. Keeping your feelings to yourself is only going to hurt *you*. I"m sorry you're struggling with this. Keep us posted.

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#12 Old 09-12-2004, 07:52 PM
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Hey Druidus,



It might help to show your dad this, if you want to use it as a starting point for discussion. How do you think he'd react to your feelings.



I'm sorry things are so bleak and tough right now. I know that feeling lonely can be awfully overwhelming and I'm glad you came here to post about it.



Jes
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#13 Old 09-14-2004, 07:59 AM
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don't be afraid to really work on yourself. contemplation and meditation, coupled with readings should really help you. you may also consider councelling.



all of this, of course, is separate from the immediate (or seemingly so) issue. communication with your dad is important, but learning bout yourself and how to go about that will come from your own work. also, working through the results of your relationship with your dad will help you. These things are rather tough, emotional, and difficult. It's the long, hard path, but it leads to the best rewards--the lasting rewards.



I also want to point out a book: Iron John by Robert Blye. It's an excellent book. after reading this, i recommend another read of THe Lord of the Rings, or a watch of all three movies. Look at how they reflect masculinity and the ideas that Blye puts forth in Iron John. While this book is made for men, i've read it and gained a lot of very useful information on it for my own life. It also helps me "see" men more clearly. Perhaps it will help you see yourself and your father more clearly.



i wish you all the best!
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#14 Old 09-14-2004, 05:34 PM
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I hope things get better for you and your relationship with your father. I would advise against showing him this thread, not because of what was said, but because the title is "I hate my father" -- that could very likely get in the way of meaningful discussion. However, if you two don't communicate well, you may be able to write him a note (?) or something. I don't know... though I have a strained relationship with my mother, it is nothing like you have described, so I can't speak from experience.



But I am glad you have found a place to vent, and I hope that, at least, helps you feel a little better.
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#15 Old 09-15-2004, 08:06 AM
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notes and letters are both annoying and cowardly.



i greatly dislike it when people are too afraid to speak to me. i know that i can be formidable, but i'm not completely unreasonable or unkind. just speak to me directly and we can have a conversation. fear kills just about everything and irritates the heck out of me. a letter, a note, even just showing this post to him, shows immaturity.
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#16 Old 09-15-2004, 12:12 PM
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Your dad sounds overcontrolling, perfectionistic, and plain ole' hyper critical.



Realize a) he probably loves you, otherwise he wouldn't badger you...he wants the best FOR you...just, is not doing a good job in the support department. Sounds like he's making mountains out of molehills.



Secondly...realize it's HIS problem, not yours. Don't let it eat you up. Maybe spend more time at school and less time around him until he gets the message? If he starts up again, then spend less time away from him again...



He's bound to miss you and appreciate you after awhile, and if he doesn't, that's his problem too!



Don't cry sweetie.



Hugs,



Linz
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#17 Old 09-15-2004, 12:14 PM
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My parents are the same way...they don't care if I get Cs in school, but if they see a dirty glass on my dresser they go ballistic. Whatever...that's their problem. I mean, do they honestly think I'm going to just leave it there until it ferments and smells up the entire room? NO. I will not! Oooh...the glass has been their for an entire HALF HOUR and I'm not even DONE DRINKING it yet. Whatever...



Don't sweat it. Act as if you don't care about their stupid rants and maybe they'll see how stupid they are acting...tell them to worry about more important things like paying the morgage lol.
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#18 Old 09-16-2004, 08:00 AM
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Parents can be crazy... But soon you'll be old like me (23) and won't live with them anymore (well, i moved out when i was 17). And eventually you will probably become less argumentive with time. That's what happened with myself and my mom



I was a social outcast in my day too... Self imposed, but that's beyond the point... I still felt it.



Friends will come in time... My mother said "You can count your true friends on one hand and still have fingers left over"... I didn't believe her until I was 21 or so... Now I have 2-3 good friends and a great partner...



i went from goth/punk outcast, law breaker, drug user, to an Activist who enjoys his life more than anything... Life will get better
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