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Berry Happy Vegans 02-16-2016 06:56 AM

Online Relationships
 
Hello everyone! We recently saw that a popular vegan YouTuber, Vegan Gains, had issues with his partner, so we wanted to start a discussion about online relationships and their benefits/downsides. Kelly and I were talking about how our relationship started, and the importance of accountability in online relationships. What do you think is important when dating someone over the internet? Have you had any experiences of online relationships? Please let us know!


ZoroAdams 02-17-2016 03:42 AM

I see online dating as an option for shy persons, persons who do not go out so often,I've never had that kind of experience, cause still prefer physical contact than online. I am not against it, but when I meet someone I want to shake the person's hand, watch them into the eyes. You know it's hard to believe what is real and what is fake over the internet.And profiles on online sites are like shop windows, and users are like a merchandise waiting for the buyer. Maybe I am old fashioned.
When you meet the new person,whether online or not , it's important to be yourself, and to be honest. Maybe it's a little complicated to show your self in real light over the internet. Chances for manipulation are bigger in online dating. But once again I know people who met that way and have a wonderful relationships.

Berry Happy Vegans 02-17-2016 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZoroAdams (Post 3913425)
I see online dating as an option for shy persons, persons who do not go out so often,I've never had that kind of experience, cause still prefer physical contact than online.

I think that's the common perception of online dating, that it's for reclusive or shy people. I don't think that's the case though. As we talked about in our video, there are many upsides to dating a person online, since you can be more pragmatic and logical about who you choose to date. Most people in the "real world" just stumble into relationships and can spend quite a lot of time with a person they might not actually be compatible with. I think it's better if you can choose a person whose personal qualities you like and who has values in line with your own.

SteveW 02-17-2016 01:35 PM

I actually think Vegan Gains just ****ed up, he found a girl that had similar interests to him and he fell in love because she's the first girl of that type that he's interacted with.

I can't believe he actually planned to get married in such a short space of time, he seems like a rational guy but he totally misjudged it. He'll learn.

Berry Happy Vegans 02-17-2016 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveW (Post 3913897)
I actually think Vegan Gains just ****ed up, he found a girl that had similar interests to him and he fell in love because she's the first girl of that type that he's interacted with.

Yeah, it's weird that he's so rational and yet was so completely off the mark with this one. I think he may have a form of autism or something, maybe aspergers...

littlespoon 02-18-2016 07:56 PM

My husband and I met completely at random online, were flirtatious friends for a few months, then started getting seriously infatuated with each other... which grew into a deep mutual respect and compassion. We fell in love pretty quickly, met each other about nine or ten months after meeting, and then got married a year after that!

Berry Happy Vegans 02-19-2016 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlespoon (Post 3915193)
My husband and I met completely at random online, were flirtatious friends for a few months, then started getting seriously infatuated with each other... which grew into a deep mutual respect and compassion. We fell in love pretty quickly, met each other about nine or ten months after meeting, and then got married a year after that!

Sounds pretty similar to how we met. You guys got married quite quick! How long have you been together?

Naturebound 02-19-2016 02:28 AM

I became tangled up in an online "relationship" with someone. I had met him on LiveJournal through a forum we were involved in and he started commenting on my journal entries. We became friends. We remained friends for six years, but over time we began to get more involved. It was not a romantic type of relationship. But I felt emotionally wrapped up in this person and found myself thinking about him all the time, and he was trying to help me through a rough patch in life, but the more I learned about him, the more I suspected he had a very serious mental illness. He didn't ever tell me much about his life, but I put pieces together from what he shared. Sometimes things got too intense and I shut him out a few times, only to allow him back in later. I was too invested and emotionally attached. Then one day he left Livejournal altogether without warning. Deleted his account. He never told me, didn't say goodbye. Just left. I had his personal email from exchanges we had had so I emailed him to see what was going on but never heard back and I suspect he changed his email. It hurt really badly for a long time, and I am still not completely over it. That's the thing about online stuff. This guy is from England, halfway around the world from me. It is easy to erase people from your life this way, online. But it can have a tremendous impact on a person's emotions and thoughts etc. I never though one could become so attached to others online, or that online relationships could be so intense and affect a person so much. But they really can. The strange thing is I have never even seen a photo of this guy in the six years I knew him online. I had no idea what he looked like other than he gave me some general stats and his age. Everything I knew was through words.

Be very careful with online relationships, especially if you are in a vulnerable state.

That said, my Dad was involved in a long distance relationships with someone. They wrote back and forth for years, had only seen eachother twice through mutual friends. Eventually they got married and she immigrated from Canada to the U.S. and now they live together happily for the last twelve years.

Berry Happy Vegans 02-19-2016 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naturebound (Post 3915305)
I never though one could become so attached to others online, or that online relationships could be so intense and affect a person so much. But they really can. The strange thing is I have never even seen a photo of this guy in the six years I knew him online. I had no idea what he looked like other than he gave me some general stats and his age. Everything I knew was through words.

Sounds like you had an unfortunate case of catfishing. The person may not have been who they said they were, and were probably embarrassed or ashamed of who they really were. I think it's incredibly important to get conclusive proof that you really are talking to the person that you think you're talking to when you start getting involved with someone online. Kelly and I met on a chat site and started Skyping from day one, so we always knew that the person on the other end was real, and at least of the correct gender (there are may people who pretend to be the opposite gender!). That's why I think accountability is crucial to online relationships, as you can build up trust with your partner by always being online when you say you're going to be, by always telling the truth about yourself, etc.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, I know many people who also had issues with catfishing!

littlespoon 02-20-2016 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveW (Post 3913897)
I actually think Vegan Gains just ****ed up, he found a girl that had similar interests to him and he fell in love because she's the first girl of that type that he's interacted with.

I can't believe he actually planned to get married in such a short space of time, he seems like a rational guy but he totally misjudged it. He'll learn.

I think he is still a quite rational guy, you'd be surprised what you're willing to do when you're in a long-distance relationship... everyone kept saying my European hubby and I were getting married fast, but when you consider how hard immigration is, or finding a job in another country, it can be SO hard just to live in the same country together! I was pretty sure about my partner and knew I wanted to be with him and have a family, so we married last year and now he's immigrating to the states. Btw I saw Vegan Gains' new video and apparently they're back together, with no plans to get married now.

littlespoon 02-20-2016 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Berry Happy Vegans (Post 3915241)
Sounds pretty similar to how we met. You guys got married quite quick! How long have you been together?

Yeah others said it was quick :) But not quick enough for us lol. We have now known each other about 2 1/2 years, and been together about 2 years. Waiting until he gets his visa to come live with me in the states... And btw we have lived in the same country before, so we've experienced lots of visits and a short amount of time living together.

Spudulika 02-21-2016 09:54 AM

It's always been possible to maintain long distance relationships, whether the means of communication involves letters, emails, telephone calls, texts, video calls or whatever.

My grandparents had a long distance relationship of five years while he was away with the army. Of course they knew each other before he went away to war.

What puzzles me is the idea that you could have a serious committed relationship with someone that you've never so much as met. I find that hard to envision it as a reality, whatever medium you may use to communicate.

I think actually meeting and spending time with one another, is the clincher which determines whether or not your relationship is a complete fantasy or a genuine mutual attraction.

Berry Happy Vegans 02-23-2016 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spudulika (Post 3917073)
It's always been possible to maintain long distance relationships, whether the means of communication involves letters, emails, telephone calls, texts, video calls or whatever.

I think there are crucial differences between all those mediums of communication that are important to take into consideration. The only one that allows you a real-time communication of body language is video calling, and I think that's really important to note as body language is so important to understanding one another. You're right that there is nothing to substitute physical contact with someone else, but I don't think that means that online relationships are not valuable or that you can't get to know someone very well over the internet. In fact, as we mention in the video, I think there are many benefits to having an online relationship that a conventional physical relationship doesn't have.


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