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-   -   Can you sacrifice for animals but love one who eats as they never lived. (https://www.veggieboards.com/forum/25-relationships-family/170194-can-you-sacrifice-animals-but-love-one-who-eats-they-never-lived.html)

proudtobeaveg. 02-12-2015 11:25 AM

Can you sacrifice for animals but love one who eats as they never lived.
 
Dose the passion to save lives hinder your love for a soul who cares nothing?

River 02-12-2015 11:27 AM

Not really. People evolve at different rates than others. Just because someone doesn't "get it" now, doesn't mean they won't some day be open to animal rights.

I say that for friends and family, I will not date a nonvegan.

Edit: Also, I don't look at veganism or my life, which I have devoted to saving animals, as a sacrifice. I love my life and I love what I do. I am not sacrificing anything for anyone, but freely and happily giving myself to something I believe in.

MozIsMyShepherd 02-12-2015 11:44 AM

I agree with river, I could not date an omni now, but family is family- not much choice there really...

Go Vegan 02-12-2015 05:38 PM

I think vegans can love non-vegans if that's what you are asking...

Can be difficult though...

brookgirl 02-13-2015 09:01 PM

First of all, like River, I don't view veganism as a sacrifice. Second, 99% of the people I love in this life eat meat, yet I love them fiercely. There is nothing in this world more important to me than my family. My love for them is absolutely unconditional, and nothing they could ever do could make me love them any less - eating meat included. I feel horribly sorry for people who don't have that sort of love in their lives.

Tiger Lilly 02-14-2015 05:12 PM

I could DATE a carnist....But whether they'd want to date me is another matter, ha ha!

In social interactions with friends who eat meat, I hold my tongue a lot of the time. I'm strategic in the way I discuss matters of food with them because ultimately, I want them to ask me questions and that won't happen if I'm constantly "DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE EATING AN ANIMAL WITH THE SAME INTELLIGENCE AS YOUR DOG?!"

And, it works to an extent. They opt for places where I can eat, a lot of them get vego options now and a few have asked for my help with cutting down on meat.

The problem, is that in my private time that I would only share with a partner, I need to offload a lot of the tension that those interactions cause. I need someone who knows I have to rage about it, I need someone who can rage about it with me or at least know why I'm driven to tears by friends who seem to be on track and then post pictures of their bacon burger!

I think a carnist partner would have a hard time with that aspect of my life.

Shallot 02-15-2015 03:38 AM

Like the others here I don't feel that eliminating meat from my diet and trying to live a more consciously compassionate life is a sacrifice. Personally I have benefitted from this - so it feels like a win win. However I came to this from a health & environmental perspective - I think for those who are more motivated by animal rights this is a far more difficult situation.

Then again me and the fiance have been together for 10years - and I've only been veg for half of that time. So if I were dating right now I'd probably be looking for someone who shared my interests (as I did the last time I dated).

Kristy Collicutt 02-15-2015 05:24 PM

My fiancé does eat meat, but that will never change my feelings towards him. He isn't a full-out meat eater though. He doesn't eat bacon, beef (except for the RARE time), ham or steak. He does eat turkey and chicken, but that's about it. He does have a huge heart for animals though, he always takes care to buy old age meat (animals who are basically too old and are already dying) he will not buy it from a grocery store. And he does eat vegetarian meals at least 2x a week.

Go Vegan 02-15-2015 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiger Lilly (Post 3552306)
I could DATE a carnist....But whether they'd want to date me is another matter, ha ha!

In social interactions with friends who eat meat, I hold my tongue a lot of the time. I'm strategic in the way I discuss matters of food with them because ultimately, I want them to ask me questions and that won't happen if I'm constantly "DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE EATING AN ANIMAL WITH THE SAME INTELLIGENCE AS YOUR DOG?!"

And, it works to an extent. They opt for places where I can eat, a lot of them get vego options now and a few have asked for my help with cutting down on meat.

The problem, is that in my private time that I would only share with a partner, I need to offload a lot of the tension that those interactions cause. I need someone who knows I have to rage about it, I need someone who can rage about it with me or at least know why I'm driven to tears by friends who seem to be on track and then post pictures of their bacon burger!

I think a carnist partner would have a hard time with that aspect of my life.

I know what you mean!

It would be helpful to be able to rage about it with a like-minded person...

scwendy 02-24-2015 01:22 PM

It does to an extent for me personally. I do not let it destroy my relationships, but it has quietly eroded some of the intimacy and caused me a great deal of pain.

My logical mind remembers that I once was responsible for the deaths of many, many souls, but my changed heart still aches and quietly reacts without logic at times.

I am perfectly imperfect:/

Kirchoff888 02-24-2015 02:49 PM

Maintaining relationships with omnis is one thing, but I don't see how a vegan san sit next to or across from someone while they are tearing into a bloody steak or chicken breast. For you people that love meat eaters, how the hell do you get through the holidays with them?

River 02-24-2015 03:03 PM

YOU PEOPLE?!

/kidding :P

veganeevi 02-24-2015 03:50 PM

I started dating a vegan guy when I went from vegetarian to vegan, so that was awesome. But after that relationship ended I tried dating omnivores and it always felt like a pretty big diving point. I stayed single for a long time after deciding I couldn't really enjoy a long term relationship with someone that didn't have the same ideals as me. Despite my mom telling me this is too picky I just started dating an awesome vegan boy and I'm on cloud 9, so it is possible I promise!!! if you use the website ok cupid you can search for people by food preferances- vegetarian or vegan, thats how I met him, give it a try!

Kirchoff888 02-24-2015 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by River (Post 3567066)
YOU PEOPLE?!

/kidding :P

lol. I was about to say I meant nothing by it until I saw you were kidding.

Naturebound 02-24-2015 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirchoff888 (Post 3567042)
Maintaining relationships with omnis is one thing, but I don't see how a vegan san sit next to or across from someone while they are tearing into a bloody steak or chicken breast. For you people that love meat eaters, how the hell do you get through the holidays with them?

My husband is still an omni but eats almost entirely vegetarian at home, and sometimes vegan. I will not allow him to cook meat while I am home and never with my dishes. He also knows how much it bothers me that he eats meat so he is discreet about it and usually will not eat it around me. We rarely eat out but when we do he orders vegetarian for the most part, unless we are with a crowd of other people. Sometimes he even goes along with totally vegan dishes eating out. He also goes along with using plant based toiletries and cleaning supplies. I also have a separate cupboard for my food, and we keep separate areas of the refrigerator for our own food. I have only half joked that I might get my own little refrigerator so I don't have to see his eggs in there.

It is not easy for me to live with an omnivore, and I would love to have an all vegan household. I still nag him about it often. But we have been together for over sixteen years and have shared so much with each other and I love many things about him. If it takes him longer to at least go fully vegetarian, than so be it. He has come an incredibly long way from a few years ago. He no longer eats fast food and boycotts places like KFC and Mcdonalds. My husband used to work on a dairy farm and was a deer hunter, but he says he could never do that stuff now. Of course it is still hard for him to make the connection with his cheese and milk. But at least he is trying. I think love can cross boundaries and make things possible that otherwise wouldn't be.

Kirchoff888 02-24-2015 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veganeevi (Post 3567114)
I started dating a vegan guy when I went from vegetarian to vegan, so that was awesome. But after that relationship ended I tried dating omnivores and it always felt like a pretty big diving point. I stayed single for a long time after deciding I couldn't really enjoy a long term relationship with someone that didn't have the same ideals as me. Despite my mom telling me this is too picky I just started dating an awesome vegan boy and I'm on cloud 9, so it is possible I promise!!! if you use the website ok cupid you can search for people by food preferances- vegetarian or vegan, thats how I met him, give it a try!



I'm sure you know this, but being a vegan is not just about diet, it's a way of life. It shows that you care about the weak and defenseless (animals), those that are starving, your health, the environment, and future generations. You are a living example of the change you want to see in the world. Being vegan is that deep, so I don't understand why on earth a vegan would date someone that contradicts their core values. It's not like a couple with minor differences of opinions and tastes when it comes to things like fashion, sports, music, etc.


As it has been mentioned, we don't have a choice when it comes to family, so those relationships are somewhat understandable.

Kirchoff888 02-24-2015 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naturebound (Post 3567210)
My husband is still an omni but eats almost entirely vegetarian at home, and sometimes vegan. I will not allow him to cook meat while I am home and never with my dishes. He also knows how much it bothers me that he eats meat so he is discreet about it and usually will not eat it around me. We rarely eat out but when we do he orders vegetarian for the most part, unless we are with a crowd of other people. Sometimes he even goes along with totally vegan dishes eating out. He also goes along with using plant based toiletries and cleaning supplies. I also have a separate cupboard for my food, and we keep separate areas of the refrigerator for our own food. I have only half joked that I might get my own little refrigerator so I don't have to see his eggs in there.

It is not easy for me to live with an omnivore, and I would love to have an all vegan household. I still nag him about it often. But we have been together for over sixteen years and have shared so much with each other and I love many things about him. If it takes him longer to at least go fully vegetarian, than so be it. He has come an incredibly long way from a few years ago. He no longer eats fast food and boycotts places like KFC and Mcdonalds. My husband used to work on a dairy farm and was a deer hunter, but he says he could never do that stuff now. Of course it is still hard for him to make the connection with his cheese and milk. But at least he is trying. I think love can cross boundaries and make things possible that otherwise wouldn't be.


I'm glad to hear that your husband is at least trying to change and respects your life style.

veganeevi 02-24-2015 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirchoff888 (Post 3567218)
I'm sure you know this, but being a vegan is not just about diet, it's a way of life. It shows that you care about the weak and defenseless (animals), those that are starving, your health, the environment, and future generations. You are a living example of the change you want to see in the world. Being vegan is that deep, so I don't understand why on earth a vegan would date someone that contradicts their core values. It's not like a couple with minor differences of opinions and tastes when it comes to things like fashion, sports, music, etc.


As it has been mentioned, we don't have a choice when it comes to family, so those relationships are somewhat understandable.

100% agree, to be more specific, myself and the other 2 vegs mentioned here are all ethical vegans, living in such a way to boycott all animal products, so yeah it is a lifestyle choice. I ended up dating some non vegans becuase I was attracted to certain aspects of their personality, but it just never worked...but thats not to say that that its wrong for a vegan to date someone thats not, it just implies that at that point in time building a long term relationship is not the intention, and eventually that gets old...and seems weird, but some people make it work....so yeah after 6 years of being vegan I decided I couldnt date non vegans for all the reasons you described. vegan life= love in all forms and its awesome to meet someone who shares these beleifs :love:

Go Vegan 02-24-2015 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirchoff888 (Post 3567218)
I'm sure you know this, but being a vegan is not just about diet, it's a way of life. It shows that you care about the weak and defenseless (animals), those that are starving, your health, the environment, and future generations. You are a living example of the change you want to see in the world. Being vegan is that deep, so I don't understand why on earth a vegan would date someone that contradicts their core values. It's not like a couple with minor differences of opinions and tastes when it comes to things like fashion, sports, music, etc.


As it has been mentioned, we don't have a choice when it comes to family, so those relationships are somewhat understandable.

I agree!

I think dating people trivially is different to a life-long committed relationship though so if someone is already married, as in Naturebound's case, the best thing they can do is encourage/ nurture their significant other's interest in animal welfare...

rasitha.wijesekera 02-25-2015 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristy Collicutt (Post 3553658)
My fiancé does eat meat, but that will never change my feelings towards him. He isn't a full-out meat eater though. He doesn't eat bacon, beef (except for the RARE time), ham or steak. He does eat turkey and chicken, but that's about it. He does have a huge heart for animals though, he always takes care to buy old age meat (animals who are basically too old and are already dying) he will not buy it from a grocery store. And he does eat vegetarian meals at least 2x a week.


Old age meat? how? where?

brookgirl 02-25-2015 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirchoff888 (Post 3567218)
As it has been mentioned, we don't have a choice when it comes to family, so those relationships are somewhat understandable.

Do you think we really have a choice in whom we love? Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I think love is like a lightning bolt. It happens with no rhyme or reason. It isn't something we can orchestrate or choose. I couldn't have chosen not to love my boyfriend because he eats meat any more than I could have chosen not to love my ex because she was a woman.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirchoff888 (Post 3567042)
Maintaining relationships with omnis is one thing, but I don't see how a vegan san sit next to or across from someone while they are tearing into a bloody steak or chicken breast. For you people that love meat eaters, how the hell do you get through the holidays with them?

That part is tough! I've had a lot of practice though. I've been strategically choosing the seat farthest from the turkey / ham since I was five. It helps that my boyfriend and his mother help me ingredient check all their relatives' dishes. Dang, I love them so much!

MozIsMyShepherd 02-25-2015 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go Vegan (Post 3567522)
I agree!

I think dating people trivially is different to a life-long committed relationship though so if someone is already married, as in Naturebound's case, the best thing they can do is encourage/ nurture their significant other's interest in animal welfare...

I think all depends on the degree of triviality. If you are but "special" buddies and see each other for one need only then you won't even notice the difference. However, if you are engaging in a variety of activities (which is a more likely case scenario assumed when thinking of the term "dating someone" however trivially, right?) that will involve a variety of venues to meet you will sooner or later be eating together... So, how much patience and understanding are you prepared to give to your "trivial" date when you see them chewing a cow in front of you? And if they are even a wee bit attentive they are bound to notice there is never any steak/cheese/eggs on your plate and that's when you explain to them you are vegan and they will no doubt reveal their true colours.

So I think the more "trivial" your date is the less likely you are going to want to tolerate their unvegan behaviour. I'm not even sure I'd want to be "special" buddies with them anymore after witnessing their barbaric table habits, after all they don't bother thinking about how what they are doing is affecting your emotions.

I say if your trivial date is inconsiderate and disrespectful with regards to your lifestyle and beliefs why bother with them?

Go Vegan 02-25-2015 10:23 PM

I guess that is what I was suggesting - if they don't mean much to you, and they aren't vegan, it's probably best to move on...But if they mean a lot to you then you may well be unable to just leave them...In that case nurturing any interest they may have in animal welfare issues is probably the best thing you can do/ the only thing you can do...

oodlesofnoodles 02-26-2015 02:41 PM

My vegetarianism is my choice. I completely understand the impact that large scale vegetarianism/veganism would have on society, however I also understand that others close to me don't share these view for two main reasons; 1 - they are (sadly) desensitized to the suffering of animals (specifically commonly eaten animals like, cows, pigs and chickens) 2 - they have no interest in changing their diet due to 'old habits', or they 'think it would be expensive/difficult'/they enjoy the taste too much.

Although, of course, I wholly disagree with both aforementioned reasons, I tolerate other peoples choices, as long as they do not talk to me about their eating habits, like I don't really speak to them about mine.

I feel like this is the reason why I don't have a problematic relationship with my meat-eating partner, as we just don't talk about it. Obviously, I would encourage him to quit eating animal products, but I (try to) understand he doesn't want to quit, and he respects that I have quit.

RiggerBoots 02-26-2015 04:46 PM

If he/she respects your decision, it would be somewhat unfair not to respect theirs. That said there is ideals, and there's no saying you couldn't have both someone and someone who shares your stance. I don't think it would ruin someones chances with me, after all you could influence them to be "better" than they otherwise would be.

veggiestez 02-28-2015 08:00 AM

I think that if I let my beliefs destroy my love for those who ate meat I'd be shooting myself in the foot, as it were. I believe in respecting life and that includes respecting people's decision to eat meat. It can be really hard though. I try to educate rather than preach or judge. Most of us ate meat once too; relatively few were born and raised vegetarian or vegan.

Kirchoff888 02-28-2015 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggiestez (Post 3572714)
I believe in respecting life and that includes respecting people's decision to eat meat.


You claim you respect life, yet you respect people's decision to eat animals that are tortured and killed? Does not compute. To a degree I can understand people here looking the other way while their significant other or family members partake in the animal holocaust, but at least they don't claim to respect that behavior.

VeggieMonsta 02-28-2015 08:32 AM

My husband is my most respected and favourite person in this universe, and while he is veggie-friendly, he still consumes fish. He is also the kindest most gentle person I know. I would not be so fast to chuck him into such a blanket statement. I agree, it's important to stand for what one believes in and educate where possible, but to shun those that are different - wrong.

I am super Liberal, as well, fully support Women's Rights and equality for the LGBT community but have many friends and family members that disagree on these social issues (in some degree of another) and I still deeply value their friendship and love.

MozIsMyShepherd 02-28-2015 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggiestez (Post 3572714)
I think that if I let my beliefs destroy my love for those who ate meat I'd be shooting myself in the foot, as it were. I believe in respecting life and that includes respecting people's decision to eat meat. It can be really hard though. I try to educate rather than preach or judge. Most of us ate meat once too; relatively few were born and raised vegetarian or vegan.

If you've been trying hard to educate someone and they still refuse to give up meat what does that say about them??

Yes most of us used to eat meat too but at least we saw the light and followed it, but anyone who is shown the evidence of how bad what they do is and still ignores it does not deserve respect

veggiestez 02-28-2015 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirchoff888 (Post 3572762)
You claim you respect life, yet you respect people's decision to eat animals that are tortured and killed? Does not compute. To a degree I can understand people here looking the other way while their significant other or family members partake in the animal holocaust, but at least they don't claim to respect that behavior.

I respect people for being human beings, that's part of my stance on life. I think we are talking semanics here as I don't respect the act of animals being killed AT ALL, but I respect human life because often people come from a place of unconsciousness rather than desire to do harm. Respecting someone's decision doesn't mean I like or agree with it. I don't look the other way as I'm very open about my feelings and beliefs. Someone may come up with reasons for me not to be vegan (although I'd disagree of course) but still respect my choice. I guess it comes down to that, for me.


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