Could you continue to still be friends with someone like this? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 02-02-2015, 01:13 AM
RueBehavior's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Angry Could you continue to still be friends with someone like this?

There is this girl I work with, who I use to be friends with until recently. She is bat-sh*t crazy, and went nuts on me, accusing me of something I didn't do and not listening to me no matter what I tried to tell her about how she was wrong with what she thought. She is insane... She is basically trying to make my life hell now at work, when I did not do anything to her.

Anyway, months back she had showed me a few reasons why I thought I shouldn't be her friend, but I thought that maybe I was overreacting, and just let it go, even though it still bothered me. Well... I should have listened to how I felt, as she just showed me recently who she really is as a person.

Well, a few months back she told me that she use to have rats as pets. One of them apparently would bite all over on her arms and the bites would penetrate the skin. So she handles it by bringing the rat to the park and setting it free. I mean this was probably at least 6 years ago. She thought she was doing the best thing. I can see how she thought that at the time, but I would expect that by now as being older (25 years old) that she realized it was the worst idea. When I spoke to her about it, she said she did not regret it. She said she felt guilty (she at least did then, not sure if she does now, can't remember), but said she does not regret it though. And she even stated 'at least this way I won't know what happens to her.'

I have a very hard time with telling people when they are wrong in a situation, and to me, I felt like I should have told her that wasn't okay, only because it had to do with another creatures life. But I couldn't do it. I have anxiety so badly, that even if someone does something wrong I don't like to confront them, because I don't want them getting angry at me. Stupid, I know. But her and I were friends, and I am a huge animal lover, and doing something like that to an animal does not sit okay with me. It just shows me how she is morally messed up. I could have gotten over if it she had regret for it now, and would have understood that even though she made a horrible mistake, she grew up and learned that it was actually a horrible thing to do. But that wasn't the case.

I mean, how stupid do you have to be to think that a domesticated animal would be okay in the wild? I mean, she literally murdered it by what she did.. not directly, but you know what I mean. How can you say you love animals, but do something like this to your baby? I don't care what the animal is doing, it is NOT their fault. They do NOT understand that what they are doing is wrong. They are innocent.

It's frustrating because anyone I talk to doesn't seem to realize how bad something like this is. Anyone I speak to ever or become friends with never have any of the same beliefs as me. Honestly, it's very frustrating to me, as I find it very hard to be friends with people who aren't at least vegetarian and/or don't see animals the same way I do.

Also, I remember too that the first time we ever spoke about her rat that she dumped... that she was talking about how her rat was a bi*ch and she hated her. HOW terrible is that. I was actually really upset when she was saying this, because of how she was saying it. it made me really sad and uncomfortable. Later though she had said she did love her, but... i don't know, it still bothered me that she talked about the rattie that way. Her attitude towards the rat and anger was just very upsetting to me.

It has even bugged me how she has talked about her dog sometimes. She said that her dog once stole or went to steal her mom's dog's treat, and because of that she said she 'beat her a**.' COME ON, you don't do that! Dogs don't understand. You should never beat a dog's butt anyway. She has major angry issues.....

She would talk about how she loves animals and stuff, and how she loves her dog, but then she would do stuff like this......

Would you still be able to be friends with a person like this? Well one that had it in them to dump their pet? I wanted to stop being her friend, I really did, but I worked with her so it was really hard.

Sorry for the complaining. I know I might be overreacting a bit, but it's probably just because how much of a horrible person she is, lol. It just feels nice to be able to get this out, especially to be able to share my frustrations with other people who are compassionate towards animals.

Last edited by RueBehavior; 02-02-2015 at 01:50 AM.
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#2 Old 02-02-2015, 01:19 AM
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She may have mistakenly thought she was doing the best thing for the rat...Maybe she honestly believed it could live happily in the park?...If it was just this I would say she just needed a bit of education about domestic animals vs wild animals...

As for beating her dog - she should clearly know that this is wrong without needing to be told that...I think this would make it hard to be friends with her...If she repeatedly does this then someone like the RSPCA should be informed really
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#3 Old 02-03-2015, 12:39 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
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That's harsh. I'd probably respond quite like you did. Feeling bad bout the ratties and poor dog but being too shy myself to say much. And the current situation would probably set me off if she's trying to mess up your life for no reason. Geez. I would probably stop being friends with her then at that point, but that doesn't mean you can't be polite and "take the higher road" as they say. You don't have to put up with that nonsense.

I love rats, so that is definitely heartbreaking. I too can see her just not knowing in that situation, but the dog thing.. I hope she didn't literally hurt her dog, but that's a possibility. Down in the south here you hear about people whooping asses all the time, who knows when they mean actual violence but I would be worried after hearing that too.

Well. I've made some similar mistakes as her rat situation that I regret deeply. I was a kid so it wasn't even my fault, but I still regret it more than almost anything and it's about the one thing I tear up over if I just think about it.
Luckily I don't think about it much and hopefully I've learned from it. People like to cover and deny their mistakes because it can make you feel really bad.. but, it's not the end of the world to admit your faults. We are all only human and can only learn from them when we are honest.

Good luck! I know it must be hard because you have to deal with her at work still. I hope things get better quick!

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering" - Star Wars
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#4 Old 02-15-2015, 10:19 AM
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i like your post.very interesting
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#5 Old 02-15-2015, 11:36 AM
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That girl sounds really hurt, and traumatized. Her angry is not about you, or her rat, or the dog. She experienced severe suffering while growing up.

It's good to feel compassion towards her. However, it's not OK that she is hurting others. Her personal pain doesn't make it OK for her to hurt people.

Although you are a very caring person, you don't have the power to really cure her, because you don't own her brain. She is the only person who can heal herself, and she can make this process easier by seeking help from a therapist. She probably already knows this, but maybe she's not yet ready to do it.

You also might benefit from talking to a therapist. You may be able to see a therapist through your health insurance.

I say these things because I've experienced some of the same things that you have. I used to try to be friends with people, even when they treated me badly. Now, however, I realize that such friendships are very unhealthy, and that they don't truly help either of the people.

Last edited by David3; 02-15-2015 at 11:41 AM.
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#6 Old 02-15-2015, 03:42 PM
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Rue, I would just be polite to her because you have to work together, but I wouldn't be particularly friendly, wouldn't converse about anything not work related, and definitely not hang out with her outside of work or on social media.

Some people are toxic, and she sounds as if she is toxic to you.
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