Relationships with non-veg*ns. Good or bad? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 08-21-2014, 01:53 AM
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Relationships with non-veg*ns. Good or bad?

I see alot of topics on the forums that are stemming from issues that are between a Veg*n individual and their Omni significant other.

For the people who have experienced this:

Does this difference cause a significant amount of conflict in the relationship?

How do you deal with the conflict?

If looking for a new SO, do you care if they are veg*n or not?

If you were to look for a somebody new... Would you make it a priority to find somebody veg*n? Does this make it extremely difficult to find the right person?

Lastly... If you do look for veg*ns only.. How do you go about finding them?



I've only gone Veg recently while single, and haven't thought about this until now.. And realized how big of a problem it would be for me. I don't think I could really relate to anybody who is an Omni.. At the very least they would have to accept that eating meat is wrong, and be willing to try Veg.

I'm just worried I would find somebody I like and then also find out they are a hardcore carnist or something.

Thanks.
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#2 Old 08-21-2014, 03:46 AM
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The biggest problem I have with it is I think it's gross to eat meat....and kissy times after meat eating.....uhg. I did have some trouble with it with the person I met while I was traveling and so if I were to search for someone I would prefer them to be vegan. However I have learned that you can't pick who you fall in love with....though you can decide what to do about it. I dunno. I think I don't know how I feel yet.
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#3 Old 08-21-2014, 07:19 AM
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I think it is much more difficult for couples who have one member adopt the lifestyle while already together, rather than a veg*n starting out with an omni. So you're lucky you made the decision while single.

I would suggest to try and find someone who is open-minded, respectful, and compassionate. Heck, anyone you date should have those qualities! But look for someone in whom they are more pronounced. People like that are the likeliest to adopt the lifestyle if around someone who is an example of how great it is.
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#4 Old 08-21-2014, 07:21 AM
 
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My last girlfriend was vegan. It sure was nice to have that in common. But when I started heading in the high carb high raw direction and cut out things like beans, oil, vinegar etc... She had a difficult time with it. Because it changed what we could and couldn't eat together. Also she didn't want to hear about why I was doing it. Point is that even within the scope of veganism it's possible to have differences that may pose issues.

That said personally I would prefer to have someone with the same dietary, environmental and animal values as me.

I'm in the same boat. Single with no vegan friends. But I know it's just a matter of building a new network of friends in the veg community. So I joined this forum. I joined meetup.com there's a handful of veg get together's happening that I'm now a part of.

Keep your omni's close though. Because the more omni's you know the more you can model the vegan way and help people convert.
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#5 Old 08-21-2014, 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by odizzido View Post
The biggest problem I have with it is I think it's gross to eat meat....and kissy times after meat eating.....uhg. I did have some trouble with it with the person I met while I was traveling and so if I were to search for someone I would prefer them to be vegan. However I have learned that you can't pick who you fall in love with....though you can decide what to do about it. I dunno. I think I don't know how I feel yet.
Oh yeah, didn't even think about that.

Pretty gross.
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#6 Old 08-21-2014, 08:45 PM
 
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I don't know what your taste in women is, but... If someone as hot as Scarlet Johansen pulled me into a bedroom after downing a roast beef sandwich with cheese I wouldn't say no. That's for sure! Maybe I shouldn't call myself a vegan?

Spare a heart, eat a plant.
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#7 Old 08-21-2014, 09:36 PM
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It depends on the person involved, honestly.

I've had relationships in the past where they were not accepting of it at all and for one of them, it was a major contention point in our relationship. My current boyfriend doesn't mind and 95% of the time will eat veggie while we are together. I think in his case sometimes it's out of laziness to cook it, but with my previous experiences, he's probably the most accepting of it. Well besides the vegetarians I was with at one point, but that's kind of a given. :P
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#8 Old 08-21-2014, 09:39 PM
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I went vegetarian while I was in a relationship. For the first few months I was vegetarian, it didn't bother me that my ex ate meat, but after a while it did start bothering me (especially when he said he would try to go vegetarian, and didn't even try at all with some stupid excuses). Eventually we broke up. That wasn't the only reason why I broke up with him, but it did play a bit role in my decision.
I always wished to find someone who's vegetarian (the thought of kissing someone who just ate meat kind of turns me off), but I always told myself to be tolerable since the chances of it happening were really small.
Luckily, my current boyfriend is vegetarian and has been since birth. I assume it is quite hard to find a vegetarian boyfriend/girlfriend. I just got really lucky. I happened to meet my boyfriend at a wrestling show. But maybe, veggie fests, or vegan/vegetarian pot lucks are a good idea where you can meet someone.

"We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form." - William Ralphe Inge

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#9 Old 08-21-2014, 10:10 PM
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I seem to be in the lucky minority where I transitioned/am transitioning (not sure at what point I stop saying that) and my SO (husband) has been totally supportive. Zero conflict, and he actively supports my choices since he seems the health benefits since my switch and that I care about it. He hasn't switched himself but he's never complained once about vegan meals I cook for us now- or the vegan foods I buy now for his breakfasts and lunches. He now actively chooses to eat less meat himself as well.
THAT SAID, I have not once said anything like "eating meat is wrong" to him. I have talked about how I feel and what I think after watching documentaries and learning about the food industry, and he listens to that, but I stay pretty far away from statements like that... I guess I don't see the need, when I constantly see lots of people getting pissed off when they hear things like "eating meat is wrong" and see shocking or inflammatory pictures- so many people react by being rude and defensive and argumentative and disgusting- but then I see people be interested and wanting more information when someone posts on facebook positive things like how they have more energy on a plant-based diet, how they love a new vegan brunch in town, how they love some dairy substitute like almond milk that's super-easy to make.

That was a total run-on sentence... basically: my philosophy now is more about catching more flies with honey than by telling them they're ****-ups.


This is probably easier said than done, but- I'd hope any person I'd be in a relationship with would put my feelings and sensibilities before their eating preferences. If not, I'd probably peace out of that relationship pretty fast.
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#10 Old 08-21-2014, 10:46 PM
 
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Put it this way, if my relationship with my omni bf ever ended... I'd be looking for a veg in the future. Not just because of food matters but because I am doing this for animal rights reasons it caused the most conflict, with him having a lack of compassion for farmed animals. That lack "in common" was an issue. So I think for me anyway it's not just someones diet, it's also their mind. A health vegan probably won't share my passion for why I am vegan for example but I could be wrong.
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#11 Old 08-22-2014, 03:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Diesel View Post
I see alot of topics on the forums that are stemming from issues that are between a Veg*n individual and their Omni significant other.

For the people who have experienced this:

Does this difference cause a significant amount of conflict in the relationship?

How do you deal with the conflict?

If looking for a new SO, do you care if they are veg*n or not?

If you were to look for a somebody new... Would you make it a priority to find somebody veg*n? Does this make it extremely difficult to find the right person?

Lastly... If you do look for veg*ns only.. How do you go about finding them?



I've only gone Veg recently while single, and haven't thought about this until now.. And realized how big of a problem it would be for me. I don't think I could really relate to anybody who is an Omni.. At the very least they would have to accept that eating meat is wrong, and be willing to try Veg.

I'm just worried I would find somebody I like and then also find out they are a hardcore carnist or something.

Thanks.
I have been vegan for a little over 3.5 years and my husband is still an omnivore. It was very hard in the beginning. He did not understand my sudden and drastic lifestyle change and it was hard to share it with him without being too judgmental or without an argument ensuing. I am also the bread winner, cook, and do most of the cleaning. I layed down rules that I would not buy animal derived food, cleaning supplies, clothes etc We have separate cupboards and assigned space in the refrigerator and freezer for our own food. I will not allow him to use certain cookware, utensils, and dishes or my Blendtec for anything that has animal derivatives. So this meant he had to start buying more of his own food and cooking more if he wanted something made with animals. It was hard for him. Technical stuff aside, what has been the hardest is our differing philosophies. Although he will stand by me and fight for environmental and wild animal causes (we are both against the wolf hunt in Minnesota), he can not see farmed animals in the same way. He comes from a family of dairy farmers and worked on a dairy farm himself. He KNOW about some of the cruelty involved. But he still does not see farm animals the same way. I also used to have pet birds and phased them out as I will never have another caged animal again unless I rescue it from somewhere. It's been hard for him to understand this, to understand that breeding animals for pets is morally wrong. Yet he will only get his dogs from the humane society, not bred. At first he was less than excited when I began to leaflet local colleges and high schools and he would try to discourage me and scare me with legal concerns (I covered all my basis and even talked to the police department to make sure what I was doing was legal). But his own friends have been very encouraging of me and he has relaxed more about it. He no longer cooks meat around me and is more encouraging about the health of a vegan diet now that he has seen some of his favorite athletes excel as vegans. Still it is hard to live with someone who lives a different lifestyle. I am also very health oriented with the way I eat and he is clueless about nutrition and eats the SAD diet. A bag of oreos and glass of milk could be a dinner for him. So it is hard in many ways to live with him. We try to find common ground with our interests and what we do like about each other. We have been together for sixteen years, twelve of those I was an omnivore. At least he eats mostly vegetarian at home now.

However, if something ever happened to him and I found myself alone, I would not date another omnivore. My house would be all vegan hands down. I am not a big social person with tons of friends, but I have met other vegans through leafleting events. There isn't much where I live but a few hours to the south in the Twin Cities there are meetups and events such as Walk For Farm Animals and so on and i have been involved in those when I can get down there. I have tried networking with other vegans up here through Meetup but sadly no one is interested in meetups or activism up here so I go it alone. Right now I am juggling job hunting, studying for an exam, and working so it is hard to be socially involved anywhere. But often through forums you can find people locally to meet. I believe there is even several all vegan and vegetarian dating sites?
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#12 Old 08-22-2014, 07:31 AM
 
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Naturebound, were here for ya. Your home life sounds stressful to me. I know that feeling. Although I was omni during my marriage. I struggled with nutrition for the last few years of it. I wanted to head in a healthier eating direction. But my wife and kids had their ways and didn't want to stray from them.

I remember a dish my wife's grandmother would come over to cook. She called it macaroni casserole. I never told her what I thought it should be called "pig fat soup!" It was layers of pasta cheese and bacon. That's it. Needles to say I didn't want to offend my elders so I had a small portion with lots of salad. Makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

Not wanting to stir the pot I went along with things until my separation. I remember the first day after kicking my ex out of the house. Freedom! I gave her all the junk food. From that day on I slowly made my way to becoming vegan. It was the most liberating four months of my life. Haha, now my ex asks me for health tips.

Now I'm seeking someone vegan. But I have an open mind for someone who is at least a healthy eater.
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#13 Old 08-22-2014, 10:04 AM
 
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I've dated guys in all situations:
1. I turned vegetarian a year into a relationship, he remained an omni
2. We both were vegans
3. and now, I started as a vegan and happily dating an omni

From my personal experiences, it doesn't matter if he's veg*n. It really comes down to the guy and his character and personality. I will admit after that second relationship with the vegan, I was ONLY interested in finding another vegan. I met some great guys but the connection wasn't there. Then I met my current boyfriend and he did tease me a little bit at the beginning about my vegan lifestyle choices just as a way of flirting but you can tell he was genuinely interested with the whole idea. Since then, he's been so extremely accommodating and understanding. When we dine out.. he makes sure there's something I can eat besides salad and fries; he cooks me delicious vegan dishes all the time; and he won't stand for anyone teasing me about being vegan!

I know in my heart that he will never go veg*n although he understands my reasons and we've watched many documentaries together. I've accepted it and I don't let it get to me because he's such a great guy and the connection is there!
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#14 Old 08-22-2014, 01:33 PM
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I got to thinking about this and I don't think I've ever met another Vegan (a friend was vegan for a short while but I never saw him during this time). I know lots of l/o vegetarians, even my parents are. But no vegans. Then again, I've only been vegan for a year but vegetarian for 11.

So effectively this means I have to be extremely tolerant of omnis, and I find that being so, they are extremely tolerant of me. I have had several friends make an effort to source and cook vegan food for me when I don't expect them to. Even the huge meat eating ones.

My wife and kids are omni and very supportive of me. I guess I don't show stuff in omni's faces and as a result, they don't try to shove stuff in mine.
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#15 Old 08-22-2014, 03:02 PM
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I tried to reply to this yesterday, but I think my Internet was playing up....ANYWAY.....

My partner was a vegetarian when we met. I was a loud carnist. Less than a year after meeting (not dating, meeting for the very first time), I was a vegetarian.

Here's what he did:

-He never told me how I felt about animals. He never said "If you had compassion for animals you wouldn't eat them" or anything along those lines. He only ever explained why HE didn't eat animals, which was basically that he couldn't kill them himself, so why would he pay someone else to do it? That's all I needed to start reflecting on my own choices, without him ever having to call it directly into question.

-He answered all my stupid carnist questions. Despite me being majorly defensive about the whole thing (not aggressively towards him, but I had some major blocks in my head, plus I thought I 'knew' what went on on farms because I'd grown up on one.... I didn't realise the majority weren't like that one) I asked him a lot of questions, from nutrition to "But if we all go veg overnight, what happens to the animals?" He didn't have all the answers, but he was truthful. He never made me feel stupid for asking those questions, which made me want to ask more questions, which had me finding the answers to those questions....

-He never said me eating meat was gross, but he was open about saying meat disgusted him. When I saw that, I realised that when we moved in together, we'd have to have a meat-free household. I was okay with that. The more okay with that I got, the more okay I got with having no meat whatsoever.

-He was a vegetarian. Just by being a vegetarian, he made me think about my choices. Plus, it helped that he knew how to make a really good veggie lasagne and knew all the nice veggie restaurants

He didn't 'convert' me, but he showed me it was possible to live without meat and not be a judgemental jerk in the process. The vegetarians I'd met before that had always been aggressive or just not open to discussion. So, he really helped by NOT being like that. It left me a lot of room to make my own decision, which meant that this particular choice is one I hope to continue to make for life.

Now, to your questions-


Does this difference cause a significant amount of conflict in the relationship?

There was a little, I think I didn't notice as much if something was annoying him. But he said later he was glad I went veg in the end because it just makes things easier. My partner's pretty patient though. He'd have to be, to be with me

If looking for a new SO, do you care if they are veg*n or not?

I would care. Generally speaking, I've learned being with someone of opposing political views is difficult, if not near impossible. I'd never date someone who wasn't a feminist (did that once, -shudder-). But I might date someone who ate animals, though I don't think they'd enjoy the experience.

If you were to look for a somebody new... Would you make it a priority to find somebody veg*n? Does this make it extremely difficult to find the right person?

Yes, I think it does. We're in the minority, which means you're looking for someone in a really small pool of people. But that doesn't make it impossible. But I definitely don't think you should date an omni with the goal of changing them, I don't think anyone should date anyone with the goal of changing them.


Lastly... If you do look for veg*ns only.. How do you go about finding them?

OKCupid?
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#16 Old 08-23-2014, 12:50 AM
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I tried to reply to this yesterday, but I think my Internet was playing up....ANYWAY.....

My partner was a vegetarian when we met. I was a loud carnist. Less than a year after meeting (not dating, meeting for the very first time), I was a vegetarian.

Here's what he did:

-He never told me how I felt about animals. He never said "If you had compassion for animals you wouldn't eat them" or anything along those lines. He only ever explained why HE didn't eat animals, which was basically that he couldn't kill them himself, so why would he pay someone else to do it? That's all I needed to start reflecting on my own choices, without him ever having to call it directly into question.

-He answered all my stupid carnist questions. Despite me being majorly defensive about the whole thing (not aggressively towards him, but I had some major blocks in my head, plus I thought I 'knew' what went on on farms because I'd grown up on one.... I didn't realise the majority weren't like that one) I asked him a lot of questions, from nutrition to "But if we all go veg overnight, what happens to the animals?" He didn't have all the answers, but he was truthful. He never made me feel stupid for asking those questions, which made me want to ask more questions, which had me finding the answers to those questions....

-He never said me eating meat was gross, but he was open about saying meat disgusted him. When I saw that, I realised that when we moved in together, we'd have to have a meat-free household. I was okay with that. The more okay with that I got, the more okay I got with having no meat whatsoever.

-He was a vegetarian. Just by being a vegetarian, he made me think about my choices. Plus, it helped that he knew how to make a really good veggie lasagne and knew all the nice veggie restaurants

He didn't 'convert' me, but he showed me it was possible to live without meat and not be a judgemental jerk in the process. The vegetarians I'd met before that had always been aggressive or just not open to discussion. So, he really helped by NOT being like that. It left me a lot of room to make my own decision, which meant that this particular choice is one I hope to continue to make for life.

Now, to your questions-


Does this difference cause a significant amount of conflict in the relationship?

There was a little, I think I didn't notice as much if something was annoying him. But he said later he was glad I went veg in the end because it just makes things easier. My partner's pretty patient though. He'd have to be, to be with me

If looking for a new SO, do you care if they are veg*n or not?

I would care. Generally speaking, I've learned being with someone of opposing political views is difficult, if not near impossible. I'd never date someone who wasn't a feminist (did that once, -shudder-). But I might date someone who ate animals, though I don't think they'd enjoy the experience.

If you were to look for a somebody new... Would you make it a priority to find somebody veg*n? Does this make it extremely difficult to find the right person?

Yes, I think it does. We're in the minority, which means you're looking for someone in a really small pool of people. But that doesn't make it impossible. But I definitely don't think you should date an omni with the goal of changing them, I don't think anyone should date anyone with the goal of changing them.


Lastly... If you do look for veg*ns only.. How do you go about finding them?

OKCupid?
Your partner has a good way to deal with Omnis, I'll take some notes :P . I don't really bother people with my ethical views too much, however I don't know how I would act if the setting was everyday life in the household.

This really complicates things.. I was already picky before... Now I have to find somebody who is also atleast willing to be vegetarian? Yikes.

I'm just thinking how a conversation would go.

Me: So friday night..... what do you like to eat?
Her: I love steak ultra rare, and bloody burgers, I cannot live without them. Meat is life. Oh and ribs too. Chicken is pretty good... EVERYBODY loves chicken! Lets go to outback steakhouse!


right...

Last edited by Diesel; 08-23-2014 at 01:00 AM.
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#17 Old 08-23-2014, 10:38 AM
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I was not vegetarian when I met my fiancé, but I was interested in it. So on our first date, when he was vegetarian, I impulsively said 'me too!' with the qualifier that I was still learning about it and did sometimes eat meat while out in restaurants. I have always only eaten veg around him. For awhile, we had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy about what I ate when I was NOT with him. But a few things happened over time which changed this. Firstly, I think that not having meat around him at home made him more sensitive to the smell and feel of it, and he does find it gross to be intimate with someone who has eaten it. Also, we have seen a few documentaries such as Forks Over Knives which impacted me and made me want to eat better. Now, I am fully veg, and our house is fully veg and that is that.

I don't think he would have filtered out potential mates based solely on this one thing, but he has admitted more than once that in hindsight, it's one of the things he most appreciates about our relationship. It is so much easier for him not to have it in the house, it is cheaper to buy groceries, he doesn't have to worry about coming across it in the fridge or freezer. I think he didn't realize until he was with another vegetarian just how much he would appreciate it. And I feel like the foods I at are healthier and better now, and I love that we can go out to eat more often because it is so much cheaper.
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#18 Old 08-24-2014, 01:17 AM
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I was not vegetarian when I met my fiancé, but I was interested in it. So on our first date, when he was vegetarian, I impulsively said 'me too!' with the qualifier that I was still learning about it and did sometimes eat meat while out in restaurants. I have always only eaten veg around him. For awhile, we had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy about what I ate when I was NOT with him. But a few things happened over time which changed this. Firstly, I think that not having meat around him at home made him more sensitive to the smell and feel of it, and he does find it gross to be intimate with someone who has eaten it. Also, we have seen a few documentaries such as Forks Over Knives which impacted me and made me want to eat better. Now, I am fully veg, and our house is fully veg and that is that.

I don't think he would have filtered out potential mates based solely on this one thing, but he has admitted more than once that in hindsight, it's one of the things he most appreciates about our relationship. It is so much easier for him not to have it in the house, it is cheaper to buy groceries, he doesn't have to worry about coming across it in the fridge or freezer. I think he didn't realize until he was with another vegetarian just how much he would appreciate it. And I feel like the foods I at are healthier and better now, and I love that we can go out to eat more often because it is so much cheaper.
Yeah, strange...

I don't think I could be with somebody with no ethics or consideration for animals the way I do. I just don't see it happening.

Maybe I should also look for Omnis that have potential to change... But I don't really like the idea of going into a relationship with the intent of changing the person. Doesn't really sit right.
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#19 Old 08-24-2014, 02:37 AM
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My father always says you need to have two of these three in a relationship : similar values, aims and interests. I always add (silently - it's my dad after all) physically compatible.

I don't want to change my boyfriend (loves his meat) because I think he's fabulous just the way he is. However, I do want him to be around for as long as possible - this is the guy I am settling down with and I want the rest of our lives to be a long time.

So I have cajoled and pleaded and batted my eyelashes till he agreed to go and see a nutritionist. The nutritionist said (among other things) - eat more vegetables.

Recently we watched the horizon show about meat on the BBC (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b04fhb90) - the first episode covers the health aspect and basically it says that less meat is the way to go. Perhaps more powerfully for my boyfriend the types of meat he loves most are the least healthy for you and trigger the diseases that are common in his family.

We are always inevitably changed by people close to us. What we can hope is that they make us better people. I have been changed by being around my boyfriend - I'm a lot more active now. He helped me set up training plans and without his cheerleading I'm pretty sure I wouldn't ever have entered and run a 10K. He's taken me downhill skiing. He got me on my bike. Me, I'm getting him away from processed foods and he recycles now and he buys eco friendly cleaning products and and and ...

The important thing is that we are accepting of each other and at the end of the day want the best for each other. It's never caused conflict but we have talked about his and my choices a lot. We're also planning on having a family and we've talked about what that would look like. That one's an ongoing discussion because we're not sure how to make this work. I'd like to stay vegetarian during a pregnancy and he's really worried it won't be healthy for me or the baby. I need to take his worries seriously because this is something we're doing together.

If I weren't with him and was looking for a new relationship veg*nism wouldn't be a prime motivator for me because it's been such a personal choice.
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#20 Old 08-24-2014, 04:18 AM
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The main issue is whether you plan to have children together. Can you picture your s.o. putting pieces of chicken in your baby's mouth? This will happen.

Since omnis are the vast majority, you will be fighting an uphill battle with in- laws, relatives, doctors, teachers...if the child's other parent isn't on board with a vegetarian child, the child will be an omni.
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#21 Old 08-24-2014, 07:17 AM
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The main issue is whether you plan to have children together. Can you picture your s.o. putting pieces of chicken in your baby's mouth? This will happen.

Since omnis are the vast majority, you will be fighting an uphill battle with in- laws, relatives, doctors, teachers...if the child's other parent isn't on board with a vegetarian child, the child will be an omni.
Led, this is an excellent point. I have observed and heard many stories of veg + Omni = try to raise kids together and the kid very often ends up eating meat, among other problems. I am child-free so at least I don't have to worry about that!

I have dated both veg's and omnis, including a Vegan some years ago who had written a book about the topic and was extremely self-righteous - used to tell me that going veg for health reasons was a terrible reason because I was almost certain to start eating meat again. Yep, this was the same person who would go to Whole Foods, walk by the sample tray and scoop up a big handful of whatever was there and eat it. I looked carefully at the ingredient list and wouldn't you know, it was yogurt-covered peanuts. (They were white, too - not like you could mistake it for dark chocolate!!) So even if you date a Veg*n, this will not necessarily solve all your problems.

But let me tell you something about dating from a very small pool of people. I am lesbian, and it's hard. I go to places frequented by LGBT folks, I have to actively seek that out to meet anyone. I have, by a very generous and optimistic estimate, less than 10% of the population to choose from. Vegans are what, 2%? I understand the desire to have someone who eats and thinks as you do - even as a health veg, I get it. But finding someone will not be easy. You might want to at least consider an Omni who is respectful and supportive of your choices. They do exist - my last two GFs were very supportive, and one of them is still a friend who asks my advice about food now!
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#22 Old 08-24-2014, 04:33 PM
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This really complicates things.. I was already picky before... Now I have to find somebody who is also atleast willing to be vegetarian? Yikes.

I'm just thinking how a conversation would go.

Me: So friday night..... what do you like to eat?
Her: I love steak ultra rare, and bloody burgers, I cannot live without them. Meat is life. Oh and ribs too. Chicken is pretty good... EVERYBODY loves chicken! Lets go to outback steakhouse!


right...
Firstly, to your pickiness- Dan Savage, Price of Admission. Watch it. I swear to the Gods it's still the best advice I've ever gotten as far as relationships go. I had a lot of 'pre-requisites' for who my ideal partner was, "not a vegetarian" was one of them. If I'd continued to be picky, I would have missed out on being with the best person I've ever met.


IF you get a conversation like the one you supposed, and you could but it's unlikely, then you say "I'm a vegetarian, I want to go somewhere I can eat too...." and you make sure you have some options BEFORE you have the conversation :P (I like HappyCow as an app to have on your phone, it's pretty handy in general and it basically fed me while I was on holidays. Found the best not-fish burgers ever!).


Led is right as far as kids go. My partner and I talked about it, in hypothetical terms (because he doesn't want kids) and came to a compromise. But we tend to talk things out a lot more than other people do. It's definitely something for the future to consider.
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#23 Old 08-24-2014, 09:30 PM
 
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I was lucky that my husband agreed to go vegan with me. He doesn't care what he eats as long as it tastes good. So there's no issue there.

We went vegan for health reasons (though we're more conscious of the ethical reasons now), but I'm more health conscious than my husband is. He occasionally chows down on complete junk, some of it containing some dairy. It drives me crazy when he doesn't consider what he's putting in his body, but I've learned to be happy that it's only an occasional thing.

If my husband were never in the picture and I had been single when I went vegan, I probably wouldn't have a problem with dating an omni. I'd care more about how they treat me and if they're respectful of my choices.

I truly am spoiled. I have an awesome husband who sees things much the way I do. It would be difficult for me to transition to being with an omni after having things as easy as they are now.

Without kids, I might tolerate being with an omni as long as he's health conscious. If I were to have kids, I'd want to be with a vegan.

Last edited by seedgirl; 08-24-2014 at 09:34 PM.
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#24 Old 08-25-2014, 12:39 AM
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I think this is where there's a bigger gulf between health and ethical veg*ns. Those of us in it for our health made a very personal choice (for some under desperate circumstances - I was lucky that it wasn't a life or death decision) and it isn't necessarily part of our over all aim to convert more people. Though truth be said I would love for my s.o. to be more mindful of what he eats.

Because I've had bad health my main concern will always be that my child has the best possible start in life possible. However, because I'm in a relationship (with a lovely man who I love) I owe it to him to take his concerns seriously. So we're talking. We're discussing. We may have to come to a compromise about some things but that's what a relationship is. It's about finding a middle ground. A relationship is not about me having it my way every single day.
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#25 Old 08-25-2014, 12:59 AM
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I think this is where there's a bigger gulf between health and ethical veg*ns. Those of us in it for our health made a very personal choice (for some under desperate circumstances - I was lucky that it wasn't a life or death decision) and it isn't necessarily part of our over all aim to convert more people. Though truth be said I would love for my s.o. to be more mindful of what he eats.

Because I've had bad health my main concern will always be that my child has the best possible start in life possible. However, because I'm in a relationship (with a lovely man who I love) I owe it to him to take his concerns seriously. So we're talking. We're discussing. We may have to come to a compromise about some things but that's what a relationship is. It's about finding a middle ground. A relationship is not about me having it my way every single day.
I don't think it's about having it "your way" when your children are involved. I've been married 27 years and we've raised two children. It has to be about what's best for the children, which would include healthy eating without compromise, especially since the offspring are apt to inherit their parents' health issues.
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#26 Old 08-26-2014, 08:06 AM
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I became vegan after being married to my omni DH. It IS hard to feel a growing ethical distance between yourself and your life partner. I try to focus on the positive as he IS supportive of my changes and does not complain that dinner never includes animal flesh or fluids as I do most of the cooking. It IS very hard since we have children, but the older ones grew up omni so that's just the unfortunate truth and hopefully their hearts will change sooner in life than mine did. I just try to be a role-model.

If anything ever happened to my DH, I would not consider dating anyone who was not also vegan in the future. I think sharing closely held (even if evolved over time) ethics are vital to ever having the true intimacy with a partner that I desire.
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#27 Old 08-26-2014, 09:10 PM
 
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Hi all,

if I were asked this question 2 years ago I would have said without a doubt that it doesn't matter if the person that you are in a relationship with follows the same diet as you and shares in your beliefs but now I realize that I had answered too quickly.

If you are able to find someone who is truly open to your lifestyle/beliefs and you are completely fine with theirs then it isn't a problem. The understanding and acceptance has to be both ways but a lot of vegetarians, vegans and plant-based eaters (me included) have had to deal with friends, family and a significant other feeling inconvenienced by our lifestyle choices. A lot of us non-meat etc eaters are grossed out by the meals eaten our carniverous loved-ones (kiss = nice, little piece of meat in your mouth after the kiss = not so nice). Outings become difficult when you're the only one who "eats this way" in the group. Not too mention the annoying questions like "so what DO you eat?". Once I went to a gathering and the only things that I could eat were fries and corn lol.

Having a group of veg- friends definitely makes things A LOT easier so imagine if your significant other was too? Imagine one less person to ask "is there meat/fish/dairy/eggs/etc in this"? Would be nice. Is it necessary? No. Would it make life a bit easier? Definitely.

So all that to say a relationship with a non-veg*n isn't bad as long as you are both truly open and accepting to how the other has chosen to live and eat.
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#28 Old 09-25-2014, 09:33 AM
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I became vegetarian after nearly 25 years of marriage to an omnivore. He's still an omnivore. I'm still a vegetarian. Somehow, we work it out! I will say that he is a fairly tolerant and laidback kind of guy. He is actually willing to try a lot of my food and is usually pleasantly surprised by it. In fact, sometimes he likes it so much that it starts to disappear from the refrigerator at an alarming rate! If I fix both veggie and non-veggie, meat-based sauces to go with pasta (yes, I know, but I still have to feed the omnis in the house!), he'll try both of them and frequently like the meatless one better. He's begging me to make more vegetarian chili! Even though he doesn't agree with it fully, the whole family has just naturally started eating less meat. I'm cooking less, I'm serving smaller portions of it, etc. I also look for the least disgusting meat I can find to prepare and I handle it as little as possible. We eat out frequently due to my work hours. When we do, he honestly frets over finding something that I can eat. I finally had to give him a list of places I had no interest in going to, as they offer nothing I can eat as is or adapt to my lifestyle.

If he were out of the picture, would I look for a vegetarian or vegan? No. Not for that reason. If I fell in love with one, that would be fine, but I think there are many fine people out there who just haven't been "awakened" to what we are doing yet. I would have problems with someone who hunted for sport or expected me to dress a deer or something like that.

If I wanted to find a vegetarian or vegan to date, I'd probably go to a local gathering of them -- we have them nearby where any who are interested can get together for a potluck. I might consider going to the local co-op and discussing the merits of the various items I'm shopping for with likeminded shoppers - sort of a version of "picking someone up at a grocery store".
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#29 Old 09-25-2014, 11:13 AM
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The main issue is whether you plan to have children together. Can you picture your s.o. putting pieces of chicken in your baby's mouth? This will happen.
This is simply a generalization. My husband (as well as my ex-husband) were both omni, with no want to go vegetarian or vegan, and neither of them fed our children meat. If they decide to do that without it being something that has been agreed upon then that is a sign of disrespect and that is an issue in any relationship -- interdietary or not.
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#30 Old 09-25-2014, 12:00 PM
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After 8 years together, my husband and I have never had problems due to me being a vegetarian. It's a non-issue that rarely comes up in our day to day lives. I think partly it's because we met so young (17 and 18) so there was no "checklist" of expectations out of a relationship/who that "dream" partner is (like I've noticed many of my friends start 'making' over the years). Theres also the fact he had never met a vegetarian before or really looked into anything about it (positive or negative), so he had no negative preconceptions about vegetarians. In fact, he thought it was pretty interesting. It also probably didn't hurt that I knew how to cook delicious meals and have always enjoyed cooking. He's been about a 90% veg. since we got together because I do virtually all the cooking (and he likes most things I make). Our rules regarding it basically are if he wants to eat meat, he can cook it and wash the dishes afterwards (which he does do on occasion). Before we got married, we did discuss many things that could have been potential issues down the road to be clear of our expectations. One of my biggest concerns was not bringing up future children on animal products. He actually 100% agrees we should raise our children vegan (except breastmilk, as babies are suppose to consume that) until they were old enough to understand where meat and animals products come from, the ethical/environmental/health concerns surrounding it, and make their own informed decision whether or not they want to eat it. I think once a child is of a certain age, they should be able to decide what foods they eat, but that also allows if they DO want to be a vegan or vegetarian, they will have NEVER had to have consumed an animal product or meat before they knew the implications. I guess I really lucked out on having such an open minded husband!
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