We talk like all day long every day but I am done, I don't want to anymore. He is never in a good mood or friendly and it is draining. I don't want to lose the friendship, I just want to take fove steps back and stop talking everyday.
"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
I have this friend I have known for eight or so years and... I just feel like it is a totally one sided friendship. I helped him through his awful break up, making myself available no matter the time if he needed someone. When I have problems or make decisions he doesn't agree with he shuts down. He seems incapable of being supportive if he doesnt agree with the root decision, even if everything has turned out wonderfully.
We talk like all day long every day but I am done, I don't want to anymore. He is never in a good mood or friendly and it is draining. I don't want to lose the friendship, I just want to take five steps back and stop talking everyday.
Seems like a bit of a one-sided "friendship" to me, River. Without a mutual regard and respect, friendship may be too strong a word. Friends should be at least friendly.
For your own well-being (integrity too?), the steps you contemplate taking in your last sentence appear reasonable.
River, I had to do this very thing. I had a friend who I saw on a daily basis, we were very very close, and I helped her out a good bit. She would get herself in trouble by getting drunk and doing dumb things. I was always there to help her pick up the pieces, and to try and talk to her about the drinking. Also, if we went out together, she would just get angry and nasty..say hateful things, drive off and leave me in restaurants or bars...One night, after a particularly drunken hateful bout of her telling me what a dumb, terrible person I am in my kitchen, I had enough. The next day she said didn't remember any of it, and that she was sorry. I told her, well...it's not ok this time.
A month or two later, I thought, well maybe I'll give her one more chance. Guess what happened the very first night I gave our friendship a second shot? More of the same. For my own well-being, I had to let her go. It hurt, but it had to be done. Also, I was enabling her to continue being that way by letting her get that drunk and act like that around me, and always saying, "it's ok". I hope by ending our friendship, she got better, as well.
Some people are blind to their actions, because they are 'normal'.
The simplest technique is distance yourself from them. Don't reply to texts, don't pick up calls, come up with reasons to be else where -use truths where possible, juggling lies is a pain & stress. Just blow them off like a date you're not bother about.
He kept putting me down, disrespecting me and the only words out of his mouth were about badmouthing other people. I just couldn´t take it anymore. I had also forgiven him in the past.
A true friend just doesn´t take, he/she gives as well. If not, that is not a friend, just someone who use you.
They say that your true friends accept a No - and also when you don´t agree with them. I think that´s a great way of finding out which ones are true friends.
Maybe he isn't aware of his self abusive ways which lead to also abusing others.
Give him an ultimatum. Grow together or walk separately.
Last edited by cobalamin; 07-22-2014 at 02:10 PM.
I feel that is the best way you should go about things. Try distancing yourself first, don't be the shoulder to cry on, ignore a few texts, etc. If he doesn't pick up the hint, you just then need to tell him straight. Looking back I can't believe I did it ahaa! You feel like a cow for about two minutes but the feeling of 'freedom' afterwards is great.
Now we are just civil. Sort of. He is very immature about it, which your friend may be at first, but don't lower yourself to that level.
Good luck with it!
And there was another situation with my college roommate coming to stay with me for a weekend...we apparently have very different priorities in our lives now...and after she downed all of the vodka and beer in the house, belligerently insulted my neighbours and good friends, was sick all over my living room, then yelled at me that I was no fun any more because I was married with children (children who were in bed, thank goodness) and had the nerve to ask her to clean up her own vomit......I had to let her know that it was for the best if she didn't come stay any more. She occasionally emails now, but the friendship is definitely no more.
Sometimes it sucks, but it'll be worth it to rid yourself of that negative energy. And really, from what you've said, he does not seem to be a friend to you.
It's easy to let go of faith in humanity, and harder to have hope for a better future....but if we all give up, there IS no future.