Uncomfortable with Roommate's boyfriend sleeping over - VeggieBoards
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 Old 02-28-2014, 03:55 PM
 
magsrhps's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1
Ok
magsrhps is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 Old 02-28-2014, 04:30 PM
Veggie Regular
 
beanspud's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 1,106
You have your lover stay over, your roommate has her lover stay over. You both pay rent. Your roommate is entitled to the same privileges you enjoy, which includes having your lovers spend the night.

Communication seems dysfunctional, effort should be made to resolve conflicts verbally with active listening techniques. Avoid escalations like lovers throwing away roommates stuff. This is a red flag for future conflicts, as resentment builds.

Your lover has valid concerns about her safety, and she can take extra precautions. Adding locks or door bars to your bedroom, keeping pepper spray available, and having her communicate and establish boundaries with this roommates lover is good.

Your roommate deserves to have her lover over, you all need to communicate and listen to each other's concerns and feelings.
beanspud is offline  
#3 Old 02-28-2014, 04:47 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Lentil City, UK
Posts: 2,533

That was a mammoth read with plenty of "my lover" rather than "my girlfriend/partner" which I found a bit strange. You say "my house" when actually it's not yours, it's a shared, rented apartment and your roomie has as much right as you do with regard to the place.

 

Anyway, upshot is I think it's actually none of your business if she has anyone to stay over and why should she ask your permission?  Why are you judging her partner on the basis that one of your friends assaulted your gf?  You obviously knew that person well if they were a 'friend' but they still acted in an inappropriate way so getting to know someone means diddly squat in the grand scheme of things.

 

As beanspud says, put a lock on your bedroom if it worries you that much but don't try and dictate who does and doesn't stay in a shared apartment.

60225 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#4 Old 02-28-2014, 04:59 PM
Veggie Regular
 
pandiculationco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 998

If you are paying 2/3rds of the rent, or you and your girlfriend are each paying 1/3rd and your other roommate is only paying 1/3rd, then your roommate is not necessarily entitled to have somebody staying overnight.

 

BUT, if you're paying half, and your roommate is paying half, then your roommate is entitled to have somebody stay over too, as often as you do.  

I'm sorry to say, but there's not very much to be done about it.

 

As others have said, locks on doors, etc. could be helpful if your girlfriend feels insecure about it.

 

At the most extreme, you can contact the actual owner of the property, and that owner may make a ruling on it prohibiting the boyfriend from staying over (the owner might also decide three people aren't allowed to stay there).  Your only recourse against the actual owner or manager is court.

pandiculationco is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the VeggieBoards forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off