Am I Being Silly Here? - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 04-18-2004, 01:42 AM
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OK let me just say that my mom and stepdad are wonderful people. They have always suported me in my activism and everything I do. They are hardworking and actually managed to become quite wealthy without a college education and without having any "marketable" (as in like musical or acting) talents. They are very cool. They are also alcoholics and coke addicts.

Personally, I think drugs and drinking are a choice. I myself have smoked pot and popped a few pills. I find smoking tobacco to be icky so I don't do that. That being said, I also can't drink all.

Am I being silly when I tell my fiance that I won't even drink the wine at our wedding toast, and that I don't want our kids (when we have them) to stay with my parents unless they promise to be sober? Is it dumb of me to think that I will become an alcholic like them if I even take one drink?
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#2 Old 04-18-2004, 02:11 AM
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better safe than sorry, i guess.
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#3 Old 04-18-2004, 02:47 AM
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It's your prerogative, if you want to abstain entirely from alcohol. I wouldn't do it simply because I thought I had an addictive trait passed down in my family and if I had a drink once in awhile I'd be hooked, because my parents sound a lot like yours and yet I've always been able to "take it or leave it". So don't assume you'd get hooked, sounds like you have your head on straight and would be the first one to notice if you were getting out of hand. But if you just don't want alcohol in your life, like a veggie doesn't want meat, then that is your right and you could always let your fiance toast with wine and you could have cider, no biggie.. right?
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#4 Old 04-18-2004, 03:20 AM
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I actually used to worry about that as well. Fortunately, it combined with my teenage sense of rebellion to make me stay home and study. By the end of my teen years, I worked in industries where alcohol and bars were essential for networking. I quickly learned that alcohol and drug use can easily stay casual. Problems only really crop up with periods of intense stress....And that's when they don't go away.

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#5 Old 04-18-2004, 09:09 AM
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I am 24 and I have never drank at all. I am allergic to sulfite so I can't even have food with wine cooked into it. I have no intention (whenever it is I get married) to drink at the wedding just for the purposes of having a toast. Get some nice sparkling cider or grape juice or something and toast with that in your glass. I don't think it matters what you're drinking, its just the gesture.
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#6 Old 04-18-2004, 09:59 AM
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I don't think it's silly. You don't have to drink alcohol in order to drink a toast. And you don't have to drink alcohol to enjoy your reception, or any other party.

And I certainly would NOT leave my kids (if I had any) unsupervised with alcoholics. It's not behavior I would want modeled for my kids.

Let me say that I don't mind people drinking, and I might have a drink once or twice a year. But my parents never drank in the house when I was a kid. There was never any liquor in the house, or even wine, until I was in my teens. My parents just didn't want me & my brothers to grow up thinking it was normal to drink every day. I have always admired and respected them for that.

Also, your beliefs are perfectly valid, even if your mom & stepdad don't agree. They will probably argue with you, or belittle your beliefs because they feel threatened, but you have the right to decide what is best for yourself & your family.
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#7 Old 04-18-2004, 10:18 AM
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well said Gracie!
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#8 Old 04-18-2004, 11:26 AM
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When I have children there will be stipulations on my side of the family seeing them, because I know that unaccaptable behavior will be modeled for them (really really excessive drinking included). No one would think you were crazy for not leaving them with a baby sitter with a drug problem, or a violence problem, etc. Why should your parents be any different?

About your own drinking, I'm very uncomfortable drinking because I have 2 alcholic parents, 2 alcholic step parents, the list goes on. Knowing that I've never really seen adults who drink in a healthy way, and knowing that addiction is often passed to children I wouldn't want to become that. It's really a decision you have to make for yourself, if you're uncomfortable drinking, you're not alone, and you're not required to drink. Why should you have to do something you're not comfortable with on what should be one of the best days of your life?
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#9 Old 04-18-2004, 11:44 AM
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No you're not being silly.

I choose not to drink at all because I think it tastes disgusting. If I have a wedding I will not drink at it. Why would I drink something that smells and tastes disgusting to me just to please others?

I don't drink in social situations and I get along just fine. Actually I think it's kind of sad, because sometimes I will meet someone in a social situation and they've had a few, and they're really nice and engaging, but then when I call them later on or talk to them when they're not drinking, they're much cooler and distanced. With me, what you see if what you get at all times.
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#10 Old 04-18-2004, 02:12 PM
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What rabid, gracie and meatless said. If you need to make a toast, you can make a toast with soda, juice, water, sparkling juice, or whatever milk you prefer in your glass. I've never drank alcoholic beverages myself and I don't feel the need to ever do so. Alcoholism can happen after just one drink--it's a genetic disorder that can be turned on after alcohol enters the bloodstream.

I also wouldn't leave my children unsupervised with your parents (or any alcoholics or known drug users). Exposing them to that could lead to all sorts of substance abuse problems later on, not to mention the possibility of them being abused (it could happen).
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#11 Old 04-18-2004, 11:41 PM
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I'm a recovering alcoholic myself. When my husband (also in recovery) and I got married, my parents went to a great deal of trouble and drove all the way to Napa Valley to find a perfect non-alcoholic sparkling beverage. I can't remember what it was called now (it's been seven or eight years), but it was yummy. Not too sweet, but not at all "winey." I think it was primarily grape juice with some other juices added in. Anyway, it looked just like champaigne, the color, the bubbles and the bottle. In fact, it looked so realistic that one of my AA friends in the audience thought we were actually drinking champagne, and was briefly horrified. LOL!

My point is that you can have a non-alcoholic toast at a wedding without anyone even knowing that it is non-alcoholic.

If you don't feel comfortable drinking, than you have every right not to drink. I hope your fiance isn't giving you a hard time about this.
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#12 Old 04-19-2004, 02:36 AM
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I've had those issues as well. My mother often reminds me that there's addiction in our family. I've played with liquor, and now I'm more towards the end of my drinking days. I think it's a little silly to think that having one drink creates addiction but thats just my point of view.

As far as letting kids stay with known addicts, I wouldn't let them either. If you want you can have a dry wedding, it's known to be done especially if your parents are there and you'll worry about them having to much with an open bar. Not to mention having a dry wedding is a lot cheaper then an open bar.
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#13 Old 04-19-2004, 02:54 AM
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Originally Posted by vinceneilsgirl View Post

Is it dumb of me to think that I will become an alcholic like them if I even take one drink?

Yes. But it's your body so if you don't want to drink don't.
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#14 Old 04-20-2004, 10:24 AM
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i agree with everyone here and will add that it is possible to network in bars and other similar receptions without drinking alcohol. gingerale, tonic and lime, etc are usually good fakes, and you can always order a "seabreeze" without the alcohol (that's cranberry juice!). people don't notice after a while, and you don't have to say anything about it. most people dont' care.
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