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#1 Old 01-20-2012, 04:15 PM
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I started college in september last year, so about 4 months. I'm the second oldest in my class at 19 (20 this year, in may.) The people I hang with or 16, 17 and 18. Two of the are girls and the dude is the 17 year old.
They're nice people and I get along with them but they are very patronising, especially the boy and the 16 year old girl. They try to explain things to me even if I say "I know, I know!" today it was the mos frustrating, we were discussing sexism in the british army. I mentioned an interview I had (I had eanted to join) and explained that the interviewer (basically) said I couldn't do the frontline jobs as I'm a girl. the boy was like "girls can join, I've seen them on that show about afghanistan"
I kept explaining over and over again what the interviewer said to me, but no. He became sarcastic and spoke slowly to me, so I can understand. The girl was joining in. I've researched this more than them, I had an interview through which it was explained to me??!!
Anyway.... The worst thing is the vegetarian issue, though.
The girl tried explaining to me about dairy cows dieing if they weren't milked. I said about the calves being taken away in order for us to take the milk. She went on about "if we were all veggie, then there will be too many cows and they will build up as we're not eating them. They say this as if I have no idea about the meet industry..... Because being vegetarian for moral reasons can't mean I've researched this more than they ever have???!! The boy tries to explain politics to me 24/7.... Because I'm sooo dumb..... He tries to explain to me how all germans should be killed "because it's a british thing". He knows full well I'm really into the whole concept of moving to America (I love it.) but pretty much everyday, "it's those stupid over-weight Americans" or "America is just a dump with guns". Everything I love (animals) or hate (animal testing) is attacked. They try to 'teach me' every conversation!!!
Sorry if I went on too long... this is the only place where I can express my feelings and opinions with people who understand...
What do I do??? How do I make it so I'm not soo patronised?? I'm getting stressed from this... But they're my friends... The older girl (18) is a lot better... She treats me better and is more considerate..
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#2 Old 01-20-2012, 04:19 PM
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I'm not friends with *******s, you shouldn't be either.

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#3 Old 01-20-2012, 04:31 PM
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I know that age is not always an accurate measure of maturity, but in this case, it really seems as if they are that immature. You said you were in college, right? but they 16 and 17? I assume they graduated high school early and got accepted into college early. That probably over-inflated their egos about their level of intelligence. Being in high school myself, I know all to well about how others my age think they know everything, since they're "practically adults". In their case, it would be especially true since they likely spent all their lives being the first one to get a question right, being the first one to know something, always being right, always being smart (academically), etc. Maybe you should chat with the 18 year old friend about a gentle way to break it to them about their behaviour?
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#4 Old 01-20-2012, 04:44 PM
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I'm not friends with *******s, you shouldn't be either.

I have to agree; those children do not sound like they are really friends. They are being deliberately emotionally abusive.

Talk to the older one about it, maybe, and perhaps seek out some more sincere friends.

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#5 Old 01-20-2012, 04:47 PM
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I know that age is not always an accurate measure of maturity, but in this case, it really seems as if they are that immature. You said you were in college, right?

No no. U.S. highschool = U.K. college. U.S. college = U.K. university. Language difference.

These children aren't special in any way. The OP, however, is pretty awesome

"I am astonished by the audacity to tell such lies about me." "[...]my remarks have been elaborated and exaggerated nearly beyond recognition." -Albert Einstein
Don't buy everything you read on the net. Most "Einstein" quotes are lies. He can't defend his honor now; where's the respect for a...
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#6 Old 01-20-2012, 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted by vepurusg View Post

I have to agree; those children do not sound like they are really friends. They are being deliberately emotionally abusive.

Talk to the older one about it, maybe, and perhaps seek out some more sincere friends.


Quote:
"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”
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#7 Old 01-20-2012, 05:21 PM
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I kinda know how you feel blondegurl38. I was in Boy Scouts, loved it and I am still friends with everyone I met in there, however early on, say when I was 14-15 on several occasions I was "interrogated" by my friends on trips, asking why I didn't eat meat and all that. I would just tell them that I didn't like the taste and it wasn't my thing. After several practical jokes and all that they don't say a word to me about it anymore. I think the biggest issue in my case and yours that you are describing is the maturity factor. Yeah we are all surrounded by know-it-alls who think that they are the...I don't want to say perfect because thats not it, but the predominate image of what "normal" is. People who are so closed minded like this generally do not accept anything other than the norm, i.e. vegetarians, because they were not raised in an environment where it can be perceived as normal, whatever that word means. So what I am trying to say in this post is that yeah, its frustrating but I guess putting yourself above them, because you accept people outside of your own beliefs, makes you not only a better person but a little more enlightened as well.

And I hate, but agree with the "fat-Americans" perception. Damn McDonalds...

"Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it." - Harry S. Truman
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#8 Old 01-20-2012, 05:44 PM
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I would suggest that you try not to get too upset. Younger people love to give their friends a hard time. I know I did. I have friends that I have known since 16 years old and I am 43years old. We still treat each other the same way, but I guess we have toned things down since getting old. It is normal and I would not get too upset. Obviously, what you say is very valid, but you may be more mature and intelligent than them and place more value on what you care about than they do. It does not make them bad people. Now, if they are bad people, then that is a different story. Everyone has their own interests and yours may not be important to them. I can't talk to people about sports. They are very important to them and not to me so I may either nod off or make small jokes. Although I am a professional and very business savvy, I am also an old guy that is very interested in skateboarding. This does not interest my family or friends. They sometimes perceive me in a way that is not me, but I don't get too mad. We all have different interests and as long as these are people you care about and they care about you, then I would not get too upset. You sound pretty mature to me and even I may not be able to converse with you about what you like to talk about. With out being there, I can't tell you if they are being disrespectful or just young and having fun. Just talk to like minded people in forums like this and leave the other stuff to hanging with your friends. I personally belong to skateboard forums and they speak my language. My friends do not and I try not to mix the two. You sound like a sharp young lady and I wish you the best. Hang in there. What you are talking about will exist for the rest of your life so just learn to adapt. I am not saying to sell out or change your beliefs or even not talk about what you would like to talk about. Just know that some people will be interested and some won't. I probably have very little on common with people on this site, but I really enjoy talking about what this site talks about. I enjoy the people on here and don't expect them to have any interest in what I like when I am not talking veggy talk.
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#9 Old 01-20-2012, 05:59 PM
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Maybe it's the subjects you're doing at college and the kind of people you meet in them. I found people in subjects like sciences and maths which I did were pretty laid back and discuss things in an intellectual manner. They certainly wouldn't have been misinformed enough to say something about dairy cows overpopulating.
Then there were people who did subjects like humanities or languages..and they were pretty up their own...yeah.
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#10 Old 01-20-2012, 06:46 PM
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Maybe it's the subjects you're doing at college and the kind of people you meet in them. I found people in subjects like sciences and maths which I did were pretty laid back and discuss things in an intellectual manner. They certainly wouldn't have been misinformed enough to say something about dairy cows overpopulating.
Then there were people who did subjects like humanities or languages..and they were pretty up their own...yeah.

That's certainly painting people with a broad brush.
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#11 Old 01-20-2012, 07:07 PM
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Friends respect and support each other not belittle them, talk down to them and insult them. Sounds like you need a new group of people to surround yourself with.
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#12 Old 01-20-2012, 08:40 PM
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That's certainly painting people with a broad brush.

True. It was just the case in my A-level college. Perhaps it's the opposite in others, but I find the mindset is going to be similar in people who take the same subjects. I mean they're doing subjects they all have a common interest in, you'd think they'd have something in common about how they act in the world. But it is ignorant to assume everyone in a particular subject is pretentious and the like.
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#13 Old 01-21-2012, 02:33 AM
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I guess it would be a good idea to dicuss this with the 18 year old. She's pretty understanding and everyone seems to like her, she's what you'd call 'the peace maker'. College is pretty easy to get into.... I started a little later because I wasn't sure what I wanted and suffered with depression, which in turn made me not want to do anything.
thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I have to say, this is a great community
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#14 Old 01-21-2012, 02:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Rich1288 View Post

People who are so closed minded like this generally do not accept anything other than the norm, i.e. vegetarians, because they were not raised in an environment where it can be perceived as normal, whatever that word means. So what I am trying to say in this post is that yeah, its frustrating but I guess putting yourself above them, because you accept people outside of your own beliefs, makes you not only a better person but a little more enlightened as well.

And I hate, but agree with the "fat-Americans" perception. Damn McDonalds...

Thinking about it., their closed minds do definately seem to come from theor family... The girl told me that her dad refuses to buy or cook vegegetarian food when doing parties etc. She isn't as bad but I can defiantely sense some of her dad in her. I am proud of my choice to be vegetarian... I guess just feeling that more when being interrogated will really help, my mind normally blanks as I'm soo annoyed. But I'll try remember why I turned and use that to push aside their snide remarks
thanks, Rich
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#15 Old 01-21-2012, 02:56 AM
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I'm not friends with *******s, you shouldn't be either.

This.

"If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company."
Jean-Paul Sartre
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#16 Old 01-21-2012, 02:59 AM
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Maybe it's the subjects you're doing at college and the kind of people you meet in them. I found people in subjects like sciences and maths which I did were pretty laid back and discuss things in an intellectual manner. They certainly wouldn't have been misinformed enough to say something about dairy cows overpopulating.
Then there were people who did subjects like humanities or languages..and they were pretty up their own...yeah.

Oh really? My experience has been just the opposite. How odd.

"If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company."
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#17 Old 01-22-2012, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by OutofLimits View Post

Maybe it's the subjects you're doing at college and the kind of people you meet in them. I found people in subjects like sciences and maths which I did were pretty laid back and discuss things in an intellectual manner. They certainly wouldn't have been misinformed enough to say something about dairy cows overpopulating.
Then there were people who did subjects like humanities or languages..and they were pretty up their own...yeah.

I've actually had the exact opposite experience as well.
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#18 Old 01-22-2012, 10:16 AM
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I would suggest that you try not to get too upset. Younger people love to give their friends a hard time. I know I did. I have friends that I have known since 16 years old and I am 43years old. We still treat each other the same way, but I guess we have toned things down since getting old. It is normal and I would not get too upset.

Yeh, instead of getting angry and frustrated about it, try to see the funny side of the dumb **** friends can say at times. Take the piss out of them a bit, have a laugh and enjoy your disagreements. Unless the ignorant things they say are harmful of course, then you have to get serious I guess and put them straight.

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#19 Old 01-22-2012, 11:13 AM
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Oh really? My experience has been just the opposite. How odd.

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I've actually had the exact opposite experience as well.


Sometimes people in the arts and sciences are at war with each other on campus- I was in both camps.

Every now and then, they'd say something about art/science majors, and then look at me, "Oh, wait, you're in art/science aren't you?"

I wonder if that's where the difference in perception is coming from (just depending on which camp one was in?)

.

"I am astonished by the audacity to tell such lies about me." "[...]my remarks have been elaborated and exaggerated nearly beyond recognition." -Albert Einstein
Don't buy everything you read on the net. Most "Einstein" quotes are lies. He can't defend his honor now; where's the respect for a...
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#20 Old 01-22-2012, 08:16 PM
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Originally Posted by vepurusg View Post

Sometimes people in the arts and sciences are at war with each other on campus- I was in both camps.

Every now and then, they'd say something about art/science majors, and then look at me, "Oh, wait, you're in art/science aren't you?"

I wonder if that's where the difference in perception is coming from (just depending on which camp one was in?)


.

I came to that theory a while back in this thread so decided to retract a lot of what I said and just leave it at that :P
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#21 Old 01-22-2012, 08:41 PM
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Originally Posted by vepurusg View Post

Sometimes people in the arts and sciences are at war with each other on campus- I was in both camps.

Every now and then, they'd say something about art/science majors, and then look at me, "Oh, wait, you're in art/science aren't you?"

I wonder if that's where the difference in perception is coming from (just depending on which camp one was in?)

.

Yeah. I'm a biology major, minoring in art.

"If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company."
Jean-Paul Sartre
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#22 Old 01-23-2012, 04:16 PM
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I was talking about A levels colleges and sixth forms though, not universities.
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#23 Old 01-23-2012, 04:42 PM
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