Meat boundaries in the home - VeggieBoards
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#1 Old 01-08-2012, 01:24 PM
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I was wondering for those who are married to meat eaters what your boundaries are when it comes to meat in the home. Does your spouse bring meat into the house? Is the house meat free? Is this an issue? If you do not allow meat in the house, is your spouse fighting this issue? If you do, do you require separate utensils and cooking pots/pans?


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#2 Old 01-08-2012, 01:33 PM
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I didn't mind much when I was living at home.

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#3 Old 01-08-2012, 01:48 PM
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I consider myself very lucky that my boyfriend is so considerate of how I feel towards meat. Around me, most of what he eats is vegan that way we can share meals and cook together, but he still occasionally craves fish. When he does get some, he keeps it separate from the rest of the food and prepares in a particular pan (we've agreed on which pans will be used for only vegan dishes or only meat dishes). He also does all the non-vegan clean up. It's becoming less and less of an issue though, because it's been happening less often as time goes.

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#4 Old 01-08-2012, 01:49 PM
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My husband is vegan and I am vegetarian, but my daughter is an omni. Granted, she doesn't buy her own food yet, so most of the food we bring into the house is vegetarian and a lot of it is vegan.

We still buy some meat products for my daughter. I didn't really care to do that, but hubby is the one that started it. We just don't really mind what other people eat, even if it is under our own roof.

When I first became veg, I really didn't like seeing others eat meat. Over the years, I've learned to relax about it, because no matter what, there's always the potential that I will be in a situation in which I'll see someone eat meat.

So yes, people can bring meat into our home, but I'd prefer that they have it already cooked as to not use our pots and pans to cook it.
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#5 Old 01-08-2012, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by jentlytread View Post

My boyfriend (an omni) and I live together, and I do most of the cooking. During the week, he actually loves eating veg because he knows its so much healthier. He's a big, athletic guy, very knowledgeable about fitness and nutrition. He asks for tofu, at times! Some nights he will simply roast a bunch of veggies (including his own recipe for whole okra *drool*) and that's our meal, along w rice or whatever.
On weekends or for holidays, he will join in and eat with his friends and/or family with whatever they are eating. But mostly, he eats veg with me.
I am very lucky...he supports me and I think he is proud that I stand up for my beliefs and principles. I have a good man and his family in my life.
Is it harmonious for you at home? Or do u ask because its been difficult?

Send him my regards.

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#6 Old 01-08-2012, 01:55 PM
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I'm asking because it was an issue with my ex. He said he didn't know if he wanted to deal with vegetarianism long term at home. He never ate meat around me (his choice), but I think because of family/friend pressures, he started to get more critical about my diet. I have a stance where I want a completely meat free home. My husband could eat whatever when he was out, but at home, it's vegetarian. I think that's being pretty flexible. I'm the only one who cooks, he (my ex) might heat up a frozen meal or something super unhealthy and canned, so I don't know what the issue really was. The thought of raising vegetarian kids scared him too. I'm curious on how other couples deal with this.

To me, it just seems simple. If I married a Jewish person and I was a meat eater, I wouldn't bring non-kosher foods home. Vegetarianism is even easier than that. I'm wondering if I should be more flexible. I feel like having meat in my home would make me responsible for their pain and suffering, even if I didn't buy it or eat it (when I have my own place, it's 95% vegan). That being said, it hasn't been an issue at all when living with my parents. Am I just being OCD about it?
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#7 Old 01-08-2012, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Melanie View Post

My husband is vegan and I am vegetarian, but my daughter is an omni. Granted, she doesn't buy her own food yet, so most of the food we bring into the house is vegetarian and a lot of it is vegan.

We still buy some meat products for my daughter. I didn't really care to do that, but hubby is the one that started it. We just don't really mind what other people eat, even if it is under our own roof.

When I first became veg, I really didn't like seeing others eat meat. Over the years, I've learned to relax about it, because no matter what, there's always the potential that I will be in a situation in which I'll see someone eat meat.

So yes, people can bring meat into our home, but I'd prefer that they have it already cooked as to not use our pots and pans to cook it.

I've learned to relax too, but I'm wonder if I got my own place again if I'm feel the way I used to feel. Like it's my house, I should be able to have it meat free. I know when you're married you share, but I think if someone loves you enough, it shouldn't be an issue.


I was thinking of being flexible and having separate pans, storage containers, forks, etc.
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#8 Old 01-08-2012, 02:02 PM
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Honestly, I think that if there is a vegetarian and an omni living together, there should be a compromise. If the omni is willing to cook for themselves, and clean up afterwards and be respectful, then it shouldn't be that much of an issue.

But, everyone who is a veg*n feels different degrees of strength toward the issue. Same with omnis.

I think separate pans and cooking utensils is a fair compromise.
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#9 Old 01-08-2012, 02:24 PM
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I really just don't want dead animals in my fridge and freezer
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#10 Old 01-08-2012, 02:26 PM
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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

I really just don't want dead animals in my fridge and freezer

That could be a compromise as well.

"If you're gonna bring meat in the house, buy it and eat it the same day!"

That way, it doesn't get kept in the fridge or freezer.

Sorry...I don't know. It's hard to put a standard on something that everybody reacts to differently.
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#11 Old 01-08-2012, 02:33 PM
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I can see exactly where you are coming from, danakscully. Perhaps you should join a veggie group at some point this year, there may be some attractive men there...
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#12 Old 01-08-2012, 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Melanie View Post

That could be a compromise as well.

"If you're gonna bring meat in the house, buy it and eat it the same day!"

That way, it doesn't get kept in the fridge or freezer.

Sorry...I don't know. It's hard to put a standard on something that everybody reacts to differently.

I know, it's hard. I feel so strongly about this, it's nearly impossible for me to budge.

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I can see exactly where you are coming from, danakscully. Perhaps you should join a veggie group at some point this year, there may be some attractive men there...

Sadly, I never find anyone that's my type. I'm hoping my ex and I can work it out, this is one of the issues we were trying to resolve.
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#13 Old 01-08-2012, 02:45 PM
 
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My roommate is an omni. We knew going into the arrangement that we were not going to change each other's dietary preferences. I simply requested that he isolate his meat products to one half of the freezer, and a designated bin at the bottom of the fridge, where nothing would leak or cause cross contamination. As far as my omni boyfriend, he is courtesy of my lifestyle, and when such a time comes that we can afford a place together, I will ask that he keep his food isolated from mine. Once I own a home, I would like to purchase a chest freezer, to stock up on produce when it's in season. Perhaps it would be worth allowing a separate freezer for the non-veg*n stuff as well.
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#14 Old 01-08-2012, 02:47 PM
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Maybe he can have a separate mini-fridge for his meat?

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#15 Old 01-08-2012, 02:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

I'm asking because it was an issue with my ex. He said he didn't know if he wanted to deal with vegetarianism long term at home. He never ate meat around me (his choice), but I think because of family/friend pressures, he started to get more critical about my diet. I have a stance where I want a completely meat free home. My husband could eat whatever when he was out, but at home, it's vegetarian. I think that's being pretty flexible. I'm the only one who cooks, he (my ex) might heat up a frozen meal or something super unhealthy and canned, so I don't know what the issue really was. The thought of raising vegetarian kids scared him too. I'm curious on how other couples deal with this.

To me, it just seems simple. If I married a Jewish person and I was a meat eater, I wouldn't bring non-kosher foods home. Vegetarianism is even easier than that. I'm wondering if I should be more flexible. I feel like having meat in my home would make me responsible for their pain and suffering, even if I didn't buy it or eat it (when I have my own place, it's 95% vegan). That being said, it hasn't been an issue at all when living with my parents. Am I just being OCD about it?

I don't think having a meat free house is unreasonable if you feel strongly about it. However, if it is that important it ought to be negotiated up front before moving in/marrying/etc someone. If it's a deal breaker then so be it.
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#16 Old 01-08-2012, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

I've learned to relax too, but I'm wonder if I got my own place again if I'm feel the way I used to feel. Like it's my house, I should be able to have it meat free. I know when you're married you share, but I think if someone loves you enough, it shouldn't be an issue.

I was thinking of being flexible and having separate pans, storage containers, forks, etc.

It works both ways. If you love someone enough then their meat in the house shouldn't be an issue, just saying...

I will say it's pretty easy if both peeps are on the same page. I don't know what I'd do if the Mrs didn't want to eat what I cooked her. I guess I'd cook my food and she'd cook hers, her cooking sucks though, lol.
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#17 Old 01-08-2012, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Melanie View Post

Honestly, I think that if there is a vegetarian and an omni living together, there should be a compromise. If the omni is willing to cook for themselves, and clean up afterwards and be respectful, then it shouldn't be that much of an issue.

But, everyone who is a veg*n feels different degrees of strength toward the issue. Same with omnis.

I think separate pans and cooking utensils is a fair compromise.

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Originally Posted by Melanie View Post

That could be a compromise as well.

"If you're gonna bring meat in the house, buy it and eat it the same day!"

That way, it doesn't get kept in the fridge or freezer.

Sorry...I don't know. It's hard to put a standard on something that everybody reacts to differently.

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Maybe he can have a separate mini-fridge for his meat?

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Originally Posted by Forster View Post

I don't think having a meat free house is unreasonable if you feel strongly about it. However, if it is that important it ought to be negotiated up front before moving in/marrying/etc someone. If it's a deal breaker then so be it.

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Originally Posted by Forster View Post

It works both ways. If you love someone enough then their meat in the house shouldn't be an issue, just saying...

All of this. I'm happy to hear it's not a done deal yet and that you two are trying to work things out so you can still be together. Bottom line, it will come down to which is more important...your feelings/ethics about having meat in the house or how much you love your SO and want to be together.
The point on how you are going to raise future children seems like a harder issue to compromise on, though. I would want to raise my children vegetarian and I can see the problems that will arise when the kids are old enough to say, daddy eats meat, why can't I. Keep trying to work it out...I'm pluggin' for you!!
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#18 Old 01-08-2012, 03:23 PM
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I don't think having a meat free house is unreasonable if you feel strongly about it. However, if it is that important it ought to be negotiated up front before moving in/marrying/etc someone. If it's a deal breaker then so be it.

Exactly.

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It works both ways. If you love someone enough then their meat in the house shouldn't be an issue, just saying...

I will say it's pretty easy if both peeps are on the same page. I don't know what I'd do if the Mrs didn't want to eat what I cooked her. I guess I'd cook my food and she'd cook hers, her cooking sucks though, lol.

Not having meat isn't against their ethics, that's the BIG difference. Like his sister asked "You don't eat meat around you, but she can drink in front of you? How is that fair? (He doesn't drink) He replied with "I don't have a moral issue with drinking alcohol like she does with eating meat."
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#19 Old 01-08-2012, 03:27 PM
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All of this. I'm happy to hear it's not a done deal yet and that you two are trying to work things out so you can still be together. Bottom line, it will come down to which is more important...your feelings/ethics about having meat in the house or how much you love your SO and want to be together.
The point on how you are going to raise future children seems like a harder issue to compromise on, though. I would want to raise my children vegetarian and I can see the problems that will arise when the kids are old enough to say, daddy eats meat, why can't I. Keep trying to work it out...I'm pluggin' for you!!

I'm trying to get him to watch Meet Your Meat. He said he'll probably be a vegetarian after. It's a work in progress I will NOT, and I mean NOT, compromise with my kids. Absolutely not. No no no no no. My kids will not be raised on meat, period. Even if I have to flee the country. Seriously.
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#20 Old 01-08-2012, 03:47 PM
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Not having meat isn't against their ethics, that's the BIG difference. Like his sister asked "You don't eat meat around you, but she can drink in front of you? How is that fair? (He doesn't drink) He replied with "I don't have a moral issue with drinking alcohol like she does with eating meat."

Then IMO it falls into the deal breaker category, even more so with your stance on how future kids will be raised. Also IMO it has to be whole hearted support for you on this issue, anything less will more than likely cause grief down the road.
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#21 Old 01-08-2012, 03:48 PM
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This sucks. Why do I care about animals so much!?




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#22 Old 01-08-2012, 06:33 PM
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#23 Old 01-08-2012, 06:57 PM
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well, I'm not married, but if I was, they'd be:
-Meat will be bought with only the omni's money, and he will be the one to cook it
-keep meat well wrapped and kept on the bottom most shelf of the fridge or freezer (due to leaking juices and contamination)
-Meat will be cooked in a separate pot/pan from the vegan food (obvious one lol)
-People that bring meat to our house must have it fully prepared for eating before coming to our house, because I don't like the idea of people using my house to cook meat when it's perfectly possible to cook it at their own homes.

I don't really mind cleaning things that came into contact with meat. Of course, household duties will be an even split between him and I (equality ftw)
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#24 Old 01-08-2012, 08:00 PM
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Seeing everyone's views is making me change mine. I think I could live with limited amounts of meat in the house.
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#25 Old 01-08-2012, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

Seeing everyone's views is making me change mine. I think I could live with limited amounts of meat in the house.

Just think of it as a compromise in your relationship and not a compromise on your ethics.
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#26 Old 01-08-2012, 08:09 PM
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Just think of it as a compromise in your relationship and not a compromise on your ethics.

It's both, but as long as I'm not expected to buy it or prepare it and it's kept to a minimal, it should be fine. Who knows, maybe my future husband will convert
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#27 Old 01-08-2012, 09:03 PM
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Maybe you should date a flexitarian, a health vegetarian, or a pescetarian, or a guy who doesnt like meat that much. I could imagine dating any of these guys as they would not want to eat a lot of meat anyway. But certainly I am not sure if I could date a "meat lover"
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#28 Old 01-10-2012, 04:51 PM
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I am the main cook in our house so our fridge and freezer are usually vegetarian. My husband doesn't really like to cook, even just for himself, so he doesn't really bother with buying or preparing meat. When we get takeout, he gets whatever he wants, whether it has meat or not, so meat does come into our home that way. But meat is rarely stored in our home long-term.

I do understand both sides of the issue though.

ETA: We don't plan on having kids so thankfully that's not an issue. But we've talked and he's agreed that if we ever changed our minds, he'd be okay with raising them vegetarian until they were old enough to make their own decisions.
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#29 Old 01-10-2012, 05:48 PM
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Boyfriend and I worked things out. He doesn't want to bring meat into our home, he just doesn't like me to tell him he can't. If someone offers him the remaining turkey from Thanksgiving, he doesn't want me to not compromise. Talking helped, I won't budge on kids. He said he needs to live together to adapt to the vegetarian lifestyle, but he's sure it will work out.
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#30 Old 01-10-2012, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by ashlend View Post

I am the main cook in our house so our fridge and freezer are usually vegetarian. My husband doesn't really like to cook, even just for himself, so he doesn't really bother with buying or preparing meat. When we get takeout, he gets whatever he wants, whether it has meat or not, so meat does come into our home that way. But meat is rarely stored in our home long-term.

I do understand both sides of the issue though.

ETA: We don't plan on having kids so thankfully that's not an issue. But we've talked and he's agreed that if we ever changed our minds, he'd be okay with raising them vegetarian until they were old enough to make their own decisions.

Nice to see you back Ashlend!

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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

Boyfriend and I worked things out. He doesn't want to bring meat into our home, he just doesn't like me to tell him he can't. If someone offers him the remaining turkey from Thanksgiving, he doesn't want me to not compromise. Talking helped, I won't budge on kids. He said he needs to live together to adapt to the vegetarian lifestyle, but he's sure it will work out.

Yay!!
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