Veg GF has issues with my Non Veg eating habit..Please help!! Its Urgent.. - VeggieBoards
View Poll Results: Should i give up NOn veg for my loving GF?
Yes 21 77.78%
No 6 22.22%
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#1 Old 10-12-2011, 03:24 AM
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Dear all, Kindly help me resolve this issue which i believe is very common among couples who have different eating habits.

My GF and me are in a serious intimate relationship. She is extremely loving and I don't think i can get any1 better than her. I love her immensely too but there is only one problem which has been cropping up since the start of the relationship. She comes from a family which doesn't even eat onion or garlic though her family doesn't follow it strictly, she does. She is wiling to give up this and eat regular food as a part of the adjustment she would have to do when we settle down together. But she doesn't like the fact that im a hard core non veg eater. My parents are vegetarians - dad since childhood and mom by choice though she was a non vegetarian earlier. However, my parents don't stop me from eating what i want though my mother would prefer if i became a vegetarian. She even allows me to parcel food from restaurants and bring it home though it isn't cooked at home. i really love eating non veg but my GF cant stand it. She knew that I'm a foodie and she made an effort to handle it but she is unable to. Id told her earlier that Id not eat when she is with me but i couldn't resist and I went back on my words. Since then this has become a major issue and she just wants me to quit altogether. She is willing to give me a year or so to wane it out IF I DECIDE to quit. She even feels it will be a potential problem with her family who are strict Tamilian Brahmins. What should i do? Should i give up what i really love to eat for the one i love? Ive agreed never to ask her to eat or to cook. I have even agreed that i would eat in front of her or her parents. Even our future children can be vegetarians. what more can i do?
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#2 Old 10-12-2011, 03:32 AM
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I'm not sure this is the best forum for you, if you're looking for advice on how to get your GF to be more okay with you eating meat. Lots of mixed-diet families are represented here, but it has to be an agreement on both sides. Can you really not resist eating meat when you're with her? This is the solution many couples have..the omni partner still eats meat, but their home is vegetarian.

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#3 Old 10-12-2011, 03:39 AM
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hey..thanks for your help but i wanna know is it better to make her OK with my choices or to change my eating habits for her. because i know that will really make her happy. she has a problem with me being a non vegetarian. its not about eating what i want outside the house. she wants me to quit for good.
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#4 Old 10-12-2011, 04:38 AM
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Ah. I read the "with her" as when you are physically with her, like at home or restaurant, etc.

Honestly, and I don't speak for anyone other than myself, I would want a potential partner to come to a veg lifestyle on their own. If it were a big enough issue for me that I felt I couldn't be with someone non-veg then well, that's the choice one makes. This was the case for me, in my single days. I dated people who were non-veg, but if something became serious, it had to be with a vegetarian (my now husband is vegan).

So, you both have to decide...is it a make or break thing for her, and are you ready to commit to a meat-free lifestyle?

The ones I pity are the ones who never stick out their neck for something they believe, never know the taste of moral struggle, and never have the thrill of victory. - Jonathan Kozol
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#5 Old 10-12-2011, 08:38 AM
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My personal opinion is to come to an agreement with her about your eating meat. (you might be better off in years to come if you dont, but your choice)
If you dont agree on it, the relationship will deteriorate over time anyway. if she cant accept you for who you are, then maybe you need to find someone that can.

(but you would still be better off health related if you gave it up)
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#6 Old 10-12-2011, 09:33 AM
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I really think that giving up meat for another person isn't the right reason. You've got to really believe in it or you'll end up resenting her. I think it would be nice if you tried it out, but also study up on why it is good for you and animals.

Vegetarian with vegan tendencies.
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#7 Old 10-12-2011, 10:14 AM
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she doesn't eat onions or garlic because of her beliefs not because of fear, if you are expecting her to compromise her beliefs when she lives with you then you should also be willing to do the same for her. this is how relationships work, compromise is key.
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#8 Old 10-12-2011, 12:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilovenonveg View Post

She comes from a family which doesn't even eat onion or garlic though her family doesn't follow it strictly, she does. She is wiling to give up this and eat regular food as a part of the adjustment she would have to do when we settle down together.

So according to you, she has to start eating onions and garlic if she wants to live with you, and even though she has agreed to compromise on that, you can't seem to compromise for her by not eating meat. Don't you think that's a little unfair on your side?

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#9 Old 10-12-2011, 01:43 PM
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So according to you, she has to start eating onions and garlic if she wants to live with you, and even though she has agreed to compromise on that, you can't seem to compromise for her by not eating meat. Don't you think that's a little unfair on your side?

this sums up my thoughts pretty well
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#10 Old 10-12-2011, 02:56 PM
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You can't change deep seated habits for another. Your love is fresh now, but marriage goes long in the future, with many disputes, and changes. If you're not wanting to truly explore vegetarianism for personal reasons, and she can't accept you for your diet, I don't see much hope.
You say you feel she's the one, enough to consider a diet change, but you're not exploring the diet change? That doesn't sit well with me. If you really loved her, I would think you'd do more than just question if you should.
I'd say you both need to really resolve this before even discussing marriage.

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#11 Old 10-12-2011, 03:10 PM
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The foundation for successful long-term relationships is often shared core values like religion and politics. These things are important. If animals are important sentient beings to her but they're just pieces of fleshy food to you, that's a serious difference of values. You both need to figure what is really important to you before you can move forward as a couple.

My vote is that this isn't destined to be a longterm relationship so stop worrying about it and just have fun till you break up. I mean, seriously, if you're not actually interested in going veg for her and you think its the same *kind* of thing as if she gives up her family, religion and beliefs for you then this probably won't work out. You don't have common ground in this area - a basic respect for her core values is necessary.
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#12 Old 10-12-2011, 03:30 PM
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My vote is that this isn't destined to be a longterm relationship so stop worrying about it and just have fun till you break up. I mean, seriously, if you're not actually interested in going veg for her and you think its the same *kind* of thing as if she gives up her family, religion and beliefs for you then this probably won't work out. You don't have common ground in this area - a basic respect for her core values is necessary.

Is this an elaborate way of saying that he is a douche?

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#13 Old 10-12-2011, 04:33 PM
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If you two ever get married or hitched you will fight and argue , you should find someone that supports what your doing but, on here we are all Veg and animal friendly people, so I am siding with your GF , i am sorry but meat is not healthy for you and it causes more harm then good.
If you want this relationship to work then you need to get your boundaries settled and get in agreement what you both like to eat, you don't have to share the same meals each days make your own meals.
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#14 Old 10-12-2011, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Ilovenonveg View Post

Dear all, Kindly help me resolve this issue which i believe is very common among couples who have different eating habits?

If you liked rice and she liked potatoes that would be different eating habits.

What you have is a problem of fundamently different moralities.
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#15 Old 10-12-2011, 07:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Clueless Git View Post

If you liked rice and she liked potatoes that would be different eating habits.

What you have is a problem of fundamently different moralities.

This. If you can't get to the point of being able to see that this goes way beyond eating habits, I doubt it will ever work. You would at the very minimum have to recognize that her ethics are what drive her choices, her ethics are plainly very different form yours, and you would have to learn to respect this.

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#16 Old 10-12-2011, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted by ade903 View Post

I really think that giving up meat for another person isn't the right reason. You've got to really believe in it or you'll end up resenting her. I think it would be nice if you tried it out, but also study up on why it is good for you and animals.

I don't think there can really be a wrong reason to stop hurting animals.

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#17 Old 10-13-2011, 02:10 AM
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Another thing i would like to mention is that its not that Im a regular non vegetarian since my parents are vegetarians. Meat isnt cooked at home though once in a blue moon i get to parcel some non veg and bring it home. I eat with friends outside or at their homes and at times at office. Mt maternal family is non vegetarian so when i visit them i get to eat. I always hoped that when i get married and would have a family of my own i will be able to eat meat whenever i like.
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#18 Old 10-13-2011, 02:29 AM
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Ah. I read the "with her" as when you are physically with her, like at home or restaurant, etc.

Honestly, and I don't speak for anyone other than myself, I would want a potential partner to come to a veg lifestyle on their own. If it were a big enough issue for me that I felt I couldn't be with someone non-veg then well, that's the choice one makes. This was the case for me, in my single days. I dated people who were non-veg, but if something became serious, it had to be with a vegetarian (my now husband is vegan).

So, you both have to decide...is it a make or break thing for her, and are you ready to commit to a meat-free lifestyle?


What id like to know is when you dated guys who were non vegetarians and suppose you felt things are getting serious, what did you do? ask him to quit? or did you jus dump him?
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#19 Old 10-13-2011, 02:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Fatman View Post

My personal opinion is to come to an agreement with her about your eating meat. (you might be better off in years to come if you dont, but your choice)
If you dont agree on it, the relationship will deteriorate over time anyway. if she cant accept you for who you are, then maybe you need to find someone that can.

(but you would still be better off health related if you gave it up)

i understand thats why im trying to get opinions so that i can reach a conclusion. thanks for your help
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#20 Old 10-13-2011, 02:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Ilovenonveg View Post

Another thing i would like to mention is that its not that Im a regular non vegetarian since my parents are vegetarians. Meat isnt cooked at home though once in a blue moon i get to parcel some non veg and bring it home. I eat with friends outside or at their homes and at times at office. Mt maternal family is non vegetarian so when i visit them i get to eat. I always hoped that when i get married and would have a family of my own i will be able to eat meat whenever i like.

This ...
Quote:
Another thing i would like to mention is that its not that Im a regular non vegetarian since my parents are vegetarians.

... (alongside a certain lack of comprehension) was mentioned in his first post.

Which makes me worry that we have someone who's needs may be kinda special paying us a visit here.
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#21 Old 10-13-2011, 02:40 AM
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I really think that giving up meat for another person isn't the right reason. You've got to really believe in it or you'll end up resenting her. I think it would be nice if you tried it out, but also study up on why it is good for you and animals.

Even i dont think i should give up this because some1 else isnt ok with it. but at the same time, i dont wanna lose her. i dont wanna resent her and i dont want her to resent me either because of my habit. but im unable to come to peace with the fact that i may have to change something which ive been doing since childhood.
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#22 Old 10-13-2011, 02:44 AM
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Originally Posted by luvourmother View Post

she doesn't eat onions or garlic because of her beliefs not because of fear, if you are expecting her to compromise her beliefs when she lives with you then you should also be willing to do the same for her. this is how relationships work, compromise is key.

its easy to say this buts very difficult for me. she will get to eat good food but im being deprived of something that ive been eating all my life. Though its not too frequent, but i wonder how will i face my family, friends colleagues. i dont wanna come across as a hen pecked guy.
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#23 Old 10-13-2011, 02:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Nishani View Post

So according to you, she has to start eating onions and garlic if she wants to live with you, and even though she has agreed to compromise on that, you can't seem to compromise for her by not eating meat. Don't you think that's a little unfair on your side?

it isnt because her family isnt strict about this and its easier for her to eat regular vegetarian food. in fact its more convenient even when we go out plus regular veg food is better and tastier than what she eats. she has this sort of a diet by her own choice. but my options are reducing. so shez getting better food and im being deprived of it. so im the one to who this change would be unfair.
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#24 Old 10-13-2011, 02:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Clueless Git View Post

This ...

... (alongside a certain lack of comprehension) was mentioned in his first post.

Which makes me worry that we have someone who's needs may be kinda special paying us a visit here.

im sorry i do not understand. can you please elaborate
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#25 Old 10-13-2011, 03:08 AM
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Originally Posted by ElaineV View Post

The foundation for successful long-term relationships is often shared core values like religion and politics. These things are important. If animals are important sentient beings to her but they're just pieces of fleshy food to you, that's a serious difference of values. You both need to figure what is really important to you before you can move forward as a couple.

My vote is that this isn't destined to be a longterm relationship so stop worrying about it and just have fun till you break up. I mean, seriously, if you're not actually interested in going veg for her and you think its the same *kind* of thing as if she gives up her family, religion and beliefs for you then this probably won't work out. You don't have common ground in this area - a basic respect for her core values is necessary.

i do respect her and expect her to respect my likes and dislikes. i do not wanna lose her and im not gonna have fun and then break up. ill adjust in the other aspects of life which will b required when people settle together. cant she accept this small thing about me?
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#26 Old 10-13-2011, 03:13 AM
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Originally Posted by peacefulveglady View Post

If you two ever get married or hitched you will fight and argue , you should find someone that supports what your doing but, on here we are all Veg and animal friendly people, so I am siding with your GF , i am sorry but meat is not healthy for you and it causes more harm then good.
If you want this relationship to work then you need to get your boundaries settled and get in agreement what you both like to eat, you don't have to share the same meals each days make your own meals.


she doesnt want me to be a no vegetarian. its not about cooking or sharing meals. i have told her that i will not have non veg at home. she doesnt have to cook. i wont even eat when she is around (say when we go out to eat). but she doesnt want non veg to go down my system at all!!!!! she'z being too stubborn about this
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#27 Old 10-13-2011, 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Ilovenonveg View Post

its easy to say this buts very difficult for me. she will get to eat good food but im being deprived of something that ive been eating all my life. Though its not too frequent, but i wonder how will i face my family, friends colleagues. i dont wanna come across as a hen pecked guy.

It's only meat that you have been asked to give up, not your frigging masculinity.lol.

real men can be a foodie without meat.
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#28 Old 10-13-2011, 04:36 AM
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What id like to know is when you dated guys who were non vegetarians and suppose you felt things are getting serious, what did you do? ask him to quit? or did you jus dump him?

It was only two guys who reached that level of "seriousness". With the first, he did refrain from eating meat when we were together, but he came to that on his own. I wouldnt've asked him to go veg, but much of my reasoning for vegetarianism then was not AR-based. Boy 2 turned veg on his own early in the relationship, so I'm sure what would've happened there.

A couple years later, as I began to know my now husband, I had definitely reached the point where at least vegetarianism was a must-have in a potential mate. But I think it's important that the non-veg partner knows this early on, as they should with anything that would a "can't live with that" issue...smoking, religious beliefs, kids, etc.

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#29 Old 10-13-2011, 05:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Ilovenonveg View Post

Should i give up what i really love to eat for the one i love?

You should give it up because it's the right thing to do, and good for the environment and maybe even your health.

"and I stand

upon a mountain

made of weak and useless men"

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#30 Old 10-13-2011, 05:00 AM
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You ask so, I feel I need to be honest. If you really love her you should go veggie. If she is Vegan/Vegetarian then trying to make her a carnivore will create resentment down the road. But, you also can't decide, if you go veggie, to hold this against her later. Either you go veggie or end the relationship cause it will have issues down the road. It's my feeling that her and her family are veggie for spiritual reasons. Big reasons. I think that their culture is something that you will enjoy in the long run.

I tell you this because, I was a big meat eater for 48 years. It's not good for your physical health or your spiritual health. I've gone vegetarian and love it. I wish I had done this many years ago. Studies show that the number one cause of cancer is animal protein. In America we are eating ourselves to death. So, my feeling is that this young lady is a blessing in your life. Perhaps the universe is offering you a "big picture" kinda gift. But, I cannot over stress, if you go veggie you can not resent her for it later. Do the right thing, what ever that is. Real love is hard to find.
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